Honeymoon Registries

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from BostonTaryn. Show BostonTaryn's posts

    Honeymoon Registries

    Has anyone registered for honeymoon activities instead of the usual items?  All the websites seem to charge at least 7.5% or more for guests (or us) on top of the gifts.  We would rather have gifts towards the honeymoon (we are going to HI), as we already have a house.  Any suggestions would be great.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Rirlo01. Show Rirlo01's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    PK, didn't you use one?  

    I did an "analysis" for friends a long time ago (hello, nerd!) and compared seven sites in a spreadsheet.  They ended up choosing Honeyfund, which was charging a 3% fee (absorbed by the gift recipients) at that time.  Other friends of mine currently are using that one, too, but I don't know what the fees are.  
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    I would not contribute to someone's honeymoon registry because of the fees charged, etc.  I think they're a ripoff.   Why not use good ol' cash instead?

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    I did, but that was almost 4 years ago. I'm sure there are better options out there now. I used TheHoneymoon.com because of this excerpt on their FAQ page:

    "There is no set up fee, however we do assess a small service charge that you can either have added onto the gift amount; or deducted from it. Although most couples prefer to have this fee added onto the gift amount, those that choose the other method will be happy to learn that we are the only honeymoon registry that does not recoup credit card fees from your wedding guests by tacking it onto their gift purchase. In addition, most other registries charge a flat percentage of nine to ten percent regardless of the gift amount. We are the only honeymoon registry whose fee gets smaller as the gift purchase gets larger"
     
    We chose to have the interest deducted from our gifts.

    If Honeyfund has only a 3% fee, I'd go with them. Just be sure they don't charge credit card fees on top of their 3% fee.

    Some guests did choose to just give us a check instead of going through the website. If that's what people would prefer to do, they'll make that decision for themselves.
    Like any other registry, a honeymoon registry just a suggestion that breaks things down and shows the types of things you'd like to have/do. If your guests want to go about it another way, they will. Just like how I sometimes will buy that Cuisinart coffee maker from TJ Maxx instead of off the Bed Bath and Beyond registry.

    A friend of mine who was marrie dthis summer used TheHoneymoon.com, and she had the great idea that, when she uploaded the pictures from their trip onto Facebook each night, she tagged the gift-givers in the photos of their gifted activity. It was a really cool idea, and I loved that I got to see a picture of the meal I treated them to just a few hours after they enjoyed it. They did send traditional TYNs as well, but it was a fun use of Facebook.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    Personally, I'm not a fan of honeymoon registries either.  I prefer to give a boxed gift, but that's just me.  The issue I have with honeymoon and other cash registries is that as I understand it, you aren't actually buying the thing you think you are buying.  You make a list of things, like dinners out or other activities, for your guests to buy.  When they buy it, they think they are actually buying a voucher for that activity, but it is really just cash that gets deposited to an account.  The B&G then get a check at the end, which they can use as they said they will or they could use it for something else altogether.  Hopefully they will actually use it on the honeymoon, but I find the fact that you aren't acutally buying what you think you are deceptive.  If I wanted to give you cash, I'll write you a check.

    Anyway, if you do decide to do a HM registry, I suggest you also have a tradtitional registry for people like me who want to buy you a boxed gift.  Otherwise you will likely end up with a bunch of random housewares that you may or may not like.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    trex- If you visit a honeymoom\n registry site, they make it pretty clear that the bride and groom will be getting a check, not a voucher.
    You have no idea if a couple is going to really use that blender you're buying off their registry, or if they'll decide to exchange it for a juicer, or get a cash refund, or if it will sit unused in their basement for a few years and they end up re-gifting it. Gifts are given in good faith.
    In fact, if I had wanted to be deceitful, I could have registered for $2,000 worth of housewares, returned it all for cash, and used that cash to go on my honeymoon.

    I understand that many people are uncomfortable with these registries because they feel asking for money is tacky/rude regardless of the form of the request. That's fine. Opinions are opinions and no one's right or wrong.
    But I think "deceptive" is a strong word and it implies that people are trying to defraud or lie to their friends and famly in order to get money.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    PK:  You are definitely entitled to your opinion, I'm just sharing mine, which is that I find them deceptive.  The ones I have seen have lists of activities that you can buy, like "tickets to Disney World" or "airfare to Paris", etc, etc.  Yes, if you read the small print, you'll see it is being deposited to an account for the couple. However, most people will assumed that you are buying these things or that the couple will definitely use it to buy these things, which may or may not be true.  What the couple ends up with is a check for XXX dollars.  What happens when they only get $400 and can't afford their trip to Paris?  They keep the money that you gave them and do who knows what with it.  As I said, if I wanted to just give them money, I'd write them a check.

