Shower Invite List - Moms' friends?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from smithie02. Show smithie02's posts

    Shower Invite List - Moms' friends?

    Good morning. I know its been discussed that brides should not be planning their own showers and I apologize if this is a repeat of past topics.

    I have to provide a list of women to invite to my MOH and bridesmaid. Right now it has immediate female family (moms, aunts, gmas) from my side and my FI. It also includes my friends. Question now is, is it bad form to NOT invite the Moms' friends that are invited to the wedding? My Mom could care less, but I think my FI's Mom cares. If my ladies do invite the Moms' friends it will bump an intimate shower of about 18 to almost 30 people, which seems big to me.

    Any thoughts and opinion are appreciated!

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from smithie02. Show smithie02's posts

    Shower Invite List - Moms' friends?

    Thanks. As background. I am close with my mother's friends, but have never met my FMIL's friends that my inlaws invited to the wedding. I feel an obligation that if I invite Mom's friends, then FMIL's friends need to be invited too. The shower is being hosted at a friend's personal home, that while spacious, will likely be cramped with 30 people.

    I'm not good with the shower etiquette thing, but isn't a shower meant for close family and friends of the bride? I just think it would be weird to have a bunch of women there that I have never met.

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from smithie02. Show smithie02's posts

    Shower Invite List - Moms' friends?

    Let me rephrase my earlier posting - there is an expectation that has been communicated that if my mom's friends are invited to the shower, FMIL's friends should be invited as well. Hence my obligation feelings.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Shower Invite List - Moms' friends?

    Hi, smithie:

    I think that since you know the hostess would prefer to keep the numbers down, you should omit the friends of your and FI's moms. What the hostess wants and can handle should be the primary consideration.

    Since your mom is cool with her friends not being invited, you are home free with no pressure to invite FMIL's friends either. Phew!

    Hard feelings can occur when there is a lack of communication, so I hope you're able to let your FMIL know that the guest list is being kept small because of the location, not because her friends wouldn't otherwise be welcome.

    Enjoy your shower!

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from smithie02. Show smithie02's posts

    Shower Invite List - Moms' friends?

    Thanks everybody! I appreciate the input. The ladies that are planning the shower plan on stressing the space limitations and the need to keep it intimate because of that.

    I'm having trouble with the please everybody wedding issue. I don't want to disappoint anyone and I feel so guilty when I do!

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Shower Invite List - Moms' friends?

    I totally agree with cosmo. Do what the host wants to do. If she wantsa smallish shower, then let it be a small shower, and don'include yourmother's and your mother in law's friends. I also agree with you, thatis will feel akward to include pleole, you don't know. Your mother inlaw can always have another shower for you and her firends in her home,if she feels she must invite her friends to a shower.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Shower Invite List - Moms' friends?

    include mom's invited to the wedding friends on the shower list

    i've been to wedding showers that were much larger than 30 people....

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Shower Invite List - Moms' friends?

    My suggestion to your Mom is to have a friends' shower along with MIL later. You will have your small friends' shower and Mom and MIL can have their small friends' shower. Two events for two different groups.

    win-win-win.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from julper. Show julper's posts

    Shower Invite List - Moms' friends?

    Smithie, I agree with AuntBeth here, if your FMIL wants to have a shower with her friends, she can host one - might be even more fun if she invites your mom's friends too, that way you will know some of the ladies there.

    My MIL hosted a shower in Upstate NY where her family is from (and mostly still lives). I actually asked that it be a co-ed shower since my DH knew these friends and relatives a lot better than I did and I wanted him there. A few husbands came but it was still mostly ladies.

    I hear ya on trying to please everyone. Unfortunately you won't be able to please everyone and yourself. I know keeping the peace is important! But sometimes other peoples' demands are just unreasonable and you have to find a gracious way to say "we'll think about that!" and then not do it! :-) Good luck!
     

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