Is it an Affair

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from SlimPickensII. Show SlimPickensII's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    Sounds like the OP needs to upgrade her friends.  And probably the husband too. It's not clear what he brings to the table,  but it sounds like communication, honesty, financial solvency, intimacy and sex, are all out of the picture.  Why would you keep a loser like that around?

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    Hey, BW.  Be careful - with comments like that you'll be Sage III - can you handle the burden?  Cool
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    The marriage is in a crisis point for a reason. Hubby finding it easier to communicate elsewhere is a symptom of the underlying breakdown. Instead of focusing on this symptom, try and identify the cause of the rot in the marriage and get it back on track. 
    If it was a strong marriage it would have easily warded off an attack by someone else sniffing about. It has gone stale. Identify why and get back on track. 
    Why can't the poster communicate with her hubby is the real question?

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from catnmouse. Show catnmouse's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    Dear O' dear....I can't believe she actually had the nerve to tell you she holds his attention better than you!  Cut that friendship short NOW!  Clearly not a friend of yours.  Have you talked to your husband?  I would have no tolerance for this, he is almost certainly sleeping with her after this amount of time, is this the kind of man you want to be married to?  If I were you I would cut him out of your life too :(
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from TheTinMan. Show TheTinMan's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    Difficult to say for certain, but with this much time, if it hasn't gotten physical in person, it's gotten physical on the phone.
    AriesGirl is right--if hubby isn't open about his actions, there's a problem.
    And your "friend" telling you that she is able to hold YOUR husband's interest better than you--that is a complete slap in the face.  She just said you're second place for your husband.
    If you haven't already, it's time to have a discussion with your husband about all this.  And since you found out because of the service cancellation and the large bill, DO NOT cow under any accusations that you are snooping and don't trust him.  You've spoken to your "friend", so your husband already knows you know.
    Also agree with Plasko, this is a symptom of something else wrong in your relationship.  That doesn't mean it's your fault.
    Sorry you have to go through this.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from 3brontes. Show 3brontes's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    Are you kidding???  It doesn't matter what you call it, it is a problem!!  I'd have a serious talk with both my husband and my "friend" to find out what is going on. I bet he doesn't speak to you 3 hours a day.  Time to question how your marriage is doing. This could be your wakeup call.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from beesue. Show beesue's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    Oh my goodness....sounds like more than a phone affair to me. I would try and get to the nitty gritty. I'm sorry red...you must be so hurt. Unless he comes clean it will be tough to trust him again. And as far as this attention seeking friend of yours, I'd smack her silly.....how inconsiderate she is.

    Hi people...hope everyoneis doing well. Aries...what about that drink we keep talking about ?
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Coffee52. Show Coffee52's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    The so-called friend's haughty attitude is inexcusable. No shame or remorse, or even embarrassment.  With friends like these (you know the rest).  First, tell her she's no longer a friend and stick to it.  Then tell your husband that either he works on your marriage, including being willing to confront what he sees in this 'friend' as opposed to you, or it's over.  If he won't 'man up' and admit that this is inappropriate behavior, then he's not really in the marriage - and as I said in my prior post, I have been married and had many women friends that were not accompanied by any confusion such as exists here.  So it's not that I'm some cave dweller who can't have a very close relationship with a member of the opposite sex; I can and I do now, and a good marriage can't be theatened by such friendships, and in fact they are often indicative of a strong marriage.

    And as for those who suggest that there must be something wrong with the marriage, that is one possibility, but the other is that there's something wrong with him, i.e., his character.  Some people just don't have the depth to exist and thrive in a committed relationship, and there's nothing "wrong with the marriage," but rather, it's something wrong with them and they are just not marriage material. 

    Hang in there Red. You sound like a mature and responsible person who wants to do things right, and  you deserve just as much in return.  I hope you come through this as well as can be expecdted.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    Well since friend has openly been a bi+ch maybe its time to let her husband know all about the phonecalls to see if he can nip it off at his end of things?

    Also, we are all assuming that poster is the victim so far. But what if she is the sort that never listen to hubby or pays attention to what's going on in his life? There are many women out there who think a man is only a chauffeur-walking-wallet-odd-job-man combo, and love to control their hubbies. Perhaps he just can't talk to her cause she just never listens, and he feels smothered and ignored?
    Does she take interest in his likes? Do they have days where he decides what they are going to do? Is there an equal partnership/respect relationship going on or is it always cuckold-time?
    Or maybe she has gained like a 100lbs in the past few years and he just doesn't find her attractive anymore, but can't bring himself to ask her to lose the weight as she is over-sensitive? 
    What does "friend" have that she lacks? 

