Excited for my sister!!!

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dani273. Show Dani273's posts

    Excited for my sister!!!

    My sister's BF just called me lat night and told me that he is planning on proposing to my sister soon.....I'm predicting Valentines Day, but he was not specific. It is of course a surprise, so I have to keep my mouth shut....so hard to do! Anyway, my sister has never gone on this board and she does not probablly even know that it exists, so I figured I would let loose my excitement on here!!!!
    Now, my problem.....he has kids from a previous marriage. He has spoken to them of his intentions .His oldest son is happy, but his youngest daughter is not.  Should I step in once things get moving and try to include the kids in shower preparation or should I just hold off?  I have spoken to the BF about this and he said that only time will tell and it would be nice to include them but he just isn't sure how the "little one" will react. Does anyone have any experience with this or advice they can give me? I don't want to slight anyone or cause any stress. I know that you think I may be jumping the gun, but the BF said he wants to move on with this engagement quickly.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from allreadymarried. Show allreadymarried's posts

    Re: Excited for my sister!!!

    how old are they?  I think that makes a big differene.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Excited for my sister!!!

    There are many books on blended families and how to approach such things.  If you do an amazon search on step families you'll find a lot.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dani273. Show Dani273's posts

    Re: Excited for my sister!!!

    The son is 16, almost 17 and the daughter is 13. I have kids myself around that age, but where they are not mine, I want to tread lightly. Thanks for the inquiry!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from allreadymarried. Show allreadymarried's posts

    Re: Excited for my sister!!!

    13 is a very hard age and I have been there.
    I would include her but NOT become upset if she does not want involvement.  I would include her when doing invitations, shower gift, shower games etc.  I think not including her would not help the situation.  I know I wanted nothing to do with but at the same time mad if I was not asked.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Excited for my sister!!!

    I echo allreadymarried.

    I was 13 when my parens divorced and my mom started seeing my now-stepdad. I could only see him as the reason for all my problems and that he was simply wasn't MY dad. But, at the same time, if my mom had excluded me from anything because he was going to be there, I would have been hurt. Things are very black and white to 13yr olds, and everything is about them.

    As long as her dad is letting 13yr old know that his marrying your sister will not change how much he loves 13yr old, and that he's not trying to replace 13yr old's mother, things should work out in time.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dani273. Show Dani273's posts

    Re: Excited for my sister!!!

    Thanks everyone. i guess my biggest fear is hurt feelings and not wanting my sister to have a difficult time in her relationship with this girl. There is sooo much going on with this situation right now, I am just trying to get an early start, be organized and also be sensative to everyone's feelings. I have to keep telling myself that just because I am happy, and I know that my sister will be absolutley thrilled to be engaged to this nice guy, that there may be others around us that may not be feeling so good about it. Thanks for your words! Keep your fingers crossed for me.......I think it's going to be a "bumpy ride".
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Excited for my sister!!!

    There's no getting around the fact that a girl's relationship with her step-mother will be strained especially at that age.  May I reiterate the book idea.  There are VERY good guides on how to navigate through this, and it's better to read them ahead of the storm than smack dab in the middle of it.  Maybe if you read one you really think is great you can recommend it with gusto to your sis after their engagement.  You aren't the only one concerned about the relationship between her and her soon to be step-kids so you won't be introducing or causing a fear in her, only helping to deal with it proactively.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dani273. Show Dani273's posts

    Re: Excited for my sister!!!

    Thanks Kar! I will scope out my library!
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: Excited for my sister!!!

    To answer your initial question, at this stage, no, don't step in.  Let your sister and her BF know that you are there for them and they can always call on you if they need to vent/need your help.  But don't try and force a relationship with the daughter and don't get stuck in the middle of the relationship with the daughter and your sister.  While I appreciate you are trying to be a good sister and be proactive, at this stage it is the BF that needs to ensure he is keeping communication open with his daughter and making sure she is aware that he's not trying to replace her mom.

    When the time is right, sure, try and get the daughter involved, but as Allready alluded to, don't try and force her to get involved, but let her know the offer is there if she wants to help out. 
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dani273. Show Dani273's posts

    Re: Excited for my sister!!!

    Thank you Prill. That is some good advice. I have alot to consider, don't I?
     

Share