A Real DOOZIE!

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    Kar - you're much nicer than me and have more patience. :)
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from ambergirl. Show ambergirl's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    Like Kar said life is short.  My husband died at the age of 47.  I would hate to have remembered him angry and bitter...  please get some counseling.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from beastsgirl. Show beastsgirl's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    And you're not "just uncle Charlie"  unless you want to be. You are invited because you are wanted to be a part of the celebration. If you don't want to dance, don't dance. Sit back and laugh at people (like me) who do dance and probably shouldn't. You would have more fun doing that. I'm not being sarcastic. What you put in is what you get out.bg.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    I'm with Kar.  You're probably not looking for sympathy, but it really is too bad.  As someone who actually hates weddings, and grew up with a house full of people I can't stand, I know where you're coming from.  Luckily, I got to move out when I turned 18.  You can't turn 18 again, but you can take a step forward and get out.  Figure out what you want to do.  Unless what you *really* want to do is vent on message boards.  In that case  - knock yourself out. 

    In Response to Re: A Real DOOZIE!:
    [QUOTE]Some-guy, I know you aren't trying to sway anyone, sounds like you're venting.  Sorry you are having a hard time.  You know my background; my heart goes out to you.  Not that you wrote seeking a poor that-guy fest, but fwiw best to you as you sort out your next move.  It's got to be a move of some sort...life's short, and as angry as you are right now, stewing in bitterness, you have a lot going for you and if you were to get into a good situation...it just takes more gumption than I thought I had to make it happen.  I couldn't even say it out loud without feeling like I was going to pass out when I decided to get a divorce, but it was worth it.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    #1- no one forces you to go to a wedding. you must know this because you don't go to ones you're invited to anymore. If you have family that guilts you and pressures you, then be mad at your family, not the rest of the world.

    #2- no one forces you to dance at weddings. I know this because my DH is not a dancer, and the only wedding he danced at was ours. I don't guilt him at other weddings when he doesn't want to dance. I understand it makes him self-conscious. If your friends and family give you a hard time because you don't dance, then me mad at your friends and family, don't make silly generalizations that aren't true. I'm sorry if your friends and family scuk, but that's not anyone else's problem.

    #3- there are plenty of things in life where people say "you have to do this" or "you can't do that". if you can't deal with it, then you must have a hard time holding down a job, you must have never gone to school, and I don't see how you function in society where we have so many guidelines that have to be followed if you want to have any friends whatsoever. etiquette is not solely practiced at weddings. it's a critical part of everyday life.

    #4- you're projecting your personal problems onto everyone else. the only way you can cope with your disappointments and unhappiness is by convincing yourself that everyone else will also be disappointed and unhappy. you need therapy. the way you are feeling cannot possibly be good for yourself or your family. you've said before that you have kids, if that's true you need to get help for their sake. I know from so many dear friends having to go through it that there's nothing worse than having a father who carps all over your happinesses because he's a depressed person.

    #5- not everyone plays YMCA at their wedding. For many people, the songs on their "do NOT play" list are YMCA, Marcarena, Chicken Dance, Electric Slide, and the Bus Stop. I actually used an iPod and a sound system as a DJ so that I could have strict control over the music, and not have any unpleasant auditory surprises.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    In Response to Re: A Real DOOZIE!:
    [QUOTE] #3- there are plenty of things in life where people say "you have to do this" or "you can't do that". if you can't deal with it, then you must have a hard time holding down a job, you must have never gone to school, and I don't see how you function in society where we have so many guidelines that have to be followed if you want to have any friends whatsoever. etiquette is not solely practiced at weddings. it's a critical part of everyday life.
    Posted by pinkkittie27[/QUOTE]

    You read my mind.  I'd go so far as to say that almost ALL of our lives is doing things we "have" to do.  Why do I have to get dressed up for work every day even though I don't have clients or deal with the public?  It's just whatcha have to do.
    At home with my husband is probably the only place where I don't "have" do or be anything that I don't want to.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    When you're in a bad marriage the regular drudgery of life seems magnified by 1000 times.  Some-guy vents in a man's way, by projecting and externalizing.  Given that, let's cut him a little slack like we would if he were a woman and internalizing in a vent.

    Yes, it's up to him to do something about it.  Easier said than done.  I'm not nicer than anyone else, but I do have experience with a terrible marriage that ended in divorce, and I was on medication to deal with how unfathomably awful it was.  I figured it couldn't be THAT bad - so many people make it through such things, but it was.

