Re: Time to resurrect these boards
posted at 1/4/2011 12:47 PM EST
In Response to Re: Time to resurrect these boards
[QUOTE]My BIL started his 2nd year this fall and he got married in May. They were able to handle it just fine. Just set reasonable expectations for yourself when planning, get a group of reliable helpers (hopefully you can count your FI as one of them!) and delegate, delegate, delegate! Come on ladies, we were all complaining that the boards are dying. There's been too much of posters telling brides to be that they shouldn't be getting married or that they aren't ready to get married- every time I read that on a thread I cringe. No wonder no new brides want to post! We are here to help, but we really shouldn't be telling people to hold off their weddings unless there's big, big trouble. It's really none of our business.
Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]
Clearly, you haven't gone to law school or taken the bar. I would suggest the same thing to someone starting medical school or a first year residency. These are enormously time consuming, stressful undertakings. Why borrow trouble?
There is a HUGE difference, IMO, between suggesting that someone put wedding plans on hold b/c of financial reasons or b/c of outside stress, and b/c someone is posting that they are having interpersonal problems with their SO/FI. The second is none of our business. Law school is going to set you back 60K easily for tuition alone. Most people finance their legal education with loans alone - you are eligible for more if you are single than if you have another person in the household who has an income. Additionally, the Paper Chase is more realistic of a movie than many people realize. Law school is incredibly time consuming. I still don't know how my family put up w/ me during school or during the bar. I know people who got married in law school and were fine. However, they were fewer than the number of people who ended up divorcing shortly after law school. 85 percent of the partners at my old firm in MA were on their second marriages [having gotten married immediately after law school or while in school]. These are reliable indicators, to me, that waiting is not a bad thing. If people want to go ahead and get married and then put unnecessary stress on their marriage, they can do so. People can also always hit the 'ignore' button. But having been there and done [or at least seen] that, I am just giving my perspective on it.
ETA: Planning a wedding for after the bar [a few months after] is entirely different. That should be welcome relief to the stress of studying. I was completely useless for a week-10 days after the bar, so plan on a nice, mindless vacation and then get hitched shortly thereafter. Maybe it's just be, but when I was single [or even just engaged], I felt more like I could be selfish and take 'me time' for a weekend. Now that I'm married, I don't feel like I can do that as much. I can take a few hours, but I can't work superlong hours [10+] and then hit the gym before heading home and then immediately to bed at 10 pm and then just veg out by myself for an entire weekend like I used to do before I got married. DH might put up w/ that now and then, but even if he did, I'd feel so guilty, it wouldn't be worth it. That was my schedule most weeks before I got married, minus the veg out alone every weekend - that's when I'd see DH. My schedule was not unusual. As I got more established, my schedule improved.