Bachelor party question

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Bachelor party question

    FI asked me to pose this question: Is it okay to invite guys to the bachelor party even if they aren't invited to the wedding?

    Or is this a major faux pas with the tackiness level of inviting women to a shower who aren't invited to the wedding?

    Thanks everyone!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    IMO, I wouldn't. It's kind of like, I am good enough to be invited to your bach party, but not good enough to your wedding? And I am NOT in any way putting down your FI, I promise!

    But, then again, some guys may not care at all, and girls could be more sensitive about this.

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    I think it's fine. Number one, guys tend not to care if they aren't invited to the wedding but are invited to the bachelor party.  They want to run around and act like fools on a guy's "last night out", but don't necessarily want to put on a tie, watch a ceremony and attend a reception.  I can guarantee that most guys are not going to entertain the thought of "oh nice, he invited me to his bachelor party, but not his wedding, what a jerk" for even a split second. :-)

    Also, being invited to a shower and not the wedding and being invited to the bachelor/ette party and not the wedding are 2 different animals.  One involves a gift, but the other just involves having fun.  I think it's fine to invite women to the bachelorette party that you don't invite to the wedding.  Anyone you would do this for would totally understand that you have limits on the guest list, but might still want to go out and party.  You can call it a "guy's/girl's night out" rather than a bachelor/ette party if you are afraid that the wedding overtones will offend anyone. But really, it's just a night out and you can invite whomever you want.  HTH!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Prill. Show Prill's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    I'm with Sept on this one; it is kind of like "oh, so you want me to come out boozing it up with you, but I'm not a good enough buddy to actually go to the bit that matters"... although, as both PPs have said, guys are probably less likely to care about such things.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    I disagree with ALF?  I guess it's not the first time, but so rare. :)

    Anyway, I think guys do care more than they let on about a lot of things, and I can think of a lot of men in my life who would notice at best and be hurt at worst if they were invited to the bach party and not the wedding.  Of course, none of them would admit it.

    It's generally a guy's closest buddies who are invited to a bach party, anyway, so I'm not sure what the issue is.  The fact is that your closest buddies should (unless it's family-only or something) be invited to the wedding, anyway, so ??
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kmt09. Show kmt09's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    Although I don't think it's nearly as bad as inviting a woman to the shower and not the wedding, I still don't think it's a great idea to invite guys to the bachelor party and not the wedding.  If they aren't close enough to you to invite to the wedding, why invite them to the bachelor party?  I know I personally wouldn't do this at my bachelorette party, but I have a small, close group of friends that are all included in everything.

    That said, I also agree with Liz...most guys wouldn't care.  They aren't as concerned with etiquette as women are.  I highly doubt any man would be offended if he were invited to the bachelor party and not the wedding.

    My FI initially wanted to use his bachelor party as a way to include all the people he didn't invite to the wedding.  The more he thought about it, he decided it wasn't a great idea.  Now his bachelor party consists of his dad, my dad, and the best man doing dinner and a Sox game, so he did a complete 180 there!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    It depends on the guys and the situation. I would approach it as more of a word-of-mouth "join us if you can" sort of thing (if its possible) rather than a direct invitation. It can be seen as a guys' night out that way rather than a bachelor party.

    OR, in my case, I invited a few girls out for my Ohio bachelorette party (I am spoiled and had 2 of them b/c my MOH rocks, the one in NYC was for bridal party and closest friends) who I haven't seen in over 10 years, b/c I just found them all on Facebook - of course they weren't offended at all that they weren't invited to the wedding b/c until social media came around we had completely lost touch. we all went out and had a great reunion, and I wished I had found them all sooner so I could have invited them to the wedding; but they were happy to celebrate anyway and I was thrilled to have them there.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Missy509. Show Missy509's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    Unless the wedding is a DW that most of the guys cannot attend, or it is limited to a small number of family only, I wouldnt invite people to the bach party that arent invited to the wedding
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Brighton1. Show Brighton1's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    I was totally against FI's groomsmen inviting guys to the bachelor party who weren't invited to the wedding, but they didn't care.  FI's brother invited some of his friends and I think a couple other guys who didn't make our guest list.  They just wanted to party, apparently.  Guys aren't like us, they don't care about these things!
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    With bachelor parties, it seems the guys care most about getting as many people as they can to go out and party. Sometimes they don't even care if they know the guys, the bigger the entourage, the better. I know a few guys who have been to bachelor parties, but not the wedding. They didn't seem to care at all.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from tibird. Show tibird's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    I agree with previous posts that it seems a little strange.  then again, guys are a different breed.  DH's friend actually flew out from Denver for his bach party, but decided not to came out for the wedding.  He was invited, of course, but it shows where his priorities were.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    I don't think it's a big deal if a guy is invited to the bachelor party, but not the wedding.  I think it's different for women and showers. 
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    I know guys don't care about etiquette, per se, but I don't see how anyone of any gender wouldn't feel at least a little slighted or disappointed or whatever you want to call that emotion guys might have for being left out of the cool club.

    Maybe I just know overly sensitive men. ;)
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    My fiance invited a friend of his to the bachelor party that he just started hanging out with more.  Our wedding is in four months, so I don't think it's a big deal if the guy goes to the bach party, but not the wedding.  At least, I don't see it as a big deal. 

