Books

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Books

    Dang, I don't know who you all are dating, but no one ever attempted to do any of these bizarre things with me.  Perhaps it was the age group that I was dating or signals that I was giving off.  But no one ever attempted to touch me inappropriately or acted inappropriately. Maybe there was a better class of folks on the sites I was using when I was using them b/c their mommas sure raised them right. They paid for dinner, walked me to my car or the T and were perfectly respectful.  Everything touching wise was about the waist, and near the hand, arm or shoulder area.  Maybe it's time to rework your profile or adjust your behavior if people are getting forward.  Or get to know them by message and phone well enough before going on a date - maybe I have a good idiot-filter but I could usually tell if someone was a jerk w/in a few messages or minutes of talking on the phone.  Then again, I cross examine people and watch their behavior for a living so maybe I had an edge.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    kar, I'm sorry I was harsh on you. But I truly felt that your post, mostly the first sentence of it, was insulting and presumptuous. I do know you mean well, seriously. If you didn't, you wouldn't have bothered posting. 
    Posted by reindeergirl

    The first line could be misinterpretted to mean far more than I did, which I think you might have done.  I meant that I believe you're still single because you create a situation that tells them all, "I need to be able to escape easily" so they let you get what you seem to want, to escape the relationship before it begins.

    That line meant, "I believe if you set up dates as if you think they could go somewhere one probably would have worked out by now."

    If you assumed and presumed more than that, that was a mistake.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    Dang, I don't know who you all are dating, but no one ever attempted to do any of these bizarre things with me.  Perhaps it was the age group that I was dating or signals that I was giving off.  But no one ever attempted to touch me inappropriately or acted inappropriately. Maybe there was a better class of folks on the sites I was using when I was using them b/c their mommas sure raised them right. They paid for dinner, walked me to my car or the T and were perfectly respectful.  Everything touching wise was about the waist, and near the hand, arm or shoulder area.  Maybe it's time to rework your profile or adjust your behavior if people are getting forward.  Or get to know them by message and phone well enough before going on a date - maybe I have a good idiot-filter but I could usually tell if someone was a jerk w/in a few messages or minutes of talking on the phone.  Then again, I cross examine people and watch their behavior for a living so maybe I had an edge.
    Posted by ALF72


    I guess it's just not my style to have a date pay for my dinner on a first date. And if he has to come in from afar, an hour or so to meet me, I offer to pay for his. I've never had a man let me do that. But paying for myself, it makes me feel like he hasn't wasted his evening to some extent if it turns out the chemistry isn't there.

    In my 53 years, I have had only two who didn't walk me to T or car. And these were both after sunset. I lost respect for both men, and didn't see them again. One was just plain lazy and admitted it; the other said he himself didn't want to be mugged on the way back to his car. Go figure.

    Inappropriate touching isn't always that - it just feels like that, if you don't dig the guy. They're not necessarily forward to the outsider looking at us; still, if I don't like him, I find the touch cringe-worthy. And I can put on my own damn coat, thank you (to cite one example). I'm not helpless.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    OK kar, thank you for clarifying. I still disagree with you, but now I know you didn't mean it in a super-critical way, but as an honest observation on your part.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    Everything touching wise was about the waist, and near the hand, arm or shoulder area.

    I am a very, very affectionate person, but I don't like the presumption of touching on the man's part unless it's clear I want that, Alf.
     
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  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from miscricket. Show miscricket's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    Also..to address slim's comment...I don't like to feel like I need to "sell myself" to a prospective romantic interest. To me..that's too businesslike. ---- I feel the same way. I also don't like what career counselors say about "branding yourself." What am I supposed to do, copyright my tie-dye t-shirts and braids, and create a résumé out of that?  Everything, even private life, is so corporate these days. 
    Posted by reindeergirl

