Time to resurrect these boards

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    I love that these boards are starting back up again.  I've been MIA for many reasons...
    First, I was traveling for work from June 7th through December 9th, flying back and forth between NYC each week.  Also, DH and I relocated to the Cape full time now, purchased a house and closed last week.  And finally, I started a new job last week down on the Cape.  So my travel days are behind me!

    Anyway, I would love to see these boards start up again.  I noticed there is a new poster planning a Cape wedding so I can share some of my insight.

    Happy holidays ladies!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    Many congrats, clc!!

    flychick- it's not the first time she's done it. it always puts me at a loss. the worst part is that DH feels like he can't say anything without seeming ungrateful. so we just kind of try to roll with it best we can!

    kar- thanks, I'm going to make a genuine effort to have a good time even though "there's no place like home for the holidays". I always try to vent about it as much as possible beforehand to try and get out all of the negativity before we get to the airport ;)
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    Welcome, lemondrop! We need more brides like you to post and keep the boards alive. Do you have a date in mind?
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kitten1979. Show kitten1979's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    I'll join on this one! I'm getting married next october and even though a lot of the big planning is done I still need help/advice on a million things!!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemondrop23. Show lemondrop23's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    WPP, We're thinking about Summer 2012, but I've just finished applying to law school for next fall.  Until I nail those plans down, wedding plans will be on hold.  Let's just say 2011 will be a busy and exciting year! 

    I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays.  I just got back from a week in NH with FI and a group of friends.  Lots of time was spent flipping through wedding magazines...even the guys started to get into it!

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    wedding magazines are so addicting!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemondrop23. Show lemondrop23's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    It won't help that my cousin got me a year's subscription to one for Christmas...Tongue out

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Novembride. Show Novembride's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    Confession time - when I get my hair done, I ALWAYS flip through the weddings magazines.  Its like being a bride to be again, at least for an hour.

    Its been a long time since I've read or posted on wedding boards, but I see alot of familiar names are still here.  Will make an effort to stop by more often.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kitten1979. Show kitten1979's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    lemondrop- as someone who's been through law school, definitely wait until you are in your second year to try to get married! First year is hell and trust me, you won't have much time for wedding planning!! Congrats on everything! :-) Let me know if you need law school tips/wedding tips :-)
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    Honestly, wait until after the bar to get married. Number one, you are eligible for more financial aid and loans if you are single.  Number two, I know I'd be divorced if I got married before or during the bar exam [hadn't met DH then but if I had and we'd gotten married then, we probably would not still be].  You don't want to be planning a wedding while in law school or while studying for the bar, or to be a newlywed during that time.  It can be done, but why borrow trouble? 
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    My BIL started his 2nd year this fall and he got married in May. They were able to handle it just fine. Just set reasonable expectations for yourself when planning, get a group of reliable helpers (hopefully you can count your FI as one of them!) and delegate, delegate, delegate!

    Come on ladies, we were all complaining that the boards are dying. There's been too much of posters telling brides to be that they shouldn't be getting married or that they aren't ready to get married- every time I read that on a thread I cringe.
    No wonder no new brides want to post!
    We are here to help, but we really shouldn't be telling people to hold off their weddings unless there's big, big trouble. It's really none of our business.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemondrop23. Show lemondrop23's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    Thanks for the advice Kitten and ALF...I'll definitely take your words of wisdom into consideration.  I have a feeling I'll have more law school related questions in the immediate future than anything. 

    FI and I have been together for 8 years (and lived together for the past year) so we're clearly not in too much of a rush.  We've seen each other through our undergrad years, and now through my very blah job that I'll be happy to leave behind.  Luckily, he's great at keeping me grounded no matter what craziness ensues!

    P.S. Thanks PK.  The one thing I've learned from my wedding mags is to take all advice with a grain of salt Wink
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    In Response to Re: Time to resurrect these boards:
    [QUOTE]P.S. Thanks PK.  The one thing I've learned from my wedding mags is to take all advice with a grain of salt
    Posted by lemondrop23[/QUOTE]

    Good for you! That is seriously the most important thing to learn in this whole crazy process.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    In Response to Re: Time to resurrect these boards:
    [QUOTE]My BIL started his 2nd year this fall and he got married in May. They were able to handle it just fine. Just set reasonable expectations for yourself when planning, get a group of reliable helpers (hopefully you can count your FI as one of them!) and delegate, delegate, delegate! Come on ladies, we were all complaining that the boards are dying. There's been too much of posters telling brides to be that they shouldn't be getting married or that they aren't ready to get married- every time I read that on a thread I cringe. No wonder no new brides want to post! We are here to help, but we really shouldn't be telling people to hold off their weddings unless there's big, big trouble. It's really none of our business.
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    Clearly, you haven't gone to law school or taken the bar. I would suggest the same thing to someone starting medical school or a first year residency.  These are enormously time consuming, stressful undertakings.  Why borrow trouble?