    Anyway, whenever I've seen them, my personal feeling is that it is tacky.  You are basically registering for cash, which I think is inappropriate.  I think how people feel about the HM registry is about 50:50, that's why if you do it, I suggest you also have a traditional registry for those that don't approve of a honeymoon registry.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from EBo16. Show EBo16's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    In Response to Honeymoon Registries:
    [QUOTE]Has anyone registered for honeymoon activities instead of the usual items?  All the websites seem to charge at least 7.5% or more for guests (or us) on top of the gifts.  We would rather have gifts towards the honeymoon (we are going to HI), as we already have a house.  Any suggestions would be great.
    Posted by BostonTaryn[/QUOTE]

      I have not given to anybody's honeymoon.   I personally think it is tacky.  I would rather give a boxed gift or cash.   That is my personal opion.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from JEnvie. Show JEnvie's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    tacky isnt as tacky does, if that makes sense
    it is not something i wold ever do, however; a friend did that for hers and i gladly used it - it is what she wanted, and i like to give people what they want

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    I think the honeymoon registery makes the honeymoon one gigantic gift to be split among guests who choose to participate in the "group gift."  No one is forced to participate - they can give the couple anything, cash, gift, or nothing.  

    Why is registering for one gift, a honeymoon, any different than registering for china and towels?  People buy pieces of one set of china, one set of towels, etc., and that's not considered tacky.  I just don't see any difference at all.

    I registered for an expensive knife set, and it got broken up into pieces - many people contributed - we got 3/4 of it and finished the rest ourselves.  I don't think that was tacky.


     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from princess-cal. Show princess-cal's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    Put me in the crowd with thinking hm registries are tacky.  Sorry, but that's just my opinion, I wouldn't contribute to one.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    My knife set was $2000.  Cutco allows it to be conveniently split up to constitute many gifts of the block and individual knives.  2 people went in on the block.  Other guests bought one or two knives. 

    Is that different than registering for a $2000 honeymoon and having it broken up into hotel night, dinners, snorkeling, and other pieces?  If so, how?  If not, why not?

    Was my knife set a tacky thing to do, too?  I can take it. ;)

    For those who find the hm registry tacky, I'd be curious if you could concretely answer what exactly is different, if anything, between these two registeries.  You're certainly entitled to your opinion of the hm registry being tacky, but at the same time, I'm dying to know what specifically makes it more tacky than any other registry.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from JEnvie. Show JEnvie's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    im still caught up on not contributing to it because its tacky...like i posted earlier, it's what my friends wanted, so who am i to judge them....
    i find a lot of things tacky, personally, professionally, what have you, and who am i to judge, if i mean enough to the person to invite me, i would like to do something for them

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    But, what is tacky about paying for pieces of a honeymoon that isn't tacky about paying for pieces of a china, towel, or knife set?  I'm trying to understand.

    If anyone answers, "I think it's all the same and tacky for the exact same reasons," I'd get that - it would make sense to me.  But, if you don't think it's all tacky, please explain what the specific difference is to you about registering for a set of china verses a set of things to do on a honeymoon that makes one tacky and the other acceptable in your opinion.  I'm not trying to put anyone on the defensive, truly, I'm really just curious what the difference is to someone...anyone?
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kinga9. Show kinga9's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    I might get ripped apart for this, but I agree with the tackiness of registering for one's own honeymoon. I understand that couples need to register because gift giving at weddings have grown way out of proportion, but what ever happened to inviting your close family and friends to share in the celebration of marriage because you want them there to witness this big event without expecting them to bring a gift? I've seen brides add people to their guest list because they think they'll get a good gift out of them. I think weddings today have gone way off path and  for some it's not so much about the celebration of marriage but what you can get out the day.

    I just can't stand when I go to shower and the bride acts surprised by her gifts...YOU REGISTERED FOR THEM, why are you surprised by what you're getting? And as far as the honeymoon registries...what's next? I've seen mortgage registeries, cash registeries (not sure why, seems a little redundant) and car registries. Seriously??? When I give a gift to a couple, I feel that the purpose of my gift is to symbolize the start of their life together and helping them build their new "home"...I'm not there to pay their bills or help them pay for a new car. I guess the honeymoon is an extension of that. I'll help them build the fundamentals of happy kitchen, but I'm not going to pay for someone else's vacation.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    Can someone either finish the first statement or agree with the second or third statement, please?

    "Registering for a set of activities on a honeymoon is tacky because ____________, but registering for a set of knives, china, or towels is not tacky because ___________________________."

    "The honeymoon is the same as the knife/china/towel set because ALL registries are tacky."

    "It just FEELS tackier to me, why are you pressuring me to explain it?  I just don't like the idea of hm registries!"
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from kinga9. Show kinga9's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    Let me try to clarify what I was trying to say before...

