$1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from SScreenname. Show SScreenname's posts

    $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    I thought this number sounded a little high at first, but when I think about it, every wedding I've been in has required me to fly in for more than one event, so I've probably spent even more than this for all three weddings where I was MOH. Luckily, all my closest friends are married now and I won't have to do this anymore. 
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from NorthernLghts. Show NorthernLghts's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    Yikes, that's insane. I've never flown to be a bridesmaid in a wedding, nor have we done a shower or bachlorette party anywhere but somewhat local. We went to Mohegan Sun for my sister's hence somewhat local .
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    I've spent more than $1695 to be a bridesmaid or maid of honor on more than one occasion.  between the dress, alterations, underwear, hosiery, shoes, cost of bridal shower, cost of bachlorette party, gift for bridal shower, gift for wedding, hair, makeup..depending on what the bride wanted..
     
    I have been in a couple of weddings where the bride was a total bridezilla, but the bulk of them haven't been bridezillas...

    fortunately, i'm well beyond the bridesmaid/maid of honor stage of life...its costly!   
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    sscreename, I saw the link that you attached, and their "financial breakdown" seems low to me!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    Ouch!  That's insane, but somewhat true.  Luckily the only out of town wedding we were in was for DH's sister, so we'd have been flying there no matter what.  But for an out of town wedding, I'm not sure I'd fly in 3 times, maybe twice (shower and wedding).

    For one wedding my DH was a groomsman and the guys planned an *insanely* expensive bachelor party weekend in NYC.  It was going to cost him at least $1200 just for that (including travel, hotel, expensive seats to a baseball game, dinner at a crazy fancypants steakhouse and lots of other activities).  We were in the process of buying our house, there was just no way he could afford it.  He got a LOT of pressure to go anyway, but in the end he declined. I think it sucks when people plan these crazy trips and then just expect everyone to be able to afford them.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    Trex, It bothers me too when you are "expected" to go to/be in/contribute to expensive bachelor/bachlorette parties, bridal showers, etc. especially without input into these events, never mind considering whether or not everyone can afford it.  NYC is expensive to begin with...w/decent (no fleabag) hotels averaging close to $400. a nite...then you have to add 20% in both city & state taxes...and that is before "activities"!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    Yeah, *tell* me about it!  It was insane and I felt really bad because it was just too much money at the time.  I'm not sure when bachelor/bachelorette parties went from a *party* to a luxurious, splurge of a weekend that can cost upwards of $1K.  Sure, if everyone can afford it and agrees to it, that's great.  But I know a lot of people who have put these kinds of things on their credit cards knowing they can't pay it off right away. I would never want a friend to go into CC debt for a freaking party.  But I'm probably in the minority...
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    In Response to $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?:
    [QUOTE]http://www.mint.com/blog/trends/not-maid-of-money-the-burden-of-being-a-bridesmaid/?display=wide I thought this number sounded a little high at first, but when I think about it, every wedding I've been in has required me to fly in for more than one event, so I've probably spent even more than this for all three weddings where I was MOH. Luckily, all my closest friends are married now and I won't have to do this anymore. 
    Posted by SScreenname[/QUOTE]

    Honestly, looking at the numbers in the link, that doesn't seem that high.  I don't know of many people who give gifts or have engagement parties, so that could be eliminated.  Also, I would never, nor would I expect, and OOT bridesmaid to hop on a plane for a shower.  Just regretfully decline or attend via SKYPE.  If you don't attend and can't afford to contribute to the shower, simply tell the host that and don't be listed on the invitation.  Same goes for the bachelorette party - if you aren't local, and it's not the day or so before the wedding, you don't go. 

    Other than that, I really don't see that the bride is going overboard.  Skip the hair, makeup and nails and do you own. If the bride insists, tell her she can pay. 
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from soxygirl123. Show soxygirl123's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    last time i was a bridesmaid, i skipped hair/manicure/makeup & did it myself (told the bride, i simply couldn't afford the extra $150); got to wear my own shoes / jewelry / lingerie (who doesn't have a thong & strapless bra?), we had an amazing bachelorette party right here in boston & the shower was at our's friend's made-for-entertaining home. Any bride/friend who expects the world (ie: her friends to dole out $2k for her wedding) isn't such a great friend, IMO. bridesmaids have the option to participate / contribute as much as they can. If you have to travel, obviously that's an expence the bride can not control.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    In Response to Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, *tell* me about it!  It was insane and I felt really bad because it was just too much money at the time.  I'm not sure when bachelor/bachelorette parties went from a *party* to a luxurious, splurge of a weekend that can cost upwards of $1K.  Sure, if everyone can afford it and agrees to it, that's great.  But I know a lot of people who have put these kinds of things on their credit cards knowing they can't pay it off right away. I would never want a friend to go into CC debt for a freaking party.  But I'm probably in the minority...
    Posted by trex509[/QUOTE]

