Wedding Invites

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Wedding Invites

    I was curious to get a sense of what people think when they receive a wedding invitation.  If you get one with only your name on it, what do you think that implies?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    Depends, prior to getting married my husband recieved an invite addressed only to him but the inside envelope had both our names so I assumed they didn't know we lived together. But after getting married if this happened, i'd be a little upset.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    I would think that implies I am invited alone, without a guest unless a +1 option is noted on the reply card.

    But, like Northern, now that I'm married it would be disconcerting if DH wasn't invited.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Wedding Invites:
    I was curious to get a sense of what people think when they receive a wedding invitation.  If you get one with only your name on it, what do you think that implies?
    Posted by Goodness1


    The invitation should be specifically addressed, so if only one person is named, that person is the only one invited.

    It is polite and traditional to invite engaged and married couples as couples.  If you are engaged or married, and receive an invitation to you alone, it would appear to be an oversite on the part of the host.  You should pick up the phone and find out.  (But first, verify that your fiance has not also received a single invitation.) 


     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    Our wedding invitations went out about 3 weeks ago.  Our due date is September 15, and we're still waiting on quite a few.  Regardless, we spoke to one of the people who will be attending our wedding (he's in our wedding) alone.  He doesn't have a girlfriend, etc.  He "thought" he was allowed to bring a guest being how the reply card said, "Number of guests".  I explained to him that's how all the replies are, but look at how it's addressed.  Being that it was addressed to him and only him, that means he's not invited with a guest.  He seemed to get a little upset about that (not sure why - he hasn't had a girlfriend in a couple years).  The conversation got a little funny.  After he raised his eyebrows and seemed to get upset, we stopped talking about it.

    Sort of put us (me and my fiance) in a weird spot. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    goodness, obviously we (the bdc girls) know what it means.  I'm assuming that of one your invitees did not understand what it means.  Just spit it out, girl! 
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from princess-cal. Show princess-cal's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    I agree with Cosmo - not to generalize, but I don't think guys are really up on the wedding lingo etc.  I think he just assumed he could bring someone.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    I guess, my question is how to handle these situations as they come.  We have a few people invited without a guest and no children. 

    How do we talk to these people if we get our replies back with "+1" when they're invited alone, or "+ 2 kids" when we said "no kids"?
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    He's a guy, right?  I'm not surprised that he didn't understand that he wasn't invited with a guest.  It is sort of an ettiquette thing and I didn't know what it meant until my friends started getting married and they explained it to me.  Guys probably don't know unless they've been to a few weddings!

    ETA:  It s*cks though.  Sounds like it was an uncomfortable conversation!  Don't feel bad, Goodness, it isn't your fault!  Was he okay with the fact that he isn't supposed to bring a date?
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    He's a guy, right?  I'm not surprised that he didn't understand that he wasn't invited with a guest.  It is sort of an ettiquette thing and I didn't know what it meant until my friends started getting married and they explained it to me.  Guys probably don't know unless they've been to a few weddings! ETA:  It s*cks though.  Sounds like it was an uncomfortable conversation!  Don't feel bad, Goodness, it isn't your fault!  Was he okay with the fact that he isn't supposed to bring a date?
    Posted by trex509


    He was upset, but I can't help him.  I told him quite a few people were invited without a guest.  And, that we invited those with a guest who are in serious relationships, engaged, or married.  He rolled his eyes a few times and even said, "Okay, I'm not talking about this anymore.  I'm not going to say anything else" like he has ANY right to.  I told him that he's invited alone, that's it.  I sent him a text message this morning telling him to send in his reply.  That's it!  No more conversations, questions, etc. 

    I just want to know how to talk to the people going forward who might/will reply thinking they were invited with a guest.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from princess-cal. Show princess-cal's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    I would just call these people and let them know that "as much as you would like to be able to let them bring a guest," your budget or your venue has a limit.  Remember - they are the ones overstepping their boundaries, not you!
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    I would just call these people and let them know that "as much as you would like to be able to let them bring a guest," your budget or your venue has a limit.  Remember - they are the ones overstepping their boundaries, not you!
    Posted by princess-cal


    Thanks!  I feel a little bad, but when it comes down to it, we don't have the budget and it wouldn't make sense for them to bring a guest.  EEK!  I know, sounds terrible, but that's just how it is.  I felt really uncomfortable when he asked, though.  I just looked at him and said, "No, you're invited alone with no guest", and when I saw him roll his eyes and "jokingly" tossed the invite on the chair, that's when I got upset.  I didn't say anything, but my fiance did.  He said, "Look, we know you were just tossing it there, but she might think you're mad or serious.  Please tell her that you're not otherwise it will hurt her feelings".  All this right in front of me.  My fiance is very up front and sweet and always looking out for me. 

