Books

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    Also...I must say..the comments here about Match.com and such are an example of one of the biggest reasons I would hesitate to go into online dating sites. To me..nothing sucks the romance out of a situation like feeling like you are on a "job interview" when meeting someone for the first time.

    I feel that way when I read the Dinner with Cupid column in in the Magazine section Sundays.

    And, of course, as you stated, "a good heart" trumps all.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from miscricket. Show miscricket's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    Also...I must say..the comments here about Match.com and such are an example of one of the biggest reasons I would hesitate to go into online dating sites. To me..nothing sucks the romance out of a situation like feeling like you are on a "job interview" when meeting someone for the first time. I feel that way when I read the Dinner with Cupid column in in the Magazine section Sundays. And, of course, as you stated, "a good heart" trumps all.
    Posted by reindeergirl

    Reindeergirl..too funny. I read that column every week...and yes..wow..I would never participate in that..!
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Books

    Being equals intelligence wise, formally educated, and well-spoken were all requirements for me.  I'm happily married to a man who is all three.  However, neither of us reads a lot (although, I did before college), but we do read together when we do.  I read aloud, and we stop and discuss it along the way (non-fiction, of course).  He's not well read at all, and it doesn't bother me.  We can't talk about Of Mice and Men together, but we have plenty of intelligent, stimulating conversation.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    Were you once a DH, RT? Or are you a confirmed bachelor?
    Posted by reindeergirl



    Oh, OK! - DH = Dear Husband, got it.....not Designated Hitter or D**k Head......

    Yeah, I was a DH once, now I'm SALI!

    Wink
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    In Response to Re: Books : Oh, OK! - DH = Dear Husband, got it.....not Designated Hitter or D**k Head...... Yeah, I was a DH once, now I'm SALI!
    Posted by RogerTaylor


    OK, now I have to ask you - what's a SALI?

    :)
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    In Response to Books : I love to read and frequently have my nose in a book...I also like to read wide varieties of subjects/genres..but it is not important to me that any significant other have the same passion for reading. What is important is that he is open to to thinking about and discussing things from various perspectives. What is also important is that he understand that whatever ones personal beliefs are..that the world is made up of shades of grey. Most important is sense of humor and a good heart. All these things plus reliability and honesty are much more important to me. Also...I must say..the comments here about Match.com and such are an example of one of the biggest reasons I would hesitate to go into online dating sites. To me..nothing sucks the romance out of a situation like feeling like you are on a "job interview" when meeting someone for the first time.
    Posted by miscricket


    It depends on your approach to online dating. I thought of it as live theatre and even if I had a bad date, at least I got a funny story out of it.  I did match on and off for several years and met my husband on there.  Even if you have a bad date, isn't that better than sitting home alone on a Friday or Sat night?  I've never understood why 'bad dates' are anathema.  Unless the other person is really a pschyo, mean or makes you justifiably afraid of him or her during the date, soak up the experience for all it's worth and milk it as a funny story at the next cocktail party. 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Books

    I'm going to take a stab that SALI means Single And Loving It. :-)
     
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  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Books

    I agree, BW, I mean Slim, about the interview being the online part and the first date as being, well, a date.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    I'm going to take a stab that SALI means Single And Loving It. :-)
    Posted by ALF72



    You are correct! lol

    Yeah, God knows I've tried my best at being a "DH" but, I tend to repeat my mistakes - I choose the wrong girl - and to make matters worse after the break up I get ex's showing up at my door asking for a second chance and sometimes, letters of apology from ex's years after parting ways telling me how great a guy I was...blah...blah...blah.......

    Signed,
    SALI
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    RogerTaylor,

    You need a nice humanities-educated woman who's a bibliophile; working on various ambitious arts projects; is a loving mother; and a devoted partner who doesn't cheat.

    You must, however, agree to live no further than 30 minutes from the ocean, and not make said partner watch football games with you.

    Read today's Love Letter on Meredith's blog. It will make you either weep or scream.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    Slim,

    I find it fortunate that you filtered your list down to 20. On match, I was never able to filter it to less than two or three.

