Books

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Books

    It's very important to me that my partner be well-read. He doesn't have to have my tastes in literature, fiction or non-fiction. But he must read - the good stuff.

    I like Stephen King, too. My tastes run highbrow, but I like King, and Michael Connelly, and Dennis Lehane. But there are other authors out there, like Julian Barnes, for example. Or Jeffrey Eugenides. And, of course, if my partner is in a professional line of work, or a grad student, there are going to be books and articles of which I couldn't possibly conceive, but about which I'd like to learn.

    There's an active thread in the Love Letters Off-Topic forum about education - how important is education to you in seeking a partner? I don't care if my partner doesn't have a formal education, auto-didacts are fine. But he must be interested in the world around him, and he must be well-read.

    Frankly, I was disappointed to learn how many of the regulars here wouldn't be doing the paid subscription to this newspaper - even though there's a 99 cent introductoy rate. (Home subscribers/ print edition receive the online edition free, so if you're a home subscriber, my point is of course moot.) To me, reading the paper cover to cover (or almost) is a sign of someone who wants to have an active mind, and a mark that you care about communities near and far. I would never date a man who didn't read the newspapers. But this you already know from my previous comments. If that man is financially suffering, that's a different story. But if he's paying for Internet access, he can afford the paper - or borrow one, or read one at the library.

    The Books thread here is just about dead.

    I'm not looking for a partner here, I do better with well-read types on OKC (but not on Match, and I didn't on eCacophony).

    So, that's my back-story and my rant. Now my question:

    Is being well-read in a partner important to you? If not, why?
     
  2. This post has been removed.

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e. Show 2ada63d622e89774a9fdcbc90527ab8e's posts

    Re: Books

    My husband is very well-educated, lucky man, and thus we have read the same classics, but he reads mostly non-fiction and I read mostly fiction. Being interested in a lot of things and willing to learn about them is more important to me than reading exactly the same books. And, we both love movies; I don't think I could be with a guy who doesn't like going to the movies.

    On your other point, Reindeer, about the pay wall: we do subscribe, and eventually I'll get signed on to comment on the other side. What I don't yet understand is if more than one member of the subscribing family can have sign-on privileges.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: Books

    Dr. Phil said that people in relationships use reading as a way to escape their partner. He said they should put the books down and get out and experience life together. 

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Books

    My DH reads voraciously, but does not read classics.  I have 2 English degrees, but haven't had time to crack a  book in months due to work. 

    I think not actively reading and not enjoying reading are 2 different things. 

    I require a certain level of education [or I should say, I required, since I am happily married], as well as the ability to communicate well and to use grammar properly.  I was never looking to date the authors of Strunk and White, but if you could not string together a coherent written sentence [I did quite a bit of online dating back in the  day] I didn't bother.  Lack of a formal education was a dealbreaker for me. I would not respond to people online unless they had a college degree.  I don't see how that is any different than having a preference for body type or a height limit.  You like what you like and you should not have to apologize for it. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from lukeseri58. Show lukeseri58's posts

    Re: Books

    I thought the art of racing in the rain was great -- also loved loved loved a dog's purpose -- but i love dogs
    my husband doesn't read at all -- well he reads newspapers - but not books
    i read constantly -- mostly fiction
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from there-and-backagain. Show there-and-backagain's posts

    Re: Books

    When you are saying that he must read "the good stuff" I am lost.  I mean, almost everyone thinks they read "the good stuff". That's why they are reading it. 

    But to me, yes, someone who is knows about current events and someone who reads (which spawns ideas and opinions) is important.

    When I was on match.com I found that many women claimed that they did a lot of reading and also that they love sports. (for some reason women think all men love sports). 

    Often these claims turned out to be, well, "stretching the truth" as Mark Twain might put it. And in the long run, those women didn't work out with me.  Not necessarily because they didn't read, but because they had troubles engaging their minds.
     
