2nd Wedding Gifts

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from jrose1229. Show jrose1229's posts

    2nd Wedding Gifts

    My FH and I are getting married soon and it is a second marriage for both of us. We have children from prior marriages who are grown!  My FMIL is throwing us a shower, against my wishes.  I know I have to go and appreciate the effort.  How do I handle the question of what we want for gifts?  I don't need anything for the house, so refuse to register.  I really wanted to put "the gift of your presence is present enough", but was overruled by FH.  I would like for people to make a donation to one of our favorite charities instead.  Is it ok to tell close family that in hopes that they will spread the word?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from wendy98. Show wendy98's posts

    Re: 2nd Wedding Gifts

    I agree with you, you cannot put it on the invite.  I would suggest telling a few key people that will most likely be called what your preferences are.  I would tell those people that you would enjoy it if people donated to your favorite charity, but also give them options like, you like to go to X restaurant or like this particular wine that way it will allow people that would like the option of giving a gift rather than a donation some direction. 

    After that you will have done all you can do and just be gracious about it, best of luck to you.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from downtoearth. Show downtoearth's posts

    Re: 2nd Wedding Gifts

    Yes, it is ok to spread the word through your family.  At the same time, let them know what colors your bathrooms, kitchen and bedrooms are.  Hey, you can't have too many towels, can you? 

    and best wishes on your new marriage!!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from kiwigal. Show kiwigal's posts

    Re: 2nd Wedding Gifts

    Would FI and FMIL be OK with a themed shower, like "shower the couple with your favorite bottle of wine"? That would keep things easy for the guests who are frankly going to want to bring a gift if the event is a shower and take care of your desire to have the event be low-key and non-traditional.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from somethingold. Show somethingold's posts

    Re: 2nd Wedding Gifts

    Have everyone make a quilt square and then have it made into a quilt .... its a really cool memento and it's surprising that there will be a combination of abilities that reflect your friends.  They get a 12x12 piece of muslin and can decorate with embroidery, fabric ink, applique whatever they want.  You can actually have you hostess include a square in each invitation so there's even less to pay for.  I wanted one but when we got married with only three weeks planning I threw the whole shower idea out the window.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from heatherv1211. Show heatherv1211's posts

    Re: 2nd Wedding Gifts

    j - there have been some pretty intense threads on here about asking for charity donations as wedding gifts!  you might find them if you do a search.  I hope this thread doesn't turn into another one!  I see nothing wrong with, if asked, saying, "thank you but we don't need gifts!" and if pressed, say, "ok, well you could always donate to our favorite charity - they need it more than we do!" or something. 

    Congrats on your upcoming wedding, don't worry about the gift thing - not registering gets the point across that you and FI don't need "stuff".  Of course, this does not mean you won't get any!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from november2009. Show november2009's posts

    Re: 2nd Wedding Gifts


    Think it is perfectly acceptable to tell people who inquire that you would prefer they make a donation to charity instead of giving you and FH a gift.  It might be helpful if you had the web addresses and the name/s of the development officer/s and contact info at the charities you would like to benefit. 

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: 2nd Wedding Gifts

    The purpose of a shower is for gift giving.  If you don't want gifts, then you shouldn't be having a shower.  

    If you feel so strongly about it that you refuse to give people any suggestions for gifts, that makes it a little confusing for the guests and awkward for your FMIL. 

    Your FMIL is graciously hosting a party for you.  Perhaps to welcome you to their side of the family.  Tell her that you're grateful for her hospitality but would it be okay for it to be a "bridal brunch" or luncheon, instead of a shower.

    I didn't want a shower either, so my MOH threw a "not a shower".  It was a cocktail party for all my girlfriends, and it was a blast!

    Other suggestions would be a "recipe" shower -- all the guests bring their favorite recipe and an ingredient.  A "CD" shower -- each brings her favorite CD.  What about a "garden" shower -- plants and bulbs.  There are many options that would be fun and wouldn't end up with your having a lot of household things you don't want. 

    Whatever ends up happening, be gracious and pleasant.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: 2nd Wedding Gifts

    In Response to Re: 2nd Wedding Gifts:
    ...Other suggestions would be a "recipe" shower -- all the guests bring their favorite recipe and an ingredient.  A "CD" shower -- each brings her favorite CD.  What about a "garden" shower -- plants and bulbs.  There are many options that would be fun and wouldn't end up with your having a lot of household things you don't want.  Whatever ends up happening, be gracious and pleasant.
    Posted by cosmogirl

         I agree with cos, either suggest a luncheon or tea party, or let MIL know you have all major things,  but are always delighted to have little things, whatever you like.

        A "little things domestic" type shower is great for a welcome to the family party from a gracious FMIL  Recipes, preserves or sundae toppings from some small maker featured at the local vegetable stand,  baked goods like pound cakes or date nut bread, brown sugar oatmeal cookies and other things that freeze well.  You can graciously and happily receive these as gestures of friendship at wedding time, and use them up.
         Suggestions on a favorite charity are fine, but many (including me)  do charity donations and work regularly, but for causes we support,  and do not consider that a gift for a wedding or shower.  We also want to bring something personal.  Among my favorite shower & wedding gifts were firewood,   things for cooking (like cherry juice concentrate never available in local stores,  and extracts and spices) since I love to cook, even several boxes of Triscuits and Wheat Thins  with a few pounds of good cheese. Not to mention pistachios and pepitas and cashews.  All  things  you can put out for company if not for yourselves.
         I know that I had a ridiculous number of showers, because I belonged to several groups, people not coming to the wedding, co-workers,  old hometown neighbors,  quilters and kids & staff from a special needs camp.  I would have been horrified to have them all buy any major gift - but little things were such a nice gesture, and did not leave me or them with any but good feeling.
    Except that hubby and I were truly sorry when we finished it all up! 
     
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