only children/people with sibs & LTR

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    only children/people with sibs & LTR

    There's been an interesting discussion going on around me recently regarding relationship-status of only children vs. people with siblings.

    Someone said that people with siblings are more likely to never get married/have a life partner than only children, because a lot of their human need to be close to others is fulfilled by sibling relationships.

    What do you all think about that?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    In Response to only children/people with sibs & LTR:
    [QUOTE]There's been an interesting discussion going on around me recently regarding relationship-status of only children vs. people with siblings. Someone said that people with siblings are more likely to never get married/have a life partner than only children, because a lot of their human need to be close to others is fulfilled by sibling relationships. What do you all think about that?
    Posted by heatherv1211[/QUOTE]

    I think that's a cockamammie load of baloney.  But, to be fair, I reject any theory that posits I will never get married. 

    Also, while I may be the youngest of five, I am not close with any of my siblings.  All but one are much older than me, and the youngest was a raging hootchiemama until I moved out of state.  And my SO is the youngest of three, and his brothers are 7 and 9 years older.  Maybe we qualify as only children?

    P.S.  It's fun to think up words BDC won't object to my using.  Cool
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    Interesting! I'd think it would be the opposite. Just guessing that my sisters played a major role in my relationship skills. I mean seriously, there were SO many fights growing up that we resolved - it had to teach us something, right?  Maybe it's different for people that have horrible relationships with their siblings?  Anyway, interesting subject!!!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    FWIW, all three of my sisters got married before they were 21.  My brother is still unmarried to the best of my knowledge.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    I agree with cicirose.  I think that people with siblings learn a lot about dealing with relationships and that probably helps them with SOs.  Or, scars them psychologically.  Either way, these kind of generalizations are rarely true in my opinion.

    I have 2 siblings, older brother and sister.  Both are married and I'm engaged.  (no worries Lucy!) 

    FWIW, family is totally overrated anyway.  My friends are my family.  (my family has made me rather cynical on the subject).
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    I find discussions about birth order and that kind of thing very interesting!  Off hand, I wouldn't say that an only child would be more likely to marry than someone with siblings.  I wonder if anyone has done a study? Tongue out 
    If anything, I would think only children would be less likely to marry because it would be hard to find a partner who spoils them as much as their parents did.  LOL no offense only children - mostly joking!  I just have a particular friend/only child in mind.

    My DH and I are both the 3rd of 4 children.  He has is the 3rd boy with a younger sister and I am the 3rd girl with a younger brother.  I think it's part of why we work.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    Pfff I'm wary of any theories based on birth order. I'm an only child. I'm also outgoing and know how to share. I know some super bratty, spoiled people with several siblings, and "onlys" who understand the value of hard work and money. 

    Sorry if I sound defensive; I've had decades of strangers asking me how spoiled I was as a child. 

    Anyway, some would say that there's someone for everyone. Even crazy people. Love abounds. 
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    In Response to Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR:
    [QUOTE]Sorry if I sound defensive; I've had decades of strangers asking me how spoiled I was as a child.  
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease[/QUOTE]

    Me, too.   "Oh, you're the BAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY!!!   You must have been SOOO spoiled!  What's it like?"

    Well, sure, if you define spoiled as wearing hand-me-downs from 1972 in 1985, four kids later and "sitting at school at 6 pm because my mom picked up all the other kids and forgot me," spoiled I was.  Grrrrrr.  Yell
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    I don't think it makes sense at all.  Humans are driven by a need for sexual satisfaction.  You can't get that from siblings...let's hope not, anyway.  And, I don't think people with siblings are more likely to satisfy that drive with casual sex than only children.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    Hi girls, it's Heather.  I changed my screen name tonight cause I heard a girl at work talking about these forums.  Little chance of a breach, however I'm thinking more anonymity might be good in this case, just cause.  :) 

    Anyway, I'm sorry Lucy!!  Don't worry - I agree that it's all redonkulous hooey.  I just thought it would be interesting to hear people's thoughts... I'm like Fram - I find any kind of family-dynamic conversation interesting... nature vs nurture and all that. 

    I am an only child, thank you very much!  :p  And, yes, i've heard all the cracks, like WPP has.  Although, in my case, i think that being sans siblings has resulted in slight social discomfort.  :)  I'm definitely most comfortable 1 on 1, as opposed to big groups.  But I'm certainly happy and have friends!  I am one out of two only children in my group of friends, and was the very last to get married, so I'm certainly not a statistic that will support the idea in my original post.

    I'm also blonde.  But really, who doesn't love a good blonde joke.
    Undecided
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    I think some only children are spoiled brats but no more so than some kids with siblings are spoiled brats and honestly if the kid is spoiled that is more a reflection of the parents than the kids for the most part.  True having siblings can help with relationships but who is to say that the only didn't hang out with friends or cousins so much it was like they were siblings? 

