OT: Family/pet adoption issue

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    In November, DH and I adopted two pugs from my cousin, who lives in FL. He heard (through facebook) that we were looking for pugs, and offered to give us his because he works a ton of hours, travels a lot and has to board them, and just isn't home with them. For a month, we had him think about it and make sure he was okay with it, and he decided that he was and flew them up here. 

    Today, he sends me a facebook message and says that he made the wrong decision and that he wants them back. He says he can't eat, sleep, blah blah blah. 

    DH and I were incredibly upset and said no (and I think we said it nicely; I wanted to tell him to eat poison and die). 

    I de-friended and blocked him on facebook, and once I figure out how to block his number (anyone know how to block contacts on the iPhone?), I'll do that too. 

    Maybe it's a moot point because it's already done, but what would you have done? Were we right in saying he can't have them back? I have issues saying no to people, but I think this was just unconscionable. It was his idea, his offer, and we didn't pressure him into the decision. 

    Am I wrong?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    Possession is 9/10th of the law.  You had a verbal contract to take ownership of the dogs and gave him plenty of time to decide beforehand.  If he's sorry he did that, too bad.  Truly, I feel for him, but what's done is done, and it was above board.  You have every right to say so and keep the dogs.  He can get a new puppy if he wants a dog so bad, but get ready to take a third into your home if he does that; he'll have the same problem all over again.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    WPP,
    No you are not wrong! I totally agree with Kar. I just have one question though. Who has the registration papers on the dogs?
    But in case this gets ugly, I believe you will have the law on your side - since he was the one initiating the adoption and flying them up here.
    I think the welfare of the dogs should be the first consideration. Being uprooted twice would certainly create emotional problems for them. A dog is not a stuffed animal, one can throw which way one desire.
    How old are these puppies? Did you potty train them? If so, "nice" of him to have someone else do it for him.
    Stick to your guns. IMO you made the right decision to say, "No". There are plenty more pug puppies available, even in Florida.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    Look at it this way:  I decide I want to become Amish.  I call you, and insist on giving you my 50 inch flatscreen and my computer.  You try to pay me, but I tell you that Amish have no need for American dollars (because I don't know that Amish country is in America), and, despite your protests, I drive to your house, knock on your door, and hand you my TV and computer.

    Six months later, I realize, "Oh no! I'll never get to see the series finale of Lost!"  This is entirely unacceptable, so I walk into town, find a payphone, call you, and demand my TV back.  Would you have to give it to me? (Hint:  NO)

     I know that, to us, pets are little tiny people who are wonderful and we love them.  But, in the eyes of the law, they are property.  Plus, if he tried to sue you to get the dogs back, you could countersue for all the money you spent on them.  See how he likes that!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    BTW, I know people always say this, but possession isn't really nine tenths of the law.  If I borrow your car and decide never to give it back, it's in my possession, but it's still legally your car.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    Even without papers, the law MUST be on her side, right?  He had to go through a lot of hoops and expense to give those dogs away.  No one could argue he didn't really know what he was doing or that he didn't actually want to do it when he put them in flight carriers, bought a plane ticket, flew here from Florida, and dropped the dogs off at her house.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Shortylicious. Show Shortylicious's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    Hey WPP
    Did you register the dogs in your town? If you didn't, do it ASAP! That may be important if he calls your local police. Also, make sure you have any correspondence about him giving you the dogs handy.

    While I don't know this guy, I'm afraid that if you cut off all communication, he may come at you fighting. You should appeal to his common sense. He gave you the dogs b/c he couldn't take care of them. What has changed for him that enables him to do that? Nothing. Remind him this is the best thing for the dogs and they are very happy with you. Why would he want to take them back just to have them alone or boarded all the time?

    Good luck with this one. I know what you're going thru...2 of my cats came from family members that couldn't (or didn't want to) take care of them any more!
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    In Response to Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue:
    [QUOTE]Even without papers, the law MUST be on her side, right?  He had to go through a lot of hoops and expense to give those dogs away.  No one could argue he didn't really know what he was doing or that he didn't actually want to do it when he put them in flight carriers, bought a plane ticket, flew here from Florida, and dropped the dogs off at her house.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    The law is on her side.  Look at my example.  It's hard to say, "He can't sue," because our legal system allows people to sue for pretty much anything, but if he does:
    a) he can't sue in Florida, so he has to come to MA to do it, and
    b) He will lose.