  8. This post has been removed.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    [QUOTE]When you are saying that he must read "the good stuff" I am lost.  I mean, almost everyone thinks they read "the good stuff". That's why they are reading it.  But to me, yes, someone who is knows about current events and someone who reads (which spawns ideas and opinions) is important. When I was on match.com I found that many women claimed that they did a lot of reading and also that they love sports. (for some reason women think all men love sports).  Often these claims turned out to be, well, "stretching the truth" as Mark Twain might put it. And in the long run, those women didn't work out with me.  Not necessarily because they didn't read, but because they had troubles engaging their minds.
    Posted by there-and-backagain[/QUOTE]

    I despise sports, which I freely admit. In fact, I'm kinda proud of it. Wink I never lie about it. But I do like a man who's an avid sports fan - that leaves more time for me to attend to my own projects. Laughing As for admitting to it - the man's going to find out, anyway, sometimes later rather than sooner.

    My step-grandmother told my grandfather she had very simple tastes - she was able to last with that until they married, and she started demanding expensive this, expensive that. But he put up with it because he didn't want to be alone. She admitted to it, after she got the ring on her finger.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Books

    Warren Zevon said it best.......

    "People buy books with the anticipation of having the time to read them...."

    Wink
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    [QUOTE]My DH reads voraciously, but does not read classics.  I have 2 English degrees, but haven't had time to crack a  book in months due to work.  I think not actively reading and not enjoying reading are 2 different things.  I require a certain level of education [or I should say, I required, since I am happily married], as well as the ability to communicate well and to use grammar properly.  I was never looking to date the authors of Strunk and White, but if you could not string together a coherent written sentence [I did quite a bit of online dating back in the  day] I didn't bother.  Lack of a formal education was a dealbreaker for me. I would not respond to people online unless they had a college degree.  I don't see how that is any different than having a preference for body type or a height limit.  You like what you like and you should not have to apologize for it. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]



    OK, gotta ask....what's a "DH"?
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    [QUOTE]Dr. Phil said that people in relationships use reading as a way to escape their partner. He said they should put the books down and get out and experience life together. 
    Posted by calmdown[/QUOTE]


    Yet that great sage, Dr. Phil, is quite the prolific author - of books.

    Couples can do both. And isn't reading together also experiencing life together?

    One could say the same of couples who watch TV, or are opera devotees.

    Phil is over-compensating for the crap way he treated his first wife.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    You mentioned Stephen King, I really haven't read any of his, except for 'On Writing'. And in that, after the great biography which took up at least half the (very short) book, one of his big tips to aspiring writers was to read. Read everything, read the good, read the bad. Sage advice. Except now, when I encounter a bad book I no longer feel like I have to finish it. I learned that from Nick Hornby!

    Oh, I loved On Writing. Not so much for the biographical stuff, but on how to take OK pieces and make them great pieces. A lot of nuts and bolts in that section.

    Nick Hornby is a bit too precious for my taste. But for his gender and a couple of his subjects, I'd see him as a writer of chick lit, even in his non-fiction.

    "So as I was typing all this it dawned on me that perhaps it's not such a coincidence that I wound up with readers. At least not when I did the online thing the second time around. I quickly passed over poorly written profiles. And my own was quite lengthy. When anyone complained about the length, well, there's some self filtering as far as I was concerned."       

    The OKC club kvetches about my profile length.  I kvetch about the brevity of profiles - and the guys who say "Hi. Want to chat?" Especially if their profiles offer little of substance.              
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    "When you are saying that he must read "the good stuff" I am lost. I mean, almost everyone thinks they read "the good stuff". That's why they are reading it."

    Oh, I don't know. I feel that people know the difference between good lit and popular lit (the latter of which can also be fine, and the authors too - Dennis Lehane's "Until Gwen" was quite a turn from his mysteries). I never heard a Nicholas Sparks fan compare Sparks to the Bard.

