Day after breakfast - a must?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Day after breakfast - a must?

    My FMIL insists that my FI and I must hold a breakfast for guests the day after the wedding.  She thinks that it is proper etiquette to have such an event but has made no suggestion of paying for it.  We are on a pretty tight budget as we are paying for a large portion of the wedding and as of right now that doesn't look like a reality.  Plus, I would rather spend what extra money we might have on other areas of the wedding (read: partial open bar).  So I've nixed this idea as of right now.

    I'm having enough problems with my FMIL that at this point I'm bitter and my judgment may be clouded.  Am I wrong?  Do we need to have a breakfast for our guests?  Also, we have 230 people invited, while I'm sure most wouldn't end up showing up for such an event that is still a lot of people to plan breakfast accommodations for.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    You do not need to have a breakfast. It would be nice, but it certainly isn't necessary.  Just tell your FMIL that you and your DH plan on - ahem- sleeping in - the AM after the wedding - I'm sure she'll know what you mean by that.  If she's like most women that age, it will get her to blush and get her to shut her mouth.  ;-)
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    I wouldn't do a breakfast the day after.  I know a lot of people do them for out of town guests, but it being a "must" for all your guests, I think not.

    My fiance and I are hosting a brunch the day after our wedding, but it's for our parents, brother and wife and kids, and sister and fiance.  No extended family as we're paying for it ourselves.  It's about 12 people. 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Scorpio75. Show Scorpio75's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    A day after brunch or breakfast is not required.

    Some guests may like such an event if it was planned and others may not because they were planning on "sleeping in" like ALF suggested themselves or they may be traveling.  You will get mixed opinions about them being good or bad, so since they are not required, you do not want to have one, and it is not in your budget then I think you have your answer.  Good luck with MIL but I am guessing it will work out just fine.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    My MIL insisted on this too, only she paid for it.
    I hated it. I hated having to get up early the morning after my wedding (when we'd been out until about 2am), get out of bed with my new husband when all we wanted to do was stay in bed until check out.
    Everyone at the breakfast looked incredibly tired and not thrilled about waking up early the day after a good party. There was no happy hcatter about the night before. We all just sat and ate eggs and looked awful.

    If you don't want one, don't have one. If your MIL insists on having one, let her host one for her family, but tell her that you won't be making an appearence.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    I think this is the reason some couples leave for their honeymoon the morning after...to avoid the morning after brunch, lol :)
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from jasmine09. Show jasmine09's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    Ok, well MIL insisted, and paid (split cost with my parents).  It's not a must-have at all, but I will differ from pink and say that I loved it!  It wasn't SO early (10 am), and our wedding wasn't SO late (ended at 10:30).  It was a great chance to see more of the out-of-towners, esp b/c we didn't have a big rehearsal dinner. 

    But yeah, if budget's tight, I don't think it should be a big priority.


     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    If I were you I'd tell your MIL if she wants it, she picks up the tab.  End of story.

    And no, your judgment is not clouded and you are not wrong...she's being totally unreasonable.  I'd be pretty annoyed!



     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    Not in any way required.  Tell FMIL - that is such a good idea, but we simply cannot spend another dime!!!

    that's it.  end of story.  If she wished to host something, she can knock herself out!

    do not give it another thought. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    In Response to Re: Day after breakfast - a must?:
    Not in any way required.  Tell FMIL - that is such a good idea, but we simply cannot spend another dime!!! that's it.  end of story.  If she wished to host something, she can knock herself out! do not give it another thought. 
    Posted by downtoearth


    sorry for hijack, but just wanted to know if auntbeth was going to share her thoughts on the in-law post???

    And let me just add another vote for a breakfast is not required, OP.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    In Response to Re: Day after breakfast - a must?:
    In Response to Re: Day after breakfast - a must? : sorry for hijack, but just wanted to know if auntbeth was going to share her thoughts on the in-law post??? And let me just add another vote for a breakfast is not required, OP.
    Posted by ash


    I'm not trying to be difficult, but seriously, I saw about 50 in-law posts. lol!!

    which one?
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    We didn't do one, at least not a formal one.  A lot of our guests were on early flight the day after the wedding anyway. 

