Books

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    In Response to Re: Books : Too funny! What I think is one of my better qualities is NOT treating a person like a possession....I would never "force" a partner to watch a football game. I can't tell you how many times I told my partner - "Go out with your friends!". Crazy huh? Love the beach and my 14 mile bike ride up and down the canal! Loving mother - yeah but, I never want to parent the parent or someone elses children....still looking
    Posted by RogerTaylor

    I encourage my husband to go out when he has the chance even when he says he'd rather come home right after work.  He always has a better time than he thinks he will (he's more introverted than extroverted so he tends to shy away from fun outings), and I think having fun, relaxing times without me sometimes is crucial to his well being and other relationships.

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    I think you've exposed why you're single.

    Dear kargiver,

    I know that you're a gentle person, and mean well.

    When you have a small child at home and babysitters cost $15 an hour and you're living on the budget of an artist/Latin and French tutor, it's hard to get out there. I won't leave her with just anyone. Therefore, a lot of it is all in the numbers. However, now that she's older I'll be getting out more. I don't like my first dates to pay for me; to me, that reeks of golddiggerism, so that's another issue. I have to save to get out out of the house.

    Perhaps it's also because eCacophony hooked me up with born agains when I specifically told them no serious religious folk. NO HUNTERS. $249 down the drain, but I'm glad I had the experience of being a naïf when I believed the lies of the creator of that site. (Sorry, I don't seem to be able to turn off the bold font.)

    I have high moral standards. I'm comfortable with shorter first dates. I feel it would be rude to do what you suggest:

    "You can always leave a bad date - get up in the middle of dinner if you want, and go home. " I don't really sneak out the back way, that was a fantasy. If the chemistry's there; if he doesn't let his Rethuglican "freak flag fly" (c. David Crosby); if he doesn't smoke and doesn't eat mammals - well, we're halfway there.

    I think your vision is colored by your perfect little life out in the country and waiting on your husband hand and foot, God forbid he should fetch his own breakfast. Without a child at home, that lifestyle would bore me to tears. And my husband was capable of making his own darned meals. And he did, very well, he was the better chef of the two of us.

    But thanks for the psychoanalysis. I know you mean well.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    I went on about 3 dates w/ different guys every weekend for months on end. So yes it was timeconsuming. 

    That would exhaust me, Alf. I know it can be, as dating counselors say, a numbers game. But I need downtime, and time with my DD, whom I don't get to see as much anymore as she becomes a teen.

    But if you are only going to spend 30 minutes w/ someone after exchanging 3 emails, why bother?

    Oh dear. I should clarify. If the chemistry's there, I'll stay (unless I have a class). And even kiss.

    I don't think Boston is a great place for mid-life, single women with children. I'm willing to relocate once school is done, but it has to be a coastal state. Living on the prairie would kill me. On eCacophony, I received lots of hits from men in the interior. Big lakes don't do it for.

    I do believe in emailing and phone-chatting for a while. I do like to get to know them. But I also feel nothing is real until you meet. Things can change entirely, then.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    In Response to Re: Books : hey you, we're going to see david sedaris in lowell tonight
    Posted by JEnvie


    Lucky you! Smile
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: Books

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Books

    I don't see why kissing would even be an issue on a first date, but perhaps that's just me.  You got a handshake if it was a one and done, and a brief hug if it was someone I wanted to see again. 

    yes, it was exhausting to do 2 and 3 dates on weekends, but I also had fun.  I had to cram it into the weekends b/c I worked long hours during the week and planning events for the weekends made sure that I didn't go in to do more work on the weekends. ;-)  I was also single, living alone, childless and in my early 30s when I was doing online dating, so I was coming at it from a different angle.

    I was always taught that you only get out of something what you put into it. So if you aren't trying your all at something, don't be surprised when you don't get stellar results in return.  Of course, some people are better in writing and on the phone, but you don't need to be an FBI profiler to determine whether or not you are going to like someone before meeting them in person.  Chemistry is 'eh' for me. I typically gave people at least 2 chances. They could be having an off night.  I had great conversations w/ people who turned out to be pretty boring in person. But I still finished the date and had an okay time. 

    There is nothing wrong w/ Kar's life.  That was a pretty nasty thing to say. 

    And what's wrong w/ hunting? I like meat.  My DH has hunted in the past, but doesn't have time now.  His dad does and the venison is darned tasty!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    I didn't like her psychoanalyzing me. Perfection shouldn't expect perfection in others. I do say she prolly has more patience than I do - look at her sig line (seriously, not a flame). But because her life is so different than mine, I didn't think it was appropriate for her to say I'm a self-saboteur. Some would perceive that as unkind.


    the venison is darned tasty!                     

    Venison - look at my nic. Frown

    If I can make the move from being a pescatarian (also cruel to animals)to vegetarian to vegan, I'll be very happy for the animal planet. I hope I have it in me. In the meantime, it's my failing that I still eat fish.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    Posts: 2428
    First: 1/6/2006
    Last: 10/21/2011


    -----

    Yeah yeah.

