Re: Wedding Invites
posted at 9/2/2009 4:40 PM EDT
In Response to Re: Wedding Invites
In Response to Re: Wedding Invites : Um, are you in my head???!!! How did you come up with that? Kar, that's the reason, I know it is. I am protecting him. I don't want him to "think bad things". I don't want him to think that I don't like his parents or family. I do. But, what's going on, is bothering me a bit. I'm just worried that I might be making this larger than what it is, so is it worth it to tell him? You're right about it all. I'm doing everything you said. I'm just so scared... of God knows what.
Posted by Goodness1
You are allowed to overblow things and vent to your husband. If he can't handle that, that's a problem. I'm not saying you have a right to be a mellowdramatic freak every day and drag him down bolstering you up constantly, of course, but we should be TOTALLY FREE to be OURSELVES with our spouse and not filter our feelings and thoughts like you have taught yourself to do to save trouble.
You really don't know what you are afraid of? The Big C, Hon - Confrontation. You don't know how to bring up difficult topics and he doesn't know how to handle them being brought to his attention. Each fuels the others' problem.
There are many books on this topic that will give you concrete methods to communicate things like this. Go to Amazon and do a little searching around on handling confrontation constructively. I bet for $20 you can get a book with a lot of very doable things to try.
If this is not taken care of you will have marital problems that eventually will require professional intervention to help you communicate and deal with issues that have festered and caused resentment. At that point not only will you have to learn to communicate effectively, you'll have to resolve the hurt and undo the resentment. Better to learn to communicate when you anticipate it being uncomfortable before there are deeper issues to deal with as a result of not having learned earlier.
How am I in your head? When I read your posts I feel like I'm reading things I would have said myself about 10 years and a lot of learning, practicing, and life ago. So, I'm not psychic - I'm an older version of you. LOL :)