Re: Choosing the Bridesmaids & Groomsmen
posted at 8/14/2009 12:37 PM EDT
In Response to Choosing the Bridesmaids & Groomsmen
[QUOTE]We are trying to figure this out now. How many bridesmaids and groomsmen did you have and how many total guests? Also, who did you ask? Friends, siblings, other relatives? What about friends that asked you to be BM? Should they always be included? We are not having a huge wedding so I just want to have my 2 sisters stand up with me. He has a brother and a sister so if he just asks his brother and a friend, his sister is the only sibling not included. I mentioned that maybe he could have his brother and sister on his side and not the friend, but he thinks it would be weird to have her be a "groomsman." I don't know his sister well and neither of us thinks she should be a BM. I also have 3 very close girlfriends that I was a BM in their weddings and don't want to offend them by not asking, but we really only want to have 2 people on each side. Sorry for the rambling, just looking for some outside opinions. Thanks!
Posted by cicirose[/QUOTE]
Please don't overthink this. This is very personal and you need to go with what is in your heart and not let your brain think too much about this. Its easy to overcompensate and not want to leave people out or think that you need to have certain people, but this is just not true. There is no right or wrong here. Some people want a cast of characters and others want no one.
Easy part first--if you only want two people each, only have two people each. Nothing wrong with that.
Second easy part--you do not need to have your friends to reciprocate. It does not mean you are any less friendly or love them any less. I won't assuage any guilt you might feel by telling you your friends might be relived not to be included
--some people actually like doing this--but to be honest, its probably not even going to register on their radar. They'll be glad to get invited to your wedding to celebrate with you, perhaps honored if you asked them to be in your wedding, but if you don't ask them, its not going to matter one iota.
Third part--future sister in law. I think these things can be the trickiest because in many families there is an expectation that siblings will be (or won't be) part of the wedding party and there might be differences in how families approach this. I would say these need to be decided on a case by case basis. In your case, you and your husband are clearly in agreement that his sister does not need to be a bridesmaid and he does not want her as a groomsman (by the way, though this is always a good compromise, some people can't wrap their heads around it and that's ok). I think the key here is that you two are in agreement and he seems to be taking the lead on saying its ok not to include her in the wedding party. If you want to involve her somehow, have her do a reading or something, or even try to include her in some of the wedding related stuff ahead of time. But handled correctly, this does not have to be disaterous. Of course you don't know yet how they will respond--if there is a negative response, then you have a different decision to make. This is why I would consider offering her a reading or something like that and making sure you include her in the rehearsal dinner and all the wedding festivities even if she is not in the wedding party.
You'll be ok! 18 years later, of my wedding party, my matron of honor is still my best friend, I'm close with one of my bridesmaids (who is my younger cousin), but she lives all the way across the country, so i don't see her often (and i was not in her recent wedding), and I only exchange Christmas cards with my other bridesmaid and we haven't seen each other for 13 years. But I still would not change who I had in my wedding.