    Men and women vent in different ways.  Maybe I'm being overly gracious, but I'd rather err on that side than tell someone who's really hurting to s_ck it up like the rest of us who have to do things they don't like to do.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    Kar- I get what you're saying, however, I don't think if the shoe was on the other foot he'd be cutting anyone else some slack. I know that from his past behavior on here.
    My other problem is the fact that, being a troll, we have no idea if he's telling the truth or just messing with us. And, seeing as internet trolls do so enjoy messing with people, I'm taking all of this with a grain of salt. The only reason I even address it is because it allows me to refute his logic.
    No one trolls unless they are truly unhappy with their own life. It does not surprise, nor does it change my attitude towards a troll when they admit how unhappy they are.

    and I know this comment will probably be deleted. But that's just honestly how I feel about it. No one gets a free pass to be nasty or antagonistic to strangers simply because they're unhappy. It's a lame excuse.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    I see him as less of a troll and more of a truly sad person voicing his opinions.  I don't think he's purposefully inciting, but I really don't know, of course.  He could be.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    as I see it, he's done nothing but purposefully incite every time he's posted. I can't allow myself to expect anything more. Granted, the posts have been slightly less antagonistic lately under this new name, but they are still just as provocative as always. Having been personally insulted by him before, I'm not going to give him any benefit of the doubt. The behavior's been indefensible as far as I'm concerned. Does depression explain it? Yes, but it doesn't excuse it. As I said before, from his very first post it was obvious to me that he's a miserable person. It didn't temper my response then and it won't temper it now.

    I wouldn't excuse that behavior from my husband if he were depressed, or even my own mother, let alone some stranger.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from augustbride20. Show augustbride20's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    Why does it matter? Kar is right. Cut him some slack. You are wasting your time trying to argue this. It's a forum....he is allowed to say whatever he wants on here, if you don't like it, then ignore him. There is no reason to get so fired up over one person; you seem to always do that.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    In Response to Re: A Real DOOZIE!:
    [QUOTE]Yep, she knows.  I've actually made a decision to stop going to weddings because I just despise them so.  The way people act around/during weddings & receptions is ridiculous.  Forcing people to be there if they don't want to, making a big deal about a seating assignment, forcing people to dance or making a fuss if they choose not to.  You 'have' to do this and you 'can't' do that - It's all a giant farse in my opinion. Last wedding I went to I got so annoyed by it all that I left the reception and spent those 4 hours in the hotel bar watching baseball while everyone else was in the ballroom doing the YMCA.  A much better use of time in my opinion. On top of the fact that yeah, I regret doing the wedding & reception on my end, I feel I got duped into it because my wife has turned in to a complete Sh**bag since we've been married and wasn't before.  So there it is.
    Posted by some-guy[/QUOTE]


    someguy?  is your wife aware that you feel this way about her and your marraige to her? 

    perhaps its time to file for divorce.  obviously, you aren't happy, and you, like everyone else deserve to be happy and live a life they are happy with. 

    quite frankly, I like your posts.  I like hearing a guys thoughts, ideas and opinions on weddings, marraige, etc.   yes, maybe women "go overboard" when it comes to weddings and marraige, but its because we are programmed that way...i'm quite a bit older than alot of the brides/wives here (just turned 50), and in my generation we were taught at a young age that we want to get married, have kids and stay home and raise those kids.  i always liked bucking the trend because i always thought there was more to life than that.  (has no kids and got married @ 40)...

    keep us posted, someguy   


     
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  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    I agree with lar and hope you'll stick around, and I hold out hope that you'll make a major life change for your own good.  Why stay where you are?  There must be legitimate reasons, but none can be worth sacrificing your happiness for the rest of your life...can they?
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    In Response to Re: A Real DOOZIE!:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Real DOOZIE! : I can't really say much more and still remain anonymous but you're wrong about who/what you think I am.  School - check.  Job - you'd be surprised at the type of position I hold, responsibilities I have, and $$$ I'm responsible for, but you'll have to take that at face value. Do it or don't, I don't care. Organizational etiquette for school, business, actual authority is one thing - they really mean something.  What I absolutely can't stand is all of the made up social etiquette that comes up with things like weddings.  So after I'm all burnt out from doing what I really do, attempting to stomach the made up stuff is just too much to handle. Should I dump all over someone for being happy?  No, you're right I shouldn't. But how much of this board is made up nonsense?  People doing stuff because it's crammed down their throats that they need to do it.  That's where I come in and add my dark grumpy wet blanket type of opinion.
    Posted by some-guy[/QUOTE]

    I'm afraid I don't understand how you're deciding what etiquette "really means something" and what doesn't.
    Someone gives you a wedding gift, you write a thank you note. Someone gives you an interview, you write a thank you note.
    You're having an event to promote your company, you invite your colleagues and customers in a formal way. You have a wedding, you invite your friends and family in a formal way. And if you have guests, you do your best to feed and entertain them. You make them comfortable to the best of your ability and budget.
    You dress appropriately for a wedding, you dress appropriately for the office.

