Do I stay or go

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from TFB12. Show TFB12's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    In response to kargiver's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    People have trouble leaving destructive relationships for many complex reasons, but I don't think anyone in a situation like this for this long doesn't know that the healthiest thing to do is leave even if that outcome isn't easy or seem possible.  

    [/QUOTE]

    Its called a few different things.  Too lazy to do anything about it, easier to go along with it.  No self respect for herself, or just not a brave person, scared to make the jump.  She or anyone in this situation needs to determine which one of these 3 things is their excuse and then get to work on it and get out of that relationship.

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from GoneToTheDogs39. Show GoneToTheDogs39's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    Really?  You underestimate emotional dependency.      The original poster should consult with a psychiatrist before she makes any decisions.    Not a therapist or social worker...a medical doctor, make sure she is thinking clearly and then proceed from there IMO

     

    dependency, emotional,

    n an emotional need manifested by a marked and habitual inclination to rely on another for comfort, support, guidance, and decision making; the tendency to seek help from others in making decisions or in carrying out difficult actions; the need to be mothered, loved, taken care of, emotionally supported. In extreme cases such persons lose their ability to function independently.

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    My point, tfb, was that I find it odd that she has to ask if her situation is bad.  She's abused and in her mid forties.  Even a codependent in need of professional help knows it's bad if not what to do about it. 

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from TFB12. Show TFB12's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    In response to kargiver's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    My point, tfb, was that I find it odd that she has to ask if her situation is bad.  She's abused and in her mid forties.  Even a codependent in need of professional help knows it's bad if not what to do about it. 

    [/QUOTE]


    I understand.  Not sure if the person was a troll or not, I don't think she was because sadly there are people in this world who need help from others, needs that extra push or permission to leave and I think she is one of those people.  I hope she got away from the dirtbag and is doing better.  I wish she would post an update here.

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from TFB12. Show TFB12's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    Going through here I'm a little confussed.  Did Roaddogg1959 spill the beans on here about his marriage and cheating and his wife found out on here?

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from GoneToTheDogs39. Show GoneToTheDogs39's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    In response to TFB12's comment:
    [QUOTE]

     It appears that way.   Maybe he forgot to log out...

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from TFB12. Show TFB12's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    In response to Robin39's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    In response to TFB12's comment:
    [QUOTE]

     It appears that way.   Maybe he forgot to log out...

    [/QUOTE]


    CLassic!!! BWahahahaha!!

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from GoneToTheDogs39. Show GoneToTheDogs39's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    I would not be surprised if some people monitor their spouses internet activities...

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from TFB12. Show TFB12's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    In response to Robin39's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    I would not be surprised if some people monitor their spouses internet activities...

    [/QUOTE]


    Oh, I am sure they do.  It surprises me that some people, if they are doing wrong, don't think about this and kind of .... hide things, lol!!

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from GoneToTheDogs39. Show GoneToTheDogs39's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    Maybe some people want to get caught...

    http://www.examiner.com/article/sometimes-cheaters-really-do-want-to-get-caught

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from TFB12. Show TFB12's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    In response to Robin39's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    Maybe some people want to get caught...

    http://www.examiner.com/article/sometimes-cheaters-really-do-want-to-get-caught

    [/QUOTE]


    Hahaha, thanks for the laugh.  What is this world coming to? Unbelievable that people have to play games, if you want out then get out.  If you want to fool around then be smart about it and fool around without getting caught.  If your a drama queen or king then I guess their whole lives are a mess and this is just how they like it.  Life is too short for all of this!!  Crazy people!

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    Calmdown is in the hizzle. I just wanted to stop in and say hi. 

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Roaddogg1959. Show Roaddogg1959's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    In response to TFB12's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    Going through here I'm a little confussed.  Did Roaddogg1959 spill the beans on here about his marriage and cheating and his wife found out on here?

    [/QUOTE]


    she sure did find out this is his wife yup hes leaving for a woman that lives in mass he lives in northern maine they have never met in person and the day they meet they will be living together. Thats fine cause hes throwing away everything his kids, me, house everything to with a woman hes never met. she has a 12 yr old daughter that she bringing into the relationship who in their right mind brings a innocent little girl to live with a man she really knows nothing about. I think its sick, as a parent myself and I know that no matter what id never put my child in a situation like that but I guess thats just me and I have morals and common sence to not put my child at risk with a person I dont even know and have only chatted to in chat rooms and on the phone.

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from GoneToTheDogs39. Show GoneToTheDogs39's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    It always amazes me when people that have never met and have only interacted with each other online... actually think they know each other!

    Take care of yourself, hoping everyone involved finds Peace of Mind.

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from TFB12. Show TFB12's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    In response to Roaddogg1959's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    In response to TFB12's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    Going through here I'm a little confussed.  Did Roaddogg1959 spill the beans on here about his marriage and cheating and his wife found out on here?

