Follow-up on Moving In

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    Follow-up on Moving In

    Has anyone moved into a home owned by someone else? After you got used to your new surroundings did it feel like your home too or did it always feel like you were in someone else's home? What did people do to make you feeling more at home there?
     
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    Re: Follow-up on Moving In

    Yeah, I have. My husband built this house before he met me. Not only built the house, but graded the land, pulled enough rocks out of it to build two large retaining walls, planted fruit and nut trees, a garden, lawn, and ornamental trees. He had literally blood, sweat, and maybe not tears but certainly all his free time and obviously money in this place. So, when we got married and I moved here, it didn't really feel like my place right away, but being married made it factually mine and emotionally, as my intuitive self caught up to the rational, it FELT more like our place the longer I lived here. I gave the advice to marry first because I wouldn't have EVER felt like it was mine if I had moved in with a promise to get married someday because it wouldn't have been mine at all. I'd be living in his house, no way around it. But, at the alter it became mine, too, and he felt it was ours from the get go having built it to share with a wife someday and here I was. He made the transition immediately and treated me like the equal partner/owner I was by marriage, and that helped immeasurably.
     
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    Re: Follow-up on Moving In

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    Re: Follow-up on Moving In

    While we were dating I planted 32 day lilies along his rock wall and helped install his front patio with pavers, and even picked out his tin ceiling tile design. The whole time I thought, "I hope this will be OUR place someday..." It certainly didn't make me feel like it already was. I enjoyed those things, and we had fun together with all the home projects I participated in. I especially enjoyed working with the president of American Tin re the ceiling tiles, and I could have pretended it made me feel like it was my home, and it did give me hope that he was planning to marry me. But, until we got married this place wasn't mine. I suppose if a couple isn't planning to marry and that's not their ultimate goal, throw pillows and such would do to trick, but I was in it for the long haul, and only being his wife would have made me feel at home. And, even then, it took awhile for me to really have its "mine-ness" to sink in. I'm not suggesting getting married. I'm saying that IF you have already planned to do so, it's a cart/horse thing as far as her feeling like her home is your home goes. If neither of you care about getting married (which we know from your earlier post isn't the case) people can decide to move in together and that's that. Home eventually becomes where the heart is...not where you decorate. If your heart desires marriage it takes marriage to feel at home. If your heart isn't looking for marriage, it doesn't.
     
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    Re: Follow-up on Moving In

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    Re: Follow-up on Moving In

    That's very sad and illustrates how important it is to have a good lawyer with respect to signing a prenup. So many people sign "anything" because they think it will never matter, nothing will happen, and they sign away everything. Like you say, you never know, and, ironically that's the point of a prenup, the uncertainty of the future. She felt at home because getting married made it her home - as soon as she said "I do" in HIS backyard it became THEIR backyard...my whole point to the op. I can't believe she signed a document that said it wouldnt be her home, anymore, if he passed away. Why did he draw up papers that stipulated that in the first place?! So many things about that situation sound implausible, not that I don't believe it, just that I can hardly believe people's decisions sometimes!
     
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    Re: Follow-up on Moving In

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    Re: Follow-up on Moving In

    So many upsetting parts of that story not the least of which is that his grown kids couldn't eventually appreciate the 10 years their dad had with her and let go of their bitterness and the house. That poor woman, good thing she had a soft place to land.
     

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