    WPP could go on the People's Court, though!  Could I come?
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    What a sad situation! I'd do as the others recommend; find all emails, other documentation from him and make sure all the appropriate paperwork and steps have been taken to get them properly registered.

    We went through something similar when I was little. The neighbors gave us a dog and then changed their minds and took him back without telling us. We thought he ran away and it was weeks later that we found out they took him from our yard! So my other word of advice is to keep a very close eye on them - if he does travel a lot, I wouldn't be surprised if he showed up looking for them. Good luck with all this and I really hope you get to keep your puppies.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    WPP - how hard this must be for you and DH!!  did the cousin just contact you that one time, or has he been harassing you since you said "No"?  I agree with Shorty that unless he is completely harassing you, you might not want to cut all forms of communication with him, or he might get desperate and show up at your door to talk it over.  Did you speak to him to tell him "no" or was it through facebook?  Did he respond?  I'm just trying to get a sense of his reasonable-ness.

    It could be that he's feeling incredibly guilty that he gave up his pets - which actually could show that he has a heart and cared deeply for the dogs.  I guess this strikes a nerve with me because I gave my dog up to my ex-boyfriend  (we tried to share the dog, but after a year it wasn't working and it's a looooong story but he needed that dog in order to be functional in the world) and even though it was my decision and I knew Barney was safe, loved, and very well taken care of I agonized over the decision for about a year, and still get pangs about it.  I never asked for him back, but was tempted a few times. 

    So, in a way, I feel for your cousin.  But this is all assuming he isn't insane and harassing you.  BTW, I completely think you should keep the dogs.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    Thanks for you input, everyone. I have all of the emails of him contacting us, presenting the idea, and then offering the dogs. Lucy, I'll let you know if it comes to the People's Court, and you can definitely come with us. 

    We registered the dogs with our town a few months ago. 

    The worst part of it is that I really like this cousin. He and his sister are the only sane extended family I have, and now his sister is involved and she's upset (on his side, but she's his sister so that's expected). I should probably unblock him on facebook; I'm just too upset to talk to him right now. DH said if he contacts me, to give him DH's number and he'll talk to him. DH is all fire right now. 

    I was also thinking that you wouldn't put a baby up for adoption, then four months later knock on the adoptive parents' door and say, "Nevermind." Obviously, there's a difference between pets and children, but I think the principle is the same. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    People unfortunately do that.
    The point of the matter is, he decided to give the dogs to you because he wanted them to have a better life. You gave him time to think about it and he decided that living with you would be a better for them.
    But now, he's being selfish and wants them back for his own reasons, not because he thinks he could now give them the life they deserve.
    It's not fair to you and it's certainly not fair to the dogs. If he was willing to give them up in the first place, he must have known that it was for the best. And, unless soemthing has changed, i.e. he has a more flexible schedule, has arranged doggy day care for them, etc., then it's still for the best that they're with you.

    In Response to Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue:
    [QUOTE] I was also thinking that you wouldn't put a baby up for adoption, then four months later knock on the adoptive parents' door and say, "Nevermind." Obviously, there's a difference between pets and children, but I think the principle is the same. 
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease[/QUOTE]
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    In Response to Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue:
    [QUOTE] I was also thinking that you wouldn't put a baby up for adoption, then four months later knock on the adoptive parents' door and say, "Nevermind." Obviously, there's a difference between pets and children, but I think the principle is the same. 
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease[/QUOTE]

    People actually do that.  Some states give you a year or more to change your mind about giving up a baby.

    You don't need to worry about that, though.  Until pets learn to grow thumbs and get jobs, this is more like me saying, "Remember how I sent you a wedding present?  Well, I could really use a blender, so I want it back."

