Overly Paranoid

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Fazzio. Show Fazzio's posts

    Overly Paranoid

    I admit I am overly paranoid about my boyfriend cheating on me. Here is why:

    1) I know he's cheated on his past 2 girlfriends. Why? Because it was with me. He said he was in an on and off relationship that wasn't going so well and when I mention to him I'm paranoid about it he says something like "Well I knew I wanted to be with you and I'd do anything to achieve it."

    2) He doesn't know, but whenever he leaves his blackberry around I read his texts and emails. (I know this is bad!) Recently, I found 2 suspicious emails/texts. The first was from a girl I didn't know. They had a short conversation. One line from the girl asked, "Did you c*m?" and he said yes. The end of the email ended with a giant smilie kiss and a muahhh. There was no evidence of physically meeting, so I'm thinking it may be an online 'girlfriend' or someone he uses to get off.

    3) The other day I was reading his texts and I found one from a girl I had met only once. She always texts him (and I assume they always talk online) but he always goes "Ugh she's annoying. I don't want to talk to her." Turns out she came over to pick him up and they went out on Monday. (He recently was laid off so he's home during the days now.) No mention of anything sexual. It's perfectly possible he just needed something to do (hopefully not her). But he never told me this. Instead, he said he went to go see a job recruiter.

    4) We recently had a conversation about how I don't satisfy him as much as he'd like and how I see sex as something that has to be done in a relationship. We have different schedules. I'm a morning person, he's a night person. So usually one of us is too tired. This really concerns me because if he isn't satisfied with me, where is he gonna go? He said the only thing he'd do is look at p*rn but I think that first email explains a little more. It's not like he'd come out and say "I'll just cheat on you." What do you guys think? Is he cheating because he's not being satisfied or am I just overly paranoid?

    Background: I'm 21, he's 26. He's had one very serious girlfriend in the past. We've been going out for about 2 years.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from tgihal. Show tgihal's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    You probably do not want to read what people are going to write, but you are not being paranoid, your boyfriend is a liar and a cheater. 

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from bostonguy101. Show bostonguy101's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    Do you want to get him back?  Add me as a friend and send me a message...I have an idea..
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    Hopefully, you've learned your lesson about being the other woman.  The other woman ALWAYS gets cheated on because of your point #1.

    Break up with this man, and go forward only dating single men.

    P.S.  Forget about getting him back.  Not to sound unfeeling, but you got what you deserve for being the one who hurt the girlfriend he had before you.  Grow up, move on, and raise the integrity* bar in your life.

    *Integrity may be seen as the quality of having a sense of honesty and truthfulness in regard to the motivations for one's actions. The term "hypocrisy" is used in contrast to integrity for asserting that one part of a value system demonstrably conflicts with another, and to demand that the parties holding apparently conflicting values account for the discrepancy or change their beliefs to improve internal consistency. (Wikipedia)
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Fazzio. Show Fazzio's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    I didn't know he was dating those girls at the time. The first time I had personally heard him say to the girl it's over. I was right in the room. It stayed that way for a month, which is when everything went down. I have no idea, but they were probably still 'seeing each other' in that off month. When I rejected him (because I was a freshmen who wasn't ready for a serious relationship yet) he tried to make things work with her. The second time I was visiting family for the summer so I had no idea what was going on over here. He never mentioned anything so I didn't think anything of it. It was only until I came back I realized he had a girlfriend over the summer. It only happened twice. It's not like stuff went down every weekend. After that he gave up on trying to go out with other girls and focused only on me. Everyone actually thought we were dating for about a year when we weren't. When I realized he'd never give up I said why not. I think I'm ready. And here we are today.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from BlueOnTheDole. Show BlueOnTheDole's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    Start packing, at least emotionally if u don't already live with this dirty dog half of Two and a Half Men.  Good lord, this one was easy.  

