Does everyone invited get a save the date?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Does everyone invited get a save the date?

    We're hopefully going to send out save the dates soon (we're a little late!).  So random question: does everyone have to get a save the date? 

    Here's the scenario: I'm thinking I might invite my sister's in laws because they are so sweet and have always supported me and my FI.  However, they aren't on our original list, I will invite them if we have space (which i'm pretty sure we will).  We'll make the decision before we send out the actual invites (so no B-list on the invites, they'll all go out at the same time), however, do I also have to send them a save the date?  There's a chance they might see the one I send to my sister, so I'll feel bad if they feel like they are B-list, however I'm not totally sure if we will invite them yet or not.  What do you guys think?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Does everyone invited get a save the date?

    That's a bit of a tricky situation, and I know what you mean.  We had a similar situation happen to us.  We didn't send out STD's to everyone.  Just the people traveling from out of state.  The rest of our invited guests heard (or, assumed... ha, ha) from word of mouth.

    I don't think it's a bad thing if you send them an invitation without sending them a STD.  If they adore you guys and you adore them, then they'll just be happy to be invited to your wedding. 

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Does everyone invited get a save the date?

    That is tricky.  Everyone who gets a STD is supposed to get an invitation.  So, if you're not sure you're going to invite someone, don't send the STD.  There is no similar rule that everyone who gets an invite needs a STD first.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Does everyone invited get a save the date?

    Absolutely do NOT send them a STD if you aren't 100% sure they'll get an invitation.  That's a WAY bigger faux pas than their seeing someone else's STD, assuming they won't be invited,  and then getting a surprise invitation, after all.  Yes, that's a defacto B-list, but what can you do, that's the fact of the matter - they ARE on the B list whether you think you have one or not.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Does everyone invited get a save the date?

    Trex, do you really NEED to send your sister a STD? If you are close, just explain her the situation. That way her ILs will not see the STD.
    STDs usually have to be sent to people that lives OOT, so they can make appropriate arrangements for attending the wedding. Some sent STDs to everyone, but it is really not necessary.
    Like everyone else say, if you send a STD, you have to invite them to your wedding. It is sweet of you thinking of your sister's ILs. Hope you will be able to invite them.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Does everyone invited get a save the date?

    Summer, her situation is a B list while yours doesn't seem to be.  She'll invite them only if she has room, and she won't know that 'til her RSVPs are in...pretty close to the wedding date.  That is the definition of a B list whether she calls it that or not.  A rose by any other name...

    At least we are all in agreement that she cannot make the big mistake of sending them an STD if she isn't sure she's going to be able to invite them.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Does everyone invited get a save the date?

    Wow, trex, this is my kind of question!  I am also a person who worries about this stuff.  In fact, I've spent many nights awake thinking about this sort of thing--is this simple act that seems so harmless going to hurt someone else's feelings?

    Bottom line--send the save the date to your sister.  To be honest, this probably won't even register with her in laws and even if it does, they'll probably just think theirs got lost in the mail.  Honest.  Most people don't obsess about these things like we do, Trex!

    The only other thing to do is just decide to invite them.  I don't think 2 people usually make that big of a difference in the end.

    But now I will analyze.  I'm not a fan of save the dates as I think the majority are unnecessary.  But please don't take that the wrong way.  I understand their usefulness at certain times as well as their appeal.  In your situation, interestingly, if you really think about it, your sister's in laws are the people who actually need the save the date because they don't know they date and your sister probably already has it on her calendar.

    My original thinking was sort of along the lines of Pingo's--does your sister really need one, but I  decided I really didn't like that advice.  In the end, as I said, I think if you are doing save the dates, you should send one to your sister.  She'll be one of the people who likes looking at it on the fridge, right!? 
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Does everyone invited get a save the date?

    one of my friends sent e-mail save the dates for this reason, it's easier to make sure no one sees it but the intended recipient(s)

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Does everyone invited get a save the date?

    Whoops that's funny!  Our whole guest list would have been the B list since we didn't send STDs to anyone!  Laughing

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Does everyone invited get a save the date?

    If you're going to send STDs (which isn't a requirement, just something to do if you want), just send them to people you really want there (obviously, you want all your guests there, but you know what I mean) to give them a heads up so they can clear their schedules. I think most people don't finalize the guest list until right before they send invitations.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Does everyone invited get a save the date?

    Yes, if you send magnet STDs to only some of your guests and those who get them and those who don't know each other and visit each other's homes if they do discover it they will assume they will not be invited.  And, if she does get invited, after all, she'll know she was on the B list (even if you don't call it that).  Neither of these things are devestating IMO.  Most people understand that you don't have room for everyone you'd like to invite and can only invite some people if others decline.  It's just how it is.

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Does everyone invited get a save the date?

    Kar, for once I don't agree with you. A son of a friend of ours was getting married OOT. Not far  - NJ. We heard about this wedding for months. No STD, no invitation - perfectly fine with us. We knew sometimes space is limited.
    Then - out of the blue - we got an invitation in the mail three weeks before the wedding. The RSVP card had a date that was expired 3 days earlier. We felt we were definitely B-listed and this was just a gift-grabbing invitation.
    First off, if we did want to attend the wedding - we had no ways of getting free mileage or discount tickets to go. We had to pay top price. We could have driven, but that would mean an extra 2 days off from work for coming and going. No discount hotel room, as the date for the "block" had expired too.
    I do feel, that one has to be very careful of making the lists for whom to invite or not. I feel it is better not to be invited at all, than - like in our case - get an invitation as an afterthought.
    We did invite the bride and groom over later on for a nice dinner and gave them a small gift.
     

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