    I think the whole thing is a load of hooey.

    Sister 1 (1 of 4) married oldest of 2
    Sister 2 (2 of 4) married the second oldest he was also 2 of 4
    Sister 3 (this is me 3 of 3) married for all intents and purposes married 2 out of 2
    Sister 4 (4 of 4) married the baby, he was 4 out of 4 as well


     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    In Response to Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR : Me, too.   "Oh, you're the BAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY!!!   You must have been SOOO spoiled!  What's it like?" Well, sure, if you define spoiled as wearing hand-me-downs from 1972 in 1985, four kids later and "sitting at school at 6 pm because my mom picked up all the other kids and forgot me," spoiled I was.  Grrrrrr. 
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    My mom used to forget to pick me up too. 

    In regard to birth order, I noticed my mom was really strict with me and my older sister, but she was way more lenient with my younger sisters.  We weren't allowed to date, go to parties, etc.  My first (and only) high school party was the graduation party.  But my younger sisters got to go to prom as a freshman, parties all the time and date at 15.  I think at that point my mom had loosened up, or was just too tired to care.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    I agree that the birth order thing is generally interesting.   I am a middle child, of course.  But, like horoscopes, it's hardly scientific.

    Only children tend to be more mature and self-confident.  Does that mean they're more or less likely to get married?  I don't know! 

    Trex, I'm with you.  My friends are my family, too. 
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    I find birth order fascinating too!  I tried to find some books on sibling rivalry & birth order, but most dealt with very young children.  I'd love some insight into my family!  I found one book geared towards adults, but I'm also the "baby" of the family, and it was a bunch generalizations and stereotypes.   (I don't think any of my friends would describe me as spoiled!)

    DKB:  same was true in my family.  My parents were more strict with my older siblings and I did benefit from their "breaking them in" for me.  Which they remind me of constantly.  Seriously, I didn't ask to be born last! 

    The downside to being last?  Having everyone leave me behind.  I missed my siblings terribly when they moved out and went to college.  The last 2 years in highschool at home alone with my parents was tough.  I was always there to support them with their milestones, but when it came to me, they had already moved on.

    I've always thought opposites attract, or maybe just in my case.  I'm the last of 3 and FI is the oldest of 3.  He takes good care of me!

    PS.  I reread my previous post and it may have been a little harsh re: family.  Dealing with some long standing family drama lately.  <sigh />  Thankfully I have good friends.

    Heather:  I love your poppies!  :)
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    In Response to Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR:
    [QUOTE]DKB:  same was true in my family.  My parents were more strict with my older siblings and I did benefit from their "breaking them in" for me.  Which they remind me of constantly.  Seriously, I didn't ask to be born last!  The downside to being last?  Having everyone leave me behind.  I missed my siblings terribly when they moved out and went to college.  The last 2 years in highschool at home alone with my parents was tough.  I was always there to support them with their milestones, but when it came to me, they had already moved on.
    Posted by trex509[/QUOTE]

    To some extent, I think I benefitted from my sisters "breaking in" my parents, but it was more that, after 27 years or so of child raising, they just didn't care anymore.  I was allowed to do whatever I wanted, as long as I didn't ask for money.  By the time I hit my teen years, my parents were far more interested in the grandkids than anything to do with my life.  But I agree that it was hard to watch everyone else leave.  My favorite sister went away to college when I was 9.  All of a sudden, she was doing far more interesting things than hanging out with her baby sister.

    BTW, DKB, my mother worked at my school.  I would go to her classroom at the end of the day, she would tell me to go play and she would come get me later.   When that didn't work out so well, she would tell me to go wait in the car.  Which I would do, often for 2-3 hours.  
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    I was 99% joking with my only child comment so I hope I didn't offend any of you with ye old stereotype :o)

    It is a bunch of hooey (is that a word?), but I find it interesting, like horoscopes and the like.  Even though DH and I are both 3 out of 4, there are some big differences in our families.  Maybe it's because they have 3 boys rather than 3 girls, but I don't think they are quite as close.  It seems like I talk to my sister and brother about things that he would never dream of talking to his siblings about (like relationships and such). 

    It's a coincidence though that each of our siblings thinks we're the "golden child" in the family who can do no wrong.  (Not saying it's true!)  When DH's sister and SIL said that to me, I said, If that's how your mother treats the golden child, I'd hate to see how she treats the rest of you!!  lol
    Wendy would you by any chance say the same since you are 3 of 4 too?
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    Nope I am not the golden child that would be my baby sister :)  She was just freakin' good at everything and it all seemed to come so easily for her.