    Most of wedding etiquette is pretty logical and very similar once you compare it to what one would do if hosting a corporate or other professional event. So I really don't see what the "made-up" part is.
    I'm just sensing that you really don't like your friends and family, so you resent being put into situations where you have to act like you do like them. I'm sorry for that, but that doesn't mean that no one else should throw a wedding because you didn't have a good time at the ones you've been to.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    In Response to Re: A Real DOOZIE!:
    [QUOTE]Why does it matter? Kar is right. Cut him some slack. You are wasting your time trying to argue this. It's a forum....he is allowed to say whatever he wants on here, if you don't like it, then ignore him. There is no reason to get so fired up over one person; you seem to always do that.
    Posted by augustbride20[/QUOTE]

    if you don't like my posts, you can ignore me. there's no reason I can't say my part.
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from ash. Show ash's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    I've been married for almost 19 years.  In 19 years this will be a hysterical anecdote.  I know its annoying, but unless you have Mr. Peabody's time machine, there is nothing that can be done.  Say nothing and let it go.

    Enjoy your marriage.  That was what this day was all about.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from bostonman1. Show bostonman1's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    If you haven't figured it out by now... Family is overrated.
    Take this as an opportunity to never speak to them again!
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    In Response to Re: A Real DOOZIE!:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Real DOOZIE! : I can't really say much more and still remain anonymous but you're wrong about who/what you think I am.  School - check.  Job - you'd be surprised at the type of position I hold, responsibilities I have, and $$$ I'm responsible for, but you'll have to take that at face value. Do it or don't, I don't care. Organizational etiquette for school, business, actual authority is one thing - they really mean something.  What I absolutely can't stand is all of the made up social etiquette that comes up with things like weddings.  So after I'm all burnt out from doing what I really do, attempting to stomach the made up stuff is just too much to handle. Should I dump all over someone for being happy?  No, you're right I shouldn't. But how much of this board is made up nonsense?  People doing stuff because it's crammed down their throats that they need to do it.  That's where I come in and add my dark grumpy wet blanket type of opinion.
    Posted by some-guy[/QUOTE]

    Dude, you are just being a guy. I am not sure there are any guys out there that understand all the fluff and wierd rules that go with stuff like weddings. Since we have zero guys on this board posting in favor of them is a good example. No doubt the ladies here will agree that their husbands loved every minute of it all but guys are "trained" to say these things in a relationship to keep the peace, and it truly does not hurt them "if it makes her happy". But I do wonder if we can get some guys here to post completely anonymously what they would say about it all. 
    Having never been through the process I can't give my own experienced opinion, but would like to hear from guys on these boards too. Real guys, with no-one coercing them from the background as they type. 
    Anyhow just to let you know that you are not entirely alone in your thoughts on ceremonial stuff and silly social rules (can't help you with your darker thoughts though). 
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    In Response to Re: A Real DOOZIE!:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Real DOOZIE! : Dude, you are just being a guy. I am not sure there are any guys out there that understand all the fluff and wierd rules that go with stuff like weddings. Since we have zero guys on this board posting in favor of them is a good example. No doubt the ladies here will agree that their husbands loved every minute of it all but guys are "trained" to say these things in a relationship to keep the peace, and it truly does not hurt them "if it makes her happy". But I do wonder if we can get some guys here to post completely anonymously what they would say about it all.  Having never been through the process I can't give my own experienced opinion, but would like to hear from guys on these boards too. Real guys, with no-one coercing them from the background as they type.  Anyhow just to let you know that you are not entirely alone in your thoughts on ceremonial stuff and silly social rules (can't help you with your darker thoughts though). 
    Posted by plasko[/QUOTE]

    It goes both ways.  I can tell you that the only reason we had a wedding is because my husband wanted one.  I wanted to elope...thought it would be easier and more affordable.  DH couldn't get past getting married without his family and close friends present.  Now did he care about the flowers, the linen colors, the favors, etc?  Of course not, but he still wanted the wedding experience.