    I read everything, up and down and all around, whenever I have the inclination. But I have my preferences, and that includes partners who read. I would say these authors have defined my reading tastes in the past couple of decades:

    Raymond Carver (RIP)
    David Foster Wallace (RIP)
    Russell Banks
    Cormac McCarthy
    Gabriel Garcia Márquez
    Anthony Burgess (RIP)

    All of them have been best-selling authors, but you actually have to use your brain in the works. But I also like Alexander McCall Smith (Portuguese Irregular Verbs). And in narrative non-fiction, Bill Bryson, Verlyn Klinkenborg (a NYT op-ed writer). None of them fall into "the Classics." But I read a lot of the ancient and medieval poets and dramatists. The one area I really don't like is Restoration literature. And anything Tom Clancy, whom I would call a popular writer (as well as something of a fascist in real life)

    I suppose I'm a snob. Maybe. But as I said, a partner doesn't have to have my taste. Just reading and thinking and reading stuff that makes you think can be enough for me. And discussing it with me.

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    [QUOTE]I thought the art of racing in the rain was great -- also loved loved loved a dog's purpose -- but i love dogs my husband doesn't read at all -- well he reads newspapers - but not books i read constantly -- mostly fiction
    Posted by lukeseri58[/QUOTE]

    I think I'd like The Art of Racing ... .

    My Dad was a voracious newspaper and magazine reader. But when he passed, one of his former students brought us a box of books that Dad had left in the office, including Gargantua and of Pantagruel, with Dad's writing in the margins. We had no idea such books were a love of his. He liked that Horatio Hornblower guy, and here was a box of Renaissance and also Enlightenment literature.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    [QUOTE]My husband is very well-educated, lucky man, and thus we have read the same classics, but he reads mostly non-fiction and I read mostly fiction. Being interested in a lot of things and willing to learn about them is more important to me than reading exactly the same books. And, we both love movies; I don't think I could be with a guy who doesn't like going to the movies. On your other point, Reindeer, about the pay wall: we do subscribe, and eventually I'll get signed on to comment on the other side. What I don't yet understand is if more than one member of the subscribing family can have sign-on privileges.
    Posted by Green-Mountain-Views[/QUOTE]

    I don't know about that either, GMV. Good question. The fawn uses my account for the NYT site. It would be a nice perk - and one that could draw readers.

    I don't think the Globe did a good job of advertising the 99 cent special - it seems like it was added as an afterthought.

    I love film, too, as you do. My ex hated going to the movies - he has some of the longest legs in the world, and has never been comfy in theatres, nor on airplanes. But he rents a lot of films, and about the only TV he watches is PBS (he doesn't have cable). He was an art student, and borrows a lot of art books from his alma mater's library. When he's not drinking and annoying people, he actually has a quiet, thoughtful life.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    "I'm afraid the next book I have to open is for work, 'Programming Ruby'. I hate bringing work home, but I have to get up to speed on this quickly, and don't have the time at work. Fortunately it doesn't happen often anymore."

    I used to have to know the AP Style manual cover to cover. And not just knowing when to refer to it at work (I was a former reporter, not here). Sort of like being a server - too much time to refer to the menu, you just have to know it. Other than that there was no outside reading for work, but it was helpful to do it on our own, to know what the state of journalism was. I wish they had assigned more reading to us.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    [QUOTE]My DH reads voraciously, but does not read classics.  I have 2 English degrees, but haven't had time to crack a  book in months due to work.  I think not actively reading and not enjoying reading are 2 different things.  I require a certain level of education [or I should say, I required, since I am happily married], as well as the ability to communicate well and to use grammar properly.  I was never looking to date the authors of Strunk and White, but if you could not string together a coherent written sentence [I did quite a bit of online dating back in the  day] I didn't bother.  Lack of a formal education was a dealbreaker for me. I would not respond to people online unless they had a college degree.  I don't see how that is any different than having a preference for body type or a height limit.  You like what you like and you should not have to apologize for it. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]

    You should post to the LL education thread, if you haven't already.

    But I agree, we have our preferences. I don't like those who don't respect the apostrophe (unless it's a typo, or they have poor eyesight).
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    OK, gotta ask....what's a "DH"?