    Hi Reindeergirl...that's an excellent point..and probably why the term "sell yourself" is such a turn off to me. The corporate mindset really has infringed into our personal lives as well. This is another reason the whole online dating thing does not appeal to me.
    I have never felt the need or desire to "sell myself" on a personal level.
    Ironically...I think my viewpoint was reinforced last night. I went to a college hockey game with a couple of friends...sat next to a guy who turned out to a professor at an out of state college...who is also an alumni of the college I attend. We spent almost the entire game chatting..he was hilarious..and very nice. Apparently...even though I have had no intentions of getting into a relationship until done school in the spring...we have a date this Wednesday night...
    I might add..that I hardly stressed over how I looked or the way I acted last night. I was wearing jeans , a turtleneck and a sweatshirt( and my lucky earrings of course..) and sporting a stylish ( note the sarcasm) knee brace due to a knee injury..not to mention I had been trying to back out of even going to the game last night...since I was also sporting a pretty good headache.
    However..he was nice..and very persuasive....so ..oh boy...lol Maybe I will be more nervous come Wednesday..lol
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from miscricket. Show miscricket's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
      I work full time and this semester am carrying a full time courseload..so my time is way to valuable to be wasted on a "bad date" or any kind of unpleasant or awkward moment. ---- Are you in an MA or doctoral program? The workload/reading is 10x the undergrad, but I'm sure you know that. OTOH, that's part of the fun for me - to write what I really want to write about.
    Posted by reindeergirl

    No..I am a late bloomer and finishing up my Bachelor's. Thanks for the tip about grad school. Funny..last year grad school was not even on my radar..I just wanted to be done...but now..even though I will be finishing up my Bachelor's next spring..I am starting to look at Master's programs. In spite of being a lot more work..I think I will love it. I love to write..and to write about what I want to ..and what interests me is something that I look forward to.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from EnjoyEverySandwich. Show EnjoyEverySandwich's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    Or get to know them by message and phone well enough before going on a date - maybe I have a good idiot-filter but I could usually tell if someone was a jerk w/in a few messages or minutes of talking on the phone.  Then again, I cross examine people and watch their behavior for a living so maybe I had an edge.
    Posted by ALF72



    This makes me think of something that happened to me back in the Stone Age -- when the personals were only available in printed newspapers.  I answered an ad, and this guy and I had the greatest (and lengthy) phone conversation.  So great we decided to hurry up and meet in person for dinner that week.

    Well, I could tell the moment we saw eachother that I was not what he expected.  And truly, he was not what I expected either -- "tall, dark and maybe handsome" has a very wide sample set.  We met for dinner in NYC, and he spent most of the dinner going on and on and on about how the restaurants in Westchester (the northern 'burbs) were just as good as in the City, and he didn't undertsand why people bothered coming into NYC -- blah blah blah.  Instead of just enjoying it for what it was, he complained incessantly.  Gah!

    So, that was the end of that.  Except that I did end up getting a date with the very handsome restaurant manager, who'd been keeping tabs on how my blind date was going.  Hey, the night wasn't a total loss!  ;)

    Maybe I should have asked blind date guy what books he liked to read before we agreed to meet.  :)

     
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Books

    Many short wastes of time add up to a big waste of time.  I know you disagree about the escape hatch approach being detrimental to the blooming of a relationship.  But, if you were to give my potentially wrong idea a whirl by making some open-ended dates that don't run off every guy after an hour and make fewer dates per month you wouldn't be wasting any more time than you are now.  And, imo, even though you'd be dating fewer guys, you'd be increasing your chances of having a relationship, i.e., a second date, come of a first date because the dates aren't getting chopped off at the knee right off the bat.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Books

    Few clues to on-line dating profiles - from a guy:

    I read - yah, what? comics? Playboy? Boys Life?

    Picture of woman with dog(s) - Says to me, "I can't go away for the weekend because of my dogs." - next!

    Picture of woman with dog(s) - and the poster refers to them as - "my babies", "my children!"....yeah, gotta go

    20 profile pics - from 1972 to 1983 - from the neck up and no 2 look alike!

    Social drinker - which means??? functioning alcoholic????

    Profile pic of the 40 something Mom next to her 16 year old daughter in matching bikinis - somebody needs to grow up!

    Profile pics - bust shot only, no full body pics and they refer to their body shape as "average" - yeah, I know a girl that did this she's 5'8" and tips the scale at about 330lbs!

    Tattoos - huh?

    "Separated" - get a fliipin' divorce THEN post!

    Post says "Looking for a handyman...." translation - "My honey-do list is getting pretty long and I need a guy to take care of everything on it!" Break out the Jewish Toolbox! No guy is looking to be your Sneider!

    I hope you all see some humor(?) to the above.  My point is nobody should be wasting time on un-wanted dates without understanding the on line profile first and then choosing to go on a date. A  "wink" or e-mail is just a feeler to see if there is a mutual interest. Take it slow, and choose wisely!   Wink

    Read SlimPickensIII posts, he figured it out, and now he's engaged.....smart
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Books

    Crazy!

    Ferret Easton mv 10222011-15692.jpg
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Books

    Crazy!

