Babies at weddings

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    Simple, truly.  They'll have to get childcare or stay home.  My brother's wife had a baby the month before our wedding, and he flew from CA alone.  That's what responsible people do, and you are well within your rights to say no babies.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    I agree with Kar 100%.  You can say no children, period, no children under a certain age, no babies, or even "The only child I want at my wedding is _____."  It's your wedding.

    It may turn ugly.  Some people get unreasonable when you tell them they can't do what they want.  Just know that you have an absolute right not to have a baby at your wedding if you don't want it there.

    ETA:  Honestly, she may feel differently after the baby is born.  I know new parents who can't wait to get out of the house for an evening.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    My personal opinion is that children do not belong at evening weddings, for all the reasons you stated. 

    That being said, we had the same situation you did - all of DH's family was OOT and most had kids.  I didn't think it was fair to invite his family w/o kids b/c what would have happened was alot of declines, or else one family member would have come and the other would have stayed home w/ the kids. He doesn't see his family that often b/c we live so far away, so we compromised and did a day wedding.  We had about 20% kids there.  They were all well behaved. We did have about 7 kids between the ages of infant and 3 yo and they were all fine.  However, I am convinced that this was b/c it was a daytime wedding.

    You cousin is nuts.  A 4 month old does not belong at an evening wedding. I don't care if she is breastfeeding or will swear an oath that the kid is a mute.  If this is the only infant you have to worry about being there [ie, if your FI has family w/ infants and they are planning on bringing them, then you are kind of s<rewed], then I would call your aunt yourself and tell her that junior has to stay home.  Better yet, call your cousin directly and tell her to leave the bundle of joy at home.  With any luck, you'll PO her enough that she will decide she doesn't want to come and it will then be a non issue.

    FWIW, I'm currently pg and there is no way in hell that I would bring a newborn to a wedding. Daytime wedding, maybe, if it's family and a relatively short car ride away. Otherwise, I'm staying home and sending a lovely gift. 

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    By the way, my parents decided to renew their vows for their 25th wedding anniversary.  I'm sure it was lovely, but I wouldn't know.

    What I do know is that my two year old niece decided to start screaming, run up the aisle, continue screaming, climb the altar steps, pull her dress over her head, continue screaming, and roll around for awhile.  My sister, meanwhile, was standing off to the side saying things like "Pssst!  C'mere!  Come to Mommy!" as if:
    a) she were calling a cat,
    b) the kid could hear her over the screaming, and
    c) no one else would notice either her or the child if she just stayed out of the way.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    Becuase of the situation and the not so nice cousin, and the way she assumed that she could bring the baby, I say tell her NO.  Sure she will make a big stink, but it is your day.   I did have friends bring their babies (just two) because otherwise they would not have been able to come to the wedding at all, they were too young and were breastfeeding soely.  I would have rather had them come with thier babies than not come at all as they were very close to me.  However, in this situation, sounds like you wouldn't even mind the cousin not coming because of the baby.  You could give her that choice, either find a sitter, or stay home with your baby. 
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from flem26. Show flem26's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    I just had to tell a friend that we are "respectfully asking for a child-free wedding." I answered simply and did not elaborate (unless she comes back with specific questions). I told her there would be a hotel room block nearby and that some people BYOB (bring your own babysitter) but, of course, she'd have to be comfortable with whatever they decide to do.

    Long story short - as the bride, if I have to choose between "I come with my (young) kids" or "I don't come at all", I guess I'll show you the pics someday!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    Like I said in another thread, usually people don't respond nearly as poorly as we imagine they will.  And, if they do, they'll get over it.  No one is going to need psychiatric care or write you off forever if you say "no babies at our wedding."

    P.S.  Weddings are a quintessential private party.  The guest list is 100% up to the hosts.  Period.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from jasmine09. Show jasmine09's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    I have a different take here.  Here's how I see it:
    1. With 16 children in attendance, you are allowing children at your wedding. You have no "no kids" rule.  Thus, if you uninvite this one cousin's baby, that will be rude.
    2. Your FSIL decided not to bring her baby.  That is a reasonable decision, and it is her prerogative.   It does not change the fact that children are invited to your wedding, so it is not really relevant here.  Also, it is harder for a bridesmaid to have a baby with her than a guest.  A bridesmaid should not go running out to tend a baby during the ceremony; a guest absolutely may do so.
    3. The baby may cry & scream during your ceremony.  However, you really should not be hearing the baby. 