    Dear Husband, or Darling Husband. DS is Dear or Darling Son. DD is Dear or Darling Daughter, etc.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    Were you once a DH, RT? Or are you a confirmed bachelor?
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    At work I was known as a brutal interviewer. Haven't done any in a couple of years, for some reason. LOL. One of my last was a 23 y.o. kid, with a resume 7 pages long. Every buzz word in High Tech was on it. I had the guy for 45 minutes. I knew he was full of it before we started. He flubbed the 1st question, badly, and it was basic. I did not let up after that. I went over every single claim in those 7 pages and I don't think he answered a single question. He was drenched in sweat by the time I finished putting him through the wringer. Don't b.s. me, I have a zero tolerance policy.  


    It must feel good to be able to see through BS. Smile 
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    Warren Zevon said it best.......

    "People buy books with the anticipation of having the time to read them...."

    Wink
    ----
    Cute.

    Warren Zevon was one of the most cultured people around. Also an auto-didact.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    My most favorite author is George Eliot - for some, an acquired taste. (And for others, a forced-upon taste.)

    For poetry, Pound, in spite of craziness, and Rilke, in spite of his anti-Semitism (found in his short fiction).

    I'm also one of those odd souls who reads academic journals for pleasure reading, beach reading, whether or not I'm taking classes.

    I like cookbooks that tell stories as well as give recipes.

    Winter's Bone and Tinkers, popular but thoughtful works, also gave me a great deal of pleasure the past year. (I can't underline right now, the field won't let me.) GMV, if you haven't already seen it, I can recommend the screen adaptation of Winter's Bone to you.

    I feel that partners need commonalities for a relationship to work, unless one really fetishizes on aspect of a partner's personality or appearance (for example, Hugh Hefner and his younger women). That's why I try to date within my age range (5 or 6 years on either side, although it's not a hard limit). Books fall into my commonalities.

    Thank you for your replies!
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Books

    DH is Dear Husband or Damn Husband, depending on the day.  :-)
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from miscricket. Show miscricket's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Books:
    [QUOTE]It's very important to me that my partner be well-read. He doesn't have to have my tastes in literature, fiction or non-fiction. But he must read - the good stuff. I like Stephen King, too. My tastes run highbrow, but I like King, and Michael Connelly, and Dennis Lehane. But there are other authors out there, like Julian Barnes, for example. Or Jeffrey Eugenides. And, of course, if my partner is in a professional line of work, or a grad student, there are going to be books and articles of which I couldn't possibly conceive, but about which I'd like to learn. There's an active thread in the Love Letters Off-Topic forum about education - how important is education to you in seeking a partner? I don't care if my partner doesn't have a formal education, auto-didacts are fine. But he must be interested in the world around him, and he must be well-read. Frankly, I was disappointed to learn how many of the regulars here wouldn't be doing the paid subscription to this newspaper - even though there's a 99 cent introductoy rate. (Home subscribers/ print edition receive the online edition free, so if you're a home subscriber, my point is of course moot.) To me, reading the paper cover to cover (or almost) is a sign of someone who wants to have an active mind, and a mark that you care about communities near and far. I would never date a man who didn't read the newspapers. But this you already know from my previous comments. If that man is financially suffering, that's a different story. But if he's paying for Internet access, he can afford the paper - or borrow one, or read one at the library. The Books thread here is just about dead. I'm not looking for a partner here, I do better with well-read types on OKC (but not on Match, and I didn't on eCacophony). So, that's my back-story and my rant. Now my question: Is being well-read in a partner important to you? If not, why?
    Posted by reindeergirl[/QUOTE]

    I love to read and frequently have my nose in a book...I also like to read wide varieties of subjects/genres..but it is not important to me that any significant other have the same passion for reading. What is important is that he is open to to thinking about and discussing things from various perspectives. What is also important is that he understand that whatever ones personal beliefs are..that the world is made up of shades of grey. Most important is sense of humor and a good heart. All these things plus reliability and honesty are much more important to me.

    Also...I must say..the comments here about Match.com and such are an example of one of the biggest reasons I would hesitate to go into online dating sites. To me..nothing sucks the romance out of a situation like feeling like you are on a "job interview" when meeting someone for the first time.
     
Sections
Shortcuts

Share