Wedding jitters/anxiety

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Wedding jitters/anxiety

    So I am not even getting married for 1.4 years, but I am already really nervous about the months/weeks/days leading up to the big day and I start to get all anxious. What if I am so nervous/anxious on that day that I can't even walk down the aisle?!!

    This has nothing to do with marrying my FI, but more the whole leading up to a huge day with all eyes on me. I am a very anxious person in general, so I can just imagine getting very overwhelmed the day of.

    I am in therapy right now, and we have discussed working on strategies and routines that will help me, but I was wondering if any of you experienced this or are experiencing this right now (to the ladies who haven't gotten married yet)

    Any advice would help!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    Try yoga.  Not only has it calmed me considerably at work and in daily life, but also, it will give you better grace and balance, which should make walking down the aisle easier. 

    And it has kept me from attempting to strangle my SO, so that's a bonus.  Innocent
     
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    Lists always help me.  Perhaps you could make a list of the most urgent things to do and as you check them off you will feel less and less anxious?  I'm sure you will feel better long before the wedding, when you're used to being engaged and planning a big event.  You know what I mean?  By the time the wedding was actually here, things had been planned for so long that I wasn't at all nervous - except about the possibility of rain :o)
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    as you get closer, the anxiousness should fade. right now it's a new concept and it takes some getting used to. Also, after you've booked your vendors the stress eases away slightly.
    Yes, all eyes will be on you, but every one of those eyes will be loving. You'll never receive more compliments than on your wedding day. You'll feel like you could take over the world with your flawless makeup, pretty dress and attendents backing you up.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    Maybe try a couple of ballroom dance lessons to prepare for the first dance?
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    I don't like the "all eyes on me feeling" but I have to say, in my first dance with DH it felt like we were the only two people in the world, as cheesy as that sounds. I didn't feel like I was being watched at all.
    The afther/daughter dance was the one where I was more self-concious.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from tibird. Show tibird's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    I second Pink... when we were dancing, I didn't even notice everyone gathered around.  And walking down the aisle, I barely remember it!
    It may have helped that we took lessons and practiced our dance ad nauseum for over a month before the day.  When I was listening to the music I was remembering some of the things that we laughed about while practicing (I had given him such a hard time about imagining my poofy dress and that he better not step on it ~ turns out that the bustle was low & when I stepped back, I was the one stepping on it.  We were laughing at that in quite a few pictures :)

    Peoni - the anxiety will probably fade after the major things are booked.  After that, you can take a break or only talk about the fun stuff you're thinking of.  The same thing happened to me during the initial rush.  It's good that you're working on strategies.
    Good luck!!
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    In Response to Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety:
    I am not nervous/anxious about the actual planning and weeks leading up to the wedding but I am really nervous about the day of.  I do not like "all eyes on me" and it makes me really uncomfortable.  I am the most anxious for the walk down the aisle and our first dance.  I actually don't even want to do a first dance because of this but I know that we should or we may regret it.  I am hoping that some of the pre-wedding events will take some of this anxiety away.  I had my bridal shower in December while I was home for Christmas and I was so nervous.  A few weeks ago was a 30th bday/engagement party for us with FI's family and I was a little less nervous so that was good.  We are having a welcome reception the night before our wedding so I think this will help me to calm down and see a lot of the people who will be at the wedding the next day so maybe it won't be as bad.  Trust me, you are not alone in this although I have less than 4 months before our wedding so I have a lot less time to prepare!!! 
    Posted by Summer2010


    Summer you explained it PERFECTLY. I am not worried about the planning, but about the day of. Just waking up and having that lump-in-my-throat feeling all day and being just nervous.

    I am in the same exact shoes as you. I am so looking forward to hearing how you dealt with the day-of, and seeing how it all turned out perfect!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    I didn't think I was nervous at all the day of until I took my first step down the aisle and I could feel my legs shaking.  I thought, "Don't fall, don't fall, don't fall..." all the way down to the alter (which didn't help so I don't recommend that coping strategy!).  Happily, I DIDN'T fall nor did anyone notice my knees were shaking, thank goodness for the poofy gown.  When I got down there, I was totally fine.  It was just the walk itself that got me.

    You have plenty of time to practice calming techniques you're learning with your therapist.  You won't have a meltdown.  Everyone is nervous to have all eyes on them and somehow we all pull it off.  You will, too!

    P.S.  And, if your worst fear comes true and you are so anxious you can't walk down the aisle, remember it's your show.  If you just stand there for a minute, the organist will accomodate the pause.  You'll collect yourself and take your first step when you're ready.  Life, and the wedding, will continue.

