Name changes

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from helphelpImbeingrepressed. Show helphelpImbeingrepressed's posts

    Re: Name changes

    When men take their wives' names in equal proportions I'll buy that it's a simple matter of preference and choice on the woman's part.

    Since they don't, I see it as capitulating to patriarchal pressure.

    You're free to change your name if you please, and it's none of my business if you do, but I think it's one incredibly stupid tradition to keep alive. Oh how romantic, you're now your husband's property, instead of your father's. I'll be over here, swooning at how awesome that symbolism is.

    I also hate all the "one family, one name" garbage. You're damn right name keepers get mad at that. When name changers make that argument, they are clearly saying they think name keepers are lesser wives and mothers. What else can you mean when you say that, or the even more offensive "I took my husband's name because I love him?" They get nudgie when we point out they've changed their identity (you have, you had to get a new ID, therefore, your identity changed) but telling us we love our husbands less is fair game?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from maryborsari. Show maryborsari's posts

    Re: Name changes

    I have a funny story about not changing my name.  I got married to my second husband when I was over 40.  I wasn't going to have any more children and I had just got all my credit etc. back into my maiden name after changing it back from the first marriage.  So I wasn't going to change it this time around,  anyways ....

    My mom suffered from dementia.  Every day she would ask me, "What is your name?  I would say, "Mary Borsari like when I was born."

    She would then answer, "You didn't change your name?  Oh, that is an awful thing.!!"
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from HarryRPitts. Show HarryRPitts's posts

    Re: Name changes

    My wife kept her maiden name when we married in 1981.  When I voiced no objection to this idea, she raised the idea of giving girl children her last name.  I argued against this on the grounds that kids make fun of the different, and childhood is hard enough without going out of your way to make your kids the object of ridicule.  My wife bought my argument so our girls have my last name.  Since we had no boys and neither of my brothers had children, I'm the end of the line for our last name, and personally I don't care.  My last name is neither Windsor nor Hapsburg nor Bourbon, there is no dynasty to preserve.

    It will be interesting to see what choice our girls, now in their mid-20s, make when (if?) they marry.

    From the husband's perspective, the wife keeping her original last name has certain minor advantages.  The main one being, if you answer the phone and the caller asks for Mrs. Smith and when you tell the caller that Mrs. Smith is not at home, the caller then asks if you are Mr. Smith, you know that the caller is a telemarketer or bill collector and you can hang up the phone.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Old Yankee. Show Old Yankee's posts

    Re: Name changes

    John Smith marries Mary Jones.  Have a boy they name Bob.  So, Bob Smith-Jones.

    Dick Williams marries Edna Goldberg.  Have a girl they name Susan, ergo Susan Williams-Goldberg.

    The pair marries, so now we have Bob and Susan Smith-Jones-Williams-Goldberg.

    Betcha you can't get THAT on a drivers license.   Where does it end?
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from harpswell. Show harpswell's posts

    Re: Name changes

    This cracks me up.  It is such a non-issue.  Do whatever you want to do that works for you.  When I got divorced in the mid 70s I had the restoration of my maiden name written into my divorce decree, lest any one try to make a "legal" issue out of it.  It was the 70s when such things seemed relevant.  Our young daughter of course retained her father's name as there was no reason for her not to keep it.  I vowed then that if I ever remarried, I would retain my maiden name because it was mine and who I was (which had more to do with pride of family than that it was my father's name).  When I remarried, I did indeed keep it.  We had great fun with things like the PTA meetings and other events where my 2nd husband would introduce us as the family with three last names and nine personalities.  Once people "got it" we all had a good laugh.  I don't know why in 2009 this is still an issue or why anyone cares.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from harpswell. Show harpswell's posts

    Re: Name changes

    In Response to Re: Name changes:
    [QUOTE]Please keep your original name. It is so confusing when people change their name. If you want your children to have some of your identity and make it easier for their teachers, give them your last name as their middle name, an increasingly common practice. Maybe in some written communications you can put your husband's last name just after yours in parentheses. If you have a complicated non-English name, anglicize it. Someone should write a formula for this and write a computer program to run the formula. For less complicated names, we need to have standardized rules for the English pronunciation. Norway requires all of its citizens to have Norwegian names. It makes it easier for everyone.
    Posted by burbie[/QUOTE]

    to Burbie:
    I also think you are kidding about anglicizing non-/English names.  What an insult.  

    Also, the practice of using the mother's family name as the child's middle name is not new; it is an old, old Southern tradition as well as an old WASP tradition.

    You might also want to become more informed through this URL:
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from lah02155. Show lah02155's posts

    Re: Name changes

    I kept my "maiden" name for one reason and one reason only: Laziness!

    I didn't fell like changing my driver's license, credit cards, mortgage, etc. to another name.

    If people want to call me Mrs. so-and so on a social basis, fine. But it's not really my name.

