We are in the process of planning our ceremony, and my FI and I got into a huge debate about how many readings we should have. His answer - 0. My answer 3-4. I am sure that somewhere in between is probably right, but we can't come to an agreement.
We are an interfaith couple and not having the ceremony at a place of worship, but we are having two religious celebrants. It seems like we should have at least one reading from each religious background.
Does anyone have any input on how many readings is average? We are planning that the total ceremony would be about 1 hour.
Thank you!
How many readings is too many?
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How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/8/2010 6:59 PM EDT
- ScooterSM
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Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/8/2010 7:27 PM EDT
- ALF72
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If you are not having a religious ceremony, I think 2-3 short readings is plenty. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/8/2010 7:31 PM EDT
- ScooterSM
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I'm sorry, I should have been more clear. We are having a religious ceremony, it just isn't at a church, and it won't be celebrating just one religion. (Although all of the religious traditions are all pretty similar from all of the research I have done...)
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Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/8/2010 7:53 PM EDT
- WhirledPeasPlease
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I can't really attest to what's normal because we had a non-religious ceremony with a JP, but I've been to many a Catholic ceremony and they're usually about an hour and a half long with about 3 readings and a homily.What religions are you meshing? That may give us a better idea of what the ceremony would be like in each religion. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/8/2010 8:07 PM EDT
- ScooterSM
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My FI is conservative Jewish, and I am Catholic and Pagan. (So it is a little bit of everything...)
Thank you for any advice you can give. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/8/2010 10:16 PM EDT
- WhirledPeasPlease
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Okay, so will it be something like...a hoopa and stomping on the glass with a Catholic unity candle and handfasting ceremony?You could do readings in a different way, too. We had our JP incorporate a poem (it didn't rhyme) into our ceremony, and you could have the rabbi say something from the Old Testament, the priest something from the New Testament, and maybe a friend or sibling read a pagan text.Or, if your FI is against copious readings, you could do something other than readings (ie, the aforementioned Jewish hoopa, Catholic unity candle, etc). -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/8/2010 10:44 PM EDT
- Scorpio75
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The unity candle isn't really a Catholic thing but it is very very common, and while the US council of Bishops don't expressesly prohibit encorporating the unity candle into the ceremony it is not part of the rite of Marriage and it is up to individual churches, much like use of the Wagner's Wedding March.
What I don't understand is how you can be both Catholic (monotheistic) and Pagan (polytheistic) at the same time. Do you mean that you were brought up Catholic and are now Pagan? -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/8/2010 10:49 PM EDT
- lucy7368
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If you have a lot of non-religious guests, you're going to lose them with 3-4 readings. Quite honestly, I was raised Catholic, and I can barely stand to sit through two. I like the idea of one from each faith.
Also - are you planning on doing communion? Because, if you're going for an hour, there's no way you'll be able to do four readings, plus communion, plus the candle ceremony, plus whatever Jewish traditions you incorporate - especially if you want time to say your vows. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/9/2010 8:13 AM EDT
- kargiver
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Since Catholic and Pagan are mutually exclusive theolgoically speaking, I'm eager to hear how you've merged them. Thanks for asking the question on my mind, Scorpio!
I think 2 - 3 short readings is plenty. Really, your officients can say everything that needs to be said, and the readings are to give special people in your life who aren't part of the wedding party something of honor to do. If you don't have ANY you eliminate this outlet of honoring your friends/family. If you have 4, you add too much time to the ceremony. Even 3 is a lot of getting up and down and blah, blah, blah. I'd say 2. One from each religion for 2 special friends to read. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/9/2010 9:44 AM EDT
- poppy609
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I would first consider where and when the ceremony will take place. Will it be outside in August? If so, I would keep it short. If it's somewhere you think your guests will be comfortable with an hour long ceremony, I think 2-3 readings can be nice. I went to an interfaith ceremony recently with 2 religious celebrants - they each spoke, then there were also 2 readings, and it really didn't drag at all because they chose interesting passages. However, we were sitting directly under the very hot sun and people were quite uncomfortable. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/9/2010 10:13 AM EDT
- pinkkittie27
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While on the face it might seem that Paganism and Catholicism are incongruous, they do share similar ideas. Like treating others as you'd want to be treated and practicing forgiveness and mercy. The kinds of things that just about all religions have in common.
at any rate it's not our place to have Scooter explain or justify her beliefs. That's like etiquette rule #1. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/9/2010 10:18 AM EDT
- ALF72
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A full Catholic mass [wedding or otherwise] only has 3 readings. One of which is the gospel and is followed by a homily. I cannot imagine any service that does not have a set protocol [which you won't necessarily have if you are combining different religions], lasting more than an hour. I've never been to a Jewish service, so I have no idea if they have readings or not. Why does your FI not want to have any readings? We had a full mass w/ communion and were done in just under an hour. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/9/2010 10:37 AM EDT
- ScooterSM
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Thank you all for your input. After meeting with the rabbi this morning, we settled on two short religious readings (probably Song of Songs and Corinthians) and one poem (Naruda, Gabran or something like that). Since we are not doing communion, the ceremony is indoors in October, and it is small (~75 people) we should still be able to make all fit in under an hour.
As a side note, many pagan practices are not polytheistic, and are surprisingly close in practice to many Judeo-christian paths. As Pinkkittie mentioned, there are many similarities in beliefs, particularly when it comes to the treatment of others and a respect for yourself and the world around you. Since many Catholic holidays and traditions were adapted from the pagan traditions, merging the two is actually easier than one might think. I would be happy to discuss this privately with anyone who has specific questions, but I don't want to get too OT for this post.
