Donations in lieu of wedding favors

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from vickidunk. Show vickidunk's posts

    Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    Hi Everyone,

    I am planning on giving a donation to a charity in lieu of favors for my wedding. My question is, how can i easily communicate this to the guests? I would rather not print out an individual card for each guest saying this, but maybe have like something posted at each table? Any other thoughts or idea are welcome!

    Thanks so much!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    I would not use the phrase "in lieu of favors" as it tends to ruffle feathers.

    I'd also recommend just a simple sign somewhere, like near the guestbook or cardbox that simply said "In celebration/honor of their marriage the couple has made a donation to (charity name)"

    I know it's silly but some people see mentioning a donation as patting yourself on the back. I don't agree with that opinion, but what can you do?

    If you're making the donation in memory of someone, you can note it there as well.
     
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  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Epigal. Show Epigal's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    I'm doing donations as well. Honestly, I never take the favors from weddings anyways (unless they're edible), and think donations are a wonderful idea to give back to the community in honor of your special day.

    I think we're going to have a framed card on each table explaining the organization's mission (something like "we have made a donation in honor of our friends and family to YOUR CHARITY HERE in the hopes of spreading the joy and love we feel today") or maybe something slightly less corny than that.  Or else just make a couple of big 8X10 size framed pages and putting them in well-traveled spots like near the appetizers, on the placecard table, and somewhere else.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    Some-guy is actually right.  We've had threads on this.  Unless the charity is one that is very near and dear to your heart and the hearts of your family (say, the bride is a breast cancer survivor), there's no reason to mention it.

    If you don't want favors, don't have favors.  There's no need to advertise why.  If you must, PK is right - a simple sign by the cardbox.  I'm not sure I would even mention the charity, if it's remotely religious or political.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    Uh-oh... beware, there have been many HEATED threads about donations!!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from vickidunk. Show vickidunk's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    In Response to Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors:
    [QUOTE]I would not use the phrase "in lieu of favors" as it tends to ruffle feathers. I'd also recommend just a simple sign somewhere, like near the guestbook or cardbox that simply said "In celebration/honor of their marriage the couple has made a donation to (charity name)" I know it's silly but some people see mentioning a donation as patting yourself on the back. I don't agree with that opinion, but what can you do? If you're making the donation in memory of someone, you can note it there as well.
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    Thanks! That makes sense and is nice and easy which I like.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Epigal. Show Epigal's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    I understand not wanting to flaunt that you donated money, but if it's an organization that's important to the couple or the family (as others said) I think it's a nice thing to mention, and it lets your guests know why you support the organization. Also, I was at a wedding a couple years ago where they just had one small note about a donation, and I heard people complaining about the lack of favors, which I thought was rude. If you put up a sign or two, people will know you at least thought about something for the guests...
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    I can't imagine going to a wedding and complaining about the lack of favors.  But I suppose that's an entirely different issue...
     
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  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    I would have to agree that it's not really "for the guests", it's for the charity. The guests don't really benefit in any way from the donation. Phrasing it otherwise is what rubs people the wrong way.

    Granted I don't agree that it's rude. I'd rather you gave the money to charity than give be a useless knick knack or piece of candy, and I don't expect anything in return for attending a wedding than just a "Hi, thanks for coming" at some point. You're already buying me food, that's plenty.

    But not everyone thinks that people are operating with the best intentions, so you just have to work around them.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from tibird. Show tibird's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    I ordered pins from a site where proceeds go to a cancer charity.  Those served as our "favors" Well, that & the peanuts & cracker jack table.  I printed up cards that invited people to wear the pins in support of hubby's cancer battle.  I didn't mention the charity connection. 
    A few people knew & mentioned it to anyone who asked, but for the most part, it was just a gesture that most of our guests were happy to make.  I told hubby later that in addition to honoring him, the pins also raised money for cancer research.  It was a win-win!
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from tibird. Show tibird's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    I can't edit.. but I wanted to add that many larger charities will offer some sort of scrol or token for guests if you choose to do an "in leiu of"  If you have one in mind, it might be worth checking with them
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    I personally agree with Lucy and Some-guy.  I think that mentioning your donation at the wedding is a way of sort of bragging about your donation.  It really doesn't have anything to do with the wedding and one would hope that if you feel strongly about the cause you would donate whether you were having a wedding or not.  But in the end, donations to charity are very personal decisions and I don't see any reason why they need to be explained to your guests.

    All that aside, the last wedding I went to had little tent card signs on each table.  So that is an option.

    I wonder how/when donations because mixed up with favors.  I don't get it.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    I totally agree with some-guy (albeit not thrilled with his cold delivery, as usual).  Just don't do favors and don't say anything about it.  If you want to remember someone special you can do a special tribute in the wedding program.