    Laughing
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    I don't see why kissing would even be an issue on a first date, but perhaps that's just me. You got a handshake if it was a one and done, and a brief hug if it was someone I wanted to see again.
    ----

    Every man I've ever dated has moved in the for this kiss. Even those who felt they didn't have chemistry with me. Remember the Dinner with Cupid woman who turned her face away when her date tried to kiss her?

    And sometimes the guy can cut the date short, too. I was so delighted that a long-term chat (a couple of months) turned into a date in Newburyport (we met long ago, before boston.com sold its dating site to Match, remember when b.com had its own site for dating?). He came in from NH, also an artist. I was living in Boston at the time, and it was my first time taking the commuter rail up there.

    We had a veruy abbreviated brunch - he couldn't wait to get out of there. But, like me, he stayed while we both ate, had our coffees. He even bought me a periodical for the train ride rome. But he dumped me at the station; I had no idea the weekend trains didn't run every hour - I got on a Santa train by accident! Oh, this is nice, I thought, the MBCR is decorating its train for the holidays. Hah! It was a reserved train, for a party.

    I waited two hours in the cold and damp, not realizing I had just missed the train back by like a few minutes.

    See? Men do it, too. He too expended a lot of time in "us," then split, quickly.

    Anyway, for some reason we ended up acquaintances, and once in a rare while I buy something from his studio for a relative's present. We have mutual friends but we aren't friends. Just two people who warily know each other.

    kar may have a point and I may be single for a while longer, especially as I move into thesis time so my discretionary time is almost totally consumed. That's the Master's degree, then hopefully on to a doctorate. In five years I could be through with this all, and the fawn will be in college then. I'm willing *not* to settle in that time. (Before anyone gets all upset, I'm not saying anyone here has settled. But articles about settling seem to be a grand topic in the NYT and The Atlantic these days.) I'm really glad to hear the success stories from y'all.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Books


     
    In Response to Re: Books:
    In Response to Re: Books : I encourage my husband to go out when he has the chance even when he says he'd rather come home right after work.  He always has a better time than he thinks he will (he's more introverted than extroverted so he tends to shy away from fun outings), and I think having fun, relaxing times without me sometimes is crucial to his well being and other relationships.
    Posted by kargiver


    I "NEVER" want to be with someone 24/7/365! nor, do I want to be with someone that would want to be with me 24/7/365!

    Everyone needs time to themselves...I'm glad you figured it out too "I think having fun, relaxing times without me sometimes is crucial to his well being and other relationships." - you are correct!

    Wink
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Books

    psychoanaylizing you, rdg?  I simply believe that by setting up a date to be escape hatch centric you create a situation that is a self-fulfilling prophesy of ending before it begins.  I didn't say anything about your personality or approach other than that.  And, yes, my life does color my opinions about life and others.

    RT, you have a great perspective earned by a high price with which I'm well familiar.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from miscricket. Show miscricket's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    In Response to Re: Books : It depends on your approach to online dating. I thought of it as live theatre and even if I had a bad date, at least I got a funny story out of it.  I did match on and off for several years and met my husband on there.  Even if you have a bad date, isn't that better than sitting home alone on a Friday or Sat night?  I've never understood why 'bad dates' are anathema.  Unless the other person is really a pschyo, mean or makes you justifiably afraid of him or her during the date, soak up the experience for all it's worth and milk it as a funny story at the next cocktail party. 
    Posted by ALF72


    Alf..I respect your opinion..and see the value in it..but if I sit home on a Friday or Saturday night..it is by choice. I work full time and this semester am carrying a full time courseload..so my time is way to valuable to be wasted on a "bad date" or any kind of unpleasant or awkward moment. I doubt the whole online thing is for me..although I do know people for whom it has been successful....but I make a lot of judgments about people based on social cues..and you just can't get those from e-mailing.
    Also..to address slim's comment...I don't like to feel like I need to "sell myself" to a prospective romantic interest. To me..that's too businesslike.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Books

    Oh yeah, books......love true crime books.  I enjoy books by John Douglas, a former FBI profiler.  He was Clarice Starlings boss in the movie Silence of the Lambs

    Edna Buchanan, Miami crime reporter turned author non-fiction and fiction....

    My Dad was unreal, we would buy him a huge book for Christmas.  He would open his book Christmas morning (500-1,500+pages) sit at the kitchen table read it and bring it to his Dad after finishing it by about lunch time! War and Peace was a day at the beach for him. And the thing was, he could site chapter and verse during a discussion about the book!

    I must admit I have a varied taste in what I read these days.  As a kid I read the Globe every morning before my 2 mile walk to school.  It really helped when the class discussion involved current events.  I guess that's why I come to the globe.com now.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    Also..to address slim's comment...I don't like to feel like I need to "sell myself" to a prospective romantic interest. To me..that's too businesslike.
    ----


    I feel the same way.

