Miss Conduct

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Miss Conduct

    Found this one interesting (and actually wedding related!):


    That's CRAZY to spend $1K on a bachelorette party and then just expect other people to split the cost with you after the fact, when they didn't plan it.  However, I'm sure it happens a lot.  Happened to me for a bridal shower (I wasn't consulted to plan it, drove 3 hrs each way to go to it and was told at the party that I owed the host money), but my "share" was only $100, so I just mailed a check.  I didn't really mind since I was there, but apparently she tried to collect from 3 of the BMs that were out of state and didn't even come!  Is that normal?
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Miss Conduct

    I can't imagine throwing a $1,000 party and expecting other people to contribute without (a) asking them and (b) discussing the total cost in advance.

    I took a look at the second question, too - what is wrong with people?  I can't imagine walking up to a total stranger and saying, "I notice that you're not the same race as the child with you.  Did you kidnap it?  No?  Then how in the world did that happen?" 

    Maybe that's because I have an IQ of over 7. Undecided
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Miss Conduct

    I think it's ok to ask out of town bridesmaids to contribute, in certain circumstances.  Or maybe it's not ok to ASK, but personally I would contribute.  If I were in my friend's wedding and couldn't make it to the shower, I would definitely offer a contribution.
    But as the planner you should NEVER assume anything!  I was in a wedding with a MOH and 6 BMs.  The MOH paid for everything.  I gave her my share and ONE other BM gave money, but decided after the fact that she couldn't afford the group gift.  I felt so bad for the MOH!  I kept meaning to send her more money.

  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Miss Conduct

    This MOH threw the $1000 without ever getting any sort of indication from the other bridesmaids that they were going to contribute... so I guess I see this as the MOHs choice, and that while I can understand her disappointment that the BMs didn't contribute, she kind of just needs to s*ck it up and be happy that she threw her friend (bride) a great party.

    As a BM (have had quite a lot of experience there), I can't imagine not offering to contribute anything to a shower or bachelorette, even if I wasn't going.  However I would expect to know the costs ahead of time and I would be honest about what I could afford.

    I really disagree with most of what Robin advised this person!  Call the friend who's having marital troubles to say "you heard the news?"  I would be MORTIFIED if I were that friend!  It's not even the MOHs friend, it's the bride's!

    Re: the second question... geesh.  She should carry around that book, "Where do I Come From?" that teaches kids about the birds and bees and hand it to anyone who asks that.
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Miss Conduct

    I don't think out of town BMs should be expected to contribute to the shower (unless they attend).  After all, they already have extra travel costs associated with being in the wedding and it is so expensive already, I just don't think it is nice to ask them.  If you are ASKED to contribute, you can't really say no without looking bad or feeling guilty about it.  But then, I haven't been in a lot of weddings, so I dont' really know what is traditional.  I just don't think it is fair.  Of course if someone wants to contribute or offers, that's great.  I just hate situations where someone plans a shower and then just tells everyone "You owe me $XXX".  Which I think happens a lot and is hard to say no to without causing drama.  I also know this has happened to a lot of my friends and I always feel bad for them when they tell me about it.

    They should really just ask everyone first who WANTS to contribute and how much they can afford, and then plan the shower based on that budget.  But that rarely happens.
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Miss Conduct

    Trex, I read that column and I thought Mrs. Conducts response to both questions were adequate. However, I do believe the MOH made the biggest mistake to assume she would get to share her expenses w/o asking ahead of time.

    In regard to the question of the "mixed child" - I found it more than rude. I have unusual looking children. Fair with pitch black hair and very blue eyes. According to the medical world, this is just not possible. Well it is! I have been stopped countless times to be asked, "Where did they come from? How did you managed that?" All I told the rude people, "Stardust!" - or, "Have you ever heard of the birds and the bees?" This usually made them blush.
    This column reminded me of the movie, "Short Circuit" - when some clod ask the Indian fellow, "Where do you come from?"
    This was the dialog:
    "Where do you come from?"
    In Indian accent, " I come from Pennsylvania."
    "But where do you really come from?"
    "I come from Pittsburgh."

    No matter what race, color or ethnic back ground, we all come from our mother's womb. End of story.

  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Miss Conduct

    I agree with you ladies. You have to have other people agree upon the contribution before expecting them to fork over a certain amount of money. If she was having trouble getting in touch with the other BMs, she should have told the bride or planned something she could afford all on her own.

    as for the other letter, my SIL and MIL get the same questions when they're out with SIL's kids. It's appalling. If anyone ever asked me that, I think the only thing I'd be able to say is "Well, that's a personal question!"
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Miss Conduct

    Pingo, I prefer to believe that the stork brought me. ;)
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Miss Conduct

    Me too Lucy, but I was taught otherwise. Besides, I now have two of my own. I wish the stork was available at that time. Guess, she was on vacation both times. LOL

    In Response to Re: Miss Conduct:
    Pingo, I prefer to believe that the stork brought me. ;)
    Posted by lucy7368