posted at 8/25/2011 6:39 PM EDT
In Response to Re: Ultimatums
[QUOTE]I have to respectfully disagree with those who say a boundary and an ultimatum are the same thing. To me..they are not even close. To use the example of a married couple.and one person cheats..thus ending the relationship. Saying..you cheated..now the relationship is over is not an ultimatum...and especially if you look at marriage as a sort of contract ( in the emotional sense..not the legal sense). When two people get married..they are essentially both agreeing to a set of boundaries designed to protect the relationship. Breaking one of those boundaries should rightfully result in consequences..in the case of a cheating spouse the consequence is ending the marriage ( contract). There is no ultimatum in this case because both parties..by saying "I do" have agreed willingly to respect and nurture the relationship.
Posted by miscricket[/QUOTE]
And what about if someone cheats in a non-marriage situation? Surely the same "rules" still apply, even if no conversation ever arose about them.
This does remind me of yet someone else, in college, who was dating some guy (and sleeping with him, naturally). She bumped into him one night in a club and he was all over another girl. He said to her "Well so what, we never said we would be exclusive!". The girl, not used to such bizarre behavior, and clearly not expecting this blaze´ response was nonplussed by the whole scenario. She actually questioned herself at that point "well its true we never did". However, as I told her, the fact they were boyfriend+girlfriend itself indicated exclusivity. No words should have ever needed to have been said. What a wierd guy.
Ownership is an ugly word, but basically thats what 2 people in a relationship have over each other. That comes with some rights and rules automatically, no? They are pre-assumed and imposed by society.
Otherwise there would be a whole lot more swingers and multi-person-relationships (who says a relationship has to stop at 2 people?!) out there than there actually are, if everyone started each relationship by drawing up a whole set of fresh rules and boundaries from scratch.