I Have Herpes and I Need Advice

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from blueeyez816. Show blueeyez816's posts

    I Have Herpes and I Need Advice

    Im a 19 year old female who contracted herpes from my boyfriend. He claimed he didn't know he had it. I love him and I forgave him, but now the relationship is going down hill. I've been talking to a guy i've known for a few years and we're really into each other. I want to leave my boyfriend and see where it goes with the other guy. The only thing stopping me is having to tell him I have herpes and what he would think about it. Someone please give me some advice.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: I Have Herpes and I Need Advice

    Talk to you doctors. They will tell you how to handle the physical aspects of the disease, and can refer you to someone who can help you deal w/ the emotional aspects - ie, having to deal w/ your bf and how to tell future partners about the disease. Good luck. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: I Have Herpes and I Need Advice

    I second ALF's great advice.  Talk to a health professional and get medical and emotional support.  She's right; you will probably be referred to someone who can help you through this.  You aren't the first and won't be the last person in this situation, and health professionals are very skilled with what to do to help you.

    If your relationship is failing and you want to break up with your boyfriend, do so before you start seeing anyone else.

    Tell the new person your medical situation if you plan to be sexually active.  It's the only responsible thing to do, but I suspect you know that.

    P.S.  I'd go back and talk with the doctor/healthcare professional that diagnosed me if I were you.



     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: I Have Herpes and I Need Advice

    In Response to I Have Herpes and I Need Advice:
    Believe me, I know where you are coming from.  It's a hard thing to learn about, and it's forever.  But you can manage the flareups with medication and herbal remedies - Lysine is a supplement you can take to help decrease the flareups, you'll take Valtrex (prescription meds) when you have a flareup, and if you get lots of flareups then you can be put on a daily dose of Valtrex to keep the flareups at bay.  And often you will have fewer flareups as the years go by.

    I know you feel that you'll never find someone else because of the horror of having to tell a new sexual partner about herpes.  Well, many people have herpes and have happy and wonderful lives with a partner.  Let me warn you and everyone else, know that you can pass g enital herpes to the mouth area and vice versa.  So letting him have o r a l sex when you have a flareup isn't safe for him (or the next 'him'), just as intercourse isn't safe when you have a flareup, or when you are about to get a flareup (many people get a tell-tale "tingling" in the area a day or so before a flareup)

    Deal with the relationship you have with your current boyfriend.  If it's going downhill, deal with it and break up.  Only then can you begin to investigate dating someone else.  Oh, and you will find that you get intimate with someone later in your relationship because you'll have to feel comfortable enough to bring up the subject of herpes, but that's not a bad thing, actually!

    And herpes is something many people have, believe me, you just don't know it.

    Also, do a google search for herpes support groups, I'll bet you'll find one, and they'll have lots of new research to read about preventing flareups, dealing with them when you have them, etc.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from jewelie42. Show jewelie42's posts

    Re: I Have Herpes and I Need Advice

    Dating Website;---for those with herpes and without a partner, I just found out about a dating website set up for these specific individuals; it popped up one day when I was looking at mingle.com; it is called twocan.com . FYI...........statistics show a very very large percentage of the american population with this.....

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: I Have Herpes and I Need Advice

    CT.DC, your post was very well put, but please allow me to add that you can pass herpes even when you are not having a flareup.  It's a widespread misconception that you can only pass it when you are suffering symptoms yourself.

    Here's a non-profit medical site's description of everything about the disease that the OP might find helpful:  Family Doctor
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: I Have Herpes and I Need Advice

    A lot of people do not think of 2 things with Herpes.
         Though most of the time it is no big deal. a nd the estimate is that as many as 20 % of people in your age group have it, the biggest worry is that any time you or even a new boyfriend have any open sore in the genitals,  you have a much greater chance of contracting any other STD : AIDS, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Hepatitis,  because they can go through the opening and be absorbed right into your bloodstream.  So even if a new lover says, not  a problem, I have Herpes  too,  You should probably use a barrier method, like a condom, until more than six months have passed ,   you have been tested,   and know you are not carrying any of these and neither is he.  Reality is, when you have sex with someone new, anyone, for a time you are open to catching anything anyone he ever slept with had - and did not know. If he turns out to have this welcome door for STD's too, the come and go herpes sore, even the size of a pin,  it is worth the precaution.