    Blue, Upside Down Pineapple Cake (Free)


     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    You are 21.  Don't waste time dealing w/ this guy's drama. At 26 he is old enough to know how to act.  Dump him and move on.  You are not being paranoid.  He is cheating on you. You don't need a neon sign to see that.  It's more than obvious. 
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    Whether you knew or not, he cheated on others with you.  He's cheating on you now.  He's a cheater, "every weekend" or not. Why even consider staying with this poor excuse for a man?  If you stay with him, you must believe that you deserve to be treated like rubbish.  If you abuse yourself by devaluing your life others certainly will, too.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    Fazzio, why would you ever want to be with a man who you knows cheats?? He cheated on his last two girlfriends...with you. Therefore, you know for a fact he is a cheater. Break up with him...now. He is not worth your time or your pain.

    He is pathetic and in the end will end up alone and cheating on every woman he is every with...I truly believe that.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from trublusu. Show trublusu's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    Please dump the schlump and find someone better!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from chrispatriotsox. Show chrispatriotsox's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    In Response to Overly Paranoid:
    [QUOTE]I admit I am overly paranoid about my boyfriend cheating on me. Here is why: 1) I know he's cheated on his past 2 girlfriends. Why? Because it was with me. He said he was in an on and off relationship that wasn't going so well and when I mention to him I'm paranoid about it he says something like "Well I knew I wanted to be with you and I'd do anything to achieve it." 2) He doesn't know, but whenever he leaves his blackberry around I read his texts and emails. (I know this is bad!) Recently, I found 2 suspicious emails/texts. The first was from a girl I didn't know. They had a short conversation. One line from the girl asked, "Did you c*m?" and he said yes. The end of the email ended with a giant smilie kiss and a muahhh. There was no evidence of physically meeting, so I'm thinking it may be an online 'girlfriend' or someone he uses to get off. 3) The other day I was reading his texts and I found one from a girl I had met only once. She always texts him (and I assume they always talk online) but he always goes "Ugh she's annoying. I don't want to talk to her." Turns out she came over to pick him up and they went out on Monday. (He recently was laid off so he's home during the days now.) No mention of anything sexual. It's perfectly possible he just needed something to do (hopefully not her). But he never told me this. Instead, he said he went to go see a job recruiter. 4) We recently had a conversation about how I don't satisfy him as much as he'd like and how I see sex as something that has to be done in a relationship. We have different schedules. I'm a morning person, he's a night person. So usually one of us is too tired. This really concerns me because if he isn't satisfied with me, where is he gonna go? He said the only thing he'd do is look at p*rn but I think that first email explains a little more. It's not like he'd come out and say "I'll just cheat on you." What do you guys think? Is he cheating because he's not being satisfied or am I just overly paranoid? Background: I'm 21, he's 26. He's had one very serious girlfriend in the past. We've been going out for about 2 years.
    Posted by Fazzio[/QUOTE]

    heres a thought

    you might not be getting out of this relationship what you need, and your looking to catch him cheating because that's the easiest way out.

    he must not be meeting your emotional needs because if your so hell bent to catch him you want out but don't know how to say it. 

     
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from tgihal. Show tgihal's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    Chris
    You make an excellent point.

    Keep up the good work.

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from ambergirl. Show ambergirl's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    I agree with Kargiver, as usual :)  Be honest with yourself.  If you need to "check your boyfriends emails and text" you already have your answer.  The text message asking him if he c*m was gross in itself and he answered it.  Why does he have to be physical to be cheating???  He is cheating on you mentally which is as bad to me.  He went out with another girl. He is complaining you don't satisfy him.  Do you need to be hit over the head?  I think you already have your answer and just need us to tell you.  You can do much better.  Dump him, find yourself, love yourself and then you may be ready for a real relationship.  You are worth it and keep telling yourself that.  Good luck.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Fazzio. Show Fazzio's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    Thanks for your help everyone. I was doing some thinking about it and there are a few things that do bother me....his lack of hygiene and helping me around the house namely. He'll only do stuff if I tell him to and even then I'll be lucky if it gets done. He doesn't believe in doctors or dentists because they kill people and are out to make money so he never goes to see one. On the other hand...I still feel he treats me well. He takes me out for dinner and buys pretty much everything when we go out with the exception of alcohol. I buy groceries and stuff for the home. He knew I was upset about a week ago because I didn't get the job I wanted and he came home with a rose and ice cream cake to make me feel better. So he does think about me. And I do feel he cares. But I guess there are a lot of things he thinks are ok that I don't. Like when he goes to strip clubs and a few financial matters (I save, he's a spender.)

