Re: Is he a cheater or just a guy?
posted at 1/3/2011 5:43 AM EST
In Response to Re: Is he a cheater or just a guy?
[QUOTE]This is the OP just adding a little more info to answer some questions. He is taking the job in another city because he will be making almost double his salary and he is in a profession where it is tough to find a job right now. Also, his calls are not "check up" calls. We talk quite a few times a day and I enjoy it as much as he does. I go out with friends and he never checks on me when I am out with them so I don't think he is obsessive. He is keeping an apt. here and plans to come back every other weekend to spend with his kids and with me (I spend his kid weekends with them now). I work from home so the plan was for me to spend 2 weeks (including weekends) a month there with him. So basically he would not have any free weekends and pretty much only about 10-12 days a month where we would not be together. The job will also be very intense and so he will be working very long hours. He is also paying for one of my flights, I would pay for the other (he has already bought some of the tickets). I have not confronted him yet, he has his kids this week and we just spent alot of time together with them. What gets me is WHY he would do this. Why would he make an elaborate plan to continue our relationship (the plan is also that by 6 months, I would move there permanantly), a plan that is going to cost him money, keep me in his children's lives and his family's, if he is not commited to this? I know that I need to face the reality that this is not right, but I just cannot grasp why a guy would do this. Wouldn't it be easier to just back out now? We just had a discussion last week about it all since he is leaving in 2 weeks, and he was adamant that he is commited to this. Do you think he is crazy?
Posted by CambridgeGrl2[/QUOTE]
Number one, I said "check in calls", not "check up calls". Anyone who calls to 'check in' or 'just say hi' several times a day is either 15, seriously insecure, or needs to grow up. It's bizarre.
Number two, he is not crazy. You are, if you can't figure out what is going on. It's really simple: He is not that into you. He is moving and either wants to have his cake and eat it too [you in one city and someone else in another] or is singing you a song and telling you what you want to hear until he finds a replacement for you in his new city. I don't care if he tells you that you are going to visit often. Even if that is the case [and I doubt you will visit that city more than 2x before he dumps you], men still manage to find ways to cheat on their wives when they live in the same house. The man has a dating profile up in another city where he is moving. This clearly says "I'm looking for a woman". And that woman is not you.
The fact that he has kids just makes this worse. It really speaks to a low character that he is going to spend this much time on online dating, string along another woman in his old city, and spend time that he could spend w/ his kids looking for a new woman.
Long distance relationships CAN work, and moving to another city to make significantly more money in a profession where it's hard to find a job is adimriable. His committment to his profession, however, is the only thing that is admirable about this guy. If you want to consider seeing him until he gives you the boot, go right ahead, but I don't see the point in wasting your time.