    Legally speaking.  Your dogs are obviously more important than a blender, especially once you train them to make me mudslides.  Cool
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    ---I was also thinking that you wouldn't put a baby up for adoption, then four months later knock on the adoptive parents' door and say, "Nevermind." Obviously, there's a difference between pets and children, but I think the principle is the same.---

    Well WPP, unfortunately people do that. There have been a lot of cases of foster parents adopting children and birthmothers' rights. But your cousin is not a birth mother. This is an entire different scenario. He willingly gave up the dogs, b/c he was not able to take care of them. If sis is upset, she should have spoken up, when the exchange took place.
    I am so sorry for you. But like the rest of the posters, I believe you have the law in your favor. However, since it is family and you do like your cousins, I hope for you it will never have to go to court.
    I know, you will not like my suggestion, but if you really want to keep family relations, would it be possible for you to get a new puppy? I am sure you would love it as much as you do these two dogs. And this would be your very own, with no strings attached. I am not saying you should, but it could be a possibility.
    I sure everything will work out for you - and especially for your two dogs.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    The BDC posting policy clearly prohibits personal attacks.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from that-guy. Show that-guy's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    Saying that you're making a giant deal about nothing is a personal attack?

    Interesting.

    Typical of the kind of whiny liberal nonsense this "news site" has perpetuated.

    BDC - you're a pathetic joke of a journalistic source.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    WPP,  I completely agree that you should keep the dogs because a) he gave them to you of his own free will and b) they are obviously better off with you if he is often out of town.
    I do think it would be nice of you to unblock him, though.  Has he been rude or aggressive?  I don't understand why you have gone to such extremes when all he did was ask for his dogs back.  I hope you won't be offended by those statements!  I just think it would be better in the long run if you kept the lines of communication open, especially because you said that he is one of your only close family members.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    In Response to Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue:
    [QUOTE]The BDC posting policy clearly prohibits personal attacks.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    Did I miss something?

    I agree about cutting off all communication as being a bit extreme and probably counterproductive.  Yes, WPP, you are in the right to keep the dogs, but ruining a relationship over it, too, by blocking all communication?  Sure, you don't want to deal with it, but that's the most passive aggressive way to handle this you could possibly come up with.  Never a good way to deal with problem especially with family; they don't just go away.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    In Response to Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue : Did I miss something?
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    Yes, but it was something you wanted to miss, so don't worry about it.  Laughing  I intentionally didn't reply to the original post, because I know you ladies wouldn't have wanted to see it.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from that-guy. Show that-guy's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    Wouldn't have wanted to see where I wrote the initial poster was being childish and immature by unfriending her cousin on facebook and dodging his calls over to her husband rather than facing up and dealing with the situation?

    Or where I wrote that it's sad she's willing to ruin a family relationship over something as petty as a worthless pug and she's making a giant deal over something small?

    I can see where that's a personal attack or where that could be considered something noone would want to read - especially on a message board where people come to poll complete strangers for their opinion.

    So was it you who decided to hit the report button on my posts just because you feel like it?
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    I can understand bloacking communication- but only until everyone can talk about it in a cool-headed manner.

    this is an emotional issue, and it's going to be very hard to sort it out without someone getting very upset.
    you love the dogs, he loves th edogs. you both want what's best for them. In that case, whoever can give them more time and attention should be the person who has custody of them.
    Maybe he could occasionally take the dogs for a week, when he has vacation time?
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    I agree with you guys about unblocking him on facebook; I did that rashly because I was so hurt by everything. I sent him a friend request and apologized for blocking him. 

    He lives in southern Florida, so unfortunately joint custody won't work. 

    My mom has now exacerbated things by sending messages to my cousin's sister, after I asked her not to. I'm still hoping we can get out of this with family ties intact, but it's not looking good. 

    I've always had issues with saying no to people, but I feel like this is the time if ever there was one. Cousin sent me an email, and I definitely feel for him, but I don't think it's good for the dogs. DH is writing back. 

    I've heard of birth parents demanding the baby back after adoption; that's also a sad story with no good ending. 

    Ugh. I'm emotionally exhausted. 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, WPP. I really hope everything work out.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue


    In Response to Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue:
    [QUOTE]My mom has now exacerbated things by sending messages to my cousin's sister, after I asked her not to. I'm still hoping we can get out of this with family ties intact, but it's not looking good. 
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease[/QUOTE]

    OMG, don't you love family??!!  Yell
    I hope it all works out without destroying relationships... good luck!!!
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from that-guy. Show that-guy's posts

    Re: OT: Family/pet adoption issue

    If a question over keeping/giving back someone's dogs has you emotionally exhausted, unable to send an email to your own cousin and causes people in your family to create additional drama by involving the uninvolved, etc, perhaps you should be rethinking whether you really should be, or are able to be responsible for another life.  Even if it is just a dog.
     

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