    [/QUOTE]


    she sure did find out this is his wife yup hes leaving for a woman that lives in mass he lives in northern maine they have never met in person and the day they meet they will be living together. Thats fine cause hes throwing away everything his kids, me, house everything to with a woman hes never met. she has a 12 yr old daughter that she bringing into the relationship who in their right mind brings a innocent little girl to live with a man she really knows nothing about. I think its sick, as a parent myself and I know that no matter what id never put my child in a situation like that but I guess thats just me and I have morals and common sence to not put my child at risk with a person I dont even know and have only chatted to in chat rooms and on the phone.

    [/QUOTE]


    Wow, is this real?  You are correct, what type of woman would bring her young daughter into a living situation such as this without even knowing the guy?  This is mind blowing!!  Something tells me that relationship isn't going to work, lol!!  Are people really this dumb?  As for your husband... well I don't know the particulars but for him to leave his kids like this pretty much shows what type of person he is so you just might be better off here.

    If you don't mind, I have a few questions..

    How long have you two been married?

    Age range of you kids?

    Are you and your husband the same age?

    Is he and the new person the same age? 

    Has either cheated on each other in the past?

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from Roaddogg1959. Show Roaddogg1959's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    In response to TFB12's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    In response to Roaddogg1959's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    In response to TFB12's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    Going through here I'm a little confussed.  Did Roaddogg1959 spill the beans on here about his marriage and cheating and his wife found out on here?

    [/QUOTE]


    she sure did find out this is his wife yup hes leaving for a woman that lives in mass he lives in northern maine they have never met in person and the day they meet they will be living together. Thats fine cause hes throwing away everything his kids, me, house everything to with a woman hes never met. she has a 12 yr old daughter that she bringing into the relationship who in their right mind brings a innocent little girl to live with a man she really knows nothing about. I think its sick, as a parent myself and I know that no matter what id never put my child in a situation like that but I guess thats just me and I have morals and common sence to not put my child at risk with a person I dont even know and have only chatted to in chat rooms and on the phone.

    [/QUOTE]


    Wow, is this real?  You are correct, what type of woman would bring her young daughter into a living situation such as this without even knowing the guy?  This is mind blowing!!  Something tells me that relationship isn't going to work, lol!!  Are people really this dumb?  As for your husband... well I don't know the particulars but for him to leave his kids like this pretty much shows what type of person he is so you just might be better off here.

    If you don't mind, I have a few questions..

    How long have you two been married?

    Age range of you kids?

    Are you and your husband the same age?

    Is he and the new person the same age? 

    Has either cheated on each other in the past?

    [/QUOTE]


    weve been married for 27 yrs we have 2 kids one is 16 the other is 24 and yes he has cheated on me in the past and i have forgave him because i wanted my marriage to work i believe in marriage for better for worse but he wants out to be with her thats fine its going to be ruff financially but he doesnt care he just wants out im 46 hes 53 i have never cheated on him in any way shape or form i have morals and nio right from wrong, i would never intentially ever hurt anyone Icare about

     

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Roaddogg1959. Show Roaddogg1959's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    In response to Robin39's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    It always amazes me when people that have never met and have only interacted with each other online... actually think they know each other!

    Take care of yourself, hoping everyone involved finds Peace of Mind.

    [/QUOTE]

    Im trying to take care of myself and my son but its hard emtionally and will be financially but somehow I will make this work and someday I hope to find a man to treat me the way I deserve to be treated and can show my son how to treat a woman because he sure isnt gonna get that from his dad Ive been told that im a attractive woman (dont feel like it right now) but im gonna get through this. the sun will shine again just not right now, its hard when someone rips your heart out and hands it to you and expects you to be fine

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from GoneToTheDogs39. Show GoneToTheDogs39's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    error

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from TFB12. Show TFB12's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    I am sorry Roaddogg, as much as you care about him you are better off without him, he sounds like a real dirt bag.  You are an adult and I am sure you have survived tough situations before, especially since he cheated on you in the past, and I know you will survive this.  It's your youngest son who I feel bad about, his father is basically leaving the family (him) behind it sounds like.  You gotta be strong, show your son how to handle tough situations, you have to be the rock here!  How you handle this situation is how your son will learn to handle his problems he will face in life.  Do it with class, be strong and be a good example, he needs one here now.

    Financially yes, it will be tough but your son is 16, get to an attorney asap so the soon to be ex can start paying you for support.

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Roaddogg1959. Show Roaddogg1959's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    In response to TFB12's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    I am sorry Roaddogg, as much as you care about him you are better off without him, he sounds like a real dirt bag.  You are an adult and I am sure you have survived tough situations before, especially since he cheated on you in the past, and I know you will survive this.  It's your youngest son who I feel bad about, his father is basically leaving the family (him) behind it sounds like.  You gotta be strong, show your son how to handle tough situations, you have to be the rock here!  How you handle this situation is how your son will learn to handle his problems he will face in life.  Do it with class, be strong and be a good example, he needs one here now.

    Financially yes, it will be tough but your son is 16, get to an attorney asap so the soon to be ex can start paying you for support.