    BTW, my husband does not object to me using my birth name.Cool
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from princess-cal. Show princess-cal's posts

    Re: Name changes

    In Response to Re: Name changes:
    [QUOTE]When men take their wives' names in equal proportions I'll buy that it's a simple matter of preference and choice on the woman's part. Since they don't, I see it as capitulating to patriarchal pressure. You're free to change your name if you please, and it's none of my business if you do, but I think it's one incredibly stupid tradition to keep alive. Oh how romantic, you're now your husband's property, instead of your father's. I'll be over here, swooning at how awesome that symbolism is. I also hate all the "one family, one name" garbage. You're damn right name keepers get mad at that. When name changers make that argument, they are clearly saying they think name keepers are lesser wives and mothers. What else can you mean when you say that, or the even more offensive "I took my husband's name because I love him?" They get nudgie when we point out they've changed their identity (you have, you had to get a new ID, therefore, your identity changed) but telling us we love our husbands less is fair game?
    Posted by helphelpImbeingrepressed[/QUOTE]

    One could also say that the "name keepers" aren't confident enough with their own identity - to think that a name change would jeopardize who you are.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Name changes

    burbie sounds like Tarheel to me. 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from helphelpImbeingrepressed. Show helphelpImbeingrepressed's posts

    Re: Name changes

    Name changers disappear a little bit when they marry.

    My husband can find any one of his old school friends on Facebook, while I can't, because many of the girls I went to school with changed their names, becoming someone else.

    You really do lose a bit of your identity, I don't see how you can seriously argue otherwise. I respect your right to do so, but I think it's weak.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Name changes

    I don't see how you can argue that you DO lose your identity. Ridiculous. Disappear a little? On facebook I have both names, so it's easy to find me. Maybe people who change their name on facebook don't want to be found by old acquaintances. 

    And with the whole "name changers make name keepers feel like lesser wives and mothers with the one family one name," every opinion or preference someone has automatically means they may not like the other option. I like crunchy peanut butter. Creamy peanut butter can take a walk, which is implied in my preference for crunchy.

    Wasn't feminism about having options? But now the "right" option is to keep your name, stay strong! What's the point of having choices if only one is considered the "real" choice?

    We're just making it worse for ourselves by doing this--women judging other women for the choices they make. There won't be any real progress until we can reconcile making choices with ourselves. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from BevLafl. Show BevLafl's posts

    Re: Name changes

    Just to clarify the French situation a bit: a woman in France legally uses her given (i.e. birth) name throughout her life. If she chooses to use her husband's family name after marriage, that is considered a "nom d'usage" (name of usage), not a legal change of name. All your government documents are still kept in your birth name, though they may also mention your "nom d'usage" if you use one. And after divorce, the woman loses the right to use her ex-husband's name.

    It's only in recent years, however, that they have changed the rules on naming the children. Used to be the children always took the father's family name, however now there is considerably more latitude. The first child of a couple can take either parent's family name, or a hyphenated version of both, or (I think) a completely different last name. But every subsequent child of that same union must take the same last name as the first child. (Actually, there is some other crazy rule that if you blend the parents' last names, you are supposed to use a double hyphen in order to distinguish from family names that are already hyphenated... but that's another of those whacked out rules that most folks seem to be ignoring. Such is France...)

    I kept my own name after marrying a Frenchman here - in large part because, for the first time in my life, everyone can pronounce and spell my last name (which is French) without difficulty - something I never experienced while living in the US. DH wasn't happy at first, but he's gotten over it other than the odd card or letter addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. Myname." It also serves as a screen on telemarketing callers. If they ask for Mrs. Hubbysname, I know it's not anyone I want to talk to.  But if people who know my husband refer to me as "Mrs. Hubbysname" it doesn't really bother me all that much.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Recifense. Show Recifense's posts

    Re: Name changes

    A rose by any other name is still a rose.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from helphelpImbeingrepressed. Show helphelpImbeingrepressed's posts

    Re: Name changes

    Way to butcher the Bard.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sophie08. Show Sophie08's posts

    Re: Name changes

    I kept my married name after hubby died on Sept 13 2008.  I still feel like I am married,, dont feel single.  The moon has been full lately and I ask if he is taking a moon ride with people who went before him.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from EdEScot. Show EdEScot's posts

    Re: Name changes -- OK, but be consistent

    Now from the Keeper of the Records, listen up!   Keep your old name, take your spouse's, take an totally different name.  They all work as far as your records go.  However, be consistent.  Think carefully and then stay with your choice.  If a second change has to be made notify everyone you can think of including past employers of any significant period, past schools, internet groups, etc. etc.   And don't forget Uncle Sam!   If you start showing up under different names you could miss out on benefits and important informaiton. The biggest mistake is the
    " - ".  If you want to be Pat Smith-Jones fine.   If you want to be Pat Smith Jones that is also fine, but those are totally different names.   Good Luck, whoever you want to be!
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from ithinkbeforeiwrite. Show ithinkbeforeiwrite's posts

    Re: Name changes

    Hi

    What a timely discussion for me.  I just married and I am struggling with the name change thing.  When we went to file our marriage license , my heart skipped a beat when I was asked what my name after marriage would be.  What I realize is that my name change or lack thereof has nothing to do with my husband.  I love him more than anyone.