    There is a HUGE difference, IMO, between suggesting that someone put wedding plans on hold b/c of financial reasons or b/c of outside stress, and b/c someone is posting that they are having interpersonal problems with their SO/FI.  The second is none of our business.  Law school is going to set you back 60K easily for tuition alone.  Most people finance their legal education with loans alone - you are eligible for more if you are single than if you have another person in the household who has an income. Additionally, the Paper Chase is more realistic of a movie than many people realize.  Law school is incredibly time consuming. I still don't know how my family put up w/ me during school or during the bar.  I know people who got married in law school and were fine. However, they were fewer than the number of people who ended up divorcing shortly after law school.  85 percent of the partners at my old firm in MA were on their second marriages [having gotten married immediately after law school or while in school].  These are reliable indicators, to me, that waiting is not a bad thing. If people want to go ahead and get married and then put unnecessary stress on their marriage, they can do so.  People can also always hit the 'ignore' button.  But having been there and done [or at least seen] that, I am just giving my perspective on it. 

    ETA: Planning a wedding for after the bar [a few months after] is entirely different.  That should be welcome relief to the stress of studying.  I was completely useless for a week-10 days after the bar, so plan on a nice, mindless vacation and then get hitched shortly thereafter.  Maybe it's just be, but when I was single [or even just engaged], I felt more like I could be selfish and take 'me time' for a weekend.  Now that I'm married, I don't feel like I can do that as much. I can take a few hours, but I can't work superlong hours [10+] and then hit the gym before heading home and then immediately to bed at 10 pm and then just veg out by myself for an entire weekend like I used to do before I got married.  DH might put up w/ that now and then, but even if he did, I'd feel so guilty, it wouldn't be worth it.  That was my schedule most weeks before I got married, minus the veg out alone every weekend - that's when I'd see DH.  My schedule was not unusual.  As I got more established, my schedule improved. 
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kitten1979. Show kitten1979's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    Ya, I didn't tell her not to get married. I was more agreeing with her plan to focus on school first then wedding in 2012. But she should realize that the first year of law school is a ridiculously stressful and time consuming undertaking. If she's waiting till 2012 that makes sense as she'll be gearing more into her 2nd year when things calm down a bit.  And let's face it, being the bride planning a wedding is a lot different from being the groom.

    The first year of law school can be absurdly cut throat(depending on where she goes to school, mine wasn't). Throw in wedding planning on top of that and yikes. Not to mention there's a lot riding your first year grades in law school. If you don't get great marks on the one exam that equals 100% of your grade kiss that summer internship at a big firm goodbye and then kiss that $120,000 starting pay big firm job goodbye. And in this economy, kiss a lot of jobs goodbye. Even if she knows she doesn't want the big firm life the field is still pretty tight right now (even in small firms, government and non-profit arena) and there's so much competition just for internships you really need to shine that first year. I have friends that graduated in 2007 and still can't find jobs. It's the unfortunate reality of the profession.

    I'd talk someone out of becoming a lawyer before I'd talk them out of getting married. lol. Laughing
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    I wouldn't want to plan a wedding while also buying a home- but people do it all the time.
    I wouldn't want to plan a wedding while going to any kind of graduate school- but people do it all the time.

    what we feel is too much trouble for ourselves does not mean it's too much trouble for others.
    Rapunzel pulled the amazing stunt of buying a new house, attending grad(?) school and managed to plan her wedding all at the same time- which left me in awe! I wouldn't be able to do that, but she did.

    It's not for us to say. Experiences and stress level tolerances vary.

    The first year after we got married, both DH and I worked two jobs. We saw each other about 10 hours a week, if we were lucky. It was hard, but we got through it. It was just what we had to do.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    I talked my own sister out of law school for hte very reasons kitten mentions.  She is now very happy as a librarian and making more money than she would have had she gone to law school.  When I was in school, people actually hid books in the law library to get an 'edge' on other students.  That first year and first summer is super important. Not only for grades alone, but so you can compete to be on journals and moot court.  The grades and your membership on journals [which in my school was by competition alone, and you were only allowed to compete if you were in a certain percentage of the top of the class] is what got you the chance to interview for a big firm internship, or any internship, and then job interviews while you were in school.  If you didn't make a journal or get the coveted internship, you were basically sc>ewed when you graduated.   
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    ALF, talking your sister out of going to law school is different. she's your sister, you know her very well.

