Overly Paranoid

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from BigWillie2. Show BigWillie2's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    In Response to Re: Overly Paranoid:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Overly Paranoid : Hi Will - why did you move to Lowell? What is a dog on a stick? I haven't been on b.com, facebook, yahoo ect... in a while, I'm losing interest in this non-communication communication. What's been going on ?
    Posted by trublusu[/QUOTE]

    She lives!  I'll send you an email in a bit. 
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from TarheelChief. Show TarheelChief's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    It sounds to me like you will be paranoid because you were born that way,but even paranoids have real enemies-- it gives them purpose in life.
    Foolish young men and women,and even more foolish elderly men and women believe they  control events and other people.
    If this were true,which it is not,then everyone would be like the geese who mate for life.Besides some people are very good cheaters and lovers.
    You are the sly one who reads his blackberry,he should simply put some really salacious messages on his machine to  get you to admit you were spying on him.
    After you  read Dear Abby  and watched reality TV it might be better if you saw yourself without him with someone better. Select a suitable victim and get to work.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    I agree with this theory. I think the chances of the cheater re-offending depends on who what where when and how if the cheating.
    I think "once a cheater always a cheater" takes the responsibility off of the cheater, chalks it up their nature, makes it something they can't control. It can be controlled, if you are willing to find the root cause. Sort of like how you have to find out why you drink before you can stop being an alcoholic.
    Whether or not you should stay with the cheater depends on if they truly willing to find the root cause and change for good, and if you want to invest your time and energy in that process.

    In Response to Re: Overly Paranoid:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Overly Paranoid : I really think it depends on the situation.  I think a lot of people cheat when they are young and immature, but would never consider doing so after meeting "the one." Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    In Response to Re: Overly Paranoid:
    [QUOTE]I agree with this theory. I think the chances of the cheater re-offending depends on who what where when and how if the cheating. I think "once a cheater always a cheater" takes the responsibility off of the cheater, chalks it up their nature, makes it something they can't control. It can be controlled, if you are willing to find the root cause. Sort of like how you have to find out why you drink before you can stop being an alcoholic. Whether or not you should stay with the cheater depends on if they truly willing to find the root cause and change for good, and if you want to invest your time and energy in that process. In Response to Re: Overly Paranoid :
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    I agree somewhat, but not with the idea that the old saying takes responsibility off of the cheater for it's "just being his/her nature," but instead warns someone to not assume that if something drastic isn't done to correct the root causes that that person will cheat again.  You are right; there are root causes of cheating.  So, unless that person works on those issues, they will always be a cheater.  Most people, in my experience, do not do what it takes to remedy their deep seated issues.  So, the maxim remains mostly true.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Fazzio. Show Fazzio's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    He told me the only reason he flirted with me and made a move while he was dating his other girlfriends was because he really wanted to be with me. (I know that's still not an excuse for cheating.) All the other guys just wanted sex...but he was the only one who actually wanted a relationship and chased after me for a year until I said yes. While I can't be positively sure he never went after another girl because I wasn't with him 24 hours a day, I used to spend a lot of time at his apartment...and i mean I pretty much slept on their couch for a year and 24 hours a day on weekends. I'd go to parties and out for dinner with him and his roommates and his friends...and he never went after any other girl. And I never heard anyone say anything about any other girls. He had his eyes set on me and was determined to make me his girlfriend. Sometimes I feel he flirted with me more than his own girlfriend. Other times I feel like he just dated other girls to use them to make me jealous and want to go out with him.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    God, you really ARE 21, aren't you?  If someone wants to be with another person and is dating someone else, they break up w/ their current love interest FIRST [if they have any decency, that is] so  that they are free to pursue the other person.  They don't keep a 'safety girl' on the side while they pursue their one true love.  If I saw a guy acting like this while pursuing me, I'd tell him to take a hike b/c there is no way in hell that I'd go out w/ someone who treated other people like that.  Just like I'd not go on a second date w/ a guy if he was rude to the wait staff at a restaurant.  But keep talking yourself into staying in a craptastic relationship. You are doing a pretty good job of putting the blinders on tight.  You sound like you would benefit from taking a break from dating to finish your degree and to acquire some self-esteem. 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    Well said, ALF, as usual!!!

    But, alas, I think she's too young and doesn't have real-life role models to reenforce our wisdom.   She is modeling destructive behavior she learned very well from her mom.  That's powerful training for good or bad.  I have no hope of persuading her to get out of that situation because she just doesn't fathom the terrible danger of scr*wing up her whole life she's in.  I can't convince her.  So, I'm not posting here anymore, but I sure wish her the best.

    Fazzio, last call here from me.  I'm sorry you learned self defeating behavior from the one who should have modeled how to love and respect yourself, your mom.  Hopefully, you grow up soon and make different choices than she did.  Otherwise, you'll be destined to repeat ALL her mistakes and live with ALL of the ramifications thereof.

