Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from BostonDotCom. Show BostonDotCom's posts

    Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/21/2011 2:14 PM EDT

    In honor of the new film "Friends With Benefits," we're wondering if that mutual agreement can ever work out for the best. Do rules have to be in place? Or is it usually a recipe for disaster? Take our poll on the film review and share your thoughts here!
     

  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Maldenlady. Show Maldenlady's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/21/2011 2:59 PM EDT

    I think you've got to have a very clear understanding...

    Even so, things change.  I've seen it happen.  One person gets more involved than the other.  Problems.  Not even salvage a friendship. 

    On the other hand, I've known people in polyamorous relationships that are still going well, even afte several years. 

    Bottom line:  it really, really depends upon the people and how well they *truly* know themselves, and the person with whom they're entering the FWB  arrangement

    Me?  Personally?  I wouldn't do it.  I'm just not wired that way..
     

  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/21/2011 3:04 PM EDT

    I think sex effects humans emotionally.  All of us.  So, I think it's impossible to have a successful FWB relationship.
     

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Jim-in-Littleton. Show Jim-in-Littleton's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/21/2011 3:35 PM EDT

    In Response to Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?:
    In honor of the new film " Friends With Benefits ," we're wondering if that mutual agreement can ever work out for the best.  Posted by BostonDotCom



    if it can ever work out for the best of what?
     

  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lukeseri58. Show lukeseri58's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/21/2011 3:48 PM EDT

    i think it probably can - but you can't be emotionally invested in the person -- I can think of people i'd like to have sex with but wouldn't want to be in a committed relationship with
     

  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/21/2011 4:18 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?:
    i think it probably can - but you can't be emotionally invested in the person -- I can think of people i'd like to have sex with but wouldn't want to be in a committed relationship with
    Posted by lukeseri58

    Do you think if you had sex with the people you don't think you'd want anything emotional from that that might change if you did?  Or, are you confident that afterwards you'd be just as emotionally free as you are now about them?  I'm intrigued!

     

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Jim-in-Littleton. Show Jim-in-Littleton's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/21/2011 4:35 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?:
    I assumed they meant that the parties involved found the relationship to be emotionally rewarding and that noone was hurt or traumatized by it.
    Posted by Robin39



    My question was 99% in jest but their wording was just begging for it.

    But I think the question, as you you put it, violates the basic premise of a FWB relationshiip.  There isn't supposed to be any "emotional reward" involved.  Once the emotions are removed, what's left to get hurt or be traumatized by?

    And that's why they always fail...  As much as people think they can go into it and not end up with some sort of emotional involvement, one or the other always seems to end up there anyway.
     

  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/21/2011 4:35 PM EDT

    No. If you are friends with someone, presumably you care about them.  I don't see how you can up the ante and have sex with them, all while caring about them as a friend and a person, and not develop deeper feelings. 

    The only way the 'benefits' part of this scenario can work for 2 people is if you take the 'friend't part out of the equation. So go pick up someone you know nothing about and care nothing about besides their 'hotness' at a local bar or club, have your way w/ them and then keep their number for boot-y calls.  I could never do  this, but this would really be the only way, IMO, where you can get the benefits w/o the friend or the caring part of the equation to come into play. 
     

  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lukeseri58. Show lukeseri58's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/21/2011 4:39 PM EDT

    kar, i do -- i know people i would just enjoy having sex with but don't want to be emotionally tied to -- i like them, find them attractive and fun, but i'm not in love with them and i'm pretty confident i wouldn't fall in love with them if i had sex with them -- i'm pretty liberal in my ideas about sex to begin with but i couldn't have a polyamorous relationship - that is loving more than one person - i would be jealous if my significant other were "in love" or "loved" another person (in that way) besides me - when i love someone - i give them my all -- i want their all too - but sex to me is not love and love is not sex -- i know i'm different than most people
     

  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/21/2011 5:03 PM EDT

    depends on what your definition of "successful" is. I've seen it result in the "friends" falling in love, I've seen it ends friendship. Only a very small percentage of friendships can survive once the "benefits" part ends.

    The only time I've seen that work out is when the people weren't close friends to begin with, and after a brief time period of "benefits" found out that they weren't compatible as lovers, but still compatible as friends. That's extremely rare because how often can you come to that conclusion with someone else in a completely mature and non-emotional way?
     

  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/22/2011 11:58 AM EDT

    In Response to Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?:
    kar, i do -- i know people i would just enjoy having sex with but don't want to be emotionally tied to -- i like them, find them attractive and fun, but i'm not in love with them and i'm pretty confident i wouldn't fall in love with them if i had sex with them -- i'm pretty liberal in my ideas about sex to begin with but i couldn't have a polyamorous relationship - that is loving more than one person - i would be jealous if my significant other were "in love" or "loved" another person (in that way) besides me - when i love someone - i give them my all -- i want their all too - but sex to me is not love and love is not sex -- i know i'm different than most people
    Posted by lukeseri58

    Thanks, lukes. :)

     

  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from DrDiSaia. Show DrDiSaia's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/24/2011 11:10 AM EDT

    It depends upon how you define "success." In my experience most of these relationships end up in disappointment. People can get attached or feel empty because they are not attached.
     

  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/25/2011 10:57 AM EDT




    Yes, if one of you is a prostitute/gigalo.........

    No, if you are a well adjusted, mentaly stable human being....