    Maybe the people who are in long-term relationships can give tips on how to keep the sparkle in the marriage? How do you guys keep it fresh and alive after many years? Lets give this lady some tips.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ariesgirl. Show ariesgirl's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    In Response to Re: Is it an Affair:
    [QUOTE]Oh my goodness....sounds like more than a phone affair to me. I would try and get to the nitty gritty. I'm sorry red...you must be so hurt. Unless he comes clean it will be tough to trust him again. And as far as this attention seeking friend of yours, I'd smack her silly.....how inconsiderate she is. Hi people...hope everyoneis doing well. Aries...what about that drink we keep talking about ?
    Posted by beesue[/QUOTE]

    I must be drinking far too much these days because I don't recall these conversations at all...... In fact, I don't know who you are! 
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from beesue. Show beesue's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    In Response to Re: Is it an Affair:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it an Affair : I must be drinking far too much these days because I don't recall these conversations at all...... In fact, I don't know who you are! 
    Posted by ariesgirl[/QUOTE]


    It's tru...somehow my old screen name beesue pops up instead.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from ariesgirl. Show ariesgirl's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    In Response to Re: Is it an Affair:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it an Affair : It's tru...somehow my old screen name beesue pops up instead.
    Posted by beesue[/QUOTE]

    Well, that's a relief and it solves the mystery!  Sure, I'm up for a drink.....
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from bellavita29. Show bellavita29's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    Dear LW,

    I think you know the answer.  Being sneaky about 3 hour phone calls is a bad sign.  The "friend's" response to you is a bad sign.  I wouldn't even bother telling her she isn't your friend anymore.  I'd never speak with her again.  The fact that she said that horrible thing to you means she is actively trying to snag him.

    I'd get the phone company to send you a transcript of the texts.  Then you will know for sure.

    As for him, I'd be protecting myself financially and urging him to get to therapy with you.

    Sorry, Good luck...
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    Hi Aries! Just checking in.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from ariesgirl. Show ariesgirl's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    n Response to Re: Is it an Affair:
    [QUOTE]Hi Aries! Just checking in.
    Posted by calmdown[/QUOTE]'

    Happy April Fools day Calm.......... hope you plan accordingly.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from strangelovely. Show strangelovely's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    God, this is so sad. ANY type of secrets from your spouse is bad. Period. You need to explore why you and your husband aren't connecting, why is the intimacy gone and what can you do to reconnect. And I don't care what you say...if someone is spending that much time connecting with an adult of the opposite sex, then there is NO WAY the intention is innocent. Both parties are feeding their lonely ego's, trying to justify it under the guise of "just friends" and hurting both their spouse, their kids, the other party involved AND themselves. Trust me, I'm ashamed to admit that I've been on both ends of this question and honestly, this isn't as much about blaming him, but looking at how you let him treat you in all aspects of your marriage and what are you going to do about it. Self reflection, not anger or blame, is the key. And some good old fashioned humility (you and him) and admitting that you BOTH are responsible for the disconnect. You BOTH are responsible for getting it back on track. If he won't stop ALL contact with her and reconnect with you then you have to let him go. Good luck darlin".
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from 5thtry. Show 5thtry's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    In Response to Is it an Affair:
    [QUOTE]Is it considered having an affair if you find your husband is talking an average of 3 hours per day via cell phone and texting consistently with your best friend (who is also married)?  I just discovered that this has been going on for 3 months when my cell phone provider turned off our phones because he had rung up a bill of $600.00  Need some advice
    Posted by red22[/QUOTE]
    yes.  an affair can be emotional as well as physical, no diff to me.

    if it isn't already going on, i would think it's just a matter of time.  we all have male friends, but i don't know of any that i would call every day for 3 hrs.  have him and her pay the phone bill and have a serious talk w your so-called g/f and your so-called b/f.  it bothers you, tell them and if they keep it up say good riddance.  i believe they're up to no good.  don't they each have friends to call beside each other.  do they talk to you for 3 hrs. a day on the phone.

    if they're planning a party for you, never mind.

    just happened by.



    hi aries
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from ariesgirl. Show ariesgirl's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    Hey 5th how are you? 
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    Aries, I keep missing you. I did want to hear an update from red though.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from ariesgirl. Show ariesgirl's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    Hello Calm, I didn't recognize your new photo.......... charming but I miss the antelope type animal pic.  Yes, an update would be good but we rarely ever get them! 
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from 5thtry. Show 5thtry's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    In Response to Re: Is it an Affair:
    [QUOTE]Hey 5th how are you? 
    Posted by ariesgirl[/QUOTE]


    hangin in.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from ariesgirl. Show ariesgirl's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    n Response to Re: Is it an Affair:
    [QUOTE]Aries, I keep missing you. I did want to hear an update from red though.
    Posted by calmdown[/QUOTE]

    Calm, is that the bridge where we met?  Where you talked me off the ledge just to put me back up there so to speak?  Good times.........
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from angelinastones. Show angelinastones's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    well if i were you i would consider that as a affair!=D well, as you could see that 3hours call per day, 21hours a week, 84hours a month. Then, he is not telling you about it? you just have to go to a counseling.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from reindeergirl. Show reindeergirl's posts

    Re: Is it an Affair

    I wish some of you smarties would post in LL. We could use some fresh blood in there. Srsly.
     
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