Re: Marriage Counseling Recommendations - Waltham Area
posted at 7/24/2013 8:48 AM EDT
Giz, I think you'll be best served by interviewing a few. There are many different philosophies regarding what a "good marriage" looks like and therapists to match. Yes, basic communication skills will transcend this, but it will help you the most if you align with the total picture that your therapist holds. Religion, or the lack thereof, is a huge consideration, as well as how "progressive" or "conservative" their view is of the roles in marriage.
I guess what I'm saying is that what therapist one couple finds to be super helpful and on target another couple might despise. Start with geographically convenient ones and ask the following:
1. Do you bring religion into the counseling
2. Define the ideal role of a wife in 1 or 2 sentences
3. Define the ideal role of a husband in 1 or 2 sentences.
4. Are you more apt to utilize behaviorial or cognitive therapy (research the difference and see what you prefer)
If they refuse to answer, I'd move on. Pay attention not only to the answers but how they listen and interact with you. Are they direct? Transparent? Or, evasive? Get a feel for who they are and if you think you and your husband will connect.
And, go into it with both of you understanding that maybe the first one you try might not be the best fit, and that's ok. Give them three visits and evaluate the match.
Real change takes time and practice. Expect to spend 6 months in counseling; find the best match for you. Good therapists will be happy to recommend a collegue that might fit your needs better than they do so be sure to ask instead of just ditching the whole idea if the first one doesn't turn out to be suited.
ETA: there are no right or wrong answers to those questions, per se, just use them to gauge how counseling will go with that person. Listen well, trust your gut.
Discretion is the better part of valor.