    Coffee and dessert only on first date for me. I always want an escape plan, if needed. Sometimes I've scheduled a first meet for no more than two hours before I have to be in class. An hour for the coffee; then an hour to get to class.

    I'm happy for you and Alf that you met your mates on match. There's a Love Letters commenter who's dating someone he met on match, but it took him some time (partly because his hard limit for age was so stringent; the person had to be almost exactly his age).

    I'm wildly passionate, and I had bad luck posting that on match, because men would take it that I'm slooty, which I'm not (not that there's anything wrong with that). If I were to do match again, I'd have to really refine my language on that one.

    Why do people not do a close reading of the profiles? If I say I want someone who's literate, and literary, I mean it. If I say I don't want someone for whom religion is a big part of his life (not that there's anything wrong with being religious), I mean it. And I will never, under any circumstances, take a hunter - even if he is well-read.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    Being equals intelligence wise, formally educated, and well-spoken were all requirements for me.  I'm happily married to a man who is all three.  However, neither of us reads a lot (although, I did before college), but we do read together when we do.  I read aloud, and we stop and discuss it along the way (non-fiction, of course).  He's not well read at all , and it doesn't bother me.  We can't talk about Of Mice and Men together, but we have plenty of intelligent, stimulating conversation.
    Posted by kargiver


    But that was the choice you and DH made.

    What I am finding is that outside of the academy, and the art schools, there aren't a lot of readers. Oh, IDK, maybe people just don't have the time anymore. Everyone has to work so hard these days, in this crappy economy. There seems to be little time for pleasure activities.

    I want my stimulating conversation to include books and serious periodicals - and lots of other things. Smile This is my thing. YMMV.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    Thanks Roger and Alf, for the definition.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Books

    People see what they want to see no matter what the medium.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    Even if you have a bad date, isn't that better than sitting home alone on a Friday or Sat night?
    ----

    No. Not for me. I'd rather be alone than be out with a someone who makes me feel like there are bugs crawling under my skin. And I really hate that point, I feel so uncomfortable and guilty when, at the end of the date, the guy reaches for a kiss, and I don't want it. Even just a kiss on the cheek. But I have enough I can do that I don't have to be alone on weekends. For one, DD and I can make plans - we like to go to the movies and the theatre. For another, I have odd work hours, which means I could have Mondays and Tuesdays free, but work straight through the weekend. But I do see what you mean about being alone, and, well, I'd rather be alone than being with someone who makes me want to flee through the back door of the restaurant.

    I guess I'm just a fussbudget!

    (In fact, I should be working now, but am going to play on LL for bit; do housework, then work through midnight or so. Tomorrow DD and I are going up to the Keane, NH pumpkin fest, so I don't have dating on my mind for this weekend - maybe next. Smile)


    I love everyone's stories and opinions here. All of you have posted valuable comments - I'm grateful to you.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Books

    Your profile should not be about what YOU want but about who you are and what you have to offer to someone else. 

    Setting a time limit on dates or only doing X for first dates is a recipe for disaster. I don't anyone that has met anyone successfully using that method [and I know several who used it].  I didn't bother w/ short first dates. Either you took me out on a proper date - ie, to dinner -or it wasn't worth my time.  If someone is only going to spend 30-45 minutes meeting me in person for the first time, why bother?  I mean, it can take 30 minutes just to get over nervousness for some people.  I would speak w/ them on the phone for at least 30-40 minutes before meeting them in person, and that only after exchanging a good number of robust emails for several weeks.  If someone isn't going to invest the time in getting to know me, I'm not going to set aside time to meet w/ them in person. 

    I went on about 3 dates w/ different guys every weekend for months on end.  So yes it was timeconsuming.  But if you are only going to spend 30 minutes w/ someone after exchanging 3 emails, why bother? There is no way you have enough info about them at that point to decide whether you want to meet them in person anyway.  I already felt like I 'knew' someone after several weeks of emails and a lengthy phone conversation, so the first date was an actual date.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Books

    If you got to know someone ahead of yoru date by phone conversations and lengthy emails, you should have enough info that they don't creep you out or that you find them physically repulsive.  When there was no in person chemistry, it was pretty evident to both people, so there was no awkward kiss at the end. 