    It's just my opinion that we shouldn't be going about telling new posters to put off or cancel their wedding unless we know for a fact that there's big, big trouble.
    We're not their sisters, their close friends or their family. We don't know them or the whole story.

    That's just my opinion about how to best create a hospitable environment for new posters. If you disagree, that's fine.

    ETA: I understand that this advice is given with good intentions, just like the people who told me that I was too young at 25 to get married meant well. Some of them had even gotten married at 25 and then divorced and were simply sharing their experience. But it still made it so that I never, ever discussed any wedding plans with those people. It just shut down communication and made me feel like they thought I wasn't capable of making this decision, or that they didn't support my decision. I don't want that to happen here. That's all.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    In Response to Re: Time to resurrect these boards:
    [QUOTE]And let's face it, being the bride planning a wedding is a lot different from being the groom. Posted by kitten1979[/QUOTE]

    Only if your relationship adheres strictly to old fashioned gender roles. It's 2011, plenty of groom are very enthusiastic about planning, or at least I would hope that they'd be willing to step up if their FI was busy with school or other commitments.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    I don't see how it's any different than saying 'omg that dress place stinks', 'I wouldn't choose pink roses; use peonies instead', 'don't get married on a holiday weekend b/c it's so inconvenient" etc.  They are free to disregard my suggestion about why, having actually been in that situation, I think it is a good idea to wait until after X occurs before getting married, just as they are free to disregard my suggestion to use peonies.  I'm not telling them not to get married; just giving them reasons why I think they might want to wait until after X and Y occur.  Also, the woman hasn't even gotten into law school yet [if I read her post correctly; she's just applied], so it's not exactly like anything is set in stone. 
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    In Response to Re: Time to resurrect these boards:
    [QUOTE]I don't see how it's any different than saying 'omg that dress place stinks', 'I wouldn't choose pink roses; use peonies instead', 'don't get married on a holiday weekend b/c it's so inconvenient" etc.  They are free to disregard my suggestion about why, having actually been in that situation, I think it is a good idea to wait until after X occurs before getting married, just as they are free to disregard my suggestion to use peonies.  I'm not telling them not to get married; just giving them reasons why I think they might want to wait until after X and Y occur.  Also, the woman hasn't even gotten into law school yet [if I read her post correctly; she's just applied], so it's not exactly like anything is set in stone. 
    Posted by ALF72[/QUOTE]

    I'm telling you my opinion, having been in the situation where people told me to hold off on my wedding until I was older or had a better job, based off of their experiences. I did choose to ignore their suggestions, but I also chose to not tell them anything about my wedding because it seemed they simply were not supportive. I don't want that to happen here. We don't know the whole story, and while you may have been in a similar situation, you cannot assume that your situations and experiences will be identical.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kitten1979. Show kitten1979's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    Again, with all due respect pinkkittie, I don't see a majority of grooms on these boards or on the knot or wedding bee trying to get ideas for alternative centerpieces and what color shoes the bridesmaids should wear. Not to say that everyone is like that or even cares about those details, because a lot of people don't (including me, my bridesmaids picked out my wedding colors, I couldn't care less) but there's a lot of little things that still tend to fall on the bride no matter how great the groom is. I don't see any grooms worrying about that little red dot on the back of their tuxes. lol. It's just different. Laughing
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from kitten1979. Show kitten1979's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    Hahaha. I'm sitting hear thinking, wow lawyers are an argumentative group, no wonder no one likes us. lol.


     Lemondrop - you may want to look into some MBA programs instead.  lol. Tongue out
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from zenbat. Show zenbat's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    I can't imagine planning a wedding during law school. I thought all three years were hell, just in different ways. I think if I had to pick a year to plan a wedding it would be first year. I was super busy and tired, but not so beat down by school and stressed out as I was during the second year.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Novembride. Show Novembride's posts

    Re: Time to resurrect these boards

    Lemon - you can't know what law school is like until you go through it.  But, you know yourself and your FI and whwat you can handle.

    I met DH during winter break of my third year of law school, and when we started dating, I warned him "You will probably hate me in six months" knowing I'd be studying for and taking the bar.  We mad eit through that.  I then warned him again after I passed that one that I was going to take the NH bar too - three months later.  We made it thorugh that as well.  Granted we weren't planning at weddign during any of this, but still, getting through difficult things is part of what makes you a couple.

    My two cents:  I would not even consider doing the majority of wedding planning, or planning for it to happen during first year.  Second year and the first half of third year, aboslutely could be done.  Second half of thrid year and through the bar, don't plan on planning anything but your study schedule (although I made time to date DH and it worked out pretty well).

     
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