3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from BigWillie2. Show BigWillie2's posts

    3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

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  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    Hey Willie!

    Glad you found someone you wanted to see a 3rd time.  I have never 'put out' on a 3rd date, nor would I ever consider doing so - and that includes 'grilled cheese sandwiches'  -if you read Love Letters on the Globe, you know what I'm talking about. lol.  If a guy tried to put the moves on me like that for a 3rd date, I would seriously consider not seeing him again. That is way too soon, IMO.  Heck, I generally didn't even kiss them on the mouth for the first date, or if I did, it was a quick peck.  Still, I managed to get married [and I was 34 and he was 32 at the time; we met when we were 32 and 30].

    There is nothing wrong w/ taking things slowly.  In fact, it's a good thing. If it's meant to be, it will eventually happen.  I'm more of a 3 month girl, than a 3rd date girl.  I'm sure there are guys out there who would say "hell, yeah" to a girl who would put out on a 3rd date [they are guys after all], but do you really want someone who is that easy?  Anticipation and mystery are all good things. There should be nothing more than some really, really good kissing going on for the 3rd date. :-)

    ETA: I dated some jerks who got all octopussy on me around date 2 and 3 and seemed visibly put out that I wasn't going for their advances.  Yes, there are some who didn't call me back after I put a stop to their wandering hands, but I chalked that up to them being jackasses.  They were also in their late 20s/early 30s.  I would think that w/ more mature folks, that wouldn't happen. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    3rd date - ha, I met my now husband and "put out" that night!

    It is different for everyone though... it's just me, but I would think it was weird if there wasn't at least some agressive making out at a third date!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    I have known guys who, as a rule, would dump a girl if she didn't put out on the third date.  I have NEVER met a woman who would dump a guy if HE didn't put out on the third date.  :)

    But, like all things in dating, really, it depends.  After I learned about the "third date rule," I decided that I would NEVER sleep with a guy on the third date, just to see if he liked me enough to schedule a fourth.  But when I met my SO, well... let's just say I didn't even wait for the first date.  Innocent

    If you really like her, wait until it's right for both of you. 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    Oh, and Alf.... I learned a long time ago that guys who start asking for grilled cheese sandwiches after a date or two could just learn to cook for themselves.

    I mean - there's really no need to ask.  All women know that all men love grilled cheese sandwiches and would like nothing better than to eat them all the time.  Asking for it is just going to make me want to go home and watch TV.  There's nothing less attractive than a guy who grabs your head and tries to steer it toward his lap after one kiss.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    LMAO!  So true, Lucy, so true.

    Actually, I've never been 'asked' per se. It's been more along the lines of charades, or as you say, the head steer.  No, I take that back.  One guy who had too much to drink on a first date did actually ask, after dropping trou and proudly displaying his wares [much to my horror], but he did not receive any of my 'cooking', nor did he get a second date.  lol. 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

          I nearly hurt myself laughing when my grandmother overheard 2 of my sisters talking about a guy who had dropped trou on her.  She called out "what you should say is, thank you for helping me see the truth, that I have nothing to look forward to if we continue this relationship."
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from easydoesit2. Show easydoesit2's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    Man driving down road.   
    Woman driving up same road.   
    They pass each other.   
    The woman yells out the window, PIG!   
    Man yells out window, B
    ****!
       
    Man rounds next curve.   
    Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies.   
      

    Thought For the Day: 
    If men would just listen

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    Oh Willie, that stinks!!  She obviously has some issue b/c otherwise normal people do not engage in that type of behavior on a third date and then run like that.  That's freaking weird.  I'm sorry, but if you've been on a dating site for 9 months and haven't met someone who you wanted to go on a 3rd date with, either you aren't serious about dating to begin with, are too picky or have some other issue.  Sorry you got burned on that one.  You could ask if you were too aggressive, but honestly, she just sounds like a wackjob.

    BTW, in case you haven't figured it out from later posts, 'grilled cheese sandwiches' is a euphemism for oralsex.  :-)
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from TarheelChief. Show TarheelChief's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    There are no rules for dating.After you are twenty one,few rules apply to any situation.
    Jeffrey Dahmer may have had a third date rule,but you needn't worry.
    Women  and men will do almost anything to change their habitual evening alone with macaroni and cheese,and their favorite cat or dog.
    You know you're in trouble when your best conversations are punctuated with a hearty woof or meow.
    I'm not going to say your life is dull,but whatever you do,don't return and give up on your prospects. There are 3 billion men in the world,and 3 billion women. Ten percent of these men and women are completely content.This means there's plenty of room to search around.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    Hey Willie,

    Just ignore Tarheel. He's a bit of a tool.  He posts silly things in the weddings and relationships boards to try to get a rise out of people.  If you ignore him, he'll go away. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from trublusu. Show trublusu's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    Hi people, nice to see people chatting again. Will, sorry about your date and yes, from what I understand, thousands of dates are required to meet that special someone. Personally, I'm not willing to work that hard! I don't think the 3rd date rule applies to everybody, I think many men think it's an automatic give in, while women think that if men have sex on the third date, that may be the last date...I don't know, it's a fine line. Did she mean she wasn't "feeling it" as not wanting to have sex or not wanting to continue the relationship at all?  Did you ask her why?

