Wedding Invites

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    Thanks for all the thoughts, everyone!  It really helps.  I don't know why I was feeling guilty.  It was something that me and my fiance along with our families decided upon.  We wanted to keep our wedding intimate and stay within budget.  Having too many "strangers" wasn't something either of us was comfortable with. 
    I guess, it wasn't so much him asking why he can't bring a guest, but his reaction to our answer.  He didn't like what he heard, and acted like a 4 year old.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]To throw more fuel to the fire isn't it proper for the wedding party to be invited with a guest regardless of their status? Maybe he thought that
    Posted by allreadymarried[/QUOTE]

    I don't think there's such a thing as "proper" when it comes to individual situations.  He and another one of our groomsmen don't have girlfriends and they both haven't in years.  We didn't want strangers at our wedding.  Regardless, he could've asked if he was confused.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from cicirose. Show cicirose's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    Sorry you are upset about this situation but please don't take it personally! I'll be honest that until pretty recently I didn't realize the etiquette involving invites for single people. I was just out of college when my first friend got married and we (her friends) assumed that we were all invited +1. I wasn't local so another friend found a date for me. I have no idea what the bride thought - she never said anything. I also don't remember if I RSVP'd since I was in the wedding, I figured she knew I was going to be there. Bad behavior on my part, absolutely! But I had no ill intentions and if she had said anything, definitely would have acted better. It could be the same case for him - he didn't realize and was caught completely off guard when you told him no guest.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

         While we were engaged, I received 1 invitation for just me, and FI one for just him,  from people who knew we were engaged, but whom we knew from before we ever met.  In the last nearly 3 yrs since we married, w have each received 2 single invites,  either from friends from the service (separate groups, we did not know each other then)  or undergrad college days.
          At first it was disconcerting,  but each of us went to all 3 solo  and we each had a great time at the 6 weddings.
    There were numerous married and living with  folks invited as singles at every one, all people we knew from serving together or work or school.  I for one saw old friends the day before and after each wedding, travelled with another single invite or 2 as all were drives out of state,  and had a ball dancing and partying.

         All and all, since no one was stranded without lots of people they knew and liked, it worked.
          I think each B & G looked at seeing 15-18 old good buddies for a few days, or half as many with SO, and chose the more friends invited single.  From a few comments about how this husband or that wife would have felt left out of every conversation for 3 days,  I do not think anyone regretted accepting their solo invitations.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]He's a friend to both of us.  It is great that he's going to be in our wedding, and I feel like he's standing there for the both of us.  I felt that he acted completely immaturely.  I didn't appreciate it when he tossed the invite on the chair.  I would NEVER do that.  Regardless, he doesn't have a girlfriend and hasn't had one in years.  That's it.  That's how we were basing our invites. Serious relationships, engagement, or marriage.  Otherwise, alone, my friend.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

         This is a standard that has held for years, in fact, many used to hold to engaged or married as the only ones getting couple invites when space and numbers are limited.
         While sometimes one meets nice new people at weddings, it is often not a great time for a new 1st or 2nd time date.
    His social skills sound a little immature.  Perhaps also a sign that he fears mingling without a familiar person by his side, HIS date. 
          He needs to mature and behave with a little more grace and understanding.  Or at least stop pouting, which is unbecoming in a grown man!    You two have done nothing wrong.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Invites :      This is a standard that has held for years, in fact, many used to hold to engaged or married as the only ones getting couple invites when space and numbers are limited.      While sometimes one meets nice new people at weddings, it is often not a great time for a new 1st or 2nd time date. His social skills sound a little immature.  Perhaps also a sign that he fears mingling without a familiar person by his side, HIS date.        He needs to mature and behave with a little more grace and understanding.  Or at least stop pouting, which is unbecoming in a grown man!    You two have done nothing wrong.
    Posted by whatawagSBNy[/QUOTE]