    There was no way me and DH were checking out of our hotel before we had to (noon!).  We did go out to brunch, but it was at 1:30pm with my sisters, my mom and a few of DH's friends that were still around.  Nothing planned, nothing formal, nothing expensive.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    I definitely don't think this is necessary.  We had one and 60 of our 88 guests came.  I wouldn't take that risk with a guest list of 250 people.  You could end up paying for another reception!
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    I'm gonna be honest, my mom had one for my brother when he got married, and it was at 10am, and insisted I come...I was so hungover, I thought I was going to be sick the whole time. My brother seemed ok with it, but you could tell his wife was tired, her hair was still up from the night before, and she just wanted to sleep.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    In Response to Re: Day after breakfast - a must?:
    In Response to Re: Day after breakfast - a must? : I'm not trying to be difficult, but seriously, I saw about 50 in-law posts. lol!! which one?
    Posted by downtoearth


    The one with the niece who died in an accident.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    I wouldn't feel right about making people wake up so early (especially the B&G) the day after the wedding. 

    I think the next day breakfast/brunch is not necessary.  If your FMIL wants you to have one, be honest with her and tell her that you can't afford it.  Shame on her if she insists after that, but I'm pretty sure it'll help keep her mouth shut after that. 
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    of course it's not required....how silly!

    I agree with the other posters--just tell your FMIL that you don't have the money and that you're planning to "sleep in" (wink wink).  Mention money AND sex in the same sentance -- if that doesn't shut her up, nothing will!

    (We did have the morning after breakfast and it was one of my favorite parts of the weekend.) 
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    I absolutely LOVE morning after brunches, but no they are not required and no we did not have one. 

    I would have loved it, but I just don't think it's necessary to give yourself one more thing to plan and pay for.  We had spread the word that we would love to meet up with everyone who was staying at the hotel at the breakfast buffet.  It ended up being us, each of our immediate families, and 4 of my girlfriends.  Everyone paid for themselves.

    My MIL kind of hinted about it too.  She kept saying how her friend was having one after her son's wedding... (as in, Didn't I want to have one too?!!)  And it was so difficult not to point out that her friend was doing it FOR her SON so if she wanted to do it FOR her SON she was welcome to it!!
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    Breakfast, brunch or whatever the next morning is definitely not required. We had one when our son got married and paid for it. However it was just for the immediate family and OTT guests. And to be truthful, it was nice to be able to gather and say goodbye to everyone, that had travelled from far before they took off again.
    We decided 11 am would be good timing for everyone not to have to get up early and we told our guests, that they were welcome to come, but didn't have to if they wanted to sleep in. However, everyone showed up, which was nice.
    OP if your FMIL insist on having this breakfast, she should be the one to make the arrangements and pay for it - not you. Instead of arguing with her and telling her you cannot afford it, maybe you can turn the table and tell her, "Oh, that would be nice. Where are you planning on having it?" Which implies, you plan it, you pay for it. End of story.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    I wasn't going to add since I nothing new to contribute, but then I read cos's "mention sex and money in the same sentence" solution and had to LOL!!!!!  She's right, if that doesn't get her attention and shut her up, nothing will. ;)
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Neena101511. Show Neena101511's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

         I think it's a nice thought, and if your FMIL is willing to plan and shell out the dough for it, you may just want to go along with it especially if it's something she's going to make a mountain out of a mole hill about. But I don't think it's got anything to do with etiquette or good maners.  

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: Day after breakfast - a must?

    Thank you all!  This is definitely helpful.  I will be following the majority and telling her that it's not in our budget and that she can host one if she would like.  Unfortunately, this is the least of our problems but at least I now have an easy way of handling this one!
     
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