    It's a common thing to do these days, but imo it doesn't make it right or related.  Like some-guy said, it's just not no matter how many people say "donation was made in lieu of favors."  Frankly, people won't miss your favors.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    I was just at a wedding that had a frame with the donation information right on the escort card table. Simple, not drawing attention.  I think scrolls on the tables for each person, or even a card at every table is too much. You just need to put it at one place, like the gift table or card table.  No one will notice there are not favors. 
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    Every favor I have gotten at a wedding, I have been to drunk to remember to take home at the end of the night. No one will miss them.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    In Response to Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors:
    I would have to agree that it's not really "for the guests", it's for the charity. The guests don't really benefit in any way from the donation. Phrasing it otherwise is what rubs people the wrong way. Granted I don't agree that it's rude. I'd rather you gave the money to charity than give be a useless knick knack or piece of candy, and I don't expect anything in return for attending a wedding than just a "Hi, thanks for coming" at some point. You're already buying me food, that's plenty.
    Posted by pinkkittie27


    I agree.  I don't think it's rude, either, but, I don't like it when people say they're donating to charity on my behalf.  Donations are very personal, so unless you've asked me which charity I would like the donation to be made to, you're not doing it for me (and I don't for a second think the bride and groom should ask each and every guest to RSVP with the name of his or her favorite charity).

    "Rude" isn't the word I would use, but it does leave a bad taste in my mouth.

    ETA:  The only wedding favor I have ever used is matchbooks, and we used them at the wedding, because it was outside and the bride and groom, plus most of the guests, were smoking.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    Personally, it wouldn't bother me at all if someone had a sign, scroll or whatever mentioning a donation or that it was in lieu of favors.
    I operate under the understanding that if I attend someone's wedding, it's because I'm close to them. If I'm close to them, they're not the sort of person who would brag about a charity donation. I know they're probably mentioning it to raise awareness of their charity, or with other good intentions. I'm not in the habit of jumping to negative judgemental conclusions about my friends and family members. I guess I'm an optimist that way.

    IMO it would be better if more people were more charitible (pun intended) when charities are mentioned in some way at a wedding.
    But I realize that's probably not going to happen. So you do what you can to keep people from griping, even if their gripe seems a little silly.

    The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and this seems to be an illustrative example of that old saying. You think you're doing something nice, but it's just going to blow up in your face.
    Well not in your face, behind your back when people complain and snark about it.

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    In Response to Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors:
    I was just at a wedding that had a frame with the donation information right on the escort card table. Simple, not drawing attention.  I think scrolls on the tables for each person, or even a card at every table is too much. You just need to put it at one place, like the gift table or card table.  No one will notice there are not favors. 
    Posted by ajuly09


    exactly, and a single sign is more "green" anyways. Those little scrolls and cards just end up in the trash bin.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from LilSprout. Show LilSprout's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    Hate to say it, but I'm with some-guy...again.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    I think skipping the favors is the best idea ever. 

    You know, I actually don't find donation in lieu of gifts as offensive as some, but I do struggle with some of the seemingly impersonal donations people make when they do this sort of thing and I think that's what gets people thinking its a "look at me" kind of thing.

    When my stepsister got married, they did have a placque on one of the tables saying the couple had made a donation to a charity named in memory of the bride's sister, who died very tragically at a young age.  The family set up a scholarship fund for a student at the high school my stepsisters all attended and that was the charity they donated to.  While not everyone at the wedding had known her, they all knew the story and many had made donations to that charity themselves.  It was really personal and touching and I think a better idea than a donation to a generic charity like the American Cancer Society that you know is going to some general fund, a good portion of which is not going to help anyone.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    Donations can be special and totally personal for the couple, and everyone at the wedding can know the story and be moved, but they are not favors and still have nothing to do with a wedding.  Why not a special tribute poem or paragraph to remember the lost loved one in the wedding program?  I'll never understand how a donation belongs as part of a wedding at all let alone how it makes sense to have it replace favors.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from FriarGirl03. Show FriarGirl03's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    The only time I've seen donations instead of favors, we all got bracelets from the charities (which did have personal meaning to the families). Similar to TI's pins, you're still getting something tangible to support the cause.

    FWIW, I always take the favors at weddings. I think it's kind of rude not to. At my wedding, I expected there to be a bunch of extras but there were like 3. I don't know if people were really excited about them and took them home or if we had scavengers who took the forgotten ones. All I know is that I thought I'd have extras and I didn't. Smile
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Donations in lieu of wedding favors

    "Donations can be special and totally personal for the couple, and everyone at the wedding can know the story and be moved, but they are not favors and still have nothing to do with a wedding."

    I do understand why this bothers people, honestly I do.  I understand completely what you are saying.  And why people hate this "pronouncement", but I don't really look at it that way.

    Some of this acceptance I have I chalk about to being Jewish.  Making donations in honor of someone, in memory of someone, to commemorate an event is pretty common.  Our Temple has quite a few scholarship funds and other funds that help people in a tight situation and I often see donations listed in our bulletin in honor of someone's birthday, wedding, or anniversary, which are clearly meant in place of a gift (I want to do something for your 70th birthday, but you have 2 of everything, so I'll donate money to the scholarship named in memory of your parents instead).  I often make donations for Bar/Bat Mitzvahs--a person who I might know from some committee work, but am not friendly enough to get invited to the Bar Mitzvah party (anyone can attend the service) and don't know the kid well enough to give a gift, but I want the family to know I am thinking of them.  I guess I just look at these "in lieu of" donations the same way. 

    As I said, the personal connection makes it make even more sense to me--a vague donation to the American Cancer Society because we know so many people who have cancer seems less sincere and more "look what good people we are, instead of wasting money on throwaway favors we are donating the money"(who doesn't know a lot of people with cancer; the ACS is a good organization but probably never did anything for these people) than a donation to an organization to which you really have a personal connection.

    That said, I never miss the favors, and I never miss the little donation cards either if they aren't there!
     
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