    Reistering for your honeymoon is as tacky as registering for your actual wedding...i.e. centerpieces, catering, DJ/band, etc. You should not expect people to give a gift that contributes to parts of your wedding (including your own honeymoon) because you don't feel like spending your own money. Wedding gifts should be gestures or tokens of a guest's appreciative feeling of being invited to join you in celebrating your special day. Bridal registries, given their tacky nature that they have grown to become, should be used to guide guests in the right direction to gift giving (retro style vs. modern style...but honestly, if they're invited to your wedding they SHOULD know that anyway) and avoid duplication should they choose to give a gift.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registries:
    [QUOTE]PK:  What happens when they only get $400 and can't afford their trip to Paris?  They keep the money that you gave them and do who knows what with it.  As I said, if I wanted to just give them money, I'd write them a check. 
    Posted by trex509[/QUOTE]

    What happens if they register for 8 sets of 4-piece place settings, but only get 3?
    They either fill in the rest themselves, or exchange or return them.

    If people don't get everything on their registry, they don't just live without pots and pans or whatever.

    DH and I already had booked and saved money for airfare and hotel. We still would have gone on our honeymoon, even if our guests had chosen not to give us anything.

    If something terrible or unexpected had happened, and we could not have taken our honeymoon, we would have offered to return the gifts, as any decent person would do.

    I think you're making a lot of negative assumptions.

    Gifts are given in good faith. As I said before, you have no more assurance that a blender or crock pot will be used as you hoped than any other type of gift. They are equally able to be wasted or returned.

    if you don't like HM registries because you disapprove of any request for monetary gifts, that's fine. but you can't honestly say that you ever know for sure how people are going to use the gifts you give them. You never know. You just give in good faith.

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registries:
    [QUOTE]Let me try to clarify what I was trying to say before... Reistering for your honeymoon is as tacky as registering for your actual wedding...i.e. centerpieces, catering, DJ/band, etc. You should not expect people to give a gift that contributes to parts of your wedding (including your own honeymoon) because you don't feel like spending your own money. Wedding gifts should be gestures or tokens of a guest's appreciative feeling of being invited to join you in celebrating your special day. Bridal registries, given their tacky nature that they have grown to become, should be used to guide guests in the right direction to gift giving (retro style vs. modern style...but honestly, if they're invited to your wedding they SHOULD know that anyway) and avoid duplication should they choose to give a gift.
    Posted by kinga9[/QUOTE]

    but it's okay if I don't feel like spending my own money on pots, pans, plates, so I ask you to buy them for me?

    a registry is a suggestion or source of ideas for gifts to give. people can choose not to buy from it, people can use it as a guide, or people can purchase from the registry.

    registering for the wedding itself is absurd because guests are giving gifts at the wedding like you give gifts to anyone who hosts a party. If the guests are paying for the wedding, then they are the hosts and it wouldn't make sense for them to give gifts to the bride and groom, who would be guests. it would cancel itself out.

    people like to give gifts at weddings, and it's become customary to have a registry to tell your guests what kind of gifts you would like to receive to make things easier. why not be honest about what you want?

    I've heard it's rude/tacky to request no gifts, so it seems like a catch 22.

    I didn't register for any activity that cost more that $100 for two people. I know that most traditional registries have items on them for far more than $100, like $900 widescreen tvs or $200 serving platters.

    and I resent your implication that I expected gifts from my friends and family. I most certainly did not expect gifts. I suspected that some of them might want to give me a gift, and I suspected that they might want some ideas. And I suspected correctly!
    I also did not do anything as loathsome as inviting people so that they would give me gifts. I invited my friends and family so that they could celebrate with us. My main concern in planning my wedding was that I wanted my guests to have a great time at my wedding. Some gave generously, some gave just a little something, some gave nothing at all. I was just happy they cared enough to come, and I was touched that the majority of them decided to give towards our honeymoon. If people didn't give us a gift, I didn't hold it against them. Maybe they couldn't afford to or maybe they didn't feel comfortable with the registry. That's fine. They came, that's what really matters.

    To think something is tacky is fine, but to assume bad things about people who do the things you think are tacky is not fine.

    I think cash bars are tacky, but I don't think the people who have them are spoiled, greedy or self-absorbed. I just accept that it's a difference of opinion, pay for my drink, and enjoy the evening anyway.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from kinga9. Show kinga9's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    Like it's been said a million times on here before, everyone is enitled to their own opinions about these subject matters, and that goes for me too. I personally think it's tacky, and being a bit on the traditional side, I would never ask for my guests to help pay for my own honeymoon. My grandmother would roll over in her grave if she had heard of such a thing. At this rate, pretty soon every tradition will start to change and the annivarsary gift giving guidelines will soon be trips, second homes, and retirement funds.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    Of course, you are entitled!