    I actually mentioned it to him...again...the other day (about the satisfaction) and he pretty much yelled at me for 'blowing this out of proportion' and that I was the one who started this (somehow) and was saying I'll ruin this relationship if I don't stop.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    Glad to see you talked yourself into staying in a lousy relationship.  So icecream cake and a rose are enough to overlook his cheating past and his texting w/ some girl that he uses for phone sex??  The fact that he has phone sex w/ another live person who is not an operator for a 1-900 line is scary enough.  And you think this is okay?!  Seriously, at 21 you don't need this drama. You don't need it at any age actually.  And he has a hygiene issue on top of all of his other lovely qualities?  Seriously, guys like this get worse over time, not better. Find a new guy who treats you well, doesn't cheat, and who knows how to use soap.  Youth is fleeting.  Use it while you have it.   2 years was long enough to waste on this dude. 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    You are in an abusive relationship.  Abusers always turn the problem into their target's fault - yours.  They also always say the cheating/hitting/whatever will "never happen again" when they come bearing flowers.

    If you think emotional abuse is being "treated well" I shudder to think what happened to you in your childhood.

    Get out and seek help figuring out what a healthy relationship looks like.  Be sure not to consult the mirror for that one.

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from 7x4. Show 7x4's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    Cheaters cheat.

    End of story.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from ambergirl. Show ambergirl's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    You need to figure out why your are settling for less than a man.  Usually that is a self esteem problem and you don't think you deserve better.  I sincerely hope you get rid of him and get some counseling.  After all the good advice you got here, I also get the impression you are staying with him.  Like we keep saying, you deserve better.  You are accepting crumbs..
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    fazzio, call me.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from lukes58. Show lukes58's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    the hygiene thing creeps me out more than anything else
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from bolter. Show bolter's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    you should listen to the chicks here. they know.

    some of em are so smart they been cheated on twice or more.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from BlueOnTheDole. Show BlueOnTheDole's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    who gives a hell what he'll do in the future (I don't believe it's a given that once cheater always cheater - he just didn't give a cucky about current girl, doesn't mean he won't count his lucky stars w/ the next one.)

    anyway, who gives a hell what he'll do in the future?  what he's doing now to orig. poster is kinda yucky and kinda yucky she's puttin up with it
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from BlueOnTheDole. Show BlueOnTheDole's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    "He takes me out for dinner and buys pretty much everything when we go out with the exception of alcohol."

    OK WHAT?  Does he ask you for $10 for that martini you downed but will pay for the real food items?  Is his name Calmdown?

    More to the point, responding to yr paragraph as a whole, people who treat you really bad will treat you good, once in awhile - ALWAYS.  

    Look at the big pic.  Do a pros and cons list if u need to, but I really don't think u need to.  And if both sides end up being equal, pay attention to content.  For example, if one con is a prior murder conviction, give that side more weight.  Murder, abuse, etc. = really bad.

    Blue, Making Things Simple While Living For Free
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    Sorry, but you need to get out of this relationship.  You are just going to keep making excuses for him and somehow think that the small things that he does for you like buying you ice cream cake make up for his behavior.  He shouldn't need to buy you things to make you happy, you should be happy because he is there for you. 
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    I think it's sweet that he offers to apply the makeup to cover your bruises.
     

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