OT - Holidays

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    OT - Holidays

    With the holiday season rapidly approaching, I'm wondering -- how do you split up the holidays with your and your DH/FI/SO's side of the family? 

    Do you spend one holiday with one side, and another holiday with the other side?
    Do you make multiple stops at family members' houses throughout the day?
    Do you spend holidays with your side, while DH/FI/SO visits his?

    This is our first holiday season as a married couple, and my in-laws are already starting to put more pressure on us (more on me than him).  My DH works every Thanksgiving, and my MIL is still expecting me to spend half the day with her side this year.  I've always spent the day with my side since DH isn't around, and I don't plan to change that this year.  Yikes.  Can't wait to see what expectations Christmas brings!  Tongue out
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    Well, I don't really celebrate Thanksgiving, and my SO's family doesn't celebrate Christmas, so splitting the holidays isn't that difficult.  Cool

    However, I wish you luck.


    ETA:  If your DH is working, I don't really see any reason you should have to split Thanksgiving this year.  It would be different if there were grandkids involved, assuming that you can easily get to both places in the same day.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    The past three years we have spent Thanksgiving day with my family.   This year I had to give in and I will be spending Thanksgiving with FI's family.  I figure he's given up the past 3 years so I can give up one year.  It's hard because I love spending Thanksgiving with my extended family but I'm sure I will find a way to get over it.

    We believe that this will be the final year that we spend Christmas with our respective families.  KMT - as for next year, I will probably be repeating your post. 

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    Good Question!   This is something that is on our minds too.  This will be our 1st holiday season married as well and it won't work to go our separate ways anymore!  For Thanksgiving, we used to go to our own family's houses, we both had people to see and it just wouldn't work for one day to rush around to two houses.   So this year we are going to my parent's house (which I am happy about because my stepmom is a good cook!)    
    Christmas it is another story, it is so stressful, driving all around.  We go to DH's parents for xmas eve,do dinner and presents, sleep over there then drive to my Dad's in the morning. Then we drive to visit his grandparents a few towns over, then drive back to my Mom's for dinner.  Phew its tiring just writing it.  Thankfully all live in MA, but it is still not relaxing.  Can't wait till we have kids and people come visit US!! 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lizinboston. Show lizinboston's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    We both have large families and both of our families celebrate both holidays.

    So we are going to start alternating. This Thanksgiving he will be with my family, I will spend Christmas Eve with his family, and he will spend Christmas day with mine.

    Next year, I will spend Thanksgiving with his family, he will spend Christmas Eve with mine, and I will spend Christmas Day with his.

    And we will rotate each year. We find it is the only way that's fair!
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    My parents travel between FL and NY and DH's family is nearby. My parents are in town this weekend and we're having a pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving since I won't see them during the holidays. We have a Thanksgiving/Christmas routine with DH's family, and then in spring we visit my parents in FL (bonus: we get to go to FLORIDA!). 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    In Response to Re: OT - Holidays:
    [QUOTE]Well, I don't really celebrate Thanksgiving, and my SO's family doesn't celebrate Christmas, so splitting the holidays isn't that difficult.  However, I wish you luck. ETA:  If your DH is working, I don't really see any reason you should have to split Thanksgiving this year.  It would be different if there were grandkids involved, assuming that you can easily get to both places in the same day.
    Posted by lucy7368[/QUOTE]

    Now that sounds like the ideal situation!  :)

    I'm definitely not going to split Thanksgiving this year.  My family is very close, and if I have a chance to spend the entire holiday with them, I'm taking it.  Christmas is a little more difficult.

    The last two years we've done Christmas Eve with DH's family, Christmas Day with my family, then Christmas night at SIL's.  I'm hoping to change it up this year, since I miss spending Christmas Eve with my family. 

    Since DH's parents are divorced, we only see his dad and stepmom on Christmas Eve.  Would it be totally wrong of me to suggest that we spend Christmas Eve with our respective families?

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    Our holidays are a mess too...

    It's our first married season, but it's our 4th set of holidays together...we've finally got it worked out (I hope).

    Thanksgiving:  my parents always host a big crowd, and my DH mom's got a small one, so we invited them to join us.  Haven't heard back on that, but I figure since we put the invite out there, I'm in the clear.

    Christmas: we're doing the same as last year...Christmas eve with his dad's family (parents are divorced), then head to his mom's house for Christmas morning/early dinner, then back to my parents' later that evening.  I don't love it, but it works for now...it's also hard because he's got a teeny family and I've got a big extended one, so holidays with my family are a lot more lively!

    I'm not-so-secretly looking forward to when we have kids so we can start some of our own traditions!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from FriarGirl03. Show FriarGirl03's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    We have this problem too, though we're not married yet. We spent the first year we were dating going our separate ways but that didn't feel right. We're lucky that our families live so close (our parents' houses are less than a mile apart) so we can still see everyone.