    Ferret Easton mv 10222011-15692.jpg
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from chazz508. Show chazz508's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    Crazy!
    Posted by RogerTaylor


    Hey Roger!  How did you find my profile pic???
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from chazz508. Show chazz508's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    In Response to Re: Books : This makes me think of something that happened to me back in the Stone Age -- when the personals were only available in printed newspapers.  I answered an ad, and this guy and I had the greatest (and lengthy) phone conversation.  So great we decided to hurry up and meet in person for dinner that week. Well, I could tell the moment we saw eachother that I was not what he expected.  And truly, he was not what I expected either -- "tall, dark and maybe handsome" has a very wide sample set.  We met for dinner in NYC, and he spent most of the dinner going on and on and on about how the restaurants in Westchester (the northern 'burbs) were just as good as in the City, and he didn't undertsand why people bothered coming into NYC -- blah blah blah.  Instead of just enjoying it for what it was, he complained incessantly.  Gah! So, that was the end of that.  Except that I did end up getting a date with the very handsome restaurant manager, who'd been keeping tabs on how my blind date was going.  Hey, the night wasn't a total loss!  ;) Maybe I should have asked blind date guy what books he liked to read before we agreed to meet.  :)  
    Posted by EnjoyEverySandwich


    Great story, Sandwich....whatever happened with the restaurant guy?
     
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  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    In Response to Re: Books : I'll play! Never married guy over 40 that feels like he needs to explain in his profile -- /> No social skills, next! Profile 'ghost written' by guy's dog -- /> Utter nut case!  Next! Guy that talks about how low he has stooped to place an online ad --> Dude, you've just insulted your target audience.  You are an idiot.  Next! No picture --> you're some married dude looking for some strange.  Next!
    Posted by Corporate-Hippie-Chick


    TRUE!
    TRUE!
    TRUE!


    LOL!....yeah, guys do it too!  But, you see my point! RED FLAGS are there so there is no need to waste time on a date. No pics? = No thanks - next!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    That was funny, RT. But what's a Jewish toolbox? I'm half Jewish, never heard of it.

    Was Snyder on that show supposed to be Jewish? It was the midwest, which has a lot of Germans. I thought he was a midwesterner of German descent.


    "Break out the Jewish Toolbox!" It sounds funny, though.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    CHC - No pic - I know, right? Married, or "a public figure, and I can't let peoplke know I'm on a dating site until I enter into a relationship." Or the line one of LL commenters (not Tubs) used on me - he doesn't take good pics, and I shouldn't care about that anyway. Yet, before he said that, he asked for mine,a nd I gave them to him. I thought it was going to be a pics for pics thing.

    EES - Adorable! Also, it seems like the manager was watching out for you that night. Nice to have that!
     
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  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    RT - Is that really a pic from one of the dating sites?

    I am an animal lover (obviously), but I too don't like people who speak through their pets - or allow their pets to speak for them. Or, "My kids say I'm a great catch, they recommended I post an ad." Gee, think for yourself, why don't you? Not through your dog, not through your grown kids.

    "I've never done this before" = LL's "long-time lurker, first-tome poster." Ashamed of doing so? Or, better than the rest of us?
     
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  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    That's awesome, Cricket! Good for you. I did it the straight route; if I had it to do over, I'd have taken some time between h.s. and college to work, travel, etc. I'm a late bloomer in personality, so it would have given me time to mature.

    I love to write..and to write about what I want to ..and what interests me is something that I look forward to.

    Yes, that's the pleasure of it for me. Those long research papers, those short explication de texte papers, are like candy for me. Delicious.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    I'm glad you met someone nice, Cricket. I hope you have a blast on Wednesday.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Books

    In Response to Re: Books:
    Many short wastes of time add up to a big waste of time.  I know you disagree about the escape hatch approach being detrimental to the blooming of a relationship.  But, if you were to give my potentially wrong idea a whirl by making some open-ended dates that don't run off every guy after an hour and make fewer dates per month you wouldn't be wasting any more time than you are now.  And, imo, even though you'd be dating fewer guys, you'd be increasing your chances of having a relationship, i.e., a second date, come of a first date because the dates aren't getting chopped off at the knee right off the bat.
    Posted by kargiver


    You make such an assumption about just one element of my dating practices, kar. ~sigh~ And I don't do it "after every date." One even lasted a decent amount of time - until I found out he was a commitment-phobe. I liked him, and he was a tiger in bed.
     
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