    Also, the type of herpes you get on your genitals is spread to your eyes, usually by touching or eye rubbing with your hands.  Not an internal transmission,   but serious as after several years, it can cause blindness, and usually is not detected until your vision starts to go.
    Wash your hands and forearms, thoroughly, regularly.  After sex,  wash them well before going to sleep - people often eye rub without realizing it when dropping off to sleep and waking up.Your partner too.   So many guys do not wash hands after handling themselves.  Preventing blindness is a good reason.

    I once worked in a place converted from an old elementary school.the entrance to the mens and womens  room was side by side, each had a long row of stalls.  Then there was one large room with a double row of sinks when men and women washed.
    Right after we moved into this building some upset females including me noted that over 50% of the male medical personnel, food service workers, and teachers of the severely disabled children, walked through to the exit and   did not wash their hands.  Uck.  Some do not bother except before eating when in their own home.   Especially after sex with herpes on board, it is  necessary, guys especially. 
    Watch a guy take off a condominium   with possible herpes on it, by holding the outside-  takes a prompt sometimes  to go wash your hands!. 
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from CT-DC. Show CT-DC's posts

    Re: I Have Herpes and I Need Advice

    In Response to Re: I Have Herpes and I Need Advice:
    "CT.DC, your post was very well put, but please allow me to add that you can pass herpes even when you are not having a flareup." posted by kargiver

    That's true, which is why a HUGE percentage of the population has herpes!  And why you can't always be sure the person you are with at the time you are diagnosed is the one who gave it to you, since the first flareup isn't alwaysl that harsh - my second was the one that sent me to the doc! For me I knew who gave it to me, but if someone moves partners every few months, it might not be who you think it is.

    But on the other hand, I've been with my husband for 41/2 years now, and he doesn't have g enital herpes even though we probably have had sex near a flareup no matter how hard you try not to because you get the tell-tale tingle (if you get it) a day or two before the flareup, but the herpes might be transmitting the day or so before... it's an insidious STD.  And, yes, we used barrier protection at the beginning of our relationship, but not after a while.  And certainly not if we were trying to get pregnant!

    And "the kind of herpes you get genitally" can be either Herpes 1 or Herpes 2 - although H1 is usually what's on your mouth and H2 is usually what is "down there" (tee hee) - it depends on HOW the herpes was transmitted.  If you "crossed paths" then H2 can jump to the other person's mouth, or H1 can settle "down there" on the other partner. The only way you'll know if you have Herpes 1 or 2 is to have the sore cultured when you have a flareup. 

    Just don't stay with someone because you don't think you'll ever be able to find someone again with the diagnosis of an STD.  It's not a good enough reason.

    Wishing the OP months and months and months between flareups! I don't remember my last flareup, but my Valtrex is ready and kept updated just in case.......
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: I Have Herpes and I Need Advice


    CT.DC thanks for sharing your story for the OP.  I'm sure it was very encouraging and it took a lot of guts, even in anonymity, to give the details.

    To clarify, anyone with herpes will always have it.  The flareups become less frequent (dramatically decreasing after 6 months), but you will always have the virus in your nervous system and can always pass it to a partner, although the chances diminish over time.

    To the OP, CT.DC's best point (IMO) was that staying with your current boyfriend simply because you think no one else will have you is a disaster for you.  You're better off single than with a man who is wrong for you, and so many people have STDs that you aren't nearly alone, and life will go on without him whether you're with someone else right away or not.
     
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