    Another thing, he is terribly shy and doesn't meet girls easily.  He's good at mingling with friends, and he'll have plenty of them there at our wedding.  It was REALLY confusing to the both of us why he would bring just anyone to the wedding.  He has no luck with the ladies, so meeting one, inviting one, and being with one for a 3 day period?  Sounds uncomfortable to me!!  Ha, ha.  Regardless, he knows the situation now, and we're in the clear.  But, it has helped me realize that we might get other questions like this, and now we all know how to handle it.  I've got the entire family on board with this one.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]I guess, my question is how to handle these situations as they come.  We have a few people invited without a guest and no children.  How do we talk to these people if we get our replies back with "+1" when they're invited alone, or "+ 2 kids" when we said "no kids"?
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    If your list is very close and strict, you should have your closest family member to the guest call and say with all sincerity, we are so sorry, we are unable to accommadate your "friend/children/son's friend..."  We do hope you will still be able to come!"

    By closest I mean - if it is your Mom's best friend, she should call, if it is your friend, you should call.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Invites : He was upset, but I can't help him.  I told him quite a few people were invited without a guest.  And, that we invited those with a guest who are in serious relationships, engaged, or married.  He rolled his eyes a few times and even said, "Okay, I'm not talking about this anymore.  I'm not going to say anything else" like he has ANY right to.  I told him that he's invited alone, that's it.  I sent him a text message this morning telling him to send in his reply.  That's it!  No more conversations, questions, etc.  I just want to know how to talk to the people going forward who might/will reply thinking they were invited with a guest.
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    He is your friend and you want to be nice.  He was likely embarassed that he asked and it showed.  To be nice and make it easier on him, you can always throw in, "I really wish we could, but we simply don't have the room."  And perhaps, "But you're sitting next to "Prettygirl" and she's not bringing a date either!"
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Invites : If your list is very close and strict, you should have your closest family member to the guest call and say with all sincerity, we are so sorry, we are unable to accommadate your "friend/children/son's friend..."  We do hope you will still be able to come!" By closest I mean - if it is your Mom's best friend, she should call, if it is your friend, you should call.
    Posted by downtoearth[/QUOTE]

    That's so funny!!  That's EXACTLY what my mom said yesterday when I asked her how we should proceed!  I call those close to my age, she calls those close to their age, and vice versa for my fiance and his mom.  Too funny! 
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]To throw more fuel to the fire isn't it proper for the wedding party to be invited with a guest regardless of their status? Maybe he thought that
    Posted by allreadymarried[/QUOTE]
    not necessarily. 
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Invites : That's so funny!!  That's EXACTLY what my mom said yesterday when I asked her how we should proceed!  I call those close to my age, she calls those close to their age, and vice versa for my fiance and his mom.  Too funny! 
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]

    Your Mother is obviously a very wise and gracious woman.  ;)
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    Don't get me wrong, I did feel bad as I figured he might not know.  The situation is what it is, though.  He did complain that there won't be any "single girls" there, which we sort of laughed at and replied with, "Why does it matter?  It's not like you'd talk to them anyway". HA!  He's so shy, it's cute. 
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    same here.

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]I would think that implies I am invited alone, without a guest unless a +1 option is noted on the reply card. But, like Northern, now that I'm married it would be disconcerting if DH wasn't invited.
    Posted by dkb6248[/QUOTE]
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]To throw more fuel to the fire isn't it proper for the wedding party to be invited with a guest regardless of their status? Maybe he thought that
    Posted by allreadymarried[/QUOTE]

    Are you serious?  You can't be...  It's absolutely proper to invite whomever you wish with or without guests.  Single people (not in any committed relationship) do not automatically get to bring guests according to etiquette.  That's not to say that hosts cannot invite everyone with a guest, but it's certainly not required.

    Again, his confusion on the issue isn't Goodness's fault or problem.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    Sorry, I'm reading this just now and responding as I go. I'll delete if it gets ridiculous.

