Re: Eye candy
posted at 10/25/2011 3:43 PM EDT
In Response to Re: Eye candy
Allow me to give you some observations from a guy's perspective: 1. No,this behavior is not "a guy thing". Some men are into "porn", or ogling other women. Some are into women who have had plastic surgery and look like cartoon characters or strippers. Plenty of men like none of these things, or find them laughable. So if your question is whether you might be able to find another man that isn't like this, the answer is yes, you can find one. 2. I am concerned about your mention of having grown out of the "he watches porn" phase or knowing who his favorite celebrities are (let me guess, they run along the lines of Megan Fox, Pamela Anderson and Kim Kardashian). I read this to mean that you don't actually find this behavior acceptable, but you've decided to put up with it. I'm going to ask exactly why you have rationalized this to yourself--I'm interested in your reasoning. What I am hearing (note this is what I am hearing, it may not be what you are trying to say) is that you either have to settle, or that's just the way it is. There is a big difference between accepting behaviors that are annoying (leaving the seat up, talking with your mouth full, etc) and accepting behaviors that leave you feeling badly about yourself or questioning your self-worth. 3. I do not hear anything really loving in your posts. You described him as someone you get along very well with, and who has many great qualities--sounds more like a good friend. I missed the part about how much you love each other. It takes more than just being good friends and admiring each other's good qualities to make the kind of relationship that can bond you for a lifetime. What are you looking for in this relationship, and what do you want for your future? 4. That you are wondering if this is just the way guys are, and that you have "grown past" the "he watches porn" phase, makes me wonder if other relationships you've been in had similar themes. His behavior seems to have you wondering if you're good enough, whether you measure up. Is that a familiar feeling you've had from other relationships? We almost always have patterns to our relationships, and you would be wise to think about your past and try to identify your pattern. Once you start to see and understand your own pattern, you may view your current situation in a different light. There's nothing inherently wrong with someone liking certain celebrities etc. Be honest, you and your girlfriends probably have a few male celebrities you like to look at, especially if you can find a picture of them with no shirt. And there's nothing wrong with that. But what would you say to one of your girlfriends if she told you she spent time looking at pictures like that 2-3 times every single day?
Posted by cb156
Thanks for your response, when I meant the growing out of the "he watches porn" phrase, I meant that many girls (at least some of my friends and esp at a younger age) seemed to be bothered by it when they found out their bf's were looking at pornos. That once bothered me but for some reason it doesnt anymore. What I mean is that I look at it as a stimulate for a man OR a women when their significant other is not around etc. I also meant that I dont get jealous if my Bf tells me a celebrity is good looking. I dont compare myself with that celebrity bc I know there are celebs out there that I have a "crush" on that dont look anything like that man I am dating.
As far as loving goes, yes I love him for many reasons. I didnt specify it in the post because I was concentrating on the problem. He does a lot of loving things for me as well and we do bring up marriage and future etc.
Now that you mentioned the word "pattern" I maybe know the root of my problem. He is the type of man very attractive, fun, and outgoing. He does have a flirty personality but I have noticed a "pattern" of his exes and crushes. Very attractive women but very different than me. I dont like comparing exes either but I find myself doing it in this situation. They are I guess beautiful but very superficial. I dont like bashing other women, but that is really the only way I can explain it. I do find myself attractive but I don't always look like a barbie doll- all made up, and I think or it may seem that is what he always liked. And while he is still searching for these "type" of girls online makes me wonder why?
Since this conversation was brought up twice with him i would hate to bring it up once again and seem insecure to him. Both times I got the same answer "it doesnt mean anything" I can;t help to think "well if it doesnt mean anything, why bother to go out of your way?" And as dumb as it sounds, This is why I am wondering if too much eye candy does make a man change his prefeference or wants or needs? Can he be happy with someone that is not what he fantasizing about or type he had in the past?