The Wedding Rip-Off

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    The Wedding Rip-Off

    This is an interesting article from the main page.

    http://boston.com/community/blogs/culture_club/2010/04/column_the_wedding_rip-off.html

    Thoughts?  (Sure, I could comment on the page, but I don't care what those people think.)
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    She is pretty much spot on - people get carried away trying to create their dream wedding or keeping up with the Jones's (while still paying off school loans, credit cards, paying rent or mortgages).

    The advice I offer all my newly engaged friends stands - always remember, the wedding is just one day, it is the marriage afterwards that is more important.  And when people start to stress about what color chair covers to use, or if they should choose the salmon or the scallop aps, or if they should rent the limo or the stretch hummer yadda yadda yadda, I always just ask - if you think back to all the weddings you have ever attended, do you actually remember who had chair covers and who didn't?  What you actually ate?  And in all honesty, what the bride was actually wearing? 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    It blows my mind that people will spend 50k on a wedding. I don't think it's difficult to have a wedding under, say, 15k, you just have to do research and be creative. 

    Oh, and where does the 50k come from? Can I be their friend?
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    I agree with Prill that most people get too caught up in what they "should" have at their wedding as opposed to what they really want for their wedding.
    People think that if they don't do the big dress, pricey venue, filet & salmon, etc. etc. etc. that their friends and family might think they were cheap or weird.

    I always say splurge on what's important to you and try to keep the rest low-budget and DIY.
    Your guests will have a great time whether it's a backyard shindig or a blacktie affair, as long as they see that you're happy.

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Winter2011Bride. Show Winter2011Bride's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    People sometimes need to think outside the box.  I think you can have a wedding for under $7 (not including Honeymoon).  You just hav to decide what's important to you.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    Less is more....
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    To agree with Pinkie- the more DIY that you can do, the better.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from FriarGirl03. Show FriarGirl03's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    I completely agree with Pink! We didn't really have a set budget, but we've tried to save where we can and spend where we feel we'll get the most enjoyment. We actually picked one of the least expensive venues we looked at, I got my dress off-the-rack, we're hand-making the favors and centerpieces, etc. But, we're also spending money on a band, a pretty extensive photography package, an elaborate cake. It's so easy to get shell-shocked when you're first shopping for things and everything is SO expensive and you don't have a clue about what average prices should be. FSIL had a really low budget wedding right out of college. It was fine but not what I want as a person who has been out of school for some time and has a decent savings. It's all about your priorities.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    We didn't really have a set budget, I mean we wanted to stay under a certain amount. But we are having our reception at FI's parent's country club, and believe it or not, private country clubs are not as expensive as you would think, especially for members. My dress was under $1k, our florist is in Worcester, which is way cheaper than a florist in this area (Boston).

    But we did splurge on photography (using the same photographer as Friar), because that was one thing that was really important to us.

    FI and I are also paying for half of this wedding.

    Oh, and I meant to tell people, we are having our rehearsal dinner at the Henderson House! So I am eager to hear about how the food is, etc!
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    I agree as well.  And as we've been goign through the planning process and realizing how much everything costs (ouch!), I have moments where I say: why are we doing this?  I've wished that we hadn't put deposits down so we can just cancel it and instead buy furniture for our house or something more useful. 

    But then the voice in my head says, "but I want a wedding".  Especially after the difficult path FI and I have had, I kind of feel like we deserve a day to celebrate.  Sure, we probalby could have done it cheaper, but we already bought our house, have little debt (well other than the mortgage!), and we've been saving for this.  I guess in the end I just hope it is as enjoyable as I think it will be.  I also think that the memories and photographs will be something I cherish for a long time.

    Regarding the elaborate, crazy expensive weddings.  For a lot of those, I think the parents are paying and they want to impress their friends.  I tend to feel like the more the couple is paying for, the more reasonable the shindig.  When parents are paying for it, all bets are off.  But who wouldn't go nuts when they don't have to pay the bills?  I know if mom and dad were contributing to our wedding, I wouldn't be stressing over it quite so much (well, not about money anyway).
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    You know, it's tough.  My parents spent lots and lots and lots of money on my sisters' weddings when I was a preteenager (instead of getting the braces that I NEEDED - but I digress).  I'm pretty sure they took out a second mortgage to pay for Sis2.

    So, when I started law school, I said, "Mom and Dad, remember how you spent tens of thousands of dollars in 1990 when Sis1 and Sis2 got married?  I would like you to donate tens of thousands of dollars to my law school education, since I'm not getting married any time soon."  And they said, "No, but we'll still pay for your wedding."