    Oh, yeah, we looked like a couple of kids at a high school dance essentially just going around in circles, and I still didn't even notice anyone watching us during our first dance, either, like others said.  It's just you and him, no worries.  You'll have spent all your nervous energy walking down the aisle so by the reception you'll be totally relaxed and ready to enjoy it.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    Just to ditto the others, I felt the same way. I was very nervous about walking down the aisle, doing our first dance (we're horrible dancers).   Once I was there, I did not even notice everyone looking, the walk down the aisle goes by so quick as does the dance.  All those fears and anxieties really went out the window once the day started. I didn't have time to think about being nervous.  The surreal-ness of the day was also a factor,  I did not even notice all those eyes on me!   I actually have a lot of anxiety in general, getting up infront of people, talking to a big group, so if I can do it you can!!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    You just need to keep telling yourself that you are truly happy, you are marrying the man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with - and regardless of anything else happening that day, at the end of it, you will be husband & wife... and that's all that matters.

    And while I love being the center of attention and walking down the aisle/first dance didn't phase me inthe slightest, truth be told, I really can't even remember either of them that well - what I do remember is that I was just so happy and excited that day that nothing else mattered.

    And when all else fails, a glass of champagne wil take the edge off!
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    I guess I'm the minority here, but our first dance did feel awkward.  Not at first but about halfway through the song it felt long.  It was a slow song and DH is really nervous about dancing in public so he basically was just moving in a slow circle.  My sister was singing and blowing people's minds, so all eyes weren't on us alone, so that helped.

    If I could do it over again, I would have the bridal party join the first dance.  Or make DH take dancing lessons.

    Peonie - sorry I can't offer much advice.  I didn't really have the jitters until the day of, and that was just being nervous about being on time and everything going smoothly.  I did get really nervous right before I walked down the aisle (all eyes on me) but my dad made me feel better.  Good thing he was there...apparently I was trying to run down the aisle.   He kept pulling my arm and whispering "slow down!" 

    After the ceremony I was fine for the rest of the day...hard part was over.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    What you should do, Peonie is just pull a Dirty Dancing move and just have the groomsmen come down and carry you up the aisle.  It's unique, it's memorable, and you won't have to worry about falling!  Cool

    But, also, if you plan to have someone escort you down the aisle, that should also help with the shakiness.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    In Response to Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety:
    What you should do, Peonie is just pull a Dirty Dancing move and just have the groomsmen come down and carry you up the aisle.  It's unique, it's memorable, and you won't have to worry about falling!  But, also, if you plan to have someone escort you down the aisle, that should also help with the shakiness.
    Posted by lucy7368


    Lucy, that totally reminds me of an episode of Bridezillas and the bride was having a "Cinderella" theme. No joke, she had a "court". So the groomsmen carried down the aisle and then when she got married she turned into a "queen", and then the groomsmen carried her back out of the ceremony.

    Thanks girls, it's good to know that everyone it at least a little nervous about the big day.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    In Response to Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety:
    In Response to Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety : Lucy, that totally reminds me of an episode of Bridezillas and the bride was having a "Cinderella" theme. No joke, she had a "court". So the groomsmen carried down the aisle and then when she got married she turned into a "queen", and then the groomsmen carried her back out of the ceremony. Thanks girls, it's good to know that everyone it at least a little nervous about the big day.
    Posted by Peonie


    Oh, no.  I remember that episode.  She wore a crown for an entire week before her wedding and made her groom try a glass slipper on all her BM before the ceremony.  Never mind.  Please, just walk like a normal person. 
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    Haha, I plan on it! :) LOL now I remember her! She did wear a crown the whole time, and she waved to everybody walking by her, around her, anywhere near her....that show, I tell ya....
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkandpearls. Show pinkandpearls's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    Just take a deep breath...

    Focus on the details that matter most to you, realize that you can't control everything and remind yourself to let go of any negativity/ unneccessary stress... it's really all about you and your Fl starting an adventure together and that's what's most important...
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    My inner monologue was "Don't walk too fast, don't walk too fast, don't walk too slow, don't walk too fast."


    In Response to Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety:
    I didn't think I was nervous at all the day of until I took my first step down the aisle and I could feel my legs shaking.  I thought, "Don't fall, don't fall, don't fall..." all the way down to the alter (which didn't help so I don't recommend that coping strategy!).  Posted by kargiver

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    Peonie - I was nervous about the day too.  Like Kar, when I walked down the aisle, I was feeling nervous, but I made it.

    I think the key is - try not to feel nervous about feeling nervous!!  Tell yourself it's OK if you are nervous on the big day!  I would bet a million dollars that you will not be nervous the ENTIRE day - you will absolutely enjoy yourself.  But you may have moments of nervousness and THAT'S OK.

