Re: OT-How should I/we handle this?
posted at 8/17/2009 4:08 PM EDT
See, we differ on this from a philisophical standpoint: what better venue to express your grief than at a funeral?
The only way I could see it being disruptive was if it drowned out the person speaking.
I think this a wrong way to think about grief: That someone doesn't have a right to be crying harder than someone else. They're expressing their grief differently. That's okay. It doesn't matter if it's in public.
How can someone crying affect your ability to mourn?
I hate to be sarcastic about it but: will someone crying not let you hear yourself be sad?
If you're the one who needs quiet, shouldn't you be the one who mourns privately?
When you're crying in grief, sometimes you don't want to be consoled, you just want to cry. You want to cry and cry and cry. Why should you have to hide yourself away or miss a funeral because of that? Isn't that the place to let your crying be heard?
As long as you're not throwing yourself around on the ground or, as I said, drowning out the euology, then what's the issue?
In many cultures, people grieve by paradin loudly down the street. Wailing, screaming, crying- this is done by the entire extended family. People in other cultures are more open about grief and emotions, in the US we act as though it's something to be whispered and be quiet about. Why? The immediate family members do not have some exclusive right to public grieving.
Grieve openly with your entire family. That's the only way everyone can get those emotions out and feel relief, feel compassion, feel that you're not alone.
Sitting stoically cannot accomplish that.
In Response to Re: OT-How should I/we handle this?
However, I honestly, really and truly have seen people act in ways that are inappropriate at funerals. It is really uncomfortable when you are at a funeral and someone is crying more inconsolably than the child's mother. And there really are people who need to remove themselves from the situation, not because its wrong or because its embarrassing, but because its making it difficult for the other mourners to mourn. I would never tell someone to stop crying. But there are people I would assist in taking out of the situation and try to find the words to console them appropriate. And there are some people who need to be told to pull it together because they express themselves in ways that are really not appropriate. I'm not saying the OP did any of this stuff by the way, this is just general. I said I was ready for the flames, but guess I was not :-(
Posted by ash