re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from GirlFriday44. Show GirlFriday44's posts

    re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Hi. I posted this in "jobs" but thought I might get a few responses here. Thank you.

     My husband works in Human Resources and his boss is female. His boss suggested that they rent a house together at a good price, rather than stay at a hotel in seperate room for a week long business conference. This would be a cost savings to the company. It would either be just the two of them and possibly another single woman. His boss is newly divorced. Spouses have been welcome in the past, however, I was told not this time. My husband has no issue with it, however, acknowledges that they probably would not think it is OK for other employees in their company. I know his boss fairly well and I am not too concerned that she is up to anything, I just find this incredibly inappropriate. This is not a small, family run business. Am I overthinking this or should a company not send employees to a conference where they cannot/do not provide proper arangements? Shouldn't the HR department set the example for proper business relationships?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Your husband should tell his boss that he would prefer a hotel. 

    He can use onsite dry cleaning, gym and other amenities as reasons.  It is entirely inappropriate for them to be renting a house like this for "cost savings measures". 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    This is inappropriate no matter how trustworthy each party is.  It's a terrible example to the rest of the company and is how rumors that are very damaging start.  Your husband SHOULD have a problem with it because it looks very bad and sets him up for hurting his good reputation.

    Not only are you reacting perfectly reasonably, I'd suggest he gets his own hotel room at his expense to protect his reputation if the company refuses to do the right thing.  It won't be a popular decision (not to mention you have to pay for a room), but I'd rather have him talked about for taking a stand and doing the right thing than whispered and wondered about for any other reason.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from easydoesit2. Show easydoesit2's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Just to chime in with a male's view. If this "set up" happened to me, I would raise holy hell.  How DARE they put me in a situation that causes me problems at home and appears so scandolous as to call into question my morals and professional judgement!  ALF has good points to raise as plausible reasons, but if push comes to shove, I would just refuse and say what any imbecile should be able to see: if nothing else, it looks bad!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Easy, you're a guy?!

    thanks for weighing in with that - I expect it will be very helpful to have a man say it's inappropriate and should be avoided at any cost not just other women.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Bubs06. Show Bubs06's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    I am CEO of a corporation and male and state without hesitation this is inappropriate and insensitive under any circumstances unless it was spouse/partner included at a corporate retreat. Hotel costs with so many price point options are plentiful in almost all places and especially where conferences convene. Nonsense really.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    I bet it has a hot tub too. Calm would be so pumped for this trip.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from GirlFriday44. Show GirlFriday44's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Thank you so much for your responses. I think I just needed a "sanity check" to make sure it wasn't me being a little prudish or making too much of something.

    I appreciate everyone's thoughtful responses, I hope he and I can resolve this before the conference and he is able to see the issues with this arrangement.

    Thank you so much.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from GirlFriday44. Show GirlFriday44's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Kargiver: you nailed it when you stated that I was reacting reasonably. I believe I needed to hear an unbiased person say that I am not up in the night.

    Thank you all so much for responding.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Friday, now your hubby has to go to his boss and say, "My wife doesn't trust you". He'll be canned in a week.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    GirlFriday, I can relate to the need of validation.

    You know, before you come down too hard on your hubby for missing this, you might look at it from a different perspective.  Often, people who are extremely trustworthy themselves and who have not been burned before by those who aren't so scrupulous are not suspicious or wary of things such as this.   Your husband is probably such a straight arrow that he just doesn't see how wrong this is; he can't imagine anyone thinking or assuming the worst because he'd never DO the worst and the thoughts that make something like this inappropriate don't cross his mind.  If his being naive is the problem, it could be worse. ;)
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from GirlFriday44. Show GirlFriday44's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Calmdown: he has other options besides going back and saying that his wife wont let him stay with her.

    Kargiver: I have been trying to be clear with him that I do not think it a matter of his (or her for that matter) intentions, but that no matter who is in the situation, the situation is inappropriate and wouldn't be tolerated with other employees. My husband and his boss are HR professionals. They have several higher degrees in thier field. I am having a hard time with them overlooking the seemingly obvious flaws in thier arrangement since "it's us and we're trustworthy".
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Bubs06. Show Bubs06's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    They have several higher degrees in thier field. I am having a hard time with them overlooking the seemingly obvious flaws in thier arrangement since "it's us and we're trustworthy".

    Trust has nothing at all to do with it. In almost all situations like this, perception becomes reality. And then it takes on a life of its own internally.



