My boyfriend and i just broke up about a couple weeks ago. During this couple of weeks i have been crashing at a friends place, but things are not working out with my friend as i hoped. My boyfriend, now ex, and i got an apartment together a few months ago and we ran into some financial situation where we bother lose our jobs (thank god for a landlord who is very understanding and was not planning on kicking us out) which caused our relationship to go down hill. He says still loves me and i still love him, we both agreed after we get out life back on track with working and school we would get back together and get married, but right now is just not the right time to be worrying about a relationship. We both are on the lease and i just found out that there is no way i can get off the lease because he is not qualified to be on it by himself. So i sent him an email last night giving him the facts that the apartment is rightfully mine as it is his and that the living situation with my friend is not working out. He emailed me back today saying " if this is how u want to do this then fine. but remember we are not together anymore. i will come get you tomorrow so have your stuff together!" i am not sure how to take that response so i am just going with the flow and hoping that this living situation works out. While i am there i am not sure what to do, like do i talk to him like nothing is going on and we are just friends or just focus on myself school and work. We want to get back together eventually, i am just not sure how to act when i moved back into the apartment. I/we worked very hard for that apartment and we don't want to just give up and and i don't want him to "walk all over me" he has his moms to go stay with, unlike me i have no one, all my so call friends have bailed on me and my dad will not let me move in with him. What should i do about this whole situation? 

Might i add, when we were together, he was the one who paid all the bills. and after he responded to my email he started joining these dating websites after telling me he is not interested in being in a relationship or anything. Should i talk to him and see whats going on or just focus on me and live out this lease as best as we can?

Something deep down is telling me to be patient, things will work out fine we both just need time. But my head is elling me to freak out and second guesss everytrhing. i want to just think that with him working a lot now he joined thoes sites to just make friends. We both are trying to find ourselves in the lord, but i am not so sure if he really trying or its just satan tempting him.  HELP ME PLEASE!!! I wants some advice before he comes and get me in the morning.

I would not live with someone that I was uncomfortable with.

I would stay at a shelter if I had to.

I would stay out all day looking for a job, and regroup.

I would work on relationships with family.

I would keep the ex at arms length till I got on my feet.

I would seek free legal counsel to clarify obligations regarding the lease on the apartment asap.....this could come back to bite you, affect your credit rating etc.

But, of course, only you can decide what's right for you.

" if this is how u want to do this then fine. but remember we are not together anymore

 

this doesn't  sound like someone that says "i still love you " 

 going through a rough patch like this and you @ BF breakup? you lost your job! it's not the end of world . Does this sound like someone you would want to make a life with down the road? every time things get a little tough you or he bail out of relat ? - not to mention the fact he's surfing dating sites a couple weeks after the  break up

as above poster mentioned i would seek some legal advice on the apartment  situation - at least you'll know where you stand

In response to RockinRobin39's comment:

I have a job but i dont start till end of July.. But i will most definitly try to find a legal counsel and even try talking to the landlord. But i still don't know what to do while im there at the apartment. As far as i know he is always working and never there, but i dont know that for sure since i havent seen or actually talked to him since monday.

In response to yukoncharlie's comment:

I understand where you are coming from that that dont say he still loves me, but the thing is we agreed to take some time apart and just focus on oursleves and get our life going, and i feel he might have said that as, its going to be hard since we going to be under the same roof again. Everyone, which is like 3 people, who i have talked to about this, is saying his mom planned all of this because she was the one who caused him to lose his job and she don't like me. She said she would pay our eant and everything for 2months while we try to find jobs and all that, when time to pay rent came around she claimed she had no money. She desperately wants him to move back in with her but he dont want to do that cause he knows all she do is screw him over and try to run his life. And it's not she dont like me cause she thinks im wrong for him, she dont like any girl he gets with cause she thinks the females are trying to take him away from her. He is the only child out of 4 that still talks to her, cause all she does is try to run everyones life and BS about everything.

About the dating sites, i'm trying to think positive about it and saying he doing it to make friends cause thats what i was wanting when i joined thoes sites. He is still fairly new to town dont really know anyone so ya. I don't know, i'm just at the point kinda where im just focusing on me and what i want out of my life, going to try my best to distant myself from. He will one day realize all i did for him that no one ever and never will do for him.

If you agreed to take some time apart and focus on yourself..then what you are considering is the exact opposite. The fact that you are both so willing to call it quits because you hit a rough patch tells me that you are probably both too young to be in a serious committed relationship and I am glad to hear you are not considering marriage.

Only you know what is right for you..but unless you intend on moving back in with the ex..then I would make it clear to him that since you are legally responsible for the apartment..then it is him who needs to find alternate living arrangements.

I will also add that real, adult relationships that lead to marriage are defined by how the rough patches are handled. I would never be in a relationship with someone who wanted to leave there were job losses or financial difficulties.  But...again..only you know what is right for you.

Anyhow..it sounds like he's moved on..so perhaps you should too.

 

PS..guys don't join dating sites to "make friends"...unless you are referring to friends with benefits.

" Above all..be the heroine in your life..not the victim" Nora Ephron

not to sound criticizing but miscrickets right; i don't know if you 2 are mature enough to carry on adult relat at this time.

my advice, get out of this relat. move on!  

get your head on straight (we all could use a little of that) , stay single for awhile, learn to be alone, but do things with friends @ family , enjoy life. who knows who's around the next corner.

 it sounds like his mother is mischievous and manipulative -  (who is this guy Howard Wolowitz losing her little boy to mean old you ) trying force him to move back home? good grief

  and i think one part of him  allows it too.  You deserve better!

  this imo 

  

In response to yukoncharlie's comment:

LOL he most definitely have moved on but still stuck on me... lol It's seriously the truth. We had a like 2-3 hour talk yesterday when he came and got me... It is kind of funny cause he still wants me, by his body language and the questions he was asking and the things he was sharing with me. Woke up this morning with him scaring the living s**t out of me then asking if i missed him and giving me hugs and pinching my nipples. Now he will see how serious i can be. I love this! I finally have the chance to play games with him, i know games aren't fun but imma take this opportunity. He's the weak one and im the strong one now. The living situation is going to be good, i am not one bit jealous about him seeing other females. If we are meant to be, only time will tell. Not sure how he feels if i was to see someone, but that don't really matter.

I am happy to admit we are pretty young I'm 21 he's 24. This time we had apart though, he is starting to see things differently more maturely, im proud of him.

the email he sent me about if this how imma do things fine and him coming to get me and we not together anymore, he didn't mean it to be an a**. He thought i was being an a** in mine. We misunderstand eachother quiet a bit, but i dont care anymore.

His mom, she made him quit his security job. He only worked there for a few days, good thing his old job call him back to work and gave him a promotion to manager. I am having a blast, can't wait to start my job and school though.

In response to miscricket's comment:

We both are legally responsible for the apartment, but that is not as big a issue as i thought it was going to be. He was the one to call it quits, but im not pointing any fingers. We moved way to fast into the relationship, that was both our fault. As crazy as it is we are like best friends.

well you gotta do,what you gotta do . but my thought is he's keeping you in the wings til maybe something better comes along. (remember him - or still is looking - at dating sites . I guarantee he was looking at these sites long before you 2  broke up) 

  I wouldn't give him the chance , also as long as his mommy's in the picture she's going to be pulling his  strings, he may say one thing , but when push comes to shove she's going to come first.

 A guy that has to play those games ain't man enough for you. IMO