Eye candy

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    Re: Eye candy

    In Response to Re: Eye candy:
    In Response to Re: Eye candy :
    In Response to Re: Eye candy : Oh.  This is fun. My supposition is that the OP isn't honoring her morals, values, and beliefs and has suppressed negative feelings about that in the name of having a man.   - That infers low self esteem and a limited feeling of self worth - IMHO It's scary to stand up for yourself - especially if you've got something big to lose (e.g. what if the boyfriend won't honor her request?). - It's called being an adult! We all have to stand up for ourselves at some point! - IMHO And for that the OP has my empathy.  I DON'T think she should leave without attempting to make adjustments within the relationship. - I respectfully disagree. She has spoken to him....no change! ....move along, there's nothing to see here.....move along
    Posted by RogerTaylor

    RT--I agree that there seems to be a lack of respect from the boyfriend here, but I have to disagree that this relationship is done over this issue.
    While the OP states that she has talked to him about this, it is by no means clear at all that she has actually expressed how she feels about this behavior, or as a result of this behavior.  I think that is what she wants to know:  should she feel threatened by this behavior, and if so, should she say something about that feeling.  I do not get the sense that she has actually talked to him about how she is feeling about all this.
     
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    Re: Eye candy

    I wish I had a pair DDs of my own.

    Instead I have these 36Cs Frown, and I'm a coward when it comes to surgery.
     
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    Re: Eye candy

    CHC you meet a great guy - turns out he hunts for fun and loves veal! Do you stay or go? Wink

    ......republican too!
    ----

    You didn't ask me, but I'll answer anyway, because I have chutzpah like that. He can't hunt, and being a Rethuglican is a hard limit.                     
     
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    Re: Eye candy

    As far as I know, CHC doesn't pinch the skins off chickpeas. Laughing
     
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    Re: Eye candy

    In Response to Re: Eye candy:
    Look, the word I'm seeing is "change" or "changing"... She spoke with him, he didn't change - OK - stay or go? It's that simple. As I said in an earlier post, I look at Playboy, if my mate said "I don't like that magazine!" I'm done with it, it's gone, not a deal breaker for me. The BF was spoken to, why stick around "hoping" for his behavior to change? CHC you meet a great guy - turns out he hunts for fun and loves veal! Do you stay or go?  ......republican too!
    Posted by RogerTaylor


    I understand your point and I agree if she discussed how she felt and made it clear she was uncomfortable with the behavior.
    However, it is not clear to me that her "talks" with him involved that aspect.
    If you were reading Playboy, and your girlfriend asked "Why do you read that" and "Do you find it enjoyable to read", would you stop reading it?  Would you think that she was just curious, or would you think that she was saying "I don't like that you do that, and I prefer you stop"?
     
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    Re: Eye candy

    In Response to Re: Eye candy:

    In Response to Re: Eye candy : When emotions are involved, communication can get tough. I don't view this as a 'act like a grown up' issue.  As I've said before, this OP isn't confident about her own boundaries.  Perhaps she's never encountered this issue before. *Edit* admittedly, I am splitting hairs at this point.
    Posted by Corporate-Hippie-Chick


    Agreed. 

    But if she wants to have solid relationships, she needs to learn to communicate what she really thinks and feels.  It isn't easy, especially since it involves being able to say what you mean in a way that the other person hears the same thing you are saying.
    My own suspicion is that she has been in relatively similar situations before, and does not really believe that what she feels is important.  And I mean absolutely no disrespect to the OP by that statement.  I struggle with the same thing to this day.
    She needs to understand that boundaries are personal.  Whatever her own boundaries are, they're OK.  There is not a "normal" set that everyone needs to subscribe to.  It helps define who she is, and anyone that decides to disrespect her personal boundaries is being disrespectful to her.
    What she wants to do about that is her choice.  But first she really needs to make certain the boyfriend understands she finds this behavior unsettling.

     
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    Re: Eye candy

    In Response to Re: Eye candy:
    In Response to Re: Eye candy : Soooooo, better she stick it out then move on??????
    Posted by RogerTaylor


    RT--I would refer back to your post just a little bit ago, responding to me, and stating "this is her opportunity to express herself as an adult".
    I believe your meaning was that if she hadn't already done so.
    And I think that is all CHC and I are saying here--if she hasn't actually discussed this with the boyfriend in terms of how she feels, then "this is her opportunity to express herself as an adult".
    However, if she has already done that, then I would not disagree with you--time to move on.
     
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    Re: Eye candy

    In Response to Re: Eye candy:
    CB - You captured my thoughts on the boundary issue exactly. 
    Posted by Corporate-Hippie-Chick


    Should I be afraid?
     
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    Re: Eye candy

    In Response to Re: Eye candy:

    In Response to Re: Eye candy : Only if there were handcuffs involved. It's very fun when you have time to weigh in.  You teach good communication by example.
    Posted by Corporate-Hippie-Chick


    I does?

    Then I will be required to extend to you my gratitude for your taking the time and energy to post your thoughts which reflect a postive viewpoint towards my abilities.

    So, just to be clear: Thank you.

     
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