FMIL issues...

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    FMIL issues...

    And, it continues. 

    She's acting like she's the bride!  I just found out that she's had one hair trial so far (that didn't go well), and she's scheduled 3 other hair trials!!!

    She calls my mother on a weekly basis to give her updates, etc.  Some of which involve me.  All the while, my mom knows what's going on with me. 

    Driving me bananas! 
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    Wow Goodness, that sh*t IS bananas!

    Um, three hair trials? No need. Now let's hope she doesn't wear white to the wedding! jk ;)

    I really think this is a case for Kmt....
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    Wow that's a bit much.  Just keep repeating, Her hair trials don't affect me, her hair trials don't affect me.  :o)
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    lol. Sorry, this isn't funny. But it's a little funny. Smile

    Well, at least she's excited, right? A little crazy, but excited. Repeat fra's mantra and try to laugh about it a little. Let it roll off your back, say "that's great" when she mentions the trials, and think about all of the great stories you'll have for your children. 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    [QUOTE] I really think this is a case for Kmt....
    Posted by Sept2010Bride[/QUOTE]

    Yep, Liz is right!  Goodness, as I've said before, I can totally relate since my MIL went batsh!t crazy during the wedding planning.  She was 10x more into our wedding than I was.  Trust me though, when the wedding is over, things WILL go back to normal.  I promise.  :)

    Fram made a good point...just keep repeating to yourself that her hair trials don't affect you.  While it is weird and totally annoying that your FMIL is going for several hair trials, just be happy that she's not asking you to accompany her.  Just try your best to let things like this go when they don't directly affect you.

    If it will make you feel better, I'll tell you my MIL hair story.  My hairdresser is a good friend of our family, so she was at the shower and the wedding.  She was planning to do my hair and my mom's hair at her house the day of the wedding.  At the shower, MIL walked right up to her, and let her know that she would be having her hair done at her house with us.  Oh yes, she did.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    oh jeez, she's really going to push your patience to the limit, isn't she?

    Any way to slip her some xanax? ;)
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    Hey, Goodness,

    She's so excited about the wedding that she wants to look her absolute best and is involving your mom.  I get that it's annoying on some level, but, couldn't it be a lot worse if she went the other way, totally self absorbed?

    My mom worked on her makeup for the wedding, trying different shades and styles, for the whole 11 months we were engaged!  She also bought a dress that was 2 sizes too small and actually focused on our wedding every day to end up being able to wear it.  She didn't confer with my FMIL every week, but they did correspond about dress colors and styles.  It was heartwarming to me.  Of course, she's my mom, not my MIL, but on the other hand, she's my DH's MIL.

    Of course, I'm not saying you "shouldn't" be annoyed, but I hope you can take at least a little joy from the positives about her nutty behavior! :)

    You're in the home stretch, now - enjoy it!

    ~kar

    P.S.  Her talking to your mom about things that involve you only means she cares so much about you that she can't help herself.  Of course, your mom knows already what's going on with you - she just wants to share it with her.  I know she's nutty from your other posts, but I think she just is clueless about how to express her love and interest in your life.  My great-grandfather had a saying about being told something you already know:  It's no weight on your shoulders.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    my mom bought two dresses, one that would fit her if she didn't lose any weight and the other to wear if she did. She was so upset that she didn't lose any weight so she could wear the other dress. I had to say "Mom, please don't be upset. You're the only person even thinking about losing weigth for this wedding. You don't need to. You're going to look great no matter what!"

    Moms can be really worried about looking beautiful on the day their kid get married. I'm sure they're most concerned with not looking old. It seems nutty, but one day we'll hopefully be in the same shoes and worried about how we'll look in all those pictures in front of all those people.

    In Response to Re: FMIL issues...:
    [QUOTE]She also bought a dress that was 2 sizes too small and actually focused on our wedding every day to end up being able to wear it.  She didn't confer with my FMIL every week, but they did correspond about dress colors and styles.  It was heartwarming to me. Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Neena101511. Show Neena101511's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

         Goodness, try not to think about. Vent on the boards, to your MOH, maybe even your mom if you can. There's always at least one family member that tries to make you wedding experience about them. If you can turn your phone off for an hour or so and do something for you, when her actions start driving you nuts. Go for a walk, take a bath, read a little of your book, I hear a spin class is really intense and they kick your bu*t  in them you'll be so exhausted afterwords you won't care if your FMIL decides she's going to get a wig, styles it for your wedding and plans of preserving it  to wear it on your one year anniversary...I don't know where that came from but I hope it at least makes you smile.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    This is just one issue on top of so many others.  She's getting consumed with all the details of our wedding, that I feel like she's treating it as her own.  Am I happy that she's excited?  Of course, I am.  But, after receiving e-mail after e-mail and call after call about her details and question after question, it's getting to me a bit.  I think my worries lie with I'm not sure where this is going to lead after we're married. 