    [/QUOTE]

    thank you for the support it means alot im doing the best i can i have never had to support myself to this degree he has always supported his family and now we mean nothing to him, he says we do but actions speak louder than words. hes willing to move to mass to be with her and her daughter and leave his own, its going to break my sons heart if he moves so far away from him. I just dont understand how a person can leave the son he says he loves for a woman hes never met in person, hes leaving me with the emtional baggage my son will have but he will be happy and thats all he cares about. he thinks his life is perfect with her but I feel he will have a rude awaking when they are finally together like I told him the real life problems that people have they will have and its not gonna be what he thinks its going to be, he will be happy for awhile but the problems that he has will be with him no matter where he goes. She makes their life together sound so wonderful to him that he sees nothing else, she says all the right things to convince him hes doing the right thing by leaving his family and everything he has to be with her. The problems within himself will destroy him emotionaly hes severly depressed and on meds right now I tried to tell him she cant fix that only he can but he says no cause when I talk to her she makes me feel so good, but like I said he doesnt listen to anyone but her so im done kicking a dead horse.

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from TFB12. Show TFB12's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    Sounds like he is going through a mid life crisis!  It's hard for me to understnad people like him who is willing to pack up and go without seeming to care about his own family.  Sure, I can understand maybe the flame is gone between a husband and wife and it's better off to go seperate ways but a son???  Who the hell does that?  I feel so sorry for your son, but if you handle it properly it will help him to take it all better.  As hard as it might be, don't bad mouth the soon to be ex in front of your son, don't play the hurt victim role, be strong, constantly tell your son that his father loves him and this is just something he seems to feel like he needs to do at this time in his life.

    You will survive, you will be stronger after this, you are better off and deserve better!  You got this, now go out and make a better life for you and your son. Best of luck to you!

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Roaddogg1959. Show Roaddogg1959's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    In response to TFB12's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    Sounds like he is going through a mid life crisis!  It's hard for me to understnad people like him who is willing to pack up and go without seeming to care about his own family.  Sure, I can understand maybe the flame is gone between a husband and wife and it's better off to go seperate ways but a son???  Who the hell does that?  I feel so sorry for your son, but if you handle it properly it will help him to take it all better.  As hard as it might be, don't bad mouth the soon to be ex in front of your son, don't play the hurt victim role, be strong, constantly tell your son that his father loves him and this is just something he seems to feel like he needs to do at this time in his life.

    You will survive, you will be stronger after this, you are better off and deserve better!  You got this, now go out and make a better life for you and your son. Best of luck to you!

    [/QUOTE]
    I do tell my son his dad loves him i would never bad mouth him to my son that will only hurt him and I dont want that. The next thing is if his online girfriend wants him to move to mass he says hes going to go, my son will be devastated if he leaves him. And when he finds out the other woman has a 12 yr old daughter hes going to think his dad left him to be with another family. My husband made me feel that he still loved me very much right up until a couple monthes ago, its been rough that last couple of monthes my mother died back in october then a few weeks later I find this on here, when he leaves ive lost my family, my son loses his dad and Im faced with all this emtional baggage hes leaving behind. Hes letting our car go back then has the nerve to tell me I gotta get a better job to support myself how in the world does he expect me to get to this new job???? Hes taken everything from me Ive experienced so much loss the last couple of monthes its just hard to handle

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from GoneToTheDogs39. Show GoneToTheDogs39's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    old post/deleted

     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Roaddogg1959. Show Roaddogg1959's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    In response to Robin39's comment:
    [QUOTE]

     Call your PCP for a referral for counseling,  you need to talk to someone even if it's just a sounding board. 

      If you are not exercising, start walking...it helps with depression. 

    [/QUOTE]

    thank you robin 39 I have a doc appt. in a couple days and as going to counciling when we divorce I will have no insurance so thats out of the question I wont have the money for that. ive been looking for a 2nd job with no luck without another job im gonna fall flat on my face I dont make enough at my current job to take care of the bills on my own. Hes still here because he has no place to go or the money to get there hes waiting for income tax money to file bankruptsy so that wont be til feb. sometime. I have alot of great friends that i talk to everyday they have helped me alot.

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from TFB12. Show TFB12's posts

    Re: Do I stay or go

    In response to Roaddogg1959's comment:
    [QUOTE]

    thank you robin 39 I have a doc appt. in a couple days and as going to counciling when we divorce I will have no insurance so thats out of the question I wont have the money for that. ive been looking for a 2nd job with no luck without another job im gonna fall flat on my face I dont make enough at my current job to take care of the bills on my own. Hes still here because he has no place to go or the money to get there hes waiting for income tax money to file bankruptsy so that wont be til feb. sometime. I have alot of great friends that i talk to everyday they have helped me alot.

    [/QUOTE]


    Any updates?  Is the soon to be ex still living at the house?  Are you still sharing finances?  If so, start putting some money away (a little here, a little there) for when he does leave you will have a little bit saved up.  Don't let him know you are doing this if possible.

     

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