    We had a 2 year old daughter of one of my bridesmaids scream and fuss nonstop during the ceremony.  No one heard a peep out of her, except the very kind cousin who agreed to watch the child.  She took her far, far away for the duration of the ceremony. 

    Now, this poor cousin did indeed miss the ceremony.  However, I can't really lose sleep over that.  After all, babysitting was offered to the bridesmaid, and declined.  Also the bridesmaid was only included in the wedding party after she made it clear that she really wanted to be there (even though she had two small children).  This is the solution that the mother came up with, the cousin was consenting, and there is nothing more for me to do.

    Now, I get that this particular person in question is not nice.  That s*cks, but I don't think it really affects the baby question.  You are inviting the cousin, you are inviting people's children, so the baby is invited.  If anything, hope she brings her baby and has to leave early, when it is the baby's bed time.  That way, you'll see less of her at your wedding! 
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from jdd01. Show jdd01's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    Wow!  Thank you for understanding, ladies!  I thought maybe I was going to get pounced on for having such a strong opinion.  I'm glad I'm not the crazy one in this situation and that it's her...but I already knew that :).

    I'm trying to think of some solutions for the baby/children situation during the ceremony.  My FSIL and her husband have friends getting married a month after us in October.  I was considering having them "sit" with the kids for the 30 mins of the ceremony and then they can join us for the reception.  Then a month later, if they have kids at their wedding, we could return the favor for them.  They are simply acquaintances of ours and probably wouldn't care to not watch the ceremony like if I asked an aunt or a friend to do it, plus they'd be getting free dinner and drinks and "sitting" for their wedding as well.

    I don't have as much of a problem with the kids sitting with their parents during the reception, but that's likely not going to happen so I'll just have to deal with some of them running around.  I'm more worried with the kids making noises during the ceremony.

    Would it be rude to ask these acquaintances for a little help?
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    We didn't have any babies or children at our wedding an no one made a fuss.  DH's cousin came alone and left his wife back in CO with the kids.  I felt bad, but our evening wedding at a winery wasn't child-friendly.  Your cousin can either get a sitter or not come.  It's not your responsibility.  When you have a baby, you need to make sacrifices.  Sometimes that means skipping weddings. 
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    You do not need to think of solutions.  Guests are responsible for their own childcare decisions whether that means that even family with new babies cannot attend or if they need to find a sitter or whatever.

    It is NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

    P.S.  That being said, if you want to go to the trouble and/or expense of something for people with kids, that's your perrogative.  I find it completely unnecessary.  People with kids have to live with the restrictions that places on their lives.  Family, friends, whoever.

    I agree that you should draw the line for ALL kids under whatever age or somethig, though, and not pick and choose even though technically it's your right.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from jasmine09. Show jasmine09's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    To add: I would agree with the other posters, if you were having a "no kids" wedding.  I think this is an acceptable concept, and guests should respect it, if that is the case.  It is the fact that you are havign 16 kids attend that changed things for me. 

    And, I get that sometimes "no kids" isn't feasible.  I am certain that there would have been rioting if we had tried to enforce any such rule.  It's just not the way our families roll.  Didn't stop everyone from having a ball.  The kids tore up the dance floor and appreciated the glamour of the occasion perhaps more than the other guests.  So don't despair about kids running around at your reception.  :)
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    We had a "kids of family only" rule, and none under 5.  So, friends with kids who had to make arrangements or not come saw kids at the wedding.  I don't know if they figured out they were nieces and nephews or not, but no one complained.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    I don't think you have to worry about kids making noise/crying during the ceremony.  If a baby starts fussing, usually the parents know enough to excuse themselves, and if they don't the dirty looks from the people around them should be enough.

    My 1 yr old nephew was making squeaking noises (not crying, just little noises) during my ceremony, and his sister who was the flower girl was up at the alter making shushing noises at him and whispering really loud for him to be quiet.  Guests thought it was funny and I didn't hear any of it.  
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    We also had an evening wedding and did a blanket "no kids" rule. The youngest person there was 20. 

    The next time your cousin brings it up, reaffirm the "no babies" rule and if she says, "well, I have to bring my kid," you can say, "I'm sorry you can't make it."

    Seriously, do people bring their infants to corporate dinners? Other formal occasions? What's the difference with a wedding?  
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from FriarGirl03. Show FriarGirl03's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    I have to agree with Jasmine on this one. 16 kids is a lot of kids. It's hard to justify why her baby wasn't invited when your FI's cousin's children are. The passive-aggressive in me says that you just invite her and her husband without mention of the child on the invitation and leave it at that. You really should have mentioned that the only children that are going to be at the wedding are the ones who's families have to stay over when she first mentioned bringing her baby to the wedding. It sounds like she made the assumption and no one corrected her. I don't think it's rude to ask those acquaintances for help, especially where you're offering it in return.