    I'm happy that she's excited, but it's become too much.  She's even e-mailed me a number of times regarding the EXACT type and color of flower she wants to have on the wedding. 

    It's getting to be too much and how I feel she's becoming controlling with all other details.  The hotel for the guests, down to what type of tuxedo my own father will wear.  TOO MUCH!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    She can get as many hair trials as she wants, but NO ONE will be looking at her.

    Nothing she does can take away from you on your wedding day...so let her waste the time and money. :-)

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    In the weeks before your wedding, EVERYTHING can be annoying, I totally understand!!  Is this her first child wedding/is your FI her only child?  That could explain her behavior. 


    My MIL said to me, well before the wedding, "I know that as the mother of the groom my job is to wear beige and be quiet!"  I think she was only half-kidding.  It made me kind of sad!  I told her I wanted her to be as involved as she wanted to be, and to speak up if she felt strongly about something.

    Although, I supposed it's a lot easier to tell your FMIL to "please speak up" as opposed to "please stop speaking up"!! 

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    In Response to Re: FMIL issues...:
    [QUOTE]This is just one issue on top of so many others.  She's getting consumed with all the details of our wedding, that I feel like she's treating it as her own.  Am I happy that she's excited?  Of course, I am.  But, after receiving e-mail after e-mail and call after call about her details and question after question, it's getting to me a bit.  I think my worries lie with I'm not sure where this is going to lead after we're married.  I'm happy that she's excited, but it's become too much.  She's even e-mailed me a number of times regarding the EXACT type and color of flower she wants to have on the wedding.  It's getting to be too much and how I feel she's becoming controlling with all other details.  The hotel for the guests, down to what type of tuxedo my own father will wear.  TOO MUCH!
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    I would stop responding to the emails, and then just chock it up to you're so busy with the wedding details that you must have missed them. And thanks for the su ggestions, but your dad is all set w/ his tux and sorry but you already ordered the flowers and what you picked is really going to coordinate well with the rest of the wedding details that you've picked.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    In Response to Re: FMIL issues...:
    [QUOTE]She can get as many hair trials as she wants, but NO ONE will be looking at her. Nothing she does can take away from you on your wedding day...so let her waste the time and money. :-)
    Posted by amschnittger[/QUOTE]

    That's the thing, I'm not even that type of bride.  I'm not one to want a ton of attention.  I just think it's gotten to be too much when all we talk about is her.  I don't even want to talk about me.  Just anything else. 

    I feel like she'll get on the phone with me with a list in front of her.  Then, she'll go down the list of things she wants to talk about.  Things that I have already decided on.  The biggest thing right now is telling me how "all the men should look the same" including the dads.  My thing is that I don't want my dad to look like a groomsman.  He's not a groomsman.  Then, it goes to what type of tux he's going to wear.  Um, who cares!?  He's my dad, and he'll wear what he wants. 

    I'm not telling anyone what to wear or how many times to get their hair or make-up done.  Just do it.  I don't need to know it all.  If it's for yourself, just take care of it on your own, just like I am for myself.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    In Response to Re: FMIL issues...:
    [QUOTE]In the weeks before your wedding, EVERYTHING can be annoying, I totally understand!!  Is this her first child wedding/is your FI her only child?  That could explain her behavior.  My MIL said to me, well before the wedding, "I know that as the mother of the groom my job is to wear beige and be quiet!"  I think she was only half-kidding.  It made me kind of sad!  I told her I wanted her to be as involved as she wanted to be, and to speak up if she felt strongly about something. Although, I supposed it's a lot easier to tell your FMIL to "please speak up" as opposed to "please stop speaking up"!! 
    Posted by heatherv1211[/QUOTE]

    He's not the only child.  He's one of two boys.  He's the second to get married.  She doesn't have a good relationship with the first, and has a great relationship with the 2nd (my fiance).  Good for me, right? 

    I don't know if anyone remembers my first post about these issues, but they were to the effect of things were fine until we got engaged.  She and I had a great relationship until the ring hit my finger.  She changed. 

    She's so worried about EVERYONE else controlling things (like, who would?) that she's doing the controlling. 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

         Look on the bright side.  All the time she is at a hair trial,  she has a hairdresser clucking and fussing over her, fascinated at every word she hears, as though her very tip depended on it.
         And when FMIL is off getting cosseted and stroked and paid attention to - she is NOT bugging you.

         There is nothing unreasonable about only answering e mail or returning phone calls every third day.  Just so you do it eventually.  When she get the hint that 10 contacts in 3 days, or 1, she is getting one time in 3 days you will respond, maybe she will not be so quick to run for the computer or phone.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    oh boy, wants to know every thing that will be happening right down to the tiniest detail... it sounds like she's hell-bent on stressing herself out about things she shouldn't be concerned with.
    Maybe you can tell her that you think she's putting unecessary pressure on herself? I mean, the last thing she needs to worry about is what your father will be wearing!
    Do you think there's any way you can convince her that for her own sanity she should lay off?