    He has no reason to be upset that he can't bring a guest. I can understand not wanting to attend a wedding alone, but if he's in your wedding it's not like he'll have nothing to do.
    He may have simply thought that because he was in the wedding he was allowed a guest by default.

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]Our wedding invitations went out about 3 weeks ago.  Our due date is September 15, and we're still waiting on quite a few.  Regardless, we spoke to one of the people who will be attending our wedding (he's in our wedding) alone.  He doesn't have a girlfriend, etc.  He "thought" he was allowed to bring a guest being how the reply card said, "Number of guests".  I explained to him that's how all the replies are, but look at how it's addressed.  Being that it was addressed to him and only him, that means he's not invited with a guest.  He seemed to get a little upset about that (not sure why - he hasn't had a girlfriend in a couple years).  The conversation got a little funny.  After he raised his eyebrows and seemed to get upset, we stopped talking about it. Sort of put us (me and my fiance) in a weird spot. 
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    I would just say be firm to be fair.
    Don't make exceptions unless you feel it's necessary to keep the peace.

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]I guess, my question is how to handle these situations as they come.  We have a few people invited without a guest and no children.  How do we talk to these people if we get our replies back with "+1" when they're invited alone, or "+ 2 kids" when we said "no kids"?
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]     While we were engaged, I received 1 invitation for just me, and FI one for just him,  from people who knew we were engaged, but whom we knew from before we ever met.  In the last nearly 3 yrs since we married, w have each received 2 single invites,  either from friends from the service (separate groups, we did not know each other then)  or undergrad college days.       At first it was disconcerting,  but each of us went to all 3 solo  and we each had a great time at the 6 weddings. There were numerous married and living with  folks invited as singles at every one, all people we knew from serving together or work or school.  I for one saw old friends the day before and after each wedding, travelled with another single invite or 2 as all were drives out of state,  and had a ball dancing and partying.      All and all, since no one was stranded without lots of people they knew and liked, it worked.       I think each B & G looked at seeing 15-18 old good buddies for a few days, or half as many with SO, and chose the more friends invited single.  From a few comments about how this husband or that wife would have felt left out of every conversation for 3 days,  I do not think anyone regretted accepting their solo invitations.
    Posted by whatawagSBNy[/QUOTE]

    Good for you for being able to attend those events solo.  I don't understand the need to have a date at every event - even if you are married!  Yes, obviously, if you don't know a single other person at a wedding other than the bride and groom, it can be disconcerting to go alone.  However, if you do know others, I do not see the big deal in going w/out a significant other.  I think it's healthy to be able to do things alone - even if you're married!  But that's just me!!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    While we know that the wedding party is not allotted special "and guest" priviledges, some people do think that. They're wrong, but they think that.
    I don't know why, as you ladies have said a date doesn't get to spend much time with a BM or GM at a wedding because they're busy.

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Invites : Are you serious?  You can't be...  It's absolutely proper to invite whomever you wish with or without guests.  Single people (not in any committed relationship) do not automatically get to bring guests according to etiquette.  That's not to say that hosts cannot invite everyone with a guest, but it's certainly not required. Again, his confusion on the issue isn't Goodness's fault or problem.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Invites : Good for you for being able to attend those events solo.  I don't understand the need to have a date at every event - even if you are married!  Yes, obviously, if you don't know a single other person at a wedding other than the bride and groom, it can be disconcerting to go alone.  However, if you do know others, I do not see the big deal in going w/out a significant other.  I think it's healthy to be able to do things alone - even if you're married!  But that's just me!!
    Posted by heatherv1211[/QUOTE]

    It's healthy to be able to do things alone even if you're married, but it's completely in poor taste to invite one spouse and not the other to an event like   wedding that isn't gender specific (like a bridal shower or guys' poker night).  Even if the spouse is known to be out of town or something, it's NEVER OK to invite just one.  However, if one can't make it, there's no reason the other can't go by themselves, I agree with that.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Invites : Good for you for being able to attend those events solo.  I don't understand the need to have a date at every event - even if you are married!  Yes, obviously, if you don't know a single other person at a wedding other than the bride and groom, it can be disconcerting to go alone.  However, if you do know others, I do not see the big deal in going w/out a significant other.  I think it's healthy to be able to do things alone - even if you're married!  But that's just me!!
    Posted by heatherv1211[/QUOTE]

    Could not agree more.  It is not always necessary to be part of a couple.  Socializing is an important skill that should be developed and practiced.  