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    Will, sorry to hear she dropped the "not feeling it" bomb on you.  Sounds like you were a gentleman (a trait I happen to admire) and that things were going so well.  It makes me wonder if tru is onto something.  Maybe she was concerned about your thoughts on the 3rd date rule (which I'd never heard of, by the way) and was just letting you know "no sex tonight."  Are you sure she meant she doesn't want to see you again?

    I might be too old fashioned, but I think overstepping the natural boundaries of a new relationship and jumping ahead to sex oftentimes ruins relationships.  The emotional trust is suddenly out of sync with the physical portion of the relationship.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from trublusu. Show trublusu's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    I also think that women of a certain age ( and I am one of them ) are looking first and foremost for companionship and someone who really cares about us, ( which takes more than 3 dates I would think ) we have already had our fair share of relationships and sex and if that's all a guy wants then forget it. If a guy was pressuring me on only the 3rd date, I would say see ya later alligator.

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    In Response to Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?:
    [QUOTE]I also think that women of a certain age ( and I am one of them ) are looking first and foremost for companionship and someone who really cares about us, ( which takes more than 3 dates I would think ) we have already had our fair share of relationships and sex and if that's all a guy wants then forget it. If a guy was pressuring me on only the 3rd date, I would say see ya later alligator.
    Posted by trublusu[/QUOTE]

    Well said.  That's what I meant about early sex being out of sync with the emotional connection.  Connection is what emotionally mature women want.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    I would, however, dispute that it such a connection must take longer than three dates to develop.  With my now DH (and as cheesy as it sounds) we had a strong connection after spending only one day together.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    I'm glad it worked for you, Prill, but I think developing that kind of emotional connection w/ someone in anything under several months is the exception, not the rule. I don't care how 'connected' I felt to someone, I'd never even dream of sleeping w/ them till after several months, no matter how much I was "feeling it".  If you are that connected that early on, it can only get better, so why rush?
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    I knew my DH was the ONE on our first date, too.  I wouldn't sleep with him that night or two dates later, either.  There's a sense and spark of connection that can happen right away, but that's not what I meant.  I guess I don't know how to explain what I do mean.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    In response to "why rush?"... I guess I was/am just of the mindset if it feel right, why wait?! ;o)   I know several people who didn't abide by any third date rule (or similar) and are happily married years and years later.  Conversely, I know others that waited (some until they were married) who were divorced after a few years (one couple after 9 months).

    I guess also,  I wasn't one of those crazy women that men fear and dread who turned 30 and panicked that all their  friends are settling down and they aren't and therefore assess every man they meet as a potential husband!

    What I'm saying I guess (OP), is that there are no hard and fast rules in any relationship, especially in the early stages, so you really just need to go with what feels right for you and the other person.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    I wouldn't assume you're in the Friend Zone.  If you operate under that assumption, it will become a self-fulfilling thing.  I'd take her at her word that she wants to take romance slow, but see if you can move up your hike to next weekend, not the one after - that's too far away.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    I'm crushed, Big Willie, just crushed that you disagree w/ me. lol. ;-)

    I think if you know someone for a while before you actually date then, well, that can make a difference.  I didn't tend to know the guys for more than an hour or so before agreeing to go on a first date w/ them. I really don't think you can pinpoint anything other than lust or sexual compatiblity after spending dinner and a few hours w/ someone.  I realize not everyone agrees w/ me on  this one.  But no matter how much I was "feelin' it", I still wouldn't sleep w/ someone for a few months, just on principle.  I like to think that both he and I are worth the wait.  Cool

    Also, I don't care how busy someone is.  Make plans for next weekend, not the following one. Unless she has kids [and has custody next weekend] or else travels alot for business, she can make time for you. A woman who is interested in a relationship w/ a man will ALWAYS find time to see him. 
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    That's two votes for this coming weekend.  Make it happen, Tiger!
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    LOL!  We're a confusing bunch, but really, I am sure on this one.  Fit it in if at ALL possible.  "Slow" doesn't mean a long time between dates, it means not getting to ahead of yourself ON the dates.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    There's taking it slow, and then there's taking it glacially, Big Willie.  lol.

    If she is interested in you, you should be seeing her every weekend - not all weekend long, but at least once every weekend.  And talking on the phone at least 1x during that week.  If you both already have plans b/c it's a long weekend, or b/c you have kids/custody issues, that's a different story.  But there is no reason that reasonably busy people can't get together for dinner on a Wed night or for coffee or a movie on a Sunday.  You don't need to be attached at the hip, but getting together at least 1x per week, and generally every week, is a good indicator of whether either party to the relationship is interested in having an actual relationship.  Skipping a weekend should be the exception, not the rule, taking into account prearranged travel plans, kids, work, or business trips.   This is true whether or not you are sleeping together.  I saw my now husband every weekend when we were first dating. I generally did not date during the week [super busy and I worked long hours], so I would see him either on Friday nights or Saturdays.  My weekend time w/ him increased as our relationship progressed. 

    If a man or woman can't make time to see his/her romantic interest 1x per week, they aren't very interested. Kar is completely right - taking it slow means not getting ahead of yourself on each date.  The less time you spend w/ her, the less you should expect to 'get', so to speak, on each date. 
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: 3rd Date Rule, fact or fiction?

    I totally agree with ALF's date time expectations and, actually, everything else.

    If you go too long between dates you WILL be in the dreaded Friend Zone by default.  Women want to feel more special than seeing them once every couple of weeks makes them feel.
     

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