    i'm feeling/thinking the same way you are, Trex!  cc debt for a party is insanity...
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    In Response to Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?:
    [QUOTE]last time i was a bridesmaid, i skipped hair/manicure/makeup & did it myself (told the bride, i simply couldn't afford the extra $150); got to wear my own shoes / jewelry / lingerie (who doesn't have a thong & strapless bra?), we had an amazing bachelorette party right here in boston & the shower was at our's friend's made-for-entertaining home. Any bride/friend who expects the world (ie: her friends to dole out $2k for her wedding) isn't such a great friend, IMO. bridesmaids have the option to participate / contribute as much as they can. If you have to travel, obviously that's an expence the bride can not control.
    Posted by soxygirl123[/QUOTE]

    On more than one occasion i've had to refuse bridesmaid/maid of honor duties because I simply couldn't afford it...and have had the  bride to be get po'd, but i had to think of my finances..in alot of cases, the marraige didn't last...

    i'm also "older"...and on the larger side...2 things I don't own...a thong and a strapless bra...on one occasion, I needed a strapless bra, and had a beast of a time trying to find one in my size...and when you're larger, you also pay more for these items..
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from lilyanna79. Show lilyanna79's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    UM yes. That's all.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    I think if you agree to be in a OOT wedding, then you should know what you're getting into.

    I wouldn't agree to be in an OOT wedding unless I had discussed with the bride, prior to agreeing, what that would entail. If it meant several flights and expensive parties, I'd just say no.

    I think a lot of people just jump and say yes without really asking the important questions. If my friend was having a casual backyard wedding OOT and wanted me to be there, it would be less costly than if she was having a full blown formal evening shindig with all the related events. People need to ask what's involved before they get in over their heads.

    As others have said, most brides are reasonable and will give you wiggle room if you just ask.

    And I agree with soxy. If you don't already own a thong and a strapless bra, get them now, you're going to need them sooner or later.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    Pink, I think you hit the nail on the head with saying that people can't say, "Yes!!!" fast enough and THEN they think about what they just signed up for.  It's an honor to be asked, but people need to thank the bride for the invitation right away but find out what will be involved before committing to doing it.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from RedFishBlueFish. Show RedFishBlueFish's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    There are certain people in my life who I would gladly jump on a plane to spend the weekend with and there are those I wouldn't. If it means saving my pennies so I can fly to my best friend's shower and again for her wedding, then that's what I'm going to do. That list is very short though.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from venforknot. Show venforknot's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    if that includes airfare that sounds about right. I did a lot of driving to be in a wedding once but I never flew anywhere. It adds up fast!!!
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    I know I'm going to sound SOOOOO old and out of touch.  When most of my friends got married it was up to the bride's parents to "host" any out of town members of the wedding party... along with everything else.  I was in 5 weddings - two involved hotel rooms (covered by the bride's family) and for one I was "put up" by local friends of the bride's family.  I know no one does this now - but it sure causes the expenses to add up when you're expected to pay for your accomodation yourself.
    Also - no one got a mani/pedi or had their hair done - we did that stuff ourselves.  I mean really - does anyone even look at the bridesmaids' hands?
    And showers were always small affairs in someone's home.
    As I said - I'm older - most of my friends got married in the early 90's.  But it's sad that it's gotten so expensive to support your friends as they embark on married life.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    misslily- i think you and your friends did it the right way. My MOH was the only OOT person in my party and she was always able to stay at a friend's place or with her mom when she came to do anything wedding-related.
    I think the wedding industry is to blame for the way things have gotten. They want brides, and anyone else involved, to spend as much $$$ as possible. WHen most of the stuff they end up splurging on could be done in a much more modest and inexpensive way.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    misslily, 20 yrs ago my bf's parents paid for me to go to NC to be in their dd's wedding
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    misslily...you must be in the same "age range" that I am as the bulk of my friends/family members got married in the mid 80's/early 90's...back then, things were alot cheaper, and weddings weren't as "over the top" as they are today.   You are right...no mani/pedi's..but on several occasions, (in my social circle) though, a hair stylist and makeup artist  were "brought in" the day of the wedding.   

    i also know that during this time, the "tide started turning" and i started to attend more showers in vfw type halls & restaurants...and hearing older relatives "complain"...try explaining to them at that time, more women were entering/returning to the work force and who has the time to cook & clean all day, especially when you have a full time job and a family... 

    also during this time Jordan Marsh (now macy's) had the only bridal registry in the area...and it wasn't really computerized..not the way it is today... 
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    A little before my peer time, but I do remember all that stuff.  I'm just shy of 40. :)
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: $1,695 too high a price to pay for being a bridesmaid?

    If any of you guys have time there is a thoughtful article on ever-growing consumerism and increased spending related to "lifetime events" such as weddings etc. Its a UK-biased spin on things but interesting nevertheless:

     
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