    Iam a 39 year old professional who has accomplished quite a bit using my maiden name.  No one would know me as Mrs.  NewName. Also, it is a hassle. 

    What amazes me is the question, "What will your new name be?, or what is your fiance's name and what shall I call you after marriage".  Not "will you change your name?"  It is weird that so many people fell entitled to tell me that I "should" change my name. 

    I have learned quite a bit regarding advice.  I won't give out as much, unless asked.  I am AMAZED so many people offer so much unsolicited---------and no one blames themselves for a tough marriage.  It seems to always to be the spouses fault.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from achemgee. Show achemgee's posts

    Re: Name changes

    I think most people with middle names have them from somewhere else in the family.  That's how it is in my entire family (currently, there are about 80 of us).  It's a great way to stay connected to your past.  My niece barely knew my grandmother but her middle name is my grandmother's first name and she likes that she has a piece of her. 

    Also, I am a modern and career oriented woman and I plan to change my name.  It doesn't make me some old fashioned traditional weirdo to do that.  To each their own but we shouldn't be superior to people who don't follow what we do.  I'm not making a name up for my kids either.  I like that names represent families and I like that my whole family will have the same name.  It's a unit.  And yeah, my grandmother is still my grandmother even with a different last name but she had her name with her family and I want that for my own.  It's like someone said earlier, if you keep your own last name, it's still just your father's name.  Plus, making names up and the like makes it impossible to trace family histories, which is kind of depressing and polarizing to think about.


    In Response to Re: Name changes:
    [QUOTE]Pink, that is a cool idea!  I would say girls get mine and boys get his, but I'm sure we'd just have boys then... haha!  I don't really understand the purpose of middle names, well unless they are just to honor family names.  Afterall, most of my friends (girls) dropped their middle names when they got married anyway (made their maiden name the middle and then took the husbands as their last).  So what was the point? I was actually so surprised that FI's sister took her husband's name.  She is very modern and career oriented woman.  I was very surprised she did something so traditional.
    Posted by trex509[/QUOTE]
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from achemgee. Show achemgee's posts

    Re: Name changes

    If your identity rests in your name alone, you have bigger problems than just changing your name when you get married.  Jeez, I don't argue that names have significant family value for some of us, but when it comes right down to it, names are really just letters put together to make words. It's not magic.  It's what you make of it, regardless of what it is.

    In Response to Re: Name changes:
    [QUOTE]Name changers disappear a little bit when they marry. My husband can find any one of his old school friends on Facebook, while I can't, because many of the girls I went to school with changed their names, becoming someone else. You really do lose a bit of your identity, I don't see how you can seriously argue otherwise. I respect your right to do so, but I think it's weak.
    Posted by helphelpImbeingrepressed[/QUOTE]
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Name changes

    Maybe some people like the idea of a somewhat new identity. :)
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Name changes

    In Response to Re: Name changes:
    [QUOTE]My husband can find any one of his old school friends on Facebook, while I can't, because many of the girls I went to school with changed their names, becoming someone else.
    Posted by helphelpImbeingrepressed[/QUOTE]

    I have been able to find all my old friends on FB, despite the fact that many of them are now married (some of them more than once).

    Changing your name is not the same as changing your identity.  A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

    ETA: Sorry.  I didn't see that someone else already said that.  Also, when I get married, I'm going to change my name to Princess Consuela Bananahammock.  Kiss
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Name changes

    In Response to Re: Name changes:
    [QUOTE]Maybe some people like the idea of a somewhat new identity. :)
    Posted by poppy609[/QUOTE]

    I've been trying to shed my identity for years.  Sometimes I think about changing my name just so my mother will have trouble finding me.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: Name changes

    In Response to Re: Name changes:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Name changes :ETA: Sorry.  I didn't see that someone else already said that.  Also, when I get married, I'm going to change my name to Princess Consuela Bananahammock. 
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    so has the boyfriend agreed to Crap Bag?
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from ramblinman1s. Show ramblinman1s's posts

    Re: Name changes

    Question - Say Pete Marx marries Lucy Sullivan.  They have a child named Kevin Marx-Sullivan.  Kevin marries a woman from a similar situation, named Mary Klien-Harshberger.  Now comes the interesting part:  They have a child named Elroy.  Does Elroy have to take all 4 last manes now?  That is, will his full name be Elroy Marx-sullivan-klien-harshberger? 
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from noitpec. Show noitpec's posts

    Re: Name changes

    You could change your first name, too.  It would be your husband's first name with ette added.
     

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