    Besides, a wedding is often a great place to meet someone!!   I speak from experience!! :)  
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    I agree that doing things alone is healthy, but I also believe that inviting someone to your wedding without their spouse *CAN* be offensive.
    Not always, but it can be, and I don't think it should become common practice.

    It's one thing to choose to attend a wedding or other event even though your spouse can't make it, it's another to feel as though they weren't welcome in the first place.

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Invites : Good for you for being able to attend those events solo.  I don't understand the need to have a date at every event - even if you are married!  Yes, obviously, if you don't know a single other person at a wedding other than the bride and groom, it can be disconcerting to go alone.  However, if you do know others, I do not see the big deal in going w/out a significant other.  I think it's healthy to be able to do things alone - even if you're married!  But that's just me!!
    Posted by heatherv1211[/QUOTE]
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    I understood his question, but to assume he was invited with a guest put me and my fiance in a weird spot.  I just looked at him and said, "No, I'm sorry.  Only you were invited".  Then, dumb me, felt the need to list the other people whom we invited without a guest, like he had any right to know that information.  I kick myself now for doing that. 

    That's just what we felt comfortable with.  After we got that all straightened out, he asked us "how much" we want for our wedding gift. 

    Poor dear!!  UGH!  How many weird questions could one possibly get in one evening?  He started off with, "I  know this is a weird and possibly inappropriate question, but I've got to ask", then proceeded to ask us how much and/or what gift we wanted.  I just smiled and said, "Yeah, it is odd".  I had NO other answer!!
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    Ugh is right! How do you even respond to a question like that besides "Whatever you think is appropriate..."????

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]I understood his question, but to assume he was invited with a guest put me and my fiance in a weird spot.  I just looked at him and said, "No, I'm sorry.  Only you were invited".  Then, dumb me, felt the need to list the other people whom we invited without a guest, like he had any right to know that information.  I kick myself now for doing that.  That's just what we felt comfortable with.  After we got that all straightened out, he asked us "how much" we want for our wedding gift.  Poor dear!!  UGH!  How many weird questions could one possibly get in one evening?  He started off with, "I  know this is a weird and possibly inappropriate question, but I've got to ask", then proceeded to ask us how much and/or what gift we wanted.  I just smiled and said, "Yeah, it is odd".  I had NO other answer!!
    Posted by Goodness1[/QUOTE]
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]Ugh is right! How do you even respond to a question like that besides "Whatever you think is appropriate..."???? In Response to Re: Wedding Invites :
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    That's exactly what my fiance said.  I was just sitting there, shocked!  It's hard when you get a question like that right to your face. 

    I even feel awkward when we're having a wine and cheese night or a little dinner party and people ask me what they should bring.  Um, yourself?  I always feel odd.  Whenever I go to someone's house, I bring something, and NEVER ask them what I should bring.  Unless it's a potluck thing, of course.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding Invites

    In Response to Re: Wedding Invites:
    [QUOTE]To throw more fuel to the fire isn't it proper for the wedding party to be invited with a guest regardless of their status? Maybe he thought that
    Posted by allreadymarried[/QUOTE]

    I would feel sooooooooooo awkward if I were invited to sit at the head table at a wedding of someone I didn't know with a guy I had only been on a couple of dates with (or, worse, first date!  Eek!).
    Embarassed
     
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