    Really, that's why you have bridesmaids (are you having bridesmaids??) and that's why most women don't walk down the aisle alone - forget about the "giving away" part, brides need someone to hold them up, LOL!  And bridesmaids will help greatly in relieving your stress by coming up with ways to make you laugh and put you at ease. 

    FWIW, I was terrified at the thought of a photographer focused on me all day.  And you know what, I didn't mind in the slightest on my wedding day.  You may suprise yourself with your ability to cope and enjoy - I did! 
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    Hi poppy! Yes I am having 3 very close girlfriends, and my fiances sister. I made sure to surround myself with the girls I am most comfortable with on that day.

    Oh, I should also mention that we are doing all formals before ceremony, so I think that will help the most.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    Why not plan a very small, intimate wedding where you will be more relaxed and able to enjoy yourself.  There's no need for a big show if that's not who you are.

    You shouldn't need therapy and anti-anxiety meds to prepare for your wedding day. 

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    You shouldn't need therapy and anti-anxiety meds to prepare for your wedding day. 

    Hi Cos!

    While I do agree with Cosmo's sentiments above, I've often thought some brides could use a couple of sessions of therapy to manage their situational anxiety around their weddings.

    However, it sounds to me like this therapy is kind of an ongoing thing and you already are dealing with some anxiety issues.  I think its smart to already be working with your therapist on some coping strategies.  And it is normal to feel nervous, anxious, excited, stressed anyway--sometimes those feelings all get confused.  This is a big step for a person, on top of the biggest party you'll probably ever throw.

    And don't assume that just because you are a nervous person anyway you will be a wreck on your wedding day.  Many people assume sort of a zen calm when they get married in spite of the jitters beforehand.

    My only piece of advice (and you can do this on your own, with friends, with a therapist, or right here on the board) is to sort out exactly what this anxiety is.  Is it sort of a performance thing (I'm worried about tripping or being too scared to walk down the aisle) or are you second guessing your decision to get married?  Before I get flamed, I honestly don't think most pre-wedding jitters are second thoughts, but I do think if your anxiety is to an overwhelming point its very possible that there is something behind it besides worrying about tripping and how many people to invite.

    Good luck Peonie.  I've been following your story for a while and wish you a life of love, joy and peace.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    I agree 100% with ash on every point.

    I know you started off by saying this is not about a fear of marrying this person (which I found interesting that you'd assume we'd think that and wanted to head off any discussion in that direction), but, in fact, you could be blaming worrying about tripping or "all eyes being on you" as a way of disguising, for your own emotional protection, what is really causing your extreme anxiety. 

    It's human nature to blame negative feelings on a benign cause when the real cause is too painful or scary to deal with head on.  I hope you'll avail yourself of your therapist's training, availability, and confidentiality to the full extent by discussing even the scariest of ideas.  If you are meant to marry this person, you'll come to that conclusion even after exploring it in gross detail.  And, after you do that, I think you'll find that your anxiety about walking down the aisle will be markedly diminished.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    I also would add that a fear of getting married is not necessarily based on who your significant other is (ie. not that you guys aren't right for each other).  I am a self diagnosed commitment phobe.  I was for a long time petrified of the idea of making such a huge commitment (for ever!).  It is a personality trait that i have in recent years really noticed, a huge fear of change (what is a bigger change than getting married?).  Anyway, talking through my fear with my FI has put a lot of things at ease.  And his patience and understanding of my fear has made the whole thing a lot easier. In the early part of our engagement, I had a real fear that I might have a panic attack before the wedding and run away.  After talking this through with FI (and him not getting mad at me, he understood and reassured me that everything would be okay), he reinforced all the reasons that I love him and want to marry him.  Now those fears have completely subsided.

    Don't worry too much, I think some cold feet is normal in the early part of the engagement.  This is all a new concept (even if you have been thinking about it for years, it is suddenly real).  Give yourself a few months to get used to the idea.  And you do have 1.4 yrs to go, so you'll be fine.  :)
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: Wedding jitters/anxiety

    Peonie, 
           I made a complete and utter fool of myself at the start of my walk,  everybody burst out laughing.  but when I started all over, curiosly, where before it had seemed everyone was staring at me, second time everyone had these big funny grins, people were still quietly laughing.  They suddenly looked like everyone I knew, with their most open and welcoming faces on.
          After that it was a breeze, I was so relaxed. The initial terrible embarrassment was gone about the 3rd step when I realized it.  that got me through quite nicely.

        Sure I wish I had been picture perfect, but face it, it wouldn't have been me.
     

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