    The only other thing I can think of is like ams said, don't answer the emails and when she calls and asks questions about silly stuff like what other people will be wearing just say "I don't know." and if she presses you say "I don't know because I don't care to know and I don't think it's good for either of us to worry about it."
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    Goodness, based on my experiences with my MIL, here's some advice.  I did these things when I started to get really frustrated with the wedding, and they helped.

    First, when your FMIL gives you her thoughts on tuxes, flowers, etc., and things you've already decided on, just respond with "Hmm. I'll look into that."  Leave it at that.  Don't shut her ideas down because you might upset her, but also don't let her think she's going to get her way.  Just let her know that you'll think about what she said, then go ahead and do things your way.

    Secondly, when my grandfather got sick and I was totally upset, I told DH that from that point on he would be the one to talk to his mom about wedding-related things.  I didn't take her calls for a week or so, and I had him get back to her instead.  I had him relay any information that she needed to her, instead of doing it myself.  Not only did it get her off my back for a bit, it really helped me feel less overwhelmed.

    And finally, if you have some wedding-related details that you just don't care about, let her take charge.  Programs, favors, whatever...just pick something that doesn't matter to you and let her take care of it.  That way she'll feel like she's got control over something.

    Like I said before, things went back to normal for me and my MIL as soon as the wedding was over.  I actually had a nice phone conversation with her the other night, during which she genuinely told me how much joy I've brought into her life and how she felt like she got back everything she missed with my SIL's wedding with ours.  That kind of put things into perspective for me.  She really was just THAT excited that we were getting married.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    It's funny because when the planning first started happening, I was all, "Aw, that's so sweet".  Now, it's too much.  I do feel guilt about complaining about it, but I can't take it. 

    I hope there's no foreshadowing here :(

    Thanks for reading my posts, everyone.  I'm just starting to feel sad and overwhelmed.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    [QUOTE]It's funny because when the planning first started happening, I was all, "Aw, that's so sweet".  Now, it's too much.  I do feel guilt about complaining about it, but I can't take it.  I hope there's no foreshadowing here :( Thanks for reading my posts, everyone.  I'm just starting to feel sad and overwhelmed.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    No need to feel guilty, Goodness.  I don't think you'll ever find a bride that didn't have the same feelings that you're having now.  It's totally normal.  :)

    And it's totally temporary.  Just get through these last few weeks, and you'll be fine!!!
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    Do I sound mean?
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    In Response to Re: FMIL issues...:
    [QUOTE]Goodness, based on my experiences with my MIL, here's some advice.  I did these things when I started to get really frustrated with the wedding, and they helped. First, when your FMIL gives you her thoughts on tuxes, flowers, etc., and things you've already decided on, just respond with "Hmm. I'll look into that."  Leave it at that.  Don't shut her ideas down because you might upset her, but also don't let her think she's going to get her way.  Just let her know that you'll think about what she said, then go ahead and do things your way. Secondly, when my grandfather got sick and I was totally upset, I told DH that from that point on he would be the one to talk to his mom about wedding-related things.  I didn't take her calls for a week or so, and I had him get back to her instead.  I had him relay any information that she needed to her, instead of doing it myself.  Not only did it get her off my back for a bit, it really helped me feel less overwhelmed. And finally, if you have some wedding-related details that you just don't care about, let her take charge.  Programs, favors, whatever...just pick something that doesn't matter to you and let her take care of it.  That way she'll feel like she's got control over something. Like I said before, things went back to normal for me and my MIL as soon as the wedding was over.  I actually had a nice phone conversation with her the other night, during which she genuinely told me how much joy I've brought into her life and how she felt like she got back everything she missed with my SIL's wedding with ours.  That kind of put things into perspective for me.  She really was just THAT excited that we were getting married.
    Posted by kmt09[/QUOTE]

    I did, I did.  She's doing the programs for the church. 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    I feel like you're going to hit a point where you're just going to have to tell her that her stressing out over things is stressing you out.

    I like kmt's idea of giving her something you don't care about, but I have the feeling like she'll pester you endlessly about it even if she's the one handling it.

    It's wonderfult hat she' excited and that she wants to help, but I feel like at the rate she's going, she's going to exhaust both herself and you with all of her worrying.

    You may either have to tune her out or have a sit-down about it, but I can't tell for sure how exactly to get through to her.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    no, you sound like you're at your wits end. Planning a wedding is stressful enough without someone else laying their stress on you.

    In Response to Re: FMIL issues...:
    [QUOTE]Do I sound mean?
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: FMIL issues...

    [QUOTE]Do I sound mean?
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    If what you're saying is mean, then I was a raging b!tch from hell a couple weeks before my wedding.  Laughing
     
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