    To DKB's point, you can't always trust parents to quiet their kids and even if they take them out right away, it's too late. Lucy's point illustrates that exactly.

    We're having an adults-only reception for a variety of reasons. My family is totally fine with it. My cousin already lined up a sitter and her baby isn't even born yet! Mr. Wonderful's side has given me such a hard time about it. I'm afraid that they are going to just bring them anyway. I'm going to have a FIT if that happens!
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    One of my nieces [who was also a flower girl] apparently had a meltdown on her way up the aisle, and later during the ceremony. I didn't hear a thing and I didn't find out about it till later on.  She was 2.5.  We knew we were taking a chance having such young FGs, but they are the kids of DH's brother, so we figured we'd give it a shot.  One made it up the aisle just fine, but the other apparently had the meltdown.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    I completely disagree with Jasmine.  It's always feasible to have the guest list reflect what the hosts want.  It's also always feasible for invited guests to deal with it as they see fit by getting childcare, declining the invitation, or whatever.

    And, it's not all about potential noise during the reception.  Your wedding is a very expensive once in a lifetime affair, and you have every right to have it adult-only or whatever age you want the cutoff to be.  It's not a backyard BBQ.  Kids running around our very classy reception would have been completely unacceptable.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from dkb6248. Show dkb6248's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    I realize that these relatives are traveling, and I don't know the ages of the kids, but I wonder how long they will get to stay?  My ceremony was at 11am and the reception started at noon and all of the kids started falling asleep around 1:30.  The kids were either taken home by their parents, or another relative.  I can't imagine little kids being up too late.

    Your cousin may have a reality check after she gives birth and change her mind (is this her first?).  And honestly, if I saw a woman at a wedding at 9pm at night with a newborn, I would think she was nuts.

    ETA: have invites already gone out?  Maybe you could set up childcare at the hotel?  And if you can't afford to pay for it, make it an option for guests with children.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from jdd01. Show jdd01's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    Thank you everyone for letting me know what you think.  I'm sure it will all work itself out in the end.  Best of luck to anyone with similar issues!
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    Actually, babies aren't supposed to be exposed to non-close family members until they are 6 to 8 weeks old because their immune systems are not developed yet.  Weddings should be out for newborns, anyway, from a health perspective.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from jdd01. Show jdd01's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    Well dkb, she is nuts.  There's no question about that.  It is her first and she doesn't seem to seem to have a real concept with life in general.  I could go on and on about how ridiculous she can ususally be.  I'm probably going to call her myself before the invitations get sent out and suggest she doesn't bring the baby (for everyone's sake).  I will definitely not be offended if she can't find a sitter and can't come.  If she show's up with the baby, then I can't really do much about it at that point.

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from jdd01. Show jdd01's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    Kar...I'll definitely have to throw out that wonderful tidbit of information :)

    "Actually, babies aren't supposed to be exposed to non-close family members until they are 6 to 8 weeks old because their immune systems are not developed yet.  Weddings should be out for newborns, anyway, from a health perspective."
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    No problem.  :)  I have dear friends who just had a baby Saturday, and I learned this when I offered to come over and bring something for them to cook for dinner (caserole to toss in the oven or something).  He said I could leave it on the doorstep, ring the bell, and drive off.  LOL

    Really, the idea that it's "sometimes not feasible" to not have kids at a wedding only adds completely wrong guilt to your perfect right to say no.  You can say no, and I urge you to do so since that's obviously what you really want.  No matter how nuts anyone is, they'll get over it.  And, if they don't, do you really need to have close relationships with people so out of touch with reality and unreasonable?  Kids are restrictive.  That's a fact that you didn't invent.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: Babies at weddings

    No, no, no.  Kar, babies are a joy and everyone's lives will only be enhanced by being in contact with yours.  Thus, you should take your child everywhere you go, including the salon, the opera, weddings, and midnight movie premiers.  Remember, since you are the most important person in the world, obviously, wherever you are, people will be grateful that you brought your baby so they can be near you both.

    To that end, you should never leave a crowd when your baby cries - remember, her melodic warbling really is music to everyone's ears.  Really, I can't imagine why that baby hasn't won a grammy yet...
     
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