When Should the Parents Meet?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    When Should the Parents Meet?

    Before the engagement?  Right after?  At the rehersal dinner?  At the wedding?  Never? 

    I'm working on a plan to keep the parents from ever meeting (they don't live anywhere near each other), but I'm mostly curious - what's typical?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from NYEBride2010. Show NYEBride2010's posts

    Re: When Should the Parents Meet?

    We got engaged this October, but Fi's 30th bday was last April My parents met his dad when I hosted Easter. My FMIL came up in June for her husband's son's wedding and Fi's family did a bday party for him in June so my parents met his mom and her husband.  Fi's dad lives in Maine and his mom lives in FL so I have the same situation.  I thought my mom and FMIL would really hit it off but it was a lukewarm experience.  Fi's aunts and everyone is wonderful and made my parents feel welcome and they really are happy with meeting them before the engagement.  But they would have been fine waiting until after if there hadn't been a chance until then.  
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: When Should the Parents Meet?

    Depends on where they live.  My DH's family lives in FL; my parents, in MA.  My mom met my MIL 2 days before the wedding - we all had lunch.  My parents both met my FIL at the church before the RD.  My dad met my MIL then for the first time too.  My mom and MIL talked several times on the phone before meeting.   

    If they live far away, just wait till the wedding, unless they both have a burning desire to meet each other prior to then. 
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: When Should the Parents Meet?

    I think it can depend on where everyone lives and how long you've been dating.  I had ony dated my DH for 8 months before we got engaged, then got married 8 months after that.  We introduced them after the engagement.  But I could see where couples whose families lived near each other and have been dating for years may have introduced their parents...  I personally didn't see the need for it until it was determined that they were going to be "family". 

    I also think it could depend upon the sanity levels of the two families... I never introduced my mom to my ex's parents, even though we'd dated for 5 years and they lived near each other.  I couldn't bear the thought of what that evening would look like... (because of ex's mom... not mine).
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: When Should the Parents Meet?

    His parents live in AZ, mine live in CA.  However, my parents have friends in AZ, including my brother-in-law's parents.  But it would be weird for them to meet if we weren't there, too.  Plus, someone has to be there to keep an eye on the bloodshed before it gets too out of control.

    See, Poppy, that's why I'm leaning toward "never."
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: When Should the Parents Meet?

    DH's parents live in MD, and my mom, dad and stepdad live in MA.
    After we got engaged my MIL hosted an egagement party in MA for the expressed purpose of the families meeting. She also just did this for my BIL and his fiancee. However, both were at a restaurant and you couldn't really mingle because you're sort of stuck in your seat, and of course people sat next to the people they already knew. I wish it had been something more casual so people could have made the rounds and chatted more. They didn't really get a chance to all do that until the wedding, which was kind of a shame.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: When Should the Parents Meet?

    I agree with others; it depends on where they live.  Ours live many states away and will not socialize on a regular basis (until we have kids and they both travel to events).  So, they met when everyone came to town for our wedding.  It was a few days before at our house, and we went out to eat.  We all thought it would make the rehearsal dinner more enjoyable for them to have met and spent a little time together beforehand.

    It also depends on the parents.  Ours are both sociable, well adjusted people who'd be happy to meet the other couple and get to know each other as best they can in a couple of dinners and the wedding reception.

    If the parents aren't like that, maybe the rehearsal dinner is the way to go.  Make it large so people can choose who they want to talk to (like it will be at the reception).

    P.S.  If someone throws you an engagement party, both sets of parents should be invited.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: When Should the Parents Meet?

    Thanks, everyone.  Like I said, I'm mostly just curious.  I'm not about to start booking plane tickets for them at the same time.  And I personally don't see a need for them to meet until there is a formal engagement, but I was reading an article a couple of weeks ago that made it seem like that was really weird - I just wanted to check.  :)

    Since I don't actually want them interacting, a restaurant could work, but I get why it might not be the best set-up for that sort of thing.

    Kar, the engagement party thing makes a lot of sense but, quite honestly, I don't see either of them traveling to Boston for an engagement party.  I mean, it's FAR, and our parents aren't exactly young.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: When Should the Parents Meet?

    We grew up in the same town and our parents still didn't meet!  (Well his father lives an hour away, but everyone else is still in town.)

    We got engaged after 2.5 years.  I believe my father met MIL after that, when he did some work at her house.  Our mothers met when we had been together about 4.5 years, at the tasting for the wedding.  I assume his father and stepmother met my parents at the wedding, but I can't remember if we actually introduced them.  Oops!

    As a random side note, our sisters met through planning my shower and got along great!  They will have fun being aunties together.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Peonie. Show Peonie's posts

    Re: When Should the Parents Meet?

    Ours met I think about 3 months before we got engaged??
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: When Should the Parents Meet?

    DH's parents live in NH and my parents travel between NY and FL a lot. They met at DH's college graduation (which took place near my parents in NY) when we were dating for 5 months (and living together, lol). 

    Luckily, everyone gets along. Our fathers golf together and our mothers hang out and chat. I'm actually kind of amazed by it because I've never seen this kind of thing happen before. 

    Lucy, from everything you've told me about both sets of parents, I will assist in your endeavor to keep them apart forevermore. That's a whole lot of crazy in one room. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: When Should the Parents Meet?

    I vote for never.

    Our parents haven't met yet.  Most likely they will meet at the dinner the night before the wedding.  They don't exactly have much in common, so I don't see them even really talking or seeing each other, so truthfully, I don't think they need to meet each other.  FI's are local, mine moved south like 3 years ago and don't come up to visit.

    When my sister got married, they arranged to have the parents meet a few months before the wedding and that worked out well.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: When Should the Parents Meet?

    lucy, maybe you are right that they won't meet at the engagement party, but the chance exists as they both must be invited.  You never know! 

    The thing is, if they are far away from each other and not likely to travel, all you have to get through is a few parties.  Then, it's over forever.  Hopefully, any set of adults can get through that without it being a terrible ordeal.
     
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