     

  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from lukeseri58. Show lukeseri58's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/25/2011 4:24 PM EDT

    i am a mentally stable and well adjusted human being and i know it could work with me in the right circumstance -- i think you are little closed minded
     

  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/25/2011 6:05 PM EDT

    In Response to Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?:
    i am a mentally stable and well adjusted human being and i know it could work with me in the right circumstance -- i think you are little closed minded
    Posted by lukeseri58


    I think the word you're looking for is...."delusional"....if you think it could work for you, as you say - "in the right circumstances".  What are the right circumstances? your being drunk?
     

  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from miscricket. Show miscricket's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/25/2011 7:27 PM EDT

    I agree with roger taylor..a "friends with benefits" situation is much different than a "one night stand" situation. You already care about the person as a friend...so I don't see how it can work without someone being hurt. Neither situation would ever be for me. I could never be with someone I did not love...call me old fashioned..but that's just the way it is.
     

  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from lukeseri58. Show lukeseri58's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/26/2011 10:15 AM EDT

    as i said earlier - sex and love are very different things to me -- one is emotion, one is physical -- and i'm not talking about a one-night stand -- and i very rarely get drunk -- the right circustance -- i have friends who i have fooled around with -- we were both married -- our parnters knew about it -- no it was not a swinging situation -- we care about each other and we had fun and nobody got hurt -- its not for everybody and maybe it is not your typical "friends with benefits" situation - but it does work for some - different strokes for different folks -- try not to be so judgmental
     

  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from sugarxo. Show sugarxo's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/26/2011 2:40 PM EDT

    It can work only if both people have the same exact desire for a NSA relationship, and only enjoy the physical part.  Dont start getting feelings tho!!!
     

  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from keater. Show keater's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/27/2011 8:07 AM EDT

    In Response to Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?:
    as i said earlier - sex and love are very different things to me -- one is emotion, one is physical -- and i'm not talking about a one-night stand -- and i very rarely get drunk -- the right circustance -- i have friends who i have fooled around with -- we were both married -- our parnters knew about it -- no it was not a swinging situation -- we care about each other and we had fun and nobody got hurt -- its not for everybody and maybe it is not your typical "friends with benefits" situation - but it does work for some - different strokes for different folks -- try not to be so judgmental
    Posted by lukeseri58


    Well said lukes. I agree with you but as we all know there are people who are very close minded in situations like this.
     

  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/28/2011 1:57 PM EDT

    Yes it can work. It worked for me. But you both have to really be on the same page. I dont think you can really follow a set of rules and every situation is different.

    I think why it worked for me is I knew him for a long time; friends yes, close friends, no. Also, he happens to live out of state, so we would spend maybe one weekend together a month, though we would talk a couple times a week (maybe for some that doesnt meet the criteria of FWB?). But having a distance and not communicating all the time helped establish a boundary. I also think that while we were both physically attracted to each other, that was kind of where it ended. Enough in common to spend a weekend together, not enough in common to ever consider a relationship.

    Our status ended over a year ago and we are still friends, still talk and still hang out. Nothing is awkward, no hurt feelings.
     

  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from soxygirl123. Show soxygirl123's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/29/2011 1:37 PM EDT

    I’d say most FWBs "arrangements” have a limited shelf-life, since MOST people are probably seeking a committed relationship (either w/ the friend OR someone else). But it can be successful/fun for a while & fill a void while both people are are single. I’ve seen FWB-couples end up at the altar too, so, I’d say anything is possible.

     

  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from SlimPickensIII. Show SlimPickensIII's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 7/29/2011 2:13 PM EDT

    The whole idea is foreign to me.  I'm 52, never had this type of relationship, never will.  Absolutely no interest.  I don't see how they could ever possibly work,  whatever 'work' means.
     

  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 8/11/2011 2:03 PM EDT

    Slim, I think people thought that about online dating too (that it would never work).
     

  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 8/12/2011 7:24 AM EDT

    In Response to Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?:
    Yes it can work. It worked for me. But you both have to really be on the same page. I dont think you can really follow a set of rules and every situation is different. I think why it worked for me is I knew him for a long time; friends yes, close friends, no. Also, he happens to live out of state, so we would spend maybe one weekend together a month, though we would talk a couple times a week (maybe for some that doesnt meet the criteria of FWB?). But having a distance and not communicating all the time helped establish a boundary. I also think that while we were both physically attracted to each other, that was kind of where it ended. Enough in common to spend a weekend together, not enough in common to ever consider a relationship. Our status ended over a year ago and we are still friends, still talk and still hang out. Nothing is awkward, no hurt feelings.
    Posted by Jeepers-Cripes


    Says you....your "assuming" he's a 100% in agreement with YOU and your assessment of the outcome between you two.

    That's a pretty broad paint stroke!
     

  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Maldenlady. Show Maldenlady's posts

    Re: Can a 'friends with benefits' situation ever be successful?

    posted at 8/12/2011 7:48 AM EDT

    "I also think that while we were both physically attracted to each other, that was kind of where it ended. Enough in common to spend a weekend together, not enough in common to ever consider a relationship"  Jeepers cripes

    See, this is an example of where I think it *could* work...both understood themselves and each other well enough to establish and maintain the boundaries, and neither -- really, truly -- felt like they wanted the relationship to evolve beyond those boundaries.  In that situaiton, it can probably work.  It's when someone's mind changes about the relationship and what they want that things can get difficult.  I know I could not cope with a FWB situation personaly, but for those who can. well, why not?  Just don't let it get in the way of meeting someone who can offer more...