    I'm still not understanding the difference, for people who think it's tacky, between registering for a set of china, which presumably wouldn't upset anyone's dear departed grandmother, or a set of things to do on a honeymoon, but I guess I can live with that.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registries:
    [QUOTE]Can someone either finish the first statement or agree with the second or third statement, please? "Registering for a set of activities on a honeymoon is tacky because ____________, but registering for a set of knives, china, or towels is not tacky because ___________________________." "The honeymoon is the same as the knife/china/towel set because ALL registries are tacky." "It just FEELS tackier to me, why are you pressuring me to explain it?  I just don't like the idea of hm registries!"
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    I can answer this.

    People feel that a HM registry is tacky because they see it as a request for cash, and any and all requests for cash are tacky.
    When you have a traditional registry, it's a request for material items, not cash.

    Some other people feel that the honeymoon is part of the wedding itself, so the guests of the wedding should not be asked to contribute.

    I agree with you that, as a guest or gift-giver, I just want to give people what they want. If what they want is cash, then I'm more than happy to give it to them. Whether it be for a horse ride on their honeymoon or a down payment on a house. I'm fine with all of it. I don't see what makes a request for a stand mixer better than a request for museum tickets. I just see them as requests, which I can choose to fulfill or not.
    Most of my friends and family agree with this. That's why a HM registry worked for me. But I did ask around a little before, because I know that some people will always think that any request for monetary gifts of any kind to be tacky.
    Had the majority of my closest friends and family members advised me that a HM registry would not have gone over well, then I would have had to think of something else. Probably would have registered for a bunch of stuiff I didn't know how to use that would have sat in my mother's basement for 2.5 years until DH and I moved to a place with a real kitchen and learned how to cook. I would have felt terrible about it.

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from Shortylicious. Show Shortylicious's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    Personally, I'm not a fan of any kind of registry. I think asking for gifts at any time is tacky. But that's me and my personal situation. When I got married, I asked that people did not buy us gifts as we were both in our 30's with an established household. And our wedding was a little out of the way, so our guests had to pay for travel and hotels. But people gave us stuff anyway, most of which I gave away because I didn't need it. So, even though I don't like it, I would (and do) recommend to engaged couples that they register because guests want to buy gifts. As a guest, I'll purchase whatever they want- be it china, travel or towels. I wouldn't contribute to a mortgage or bills though. I've got enough of those to pay for myself!
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    Kar:  I could try to go into the many reasons that I don't like honeymoon registries, but 1) it would take too long and I dont' have the patience to write it out and 2) PK would rip it apart anyway and I don't feel like arguing about it.  So I'll get down to this:

    I don't like HM registries because whenever I've seen them, THEY FEEL TACKY TO ME. 

    To test this theory, I went onto honeyfund, picked a random couple (last name Smith) and looked at how the registered and what it said.  And my skin crawled at the tackiness of it.  I have had friends do this before, and I don't like it so I just buy a traditional registry present.  I just don't think it is appropriate to register for cash.

    I also will agree with Kinga.  What's next when it comes to registries?  I've unfortunately seen a "help us save for a down payment" registry.  Next will be the mortgage registry, kitchen renovation registry, wedding fund registry, etc, etc.  For baby showers, we will start seeing minivan and college fund registries?  I just don't agree with it.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kinga9. Show kinga9's posts

    Re: Honeymoon Registries

    In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registries:
    [QUOTE]Kar:  I could try to go into the many reasons that I don't like honeymoon registries, but 1) it would take too long and I dont' have the patience to write it out and 2) PK would rip it apart anyway and I don't feel like arguing about it.  So I'll get down to this: I don't like HM registries because whenever I've seen them, THEY FEEL TACKY TO ME.  To test this theory, I went onto honeyfund, picked a random couple (last name Smith) and looked at how the registered and what it said.  And my skin crawled at the tackiness of it.  I have had friends do this before, and I don't like it so I just buy a traditional registry present.  I just don't think it is appropriate to register for cash. I also will agree with Kinga.  What's next when it comes to registries?  I've unfortunately seen a "help us save for a down payment" registry.  Next will be the mortgage registry, kitchen renovation registry, wedding fund registry, etc, etc.  For baby showers, we will start seeing minivan and college fund registries?  I just don't agree with it.
    Posted by trex509[/QUOTE]

    Trex, I almost want to die laughing because I was so tempted to say the SAME THING last night in regards to baby showers. PK, would you register for a college fund for a baby shower?  Sure, it's what we really WANT for our kids, but it's simply just not something that we ASK for. There's a certain amount of discretion that couples these days are throwing out the window (hence my remark about displeasing my deceased grandmother who was the classiest woman I have ever known) and they think that, "well, I'm getting gifts anyways, why not request that people pay for what I REALLY want and would otherwise in any other circumstance be too embarassed to ask for. " Just out of curiosity, how many people did you tell to their face that you wanted them to pay for your honeymoon?

    I think there is where the tackiness lies.
     

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