     
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    Well there is a difference between liking something and doing something out of a sense of "duty". 
    I would say attending weddings would be the latter for most guys, who would prefer to be with him in the bar, watching the game. But obviously its a give-and-take world where you have to give to get. You dress up all nice and go to the wedding (hopefully there is an open bar to make it worthwhile), chat to others and make your lady feel special (but not as special as the bride). But you get brownie points out of that and maybe you then get to have the guys round for a poker-night as a reward (see, give-and-take). Relationships should never be one-sided and should always be about making those sacrifices to make the other person happy. Thats where your own joy should be coming from (unless you are an only-child who does not understand the concept of sharing and sacrifice, having always been spoiled rotten). 
    But with a dysfunctional marriage (hopefully just a rough patch), I can see how attending the joy of others getting hitched might be like a knife to this guys ribs. Still, he can always enjoy attending the funerals then! Lol. 
    I would recommend some sort of marriage counseling. Least they have no kids.

     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    In Response to Re: A Real DOOZIE!:
    [QUOTE]Here we go again with complete strangers pretending they know details of other people's lives. Anyone who goes through life around doing things only to make other people happy is spineless.  Why should you do something "to make her happy" if it doesn't make you happy?  Why do something to "make her feel special" if you're not getting anything in return?  The answer - because you're a spineless sack. Do things to make you happy, because you want to, or don't do them at all. You don't go through something just to appease someone else in the hopes that she 'lets" you go play poker next week.  An adult doesn't need to be allowed to do anything. Incorrect about only child, I have siblings. Nice generalization, though, that all children without siblings are spoiled rotten. Also incorrect about children. I/we have kids.  Nothing I have ever written gives the impression that I don't.  That is part of why I stick around - kids need their parents.  I hold it together for them. But as in many other relationships once the kids come around - the father/husband is relegated to a position of providing housing, food, clothing, cars, money, and is shown zero gratitude for doing so by the 'mom'.  Mom gives ugats in the respect department, she gets ugats back in respect. Enough said.
    Posted by some-guy[/QUOTE]

    My point was that making someone you love happy should make you happy, and if you want to be happy then thats what you should do. In return it should be her goal to make you happy (not sure why that is spineless). As for being expected to be the provider, well this is not the 1950s anymore. Ask your wife to get a job, even if you yourself earn a lot of cash it will give her some self-respect and you guys will have something to talk about in the evenings. 
    But I have to ask do you appreciate her and her roles? (sounds like she is the one doing the cooking/cleaning/looking after the kids). Are YOU coming home everyday and telling HER that she is appreciated for this full-time job?

    Now, I have to say there was a lot of assuming in this post. Maybe she has her own job (I would hope so), and the home-chores are divided equally between you both (or you hire a cleaner, maybe). 

    But you are feeling undervalued. How can this be changed? Why not have a heart-to-heart (peaceful, no shouting allowed). 

     
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  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    In Response to Re: A Real DOOZIE!:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for keeping a post I changed my mind about writing and deleted. I can't continue with this thread and remain anonymous, so that's about it from me.  What are you, 20 years old?  Continue on with your rainbows and hugs, I'll be over here working and being a grumpy man.
    Posted by some-guy[/QUOTE]

    No dude, I am way older than that. Just lived a less intense life than you, and still have a bit of hope left about the future. Also I have suffered through a lot of tragedies in my earlier life. Kind of leaves you happy just to be alive and healthy with some friends and family around you, regardless of the issues of the day. But you do seem to be a guy who can see through a lot of pointless BS in life yourself (hence not liking the junk that goes with weddings), I am sure you will understand what I mean. 
    Rainbows and hugs - like it. Maybe I should switch my avatar to a carebear?
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: A Real DOOZIE!

    But I am not sure why you would be found out by the data you are giving about yourself. So far its:

    Dude with wife and kids, in a good job and has siblings, went to college. In a rough patch of marriage. Possibly stay-at-home-wife. 

    Well that narrows it RIGHT down! Ofcourse your wife could be a cyber-stalker, or even one of the regulars of this BDC section, hence you trying to get through to her on her own turf, right? Gauge her opinion on this issue before quoting herself back to herself when the big showdown happens? Nuff said, dude. 

     

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