I appreciate everyones' advice!! -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/9/2010 10:41 AM EDT
- lucy7368
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Don't worry, Scooter. I'm still working on how to make a Wiccan-Catholic-Jehovah's Witness ceremony work. Jewish-Catholic-Pagan should be a breeze. All religions have similar belief systems, when you toss out the PR and get down to the nitty-gritty.
And you don't have to justify your beliefs to anyone. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/9/2010 1:42 PM EDT
- Scorpio75
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I wasn't asking her to justify her beliefs per se I was just curious because I do think of Pagan and polytheistic and Catholasism is monothesitic. I asked because it confused me, and to learn more I ask questions.
That doesn't mean that they cannot share simiar thoughts such as be good to your neighbor for example and probably others. Heck if you read The Tao of Pooh, many of the ideals presented in that book as Taoist ideals I can easily identify with as a Catholic, there are many relgions where thoughs and practices are the same or very similar.
And I am not saying that Catholic (and other Christian) traditions are 100% their own, Catholics and other Christians did encorporate Pagan traditions to help mask who they were. That is not what was confounding me.
But believing in one diety (specifically with God the Father and Jesus his only Son) vrs beliving in multiple dieties does seem at odds with one another and that was what made me wonder how you could be both at the same time. And apparently there are some forms of paganism that are monothestic since Scooter said so, I a willing to go with it, and it is my thing learned for the day. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/9/2010 2:08 PM EDT
- pinkkittie27
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people hold beliefs that are at odds with each other all the time, it seems to have little impact on their ability to believe them. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/9/2010 2:19 PM EDT
- lucy7368
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Scorpio, there are some who would argue that the Wicca/Pagan belief in the Mother Goddess and her consort, the Horned God, is represented in the Catholic's depiction of God the Father and Mary, the Virgin Mother.
There are also those who would point out that the Catholic belief in the Trinity - father, son, and holy spirit has polytheistic undertones (especially when you consider the near worship some sects give to Mary). Comparative religions is an interesting topic.
Not that I'm trying to start a religious debate, because I'm not. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/9/2010 4:09 PM EDT
- ScooterSM
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Lucy- It sounds like you will have your hands full trying to balance those three! The best thing I have learned so far is to decide what is important to you, and let everything else go. I have a feeling my mom is going to be peeved about us skipping some things, but she isn't the one getting married, so she will have to get over it.
(I promise I don't mean to sound snotty, but trying to make everyone else happy was causing me to be close to tears every day, so I decided I couldn't do it anymore, and have felt much better since!) -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/9/2010 4:53 PM EDT
- kargiver
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I wasn't asking her to justify her beliefs, either. Is plain old curiousity not PC anymore? -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/9/2010 5:25 PM EDT
- ScooterSM
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Kargiver and Scorpio-
Although I am sure not everyone would feel the same way, I am always happy to answer questions about my religious path. I ask many questions of people of different faiths than mine, so I can only expect the same. Catholicism and Paganism at first glance are completely different, but (like so many religions) they are actually pretty similar. I didn't feel like I was being asked to justify at all, just explain... -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/9/2010 6:19 PM EDT
- laryan
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I think one reading from each religious background would be appropriate...that way you're inclusive of each religion.. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/9/2010 8:32 PM EDT
- WhirledPeasPlease
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I don't think Lucy's comment was directed at anyone; it was just an offhand, don't-get-stressed-about-meshing-all-of-these type of remark. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/10/2010 9:42 AM EDT
- poppy609
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Scooter - as long as you and your fiance are happy, that is most important!! Trying to make everyone happy will, as you're experiencing, make YOU UNHAPPY!
I really saw my ceremony (completely non-religious) as symbolic for how we intend to live our lives as a couple. it was a "public" statement about our beliefs and priorities, setting the stage for our marriage and for how we will raise our own children. I think it's so great that you are incorporating all of the beliefs and philosophies that you and your fiance hold dear. In the end, I bet your mom will love it! -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/10/2010 10:23 AM EDT
- kargiver
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In Response to Re: How many readings is too many?:Kargiver and Scorpio- Although I am sure not everyone would feel the same way, I am always happy to answer questions about my religious path. I ask many questions of people of different faiths than mine, so I can only expect the same. Catholicism and Paganism at first glance are completely different, but (like so many religions) they are actually pretty similar. I didn't feel like I was being asked to justify at all, just explain...
Posted by ScooterSM
Thanks for responding directly to our being accused of asking you to justify your religion! You're right - on the face of it it was confusing, and we were simply interested in how you make it work. I appreciate your response and believe people have every right to find their own way. -
Re: How many readings is too many?
posted at 6/10/2010 11:22 AM EDT
- lucy7368
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I just want to say that I wasn't trying to accuse anyone of anything. I was agreeing with PK's comment. Quite honestly, nothing I say has any hidden meaning.
If I want to call someone out, I'll say, "Hey! Roommate! You're an oxygen pirate!" or whatever.
ETA: I will say this: sometimes, "idle curiosity" really is too intrusive. I often get questions from people that I'm not comfortable answering, and no matter how politely you say so, they get offended that I don't want to talk about details of my personal life with total strangers (not you guys but, say, people I meet while networking). I would think that religious beliefs could easily fall into this category.