    For things like Easter and Thanksgiving, we always spend the holiday with his family because it's bigger. The whole family gets together - aunts, cousins, grandparents. Family dinner at my house consists of my parents, my brother and his wife and us, so it's no different from any other family meal. My parents are good about it. My mom will do turkey on the Sunday after and a ham the week after Easter and it all works out. My bf's parents have always invited my parents for the holidays, but my parents are very quiet and my bf's family is very overwhelming. It took me a really long time to get used to the family dinners because they are so big and loud and I know my parents would be uncomfortable.

    For Christmas, we each sleep at our respective parents' houses and do Christmas morning separately. Then we do his mom's side for lunch, my mom's side for dinner and his dad's side for dessert. (We try to do my dad's family on Christmas Eve, but it wouldn't be unusual for us to not see them at all on the holidays.) It makes for a really long day where we don't get home to exchange our own gifts until midnight. Last year, we exchanged them in bed and went to sleep immediately after! I like seeing everyone but it makes for a very rushed holiday and really relies on everyone being on time. It's fine for now but we would never be able to keep that up with children. I think this year will be a little different where Christmas is on a Friday. I think the families will spread out over the 4 days rather than cramming it into 2.

    kmt - I wouldn't spend holiday time with his family and not him. It's nice that they welcome you, but they really should understand that you want to take advantage of the time with your family.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    DH's family doesn't really do Thanksgiving so that's with my family. Christmas Eve night has always been with my parents and my sister at my parents house (i work during the day christmas eve). Christmas morning we pack up our presents for each other (and his parents) and drive to his parents house for breakfast and to open gifts. Since his family is small (just him and his parents), we take turns opening gifts and stockings which makes it a little more fun because it lasts longer. The rest of Christmas day is spent with my family where we do a lot of eating :-)
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    I've noticed this thread, but don't have any sage advice.  It's a mess for us, too, and the families are too far away to split any one holiday; it's one or the other. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    In the past we've spent Thanksgiving separate, with our own families and he spends all religious type holidays with my family because his doesn't celebrate. We are planning to spend Thanksgiving together with his family and Christmas/Easter with mine starting next year. It's not really an option to see both our families because neither are local.


    Honestly, I would never even consider spending a holiday with his family if he wasn't there. If they were insistent, my family would probably invite them so they would not feel excluded.

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    we alternate. Thanksgiving with my family one year, with his the next. Christmas with my family one year, his the next. His family lives in Maryland, so we have to divide it up.
    Although neither his or my family is religious, we still celebrate Easter for some reason, and for that his family flies up and we have one big early dinner.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    There's nothing wrong with spending a holiday separate if that's what works for you, kmt.  We do that on Thanksgiving. 


    Fortunately, his huge family has a get-together on the Sunday before or after Christmas, so everyone is free to do his/her own thing on Christmas Day. 

    We go to his sister's brunch on Christmas morning to see his mom, and then back to our house for Christmas dinner with my BFF's family ("my family"). 

    When my mom was alive, there was no way we were spending a holiday apart. 

    I would rather split up and do what we each want/need to do rather than do a lot of running around.  It makes the days unpleasant and stressful.  

    ugh - the holidays are so hard for me.  It makes me really, really feel the loss of all my family and it's wicked easy to get in a total depression.  Must up the meds and make sure to get plenty of sunshine every day!  And cosmos!  They are so festive! 

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    Well at least I don't feel so alone knowing that most of you are going through the same thing!  I'm sure it only gets more complicated when there are children involved.

    I feel better that you all think that it's alright for DH and I to do some things separately on holidays.  I know when you get married people say you become one big family, but I still think of it as my family and his family.  I don't think my mindset will ever change on that.  And even if it sounds terrible, as far as I'm concerned, my family always comes first with me.

    Cosmo, I can relate to what you're saying about not wanting to miss a holiday with your mom while she was alive.  As most of you know we came very close to losing my grandfather this year, so I'm determined to never take any time with him for granted again.  I want to cherish every single holiday with him for as long as he's around.  If it means I don't get around to seeing all of DH's family during the holidays because of it, I'm okay with that. 

