Re: Unreliable Friend
posted at 6/28/2011 8:22 AM EDT
It's behavior that in a strictly platonic friend that is your choice to put up with because his other behavior with you is worth it or not. If it were a romantic interest, I'd definitely say leave him in the dust.
If it bothers you to the point that you don't want to be friends anymore, so be it. Distance yourself and let the friendship die a natural death. If you don't initiate, he won't, either, and there you go. But, if you want to accept that he's just not going to be reliable AND you can DECIDE to not take it personally when he doesn't keep plans, you can work around this flaw and stay friends, but the key to that succeeding for you is to LET GO of the idea that he will wake up one day and be different in that respect. He won't. If you think you can live with his friendship the way it is and he is respectful in every other way with you, continue it. If you think it will continue to hurt you the 50% of the time he forgets plans, don't continue it.
My DH has had a friend exactly like this that he goes back literally 25 years with. He decided to not let it bother him, and it doesn't. When they are together, they have a great time. They confide in each other and everything else that friends do. And, when this person doesn't call back or forgets plans, DH doesn't take it personally. That's his choice, and he appreciates the good qualities of this friend and their friendship enough to put up with it. He makes sure to have alternate plans, and doesn't take it personally when he gets forgotten. But, that's his choice. If he got hurt every time by it, they would have drifted apart 24 1/2 years ago.
Do NOT put up with this if he is in the slightest bit a romantic interest. I'd say change your number, but you won't have to; he won't call.
And, at the very least, if you decide you don't want to let the friendship go, have a heart to heart with him about how his "forgetting" you makes you feel.