    I also don't like what career counselors say about "branding yourself." What am I supposed to do, copyright my tie-dye t-shirts and braids, and create a résumé out of that? Wink Everything, even private life, is so corporate these days. 
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

     I work full time and this semester am carrying a full time courseload..so my time is way to valuable to be wasted on a "bad date" or any kind of unpleasant or awkward moment.
    ----

    Are you in an MA or doctoral program? The workload/reading is 10x the undergrad, but I'm sure you know that. OTOH, that's part of the fun for me - to write what I really want to write about. Smile
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    Edna Buchanan, Miami crime reporter turned author non-fiction and fiction....

    Oh, I like her. The Corpse had a Familiar Face, et. al.

    I must admit I have a varied taste in what I read these days. As a kid I read the Globe every morning before my 2 mile walk to school. It really helped when the class discussion involved current events. I guess that's why I come to the globe.com now.    

    Finally (!), the fawn's curriculum includes current events. That should have been the coursework two years ago, but we're in an unsophisticated school system. It doesn't take advantage of the Newspapers in Education program. But, like you did as a child, she reads the papers on her own. I leave them on her desk at home. She also watches the early morning news as she gets ready for school, and the national news at night. She likes it. She was the only one in her homeroom, other than her teacher, who knew the Khadfy had been killed. I kind of have to home school her given the circumstances in our community, so the papers are a part of that.

    I like your Dad's style! I don't know if he had a formal education or not, but his style is an example why higher education is not a priority for me in seeking a partner. I know many well-read people who either did not have the means, or did not have the desire, for college.

    This morning, however, with my coffee, as I woke up only an hour ago, I am watching "Pumpkinhead." lol (I didn't have a wild and long night at the disco. I have insomnia, and didn't get to bed until @4am.)

                    
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    I work full time and this semester am carrying a full time courseload ... .
    ----

    I admire you. I was able to do than when I was younger. It's harder for me now. I wish you the best in your program.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    kar,

    I'm sorry I was harsh on you. But I truly felt that your post, mostly the first sentence of it, was insulting and presumptuous. I do know you mean well, seriously. If you didn't, you wouldn't have bothered posting. 

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Books

    I don't know. I had fun dating. Maybe I'm weird.  I also didn't date while getting my MA or JD. I simply did not have time.  I don't see how anyone in such a program, esp while working, or if they have a child, would have time to date, period. But if they did, I would think online dating would be the way to go b/c you can write an email at 1 AM if that's when you have time. Unless you are dating someone w/ really weird hours and like diners or Denny's, you can't really have a date at 1AM.

    Call it branding yourself or being too corporate or whatever. It worked for me and for many people that I know. I'm now happily married and don't need to worry about dating anymore.  So you can continue to do what you are doing, which isn't working, or consider taking a different approach, whatever you decide that may be. 
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
    But in ourselves, that we are underlings.

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    Edna Buchanan, Miami crime reporter turned author non-fiction and fiction.... Oh, I like her. The Corpse had a Familiar Face , et. al. I must admit I have a varied taste in what I read these days. As a kid I read the Globe every morning before my 2 mile walk to school. It really helped when the class discussion involved current events. I guess that's why I come to the globe.com now.      Finally (!) , the fawn's curriculum includes current events. That should have been the coursework two years ago, but we're in an unsophisticated school system. It doesn't take advantage of the Newspapers in Education program. But, like you did as a child, she reads the papers on her own. I leave them on her desk at home. She also watches the early morning news as she gets ready for school, and the national news at night. She likes it. She was the only one in her homeroom, other than her teacher, who knew the Khadfy had been killed. I kind of have to home school her given the circumstances in our community, so the papers are a part of that. I like your Dad's style! I don't know if he had a formal education or not, but his style is an example why higher education is not a priority for me in seeking a partner. I know many well-read people who either did not have the means, or did not have the desire, for college. This morning, however, with my coffee, as I woke up only an hour ago, I am watching "Pumpkinhead." lol (I didn't have a wild and long night at the disco. I have insomnia, and didn't get to bed until @4am.)                 
    Posted by reindeergirl


    Yeah, my Dad went to college - he turned down an opportunity to attend West Point. He went on to work at Polaroid for 35+ years - he was - one of many - inventors of the original SX70 instant camera (I have a copy of his patent that he signed over to Dr. Land! cool stuff) He could take apart a car engine by reading his Chilton Manual (in the 70's) he was a very "book smart" person. I like to watch something being done then do it, versus reading. I actually replaced my daughters LCD display in her laptop after she broke it by watching a youtube video! It works great too!
     
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  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    In Response to Re: Books : It's always a good question to ask what books are in their 'to be read' pile and why
    Posted by Corporate-Hippie-Chick


    ^^That^^
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    On the 'would you rather go out on a bad date or stay home' thread. I'd stay home.  I enjoy my own company much more than sufferring through some self centered bore drone on about a topic that I could care less about while simultaneously dodging footsies under the table.
    Posted by Corporate-Hippie-Chick


    Ha ha! They do! The clueless ones.
     
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