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from easydoesit2. Show easydoesit2's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    This is an issue for everyone at first, but one way or the other it settles down. The problem is that everyone wants things to be the same as they always were, and they simply aren't.  Until everyone figures that out, there will always be an issue.  Having children of your own only helps as an excuse: "It's too cold to take the baby out."  "Toddlers get so cranky when they have long days." "I can't take 3 kids away from all their new toys."  "How can I not prepare a holiday meal of our own for a family of 6?"  "If we all sit at your table where will everyone else sit?"  As you can tell, I've been there and done that.  Best if you and spouse work it out in detail of what's best for the two of you, then stick to your guns, when MILs' (notice the plural!) lips starts to quiver, and FILs' make comments about his "missing children" around his table, but not other men's tables.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    Suggesting spending Christmas Eve apart would not go well for either of us.  But, that's because Christmas is a very significant religious observance for us and we'd not want to spend it apart under any circumstances.  But, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong about suggesting it.  You just have to consider how important it is to him to spend it with you and if he'd be shattered to have you suggest otherwise.  Since you're considering it at all, I'm sure that's not the case so toss it out there and see what he thinks.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    easydoesit, great point.  Everyone wants things to be as they were, but doubling one's family changes it.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    There are sometimes when it's easier that your in-laws live 9000 miles away (NZ and Australia)! There's no splitting involved. But, there's still tension, no matter what...my FIL is coming for Christmas and New Year's mostly because we have a 6 week old son and he is coming especially for the christening which we'll do over the holidays. SIL is quite bent out of shape because it's the first time in her life that he won't be with her on Christmas and her children (16 and 14) won't "have" him for the holidays. Oh well.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    We're lucky because both sets of parents and his grandmother live in the same town, so we can easily bounce around.  One of our problems is we can never remember what we did the previous year lol.  I couldn't tell you where we went for Thanksgiving last year!! 
    His family gatherings tend to be bigger whereas mine tend to be my parents, us, my nephew, and one of my siblings w/ SO.  It makes me feel bad about ditching my parents, but sometimes it has to be done. 
    The hardest thing is trying to arrange things with my bro and his new wife...  We're both not planning to go to my parents' house on Christmas morning due to family drama, so I said why don't we plan to go there for Thanksgiving in that case?  Nope, they already have plans.  (Note to Fram: it's not your problem!  I am always trying to be the peace maker in this family.)
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    In Response to Re: OT - Holidays:
    [QUOTE]There are sometimes when it's easier that your in-laws live 9000 miles away (NZ and Australia)! There's no splitting involved. But, there's still tension, no matter what...my FIL is coming for Christmas and New Year's mostly because we have a 6 week old son and he is coming especially for the christening which we'll do over the holidays. SIL is quite bent out of shape because it's the first time in her life that he won't be with her on Christmas and her children (16 and 14) won't "have" him for the holidays. Oh well.
    Posted by kiwigal[/QUOTE]

    Congratulations!  Laughing
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from princess-cal. Show princess-cal's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    Holdiays are tough for me.  My mom lives in FLA, so I don't get to spend them with her.  I have a brother who lives locally, but he always goes with his in-laws, no fail.  So I always host my in-laws.  I come from a very small, close family so I really do miss them on the holidays.  Also, being the only ones (in the family) without kids, Christmas makes us feel as outsiders sometimes.  I suggested to my DH that we go away to a tropical place this year for Christmas.  We did it one year for Thanksgiving and it was wonderful!
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    We used to live an hour away from my parents and a 3 hour flight away from his parents.  Needless to say, we spent the actual holiday w/ my parents.  This would be Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter.  We found that it was so much cheaper and less stressful to visit his family after the actual Christmas holiday. We get much cheaper rates and the airports aren't packed if we go to Florida [where DH is from] the week after Christmas or for the week of New Years.  So we have a 'second Christmas' down there after the actual holiday. It works just fine for us. There are no kids involved, so it doesn't really matter if we don't do it on the day of.

    We just moved to DC, so unless DH's dad or mom [they are divorced and we need to coordinate this weekend re who's coming] come to visit, it's just going to be DH and me.  Neither family really cares if we make it home for Thanksgiving, so there is no pressure on us.  My feeling for Christmas this year is, if they want to see us, they know where to find us.  DH's vacation is over next week and I hope to be starting at least a temp job by the end of the month, so neither of us is too keen to coordinate vacation schedules.  Santa is either going to be by mail this year, or else Casa de Alf is open for business.  lol.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    I guess I should be happy we don't really have these issues!  Well not yet, anyway.  My parents live in FL and I refuse to fly for the holidays (too expensive and crazy) so we used to do holidays separately (me with my sis, he with his fam).  Until last year, when we decided we wanted to spend them together.  So we just celebrated Thanksgiving alone just us and Xmas with our best friends.

    This year, we're hosting Thanksgiving at our house for his family (oh boy...) and again spending Xmas with our best friends locally.  I don't envy you guys who have to drive all over!

    PS.  Princess-cal:  my sister ditched me last year for her in-laws too.  It is funny, in the past I was always invited along, but for some reason we weren't invited last year (I think because it would be me and FI, don't know why that matters).  So our best friends were gracious enough to invite us to join their entire family (love them!).  Then my sister was all weird about it (like jealous, though she didn't invite us!).  ugh... family... this time of year is so hard for me.  I wish my family could just act normal.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: OT - Holidays

    cos, so many people can relate to the depression of the holidays.  Sorry we're cruising in on them so fast again!  My father is manic depressive, and he just told me this week he's opting out of the whole holiday season this year.  I can totally understand; it's so stressful.
     
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