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Reader001. Show Reader001's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    My opinion about Bachelor Parties, is that as the Bride, I have no opinion. It is an area that is none of my business. It's up to the best man and the other guys to take care of that.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    Mostly I think it's fine.  I agree with Alf that it's different from a shower AND most guys don't care about this stuff as much as we do! 
    But it does depend on the details.  Is this a pretty good friend whom he couldn't invite because you are limited to 100 guests?  Maybe not so nice to invite him to the bachelor party since he might be bummed about the wedding.  Is it a friend from work whom he really likes but you decided not to invite any coworkers?  Sure, go ahead and invite him to the bachelor party.

    Wait - I need to edit this!  Why would you invite a co-worker and not a close friend?  What a silly response from me!  I amend my response to say, invite whomever you want!  (But maybe ask the BM to throw out a disclaimer that he isn't sure who is invited to the wedding blah blah blah.)
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    Now that I think about it, throw the invite out, the guy can always decline. Guys definitely don't think about this nearly as much as girls do. Most of them would rather go out and act like fools as ALF said than bother with a wedding!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Goodness1. Show Goodness1's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    I definitely don't think guys care about this stuff as much as we do.  In this case, my FI's friend is a coworker.  They have hung out a few times.  Right when my FI extended the invite, his friend immediately accepted!
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from booklover. Show booklover's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    This past weekend, we saw a friend of a friend at our friend's daughter's graduation party (following me???).  Let's call friend of a friend "Gus" just so I don't confuse you further.  Gus is getting married in Sept.  We will not be invited to the wedding, nor would we be expecting an invite (although Gus has been a guest in our home several times, so it kind of rankles us that we've never been invited to his).  He used to be a casual friend of my husband's and they lost touch a few years ago.

    Our friend (and Gus's friend) is the best man and he will be planning the bachelor party.  I guess it's our friend and a few lesbians at the bachelor party because those are Gus's friends (not that there is anything wrong with that!), as well as a couple of Gus's male family members.  So Gus said to my husband "Joe (our friend) will be calling you about the bachelor party."  Well my husband was kind of offended, but Joe told him he HAS to go because Joe won't know anyone else there!

    My hubby will probably go for Joe's sake, but he was definitely irritated by that.  So sometimes guys do care.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    Telling someone they have to go to a party because of a mutual friend is incredibly rude. No one has to go anywhere.
    And to invite someone to your party, but to tell them that it's not because you want them there but for someone else...!- that's adding insult to injury!

    How awful, I hope your husband doesn't have to go.

    This past weekend, we saw a friend of a friend at our friend's daughter's graduation party (following me???).  Let's call friend of a friend "Gus" just so I don't confuse you further.  Gus is getting married in Sept.  We will not be invited to the wedding, nor would we be expecting an invite (although Gus has been a guest in our home several times, so it kind of rankles us that we've never been invited to his).  He used to be a casual friend of my husband's and they lost touch a few years ago. Our friend (and Gus's friend) is the best man and he will be planning the bachelor party.  I guess it's our friend and a few lesbians at the bachelor party because those are Gus's friends (not that there is anything wrong with that!), as well as a couple of Gus's male family members.  So Gus said to my husband "Joe (our friend) will be calling you about the bachelor party."  Well my husband was kind of offended, but Joe told him he HAS to go because Joe won't know anyone else there! My hubby will probably go for Joe's sake, but he was definitely irritated by that.  So sometimes guys do care.
    Posted by booklover

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    This past weekend, we saw a friend of a friend at our friend's daughter's graduation party (following me???).  Let's call friend of a friend "Gus" just so I don't confuse you further.  Gus is getting married in Sept.  We will not be invited to the wedding, nor would we be expecting an invite (although Gus has been a guest in our home several times, so it kind of rankles us that we've never been invited to his).  He used to be a casual friend of my husband's and they lost touch a few years ago. Our friend (and Gus's friend) is the best man and he will be planning the bachelor party.  I guess it's our friend and a few lesbians at the bachelor party because those are Gus's friends (not that there is anything wrong with that!), as well as a couple of Gus's male family members.  So Gus said to my husband "Joe (our friend) will be calling you about the bachelor party."  Well my husband was kind of offended, but Joe told him he HAS to go because Joe won't know anyone else there! My hubby will probably go for Joe's sake, but he was definitely irritated by that.  So sometimes guys do care.
    Posted by booklover


    Well, your husaband seems to be a good friend to Joe, but if I were your husband I would tell Gus too bad, I am not going, I have nothing to do with this wedding, I don't need to be there to keep Joe company.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    Here are some details for you: FI's best man and groomsman (there's only 1) live 7 hours away in upstate NY, and they're planning to come here and go out for a night on the town (the best man said there'll be no "controversial plans," which I appreciate and is an entirely separate discussion!).

    FI doesn't have many friends here, but best man wants to get a big group of guys to go out to bars and do whatever it is that they do. There are three guys in NH that FI will invite (we know that one won't go), so FI asked me if it would be weird if he asked coworkers to go and some guys I work with (who we hang out with outside of work but aren't invited either) to go. We're having about 80 people at our wedding and decided not to invite anyone from work.

    I told FI that I thought it would be fine because like PPs said, I didn't think guys would care and would just want to go drink beers. A few guys from work are already planning to take him to Foxwoods or Mohegan Sun, so he thought it would be okay to invite them out for beers.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie18. Show pinkkittie18's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    WPP- yes, I think your situation it's totally okay and no hard feelings would be felt.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sept2010Bride. Show Sept2010Bride's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    WPP, in that situtation, since you're having a small wedding, I think it is perfectly fine.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Bachelor party question

    Thanks for everyone's input! I'll show FI this thread tonight and he can decide what he wants to do.
     
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