    Adjusting your attitude and expectations may make it easier for you to meet someone online.  At the end of the day, everyone is a person and has feelings and a mother who loves them.  There are ways to end stinky dates w/o offending anyone or upsetting them. If you really feel you need to leave, you tell them you feel 'sick' and need to go home, or that you got an emergency call from a family member. 

    I don't know. I generally like people, so maybe that helps.  Most have something to offer or teach you, even if you don't begin a grand passionate love affair w/ them.  
     
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  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Books

    I think you've exposed why you're single.  Sure, nobody wants to be with someone for the heck of it if they don't like them and are not having a good time simply to avoid being alone on a Friday night.  ALF was not suggesting that, if I might be so bold.  Unless it's a blind date you should have enough to go on before a first date so that you avoid going on too many dates with people who make your skin crawl and make you want to flee or have somewhere else to be in a hurry.  Giving someone you've found out enough about to want to give a chance to take you out on a REAL date gives you both the opportunity to make any time together worth it.  You are thwarting that on the premise that you want a way to escape.  You'll escape, alright, escape any relationship from ever blooming.  Instead of "fussbudget" I'd call you a self-saboteur.  You can always leave a bad date - get up in the middle of dinner if you want, and go home.  Chances are if you're feeling like fleeing he'll be glad you had the guts to end the date early.  But, if you're having a great time and enjoying a leisurely dinner chances are he is, too.  You kill it (and they know it) before it gets off the ground by setting yourself up with a hard and fast escape plan - it's a self-fulfilling prophesy.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Books

    Nah, Slim, those aren't the only 2 choices. But you should be willing to put enough effort into getting to know someone so that you don't have a stinky first date.  If you put the effort into your profile, then getting to know them through emails and phone calls, you should have a good time on a first date/first meeting, even if you don't begin a grand love affair w/ them.  I may not have wanted a second date after many first dates, but I at least enjoyed myself and shared a stimulating discussion w/ the other person.  If you are having a 'bad date'  chances are the other person is as well. You may as well make the best of it while you are out and about, by trying to engage them in conversation or sharing a story or something you read.

    Again, if you put the effort into getting to know someone before meeting them in person, I found that the number of 'bad dates' went down significantly.  Seeing a hot guy or one who wrote a good profile, and then exchanging 2 very short emails before meeting him in person was a recipe for disaster. Yeah, he was hot and it was exciting for about 20 minutes, but it never lead to a second date.  All the ahead of time work was also a good way to see how serious a guy was about getting to know you. Someone who was just 'looking for some' was not going to go through all this rigamarole to meet w/ me in person. I mean, I am attractive, but not supermodel attractive so that you are going to jump through all my hoops if your really don't want to get to know me!  lol
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    RogerTaylor, You need a nice humanities-educated woman who's a bibliophile; working on various ambitious arts projects; is a loving mother; and a devoted partner who doesn't cheat. You must, however, agree to live no further than 30 minutes from the ocean, and not make said partner watch football games with you. Read today's Love Letter on Meredith's blog. It will make you either weep or scream.
    Posted by reindeergirl


    Too funny! What I think is one of my better qualities is NOT treating a person like a possession....I would never "force" a partner to watch a football game. I can't tell you how many times I told my partner - "Go out with your friends!". Crazy huh?

    Love the beach and my 14 mile bike ride up and down the canal!

    Loving mother - yeah but, I never want to parent the parent or someone elses children....still looking
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from JEnvie. Show JEnvie's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    I thought the art of racing in the rain was great -- also loved loved loved a dog's purpose -- but i love dogs my husband doesn't read at all -- well he reads newspapers - but not books i read constantly -- mostly fiction
    Posted by lukeseri58


    hey you, we're going to see david sedaris in lowell tonight
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from there-and-backagain. Show there-and-backagain's posts

    Re: Books

    thanks, reindeergirl . I will remember the warning.  The woman I am dating right now has simple tastes (for the moment)
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: Books

    Jenvie, full disclosure before we date, I kan't reed.

     
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