    To me, the impression I get is that, if I do a cheaper wedding, then I miss out on getting the money that Mom and Dad would otherwise give me, because they are very weird about it being wedding money that I can't use to buy a house or for anything else (I don't know if they would let me use it for a honeymoon).  So then, I think that, even though I don't want a huge wedding, I want to stick it to Mom and Dad's wacko priorities and make them spend a lot on me, like they did for the daughters who did the right thing and got married and started having babies at 21.

    Sometimes, I'm just a giant 8 year-old.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    Friar and Peonie- I was totoally shocked in the comments section of that article that people were suggesting to just have friends take pictures. My photographer was the one thing I wasn't going to compromise on. I would have given up everything else in order to get great pictures. But I guess some people don't care about photos.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    See, now that makes me kind of sad.  I hate to think that parents do things like take out second mortgages to pay for weddings.  But it is this whole expectation thing. 

    LIke, it drives me crazy that FI's parents just paid for his sister's entire wedding, for like at least $25K.  This when they were hit very badly by the crash of the stock market and had to sell stock at the LOWEST point in order to get the cash to pay for it.  If they had left it in the market, they would have made at least some of their losses back by now. 

    And the sister didn't even ask nicely for their "help" for the wedding.  She just told them she was getting married and started booking places, expecting them to pay.

    I'm very happy that FI told his parents early on that we are saving and funding our wedding ourselves (not that they expected to pay for it).  But I think they respect us for it.

    PS.  Lucy, I totally get that.  My parents also paid for most of my sister's wedding, college, etc, etc.  I got a full academic scholarship and then they gave me crap when I asked for money to buy books.  The inequity bugs me, but what can you do?
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    In Response to Re: The Wedding Rip-Off:
    You know, it's tough.  My parents spent lots and lots and lots of money on my sisters' weddings when I was a preteenager (instead of getting the braces that I NEEDED - but I digress).  I'm pretty sure they took out a second mortgage to pay for Sis2. So, when I started law school, I said, "Mom and Dad, remember how you spent tens of thousands of dollars in 1990 when Sis1 and Sis2 got married?  I would like you to donate tens of thousands of dollars to my law school education, since I'm not getting married any time soon."  And they said, "No, but we'll still pay for your wedding." To me, the impression I get is that, if I do a cheaper wedding, then I miss out on getting the money that Mom and Dad would otherwise give me, because they are very weird about it being wedding money that I can't use to buy a house or for anything else (I don't know if they would let me use it for a honeymoon).  So then, I think that, even though I don't want a huge wedding, I want to stick it to Mom and Dad's wacko priorities and make them spend a lot on me, like they did for the daughters who did the right thing and got married and started having babies at 21. Sometimes, I'm just a giant 8 year-old.
    Posted by lucy7368


    well, I think that, most of the time, by keeping a low budget and DIY stuff, you get by knowing it means you'll save that money to spend on something else. I guess if you really don't gain anything by going low-budget (besides the stress of havinga low-key affair) then I'd wonder what the point was as well.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    Even if I was getting married at City Hall, I would hire a professional photographer. It is just something that is really important to me. I mean, I see girls on SYTTD spend 10, 11, 12, even 20 thousand dollars on dresses and I think, "really?"

    I am such a fool to think I would ever get my dress at Kleinfelds...
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    In Response to Re: The Wedding Rip-Off:
    I am such a fool to think I would ever get my dress at Kleinfelds...
    Posted by Peonie


    why's that? If it's something you really want and can afford, then there's nothing wrong with the spending the money if it's important to you. Or was it because you found something you love closer to home?
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    In Response to Re: The Wedding Rip-Off:
    See, now that makes me kind of sad.  I hate to think that parents do things like take out second mortgages to pay for weddings.  But it is this whole expectation thing.  LIke, it drives me crazy that FI's parents just paid for his sister's entire wedding, for like at least $25K.  This when they were hit very badly by the crash of the stock market and had to sell stock at the LOWEST point in order to get the cash to pay for it.  If they had left it in the market, they would have made at least some of their losses back by now.  And the sister didn't even ask nicely for their "help" for the wedding.  She just told them she was getting married and started booking places, expecting them to pay. I'm very happy that FI told his parents early on that we are saving and funding our wedding ourselves (not that they expected to pay for it).  But I think they respect us for it. PS.  Lucy, I totally get that.  My parents also paid for most of my sister's wedding, college, etc, etc.  I got a full academic scholarship and then they gave me crap when I asked for money to buy books.  The inequity bugs me, but what can you do?
    Posted by trex509