    If anything I am the 'rebel' of the family and I use that term very loosely since I would not exactly consider myself anything close to being wild.   In fact it amuses my friends that I am the "wild child" considering how conservative and un wild I am, but they can see it in comparison to my sisters.  I think I am more confident and asserive as a result of being 3 out of four.  The reason is I was the baby for effectively 5 years but then I was no longer the baby.  I had to fight for my place, I was not the oldest, I was not the baby any longer and well the second oldest was very aggressive which meant she was put into gymnastics to rid her of the energy that made her agressive.  That left me pretty much the one on the outside and I had to be willing to play alone and be confident in what I did.  I am pretty happy with the way things turned out.

    I did get away with a lot growing up but that is just because I made my baby sister do a lot of things for me so I got away with slacking.  I was definately not the golden child in my opinion that was either the oldest or the littelest.  Ask my baby sister and she has a different opinion, the two older ones would say no one was.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    In Response to Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR:
    [QUOTE] I did get away with a lot growing up but that is just because I made my baby sister do a lot of things for me so I got away with slacking.  I was definately not the golden child in my opinion that was either the oldest or the littelest.  Ask my baby sister and she has a different opinion, the two older ones would say no one was.
    Posted by wendy98[/QUOTE]

    Ha!  That is so funny.  I am the 2nd of 4 girls and we all made my youngest sister our personal entertainment.  She would do everything we dared her too.  She got into a lot of trouble on our account, but she was definitely spoiled.  She never had to do chores like the rest of us, never even had to clean her own room.  My mom would drive her to school everyday, but the rest of us had to ride the bus, and if we missed the bus she made us walk.  She went through this total diva phase for a couple of years when she was in High School, but thankfully she got over it and she is a lot of fun now. 
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    In Response to Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR:
    [QUOTE] My friends are my family, too. 
    Posted by cosmogirl[/QUOTE]

    Ditto.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    In Response to Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR:
    [QUOTE]Nope I am not the golden child that would be my baby sister :)  She was just freakin' good at everything and it all seemed to come so easily for her. If anything I am the 'rebel' of the family and I use that term very loosely since I would not exactly consider myself anything close to being wild.  
    Posted by wendy98[/QUOTE]

    I am the "rebel" because:
    1.  I did not get married at 21.
    2.  I did not join the church.
    3.  I am seriously delinquent in my duty to have at least 5 kids.
    4.  I went to *gasp* law school and (the horror!) graduated second in my class.

    I am such a huge disappointment.  Whereever did my mother go wrong?  Frown
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    In Response to Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR:
    [QUOTE]Heather:  I love your poppies!  :)
    Posted by trex509[/QUOTE]

    Thank you!  My favorite flower. :)

    Since I'm an only child of a single-parent household, I consider myself very lucky that I can maintain many successful relationships, but it did come out of a lot of hard work!  I think that's why relationships are so fascinating to me.  I've made a concerted effort to learn how to be in a relationship (both frindships and male/female relationships) in my older years, since I didn't really learn it well at a young age.  But I'm always saying to DH how the only kind of parenting I know is where there is only 1 parent!  And I won't know what the heck to do with fighting siblings!!  (If we're lucky enough to have some) 
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    I think my parents had a good system. They didn't let me run wild, but they gave me responsibility and if I didn't mess up, I got more. I fancied myself a punk rocker in high school and really, the worst thing I did was dye my hair crazy colors and wear ridiculous clothes. Other than that, I was pretty vocal about not drinking or doing drugs, so they let me go to concerts in the city and stay out late as long as I called them and they knew who I was with. I wanted to rebel, but I had nothing to rebel against, lol. I graduated at the top of my class in high school, so they were pretty hands off with things. 

    Haha, I remember when I was 14 or 15, my boyfriend gave me a hickey and all my dad said was, "It's your life. Don't fk it up." I was like, "duly noted." 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    I'm an only child by birth but got 4 step brothers when I was 16 and they were 12, 17, 20, and 21.  So, am I an only child or do I have siblings???
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    Kar: according to the book I read, you'd be an only child!  That's because at 16, your personality is already developed, so for your formative years you were a "lonely only" as this book put it.  Actuallyl, another book I read said that like 90% of your personality is already developed by the time you are 6 years old.  That is really interesting to think about now that my friends are having kids!

    But wow, that's a lot of siblings to get all at once!  :)

    In Response to Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR:
    [QUOTE]I'm an only child by birth but got 4 step brothers when I was 16 and they were 12, 17, 20, and 21.  So, am I an only child or do I have siblings???
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: only children/people with sibs & LTR

    Interesting, trex!  Yeah, I guess I was then who I am today personality wise.

    Oh, no one can fathom the experience that was.  Talk about lonely.  I'd never been so lonely as when I joined a family of 4 tight brothers.  The irony.
     

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