    Blessings our young one,
    ~kar
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    Honestly, kar, I'm pretty convinced at this point that the OP is a troll and posting MUD b/c NO ONE could act this stupidly. Okay, they could, but they wouldn't be posting on a chat board looking for advice about it.  Or maybe I give people too much credit and they really ARE this dumb. 
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    In Response to Re: Overly Paranoid:
    [QUOTE]Honestly, kar, I'm pretty convinced at this point that the OP is a troll and posting MUD b/c NO ONE could act this stupidly. Okay, they could, but they wouldn't be posting on a chat board looking for advice about it.  Or maybe I give people too much credit and they really ARE this dumb. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]

    Usually, I'm the first cynic, but this time I think it's real unless he/she is unusually adept at sounding like an immature thinker.  It's hard to pretend that well, IMO.  Either way, though, I'm done with her.  I've said all I know to say and can't think of one thing more to add.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from GirlyGirl82. Show GirlyGirl82's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    I have not read the whole thread, but, I would say you should dump this guy. You are only 21 and while it is hard to get over someone you love, at 21 you have so many opportunities out there for you!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from 7x4. Show 7x4's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    In Response to Re: Overly Paranoid:
    [QUOTE]Once a cheater, not always a cheater, except for 99.9% of the time!
    Posted by trublusu[/QUOTE]

    A tennis ball that is 99% "out" is 100% "in".
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from DrGonzoEsq. Show DrGonzoEsq's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    In Response to Re: Overly Paranoid:
    [QUOTE]God, you really ARE 21, aren't you?  If someone wants to be with another person and is dating someone else, they break up w/ their current love interest FIRST [if they have any decency, that is] so  that they are free to pursue the other person.  They don't keep a 'safety girl' on the side while they pursue their one true love.  If I saw a guy acting like this while pursuing me, I'd tell him to take a hike b/c there is no way in hell that I'd go out w/ someone who treated other people like that.  Just like I'd not go on a second date w/ a guy if he was rude to the wait staff at a restaurant.  But keep talking yourself into staying in a craptastic relationship. You are doing a pretty good job of putting the blinders on tight.  You sound like you would benefit from taking a break from dating to finish your degree and to acquire some self-esteem. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]


    Can we please just give ALF his own advice column?  It'd be way better than the other chick who does that now for the Globe.

    Carry on.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    Thanks.

    BTW, I'm a she.  :-)
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    I second the vote for ALF's column!  Who needs that law degree, right?! 
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Yoshimi25. Show Yoshimi25's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    OK, a little late with this comment, but of course he treats you well.  How else is he going to convince you to pay all the bills while he sleeps with every woman he can?  A man that does the laundry or grocery shopping or listens to you when your upset is a fine example of "treating someone well".  A couple of cr*p presents is just buying your affection.  He's trying to keep you convinced that you are "the one who tamed his ways and changed him."  Its a load of cr*p.   You're 21.  You should consider this your first lesson in the ways of Love.  Make sure you learn from it.

    He's cheating.  It has nothing to do with him not being satisfied at home.    He's cheating.  If you are OK with sharing him with other women, fine.  If not, get out fast.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from railgirl. Show railgirl's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    LOL.  Let's see....FAT, smelly not the kind of guy that other girls fall all over...???  Isn't that what she said??

    This thread can't be for real.  Maybe the poor thing just needs someone to talk to.  Hard to believe that a fat, smelly guy (that makes her pay for own drinks) has all these women so mesmerized that they are having text s e x with him.

    But then again, she didn't say where she was writing from.  Could be some poor podunk farmhouse in the Midwest or down on the Bayou!

    It's 96 degrees today and I'm making myself sick talking about fat, smelly guys!
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from bolter. Show bolter's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    In Response to Re: Overly Paranoid:
    [QUOTE] It's 96 degrees today and I'm making myself sick talking about fat, smelly guys!
    Posted by railgirl[/QUOTE]

    you could alweys just shut your yap
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from bee1022. Show bee1022's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    In Response to Re: Overly Paranoid:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Overly Paranoid : heres a thought you might not be getting out of this relationship what you need, and your looking to catch him cheating because that's the easiest way out. he must not be meeting your emotional needs because if your so hell bent to catch him you want out but don't know how to say it.   
    Posted by chrispatriotsox[/QUOTE]

    you have a point there.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from RogerTaylor. Show RogerTaylor's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    As someone who was cheated on....you are not paranoid, you are CORRECT he is cheating on you....

    Your To Do List:

    (1) Dump him, move out, move on...
    (2) Get tested for STD's & AID's...
    and
    (3) Refuse to be a doormat for others

    Cheaters always cheat!  A leopard never changes its spots.......
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from catnmouse. Show catnmouse's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    This person is either a troll or dumb as a stump. Alf and Kar have given good advice and all this person has done is come up with the most lame excuses anyone could possibly come up with.  I wont even waste my time with advice
     
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  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from catnmouse. Show catnmouse's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    LOL slim....didn't even notice!!! ahahahaha
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from JeepersCripes. Show JeepersCripes's posts

    Re: Overly Paranoid

    When you get to the point of snooping, its time for the relationship to end. He is not being honest with you, and you, are not being honest with him. This is clearyly a dysfuntional relationship. You know how I know? Because I did the same thing with my ex. Though we didnt meet by anyone cheating (or well, I think he may have been seeing someone and lying about it) my gut was telling me things were off. Low and behold, a couple phone calls and e-mails later, he was describing himself as single. Apparently he forgot about me and our child. It got to a point where I HAD to check every day. Not healthy by any means. I confronted him about it, he obviously lied (not realizing I actually ended up calling these women myself) and subsequently our relationship ended. I swore, if I ever got to a point in a relationship where I felt the need to snoop, that I would 1. Talk to the person first and 2. End the relationship.

    There is no excuse/reason to stick around. If you dont trust him, then you dont have a foundation for a relationship. Dragging this out, is just going to make you more bitter and angry and more hurt.
     

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