    But sometimes there's little you can do. My dad paid for most of our wedding, and at every point in the planning process when I asked "What's our budget for this?" He'd just answer "Whatever you want, sweetie." which was touching, but not really helpful. So, I just tried to keep everything really reasonable, pay for what I could, and DIY as much as possible because it would hurt his pride if he felt like he couldn't give me a "dream wedding", but I wasn't going to let him put himself in the poor house over it. I think it turned out to be a win-win situation over all.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    We just had DH's cousin do our photos.  He isn't a photographer, just very talented with a good camera. The bonus being, we got to see and keep ALL images in print, digitally and in negative.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    In Response to Re: The Wedding Rip-Off:
    Lucy, I totally get that.  My parents also paid for most of my sister's wedding, college, etc, etc.  I got a full academic scholarship and then they gave me crap when I asked for money to buy books.  The inequity bugs me, but what can you do?
    Posted by trex509


    You can stick it to them by forcing them to pay for your giant, ridiculously over-priced, stupid wedding, to which you invite everyone you've ever met.  See?  Innocent
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    I thought about DIY, but I've realized in recent years that oftentimes, time is actually worth more to me than money.  Funny, huh?  I'd rather pay someone to do something than spend hours doing it myself and saving a little.  I was briefly considering DIY-ing flowers and invitations.  But then I realized how much work it would be, I found invitations for like $300 and flowers for about $900.  I cringe at spending the money, but the stress of DIY doesn't work for me!

    PK:  if your parents want to do it, then that's great!  I'm just annoyed at FI's sister in general.  I've noticed that she is very entitled and kind of selfish.  Like trying to get us to add her husband to our bridal party even though we don't want to.  But that is another story...

    Anyway, I still do feel bad for his parents.  They were going through a really tough financial time and his sister just sort of put on blinders to it.  Even their other brother (who *always* takes her side) got fed up with it.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    In Response to Re: The Wedding Rip-Off:
    In Response to Re: The Wedding Rip-Off : why's that? If it's something you really want and can afford, then there's nothing wrong with the spending the money if it's important to you.
    Posted by NorthernLghts


    Well of course if I really wanted a dress that was expensive, and I could afford it than I guess there is nothing wrong with it. But I feel like some of these brides are like "Mom, there are NO dresses for under $5,000!!!!!"

    Well, actually there are, and I got a gorgeous one for $900! And I was so happy about that. And it is actually my dream dress.

    And, if I were to spend $3,000 on my dress, there is no way I would be able to afford my photographer, who I was dead set on using.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    gotcha :-)
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    Trex, I agree completley about DIY.  Also, I have to realistically consider the very high possibility that I would do it wrong, ruin whatever I was working on, and have to pay someone double to do a rush order (plus whatever I spent trying to do it myself).  No, thanks.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from tibird. Show tibird's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    I had a major beef with that article ~ a wedding doesn't have to be an all or nothing type event (no white dress? no DJ? Give me a break!)  It just perpetuates that the bride is either a spoiled little brat or a deprived little girl.  Which goads me since we are, at least supposed to be, grown up and responsible.
    We stayed near the amount we had set before we looked at prices, and well under the norm (130ppl~$12K), but yet, we had everything we wanted, including a wonderful day full of memories! Not to mention no debt!
    A little planning, research & compromise (but not on the important stuff!) goes a long way.  The last thing I wanted to do was cut something out of the day and regret it later, but there were so many ways to save on those little extras that made it more "us".  I hope some of those commenters find this board!
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: The Wedding Rip-Off

    In Response to Re: The Wedding Rip-Off:
    Trex, I agree completley about DIY.  Also, I have to realistically consider the very high possibility that I would do it wrong, ruin whatever I was working on, and have to pay someone double to do a rush order (plus whatever I spent trying to do it myself).  No, thanks.
    Posted by lucy7368


    Great point Lucy!  Personally, I decided against most DIY projects because I know how stressed I get and I didn't want the weeks leading up to my wedding to be (even more) stressful.  But I also opted not to do things like programs.
    My SIL was the type who did DIY... but in the end probably spent just as much.  She made two different cake toppers, tried to make her veil but ended up ordering one instead, bought stuff for centerpieces that she didn't use, etc.

    TREX - I totally know what you mean (at least I think I do) about how you feel like you might be spending too much, but at the same time feel like you deserve it and hope it will be worth it. 
    I knew early on that we would be paying for at least 60% of our wedding.  And that since DH isn't the greatest saver, it would really be me paying for most things.  I decided I was OK with that.  There is a reason I have always been a good saver and I deserved to spend some money on myself!  I don't regret a thing.  (But I also was responsible about not spending all of my savings and researching everything.)
     

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