    I don't think that our guest was "throwing it" per se, but didn't help that he did it RIGHT after we told him he couldn't bring a guest.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    Oh Goodness, that s*cks!  You said he's in the wedding, right?  I think it is tough to bring a date other than a serious GF or SO when you are in the wedding.  The person basically goes to the ceremony and cocktail hour alone, which has got to be weird if you aren't serious!  Anyway, he was being rude by arguing this with you.  Is he your friend or your FI?  If FI's, you might want to have him talk to him.

    I think Princess' advice is best.  No matter what it is probably going to be an awkward conversation, but they have to understand it is your choice.  If they don't want to come without their date or kids, just say you are sorry you will miss them at the wedding.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    He's a friend to both of us.  It is great that he's going to be in our wedding, and I feel like he's standing there for the both of us.  I felt that he acted completely immaturely.  I didn't appreciate it when he tossed the invite on the chair.  I would NEVER do that. 

    Regardless, he doesn't have a girlfriend and hasn't had one in years.  That's it.  That's how we were basing our invites.  Serious relationships, engagement, or marriage.  Otherwise, alone, my friend.

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    He's in a weird spot, not you.  Step away from the spot.  :)
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from Ariel81916. Show Ariel81916's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    To be devil's advocate, I do see how this could have been a conflicting message:

    He "thought" he was allowed to bring a guest being how the reply card said, "Number of guests".

    Not saying he's right, just that I could see how that could be construed as, I'm inviting you and want to know how many, if any, guests you would like to bring. It's possible that he's never seen a reply card with a blank like that (most wedding invitations I've received don't include that information). Then he pouted a little when his interpretation of the invitation was wrong.


    Maybe he was embarrassed because he'd already asked that cute girl in Accounting to be his date - and now he's going to have to take it back. He doesn't want you to know because he was wrong, but he's still upset about it. Embarassment, real or imagined, often leads to childish and/or immature behavior.

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    I think she knows it was an honest mistake he made.  But, that doesn't mean he can bring a guest, now.  And, if he already asked someone in his ignorance of invitation etiquette, that's a rough way to learn that lesson, but life will go on, and Goodness isn't responsible.  We all make embarassing mistakes...it's how we learn lessons we never forget.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    Okay, so when I receive a wedding invitation and it asks "Number of guests", I can easily assume that I can bring my Mom and Dad, too? 

    I think it's silly, and it's not even etiquette, but common courtesy to NOT assume anything about a wedding.  The invite clearly stated his and only his name.  If that's not clear, then I don't know what is. 

    I told him that's a basic reply card.  That's it. 
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    Goodness, you'd be surprised at how little people are taught about such things.  No one under the age of 30 on my DH's side even sent the response card in if they weren't coming.  They figured there wasn't any point.  Either way, just when you get a speeding ticket and you didn't know the speed limit, ignorance of the rule isn't a free pass.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    Goodness, you'd be surprised at how little people are taught about such things.  No one under the age of 30 on my DH's side even sent the response card in if they weren't coming.  They figured there wasn't any point.  Either way, just when you get a speeding ticket and you didn't know the speed limit, ignorance of the rule isn't a free pass.
    Posted by kargiver


    Good point, and you're right.  I'm sure that a lot of people don't know how to handle this situation. 

    I guess, what I was mostly upset about was his rolling his eyes and getting upset.  Last I checked, we're honored that you're in our wedding, and you're a big part of our day.  Take that, and enjoy it.  We surely are. 

    He just put this guilt on me like he couldn't believe we "didn't allow him to bring a date". 
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    Well, that's his weird spot to be in, not yours.  I'd forget about it entirely.  Don't allow anyone to put a guilt trip on you for doing nothing wrong.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    Don't be too harsh on this poor guy.  Yours might be the first wedding invite he's received in his own name.  How would he know? 

    Maybe he asked his mother and SHE gave him the wrong information. 

    Deep breath, let it go, you're getting down to the wire and you're due for your 2-weeks-to-go freakout.  We're waiting!!!

    Seriously, though, don't give it another thought, and hang on!!!! 
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from June09. Show June09's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    Not sure if it will make you feel better or worse, but since I designed and printed my own invites, I decided to eliminate the confusion and/or entitlement that seems to come with the blank "number of guests" line and give each invitee a place to accept/decline on the RSVP card (each individual name was typed out on the rsvp card with a check box to accept or decline and I had to be sure to match each rsvp card with the appropriate addressed envelope) and I STILL got a couple of cards back with people writing in additional guests or crossing out someone and writing in someone else.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from allreadymarried. Show allreadymarried's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    To throw more fuel to the fire isn't it proper for the wedding party to be invited with a guest regardless of their status?
    Maybe he thought that
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    I really don't like how the reply cards are worded.  I printed my own and for those who I invited alone I only had accept or regret and no # of guests.  That being said, we had a wedding of 80 people.  If we had 150+ guests I wouldn't want that added effort.

    My DH added his mom to the # of guests for a wedding he and I were invited to a few years ago.  He didn't get it until we planned our own wedding.
     
Sections
Shortcuts

Share