Re: Eye candy
posted at 10/24/2011 5:38 PM EDT
When the "only" problem you have is a deal breaker
(or should be one if you were to have a healthy self esteem, imo) that means all the great qualities he may have aren't enough to make the relationship worth it.
But, only you can decide if it's a deal breaker. His porn watching, oogling of other women, flirting online would be deal breakers for me regardless of how many "good qualities" he might have because I value myself more than to spend time with anyone who places any value on those activities.
Life goes by fast. I hope you won't waste any more of it not recognizing and dealing effectively and efficiently with deal-breaking behavior. Accepting these types of things by rationalizing them away does NOTHING other than allow you to waste your life with a guy that you spend most of the time reflecting on the relationship telling yourself he's not that bad.
Unless, that is, you really value yourself so little that those things are NOT deal breakers. In that case there's nothing you can do for yourself, him, or the relationship - it is what it is, and it will always be so.
Not all men enjoy porn. Not all men flirt with other women. Not all men drool and oogle other women (although, they do notice - they aren't dead). You don't have to accept those things to have a relationship.
This is not a simple case of normal self doubt, imo. I believe you'd have to loathe yourself to think this is the best you can do. It's quickly becoming too late for you to make decisions to spend the majority of your time with people who enhance the quality your life, not detract from it. Keep choosing "detract" and you are going to be another miserable, bitter middle aged woman.