     
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Friday, I like how the third single girl wanders into the picture. I guess this could be trouble.   
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from GirlFriday44. Show GirlFriday44's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Calm: The third girl is a "maybe". One of the team members is leaving shortly before the conference and they are hoping to rehire this employee who was laid off last year. She, obviously, may or may not be available and interested. Even if she is rehired, she may not be able to get someone to take care of her young daughter for an entire week. Since her mother was her daycare provider and her mother passed away shortly after she was laid-off, I know the team and boss would be very understanding if she felt she couldn't attend if she was rehired. The team member is a single mom. I have met her a few times and she is very nice, but as stated, nice and/or trustworthy really isn't the issue.

    If she isn't hired, I would be very surprised if they had completed the interviewing and hiring process for a new team member by the time of the conference, leaving just my husband and his boss. Even if there was a newhire, they often do not have them travel when they are so new and settling in. Ergo, there may or may not be a third person. If there is a third person, it may or may not be this single female.

    *edited to add* FWIW, I don't think of the 2nd female as being much of a factor in reality, certanly not a "Dear Penthouse" situation. However, people are going to talk and they will believe what they want. Mot of the time people want to believe the worst, esp. when it is interesting and possibly suits their purpose in office politics.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Girly, I understand your frustration.  However, take heart, it is not uncommon for people to compartmentalize their knowledge like that.  I'm not like that (and it seems you aren't either), but I know people who are and they just don't "get" these things the way we think is so obvious.  He's a good guy and probaby she's a decent woman herself which, ironically, why they don't see anything wrong with this arrangement and think you are reacting in a "crazy" way.  That's the take away even if it's insanely irritating that they don't get it. 

    I think your best approach with your husband is to simply say this situation makes you uncomfortable only because you know people's tendancy to start rumors with such fertile ground.  Remind him that restoring a good reputation is nearly impossible once it's damaged even when not a hint of anything bad actually happened.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from GirlFriday44. Show GirlFriday44's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

      Kargiver:

    "Remind him that restoring a good reputation is nearly impossible once it's damaged even when not a hint of anything bad actually happened."


    This is a point that I have not brought up specifically. I'll bring this up with him.

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    So I guess he is not going. What's the world coming to?
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    I must be in the minority here.... sharing a house/serviced apartment, I see no problem with.  Had she suggested sharing a room, then I may take issue (still, my husband has shared hotel rooms with female colleagues, who are also friends, in the past and I've never thought twice about it).

    Meh, different strokes I guess.

    ETA - If you or he do have a problem with it,  and it is really causing grief, then he should speak up and say he would prefer not to.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Oh, good, GF.  I think the reputation/appearance angle will be your only hope of stopping it. 

    He probably believes that since he knows nothing bad will happen it makes it a fine idea. Not only will you will lose an argument attacking it from that perspective you'll give him the misimpression that you don't trust him/them which I don't think is the issue at all, but good luck convincing him he's wrong about it once he gets that idea.  A fight will surely ensue that will not end by him coming around to the right answer.  Your focus will assuredly become trying to convince him that you DO TRUST HIM, and his will become trying to get you to see that NO YOU DON'T.  Totally off topic and a recipe for a long, tearful night.

    Your different viewpoints illustrate your different personalities, not his being stupid, even if it might really seem that way to you.  His childlike (not childish) innocence is a good thing.  Repeat that to yourself as you want to strangle sense into him. ;)
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Prill, I shared a house with 2 guys in college, and I have no doubt people knew we weren't fooling around.  I believe a business trip arrangement is much different story.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    I told you. He will be canned by Black History Month.  

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from ariesgirl. Show ariesgirl's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    I think the whole situation is a little too close for comfort even assuming nothing happens.  Who wants to hang out 24/7 with their boss for God's sake?  Certainly not me..........!  And being in HR somebody should really know better than to do this for the sake of saving a few bucks.  It is so not worth it. 

     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from calmdown. Show calmdown's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Aries, what should he do?
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: re-post: Business trip travel arrangements

    Kar - I was talking about a business trip - my husband has shared a room with female colleagues.  He and I are more comfortable with him doing that than sharing with the male colleagues who take off their wedding rings the second they step on to the plane and leave it off for the duration of a conference/trip.... if you get my drift.

    As I sai to the OP though, if you/he are both truly worried about it, then he should speak up.
     

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