Black Tie

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from KANN29. Show KANN29's posts

    Black Tie

    My husband and I received an invitation to a wedding a few weeks ago.  The envelope contained the invitation to the ceremony, a reception card, response card and a card the directed you to their website for more infomation (hotel, directions, registry, etc).  I just went to the website today because I wanted to see what time it started (that info was not there) but I did see that they wrote that something along the lines of: Our wedding is black tie.  We made arrangements at Men's Wearhouse for tux rentals.  Here is a discount code.

    Has anyone ever heard of this?  I have never been to a black tie wedding.  I have been to a few black tie optional ones and no one I knew opted to wear black tie.  So my questions are...1) does my husband need to rent a tux?  Normally I would have said no he could just wear a dark suit but they clearly want people to wear a tux.  2) Do I need to wear a gown or can I wear a black knee length dress? 

    3) For those of you who had black tie weddings do you expect everyone to wear a tux?  Were you disappointed in those who didn't?

    In case it matters I barely know this couple.  My husband is friends (not close) with the groom.  I don't know anyone else going so I can't ask what other guests are wearing.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    What a bizarre invitation.....it didn't state the time of the ceremony or the "Black Tie" status?  You had to go to the website to learn these things?

    Yes, unfortunately, "Black Tie" does not mean "Black Tie Optional".  So, if you choose to attend, you are accepting the request for tux-wearing.  "Black Tie" also traditionally means a floor-length dress for women....I don't know if that rule has relaxed now that most of us don't own gowns anymore.

    BUT! 

    The fact that this was omitted from the printed invitation is so weird. 

    (Is the bride so worried about having a fancy-schmancy wedding that she forgot to actually proof-read the invitations?  What a dope!!!)

    This intrigues me....keep us posted on what's happening with this! 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from mezzogal1124. Show mezzogal1124's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    In Response to Re: Black Tie:
    [QUOTE]"Black Tie" also traditionally means a floor-length dress for women....I don't know if that rule has relaxed now that most of us don't own gowns anymore.
    Posted by cosmogirl[/QUOTE]
    Technically, if a black tie event starts before 6pm you do not need to wear a gown, you can wear a cocktail-length dress.  Even if it doesn't, I have found that lots of women wear cocktail dresses to black tie events.  In fact, it's a very practical choice if the event is outdoors.  But if you do go the cocktail dress route, it should be on the dressy side, in a formal fabric, and no shorter than your knee. 

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    I agree with Cosmo, it is a strange invitation, that does not list the time and "Black Tie" on the invitation itself.
    Never-the-less, if the bride mentioned it on their web-site, she wants a formal wedding. Unless the wedding is on a beach or a casual one in your back yard, a wedding is and should be a formal affair. It can easily be, if the guests dress up a bit and the gents wear dark suits and tie. But unfortunately today, many people don't care what they look like. So brides use the "black tie option" to let their guests know, they would like them to dress up and not come in torn jeans and sneakers. Believe it or not, I attended two weddings, where that just happened.
    As for answering your question. I don't think your husband needs to rent a tux as long as he wears a dark suit, and for yourself - a below the knee length dressy cocktail dress will do just fine.
    Our son's wedding was "Black Tie Option" - and over half the male guests wore dark suits. It was fine and the wedding was as formal as could be. - Pingo
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from KANN29. Show KANN29's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    Sorry I wasn't clear in my initial post.  The ceremony time (5:30) was on the invitation but I checked the website to see if there was a time for the reception.  Since there wasn't I am just assuming it is right after the church ceremony.  Since I wasn't going to the shower (wasn't invited) and we aren't staying in the hotel I didn't really have a reason to check out their website but I'm glad I did.  I'm guessing there will be other people who don't realize it is black tie.

    I'm not going to wear a gown since it starts at 5:30 :)  I will wear a slightly below knee length silk dress in a dark color.  Is that ok?
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    Could your DH send the groom a quick email "Just confirming - your wedding is black tie, yes?  My wife thought she saw something about that on your website..."

    I hope they are not too upset when the non-internet-savvy guests do not show up in black tie.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    Hm, it's a tough one only because "Black tie required" is not on the formal invitation.  Like Poppy said, there will be people who don't go to the website and don't know.  What a MESS of things they've caused by not choosing to put it on the invitation.  

    Anyway, generally, men DO need a tux no matter what time the event is if "black tie" is specified.  And, women need a floor length gown.  A 5:30 service means an evening reception, and black tie means tux and long gown.

    Sounds like you could easily choose to bow out of this one if you wanted to with no hard feelings.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from mezzogal1124. Show mezzogal1124's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    Kar, I agree that women generally need a floor-length gown for black tie.  When I've been invited to black tie weddings and balls, that is what I have worn. BUT, I have also seen many, many women in cocktail dresses at these same events.  A long gown is therefore correct, but my point to the OP is that she probably will not feel out of place in a formal cocktail dress if that's all she owns and she doesn't want to buy a new dress.

    But yes, the OP's husband needs to wear a tux, not a suit.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    Agreed.  So many women do not know what is correct for "black tie" that there will be a bunch of girls in non-floor length dresses.  And, agreed, too, that he will be WRONG and out of place to not be in a tux.  Any guy in a suit looks ridiculous at a black tie event.  Tux or don't go.

    The ONLY thing about this, though, that makes it nebulous where it would have been, pardon the pun, black and white, is that "Black tie required" was not on the formal invitation.  The fact that people HAVE to go to the website to learn this important piece of information means that there WILL be people who miss it and dress totally inappropriately for a black tie event.  So, whatever.  They get what they deserve for doing it wrong, imo.
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from RedFishBlueFish. Show RedFishBlueFish's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    Honest to goodness truth: some people think "black tie" means suits and dresses, not tuxes and gowns. They will swear up and down, left and right, that you are wrong for saying it's tuxes and gowns mandatory.

    I would err on the side of caution and have the husband email the groom, as Poppy suggested. In my experience, most couples are happy to clarify their expectations.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    I agree, RFBF, I've heard it myself.  In this case, though, since the bride, not so subtly gives a tux rental place with a discount for attendees of her wedding it might be clear to those who read it that tuxes are mandatory...I don't know, though, one NEVER knows what people will assume!
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    I agree with Mezzo..I've been to a few black tie events, the first one I was so worried about wearing a long gown that I borrowed one from a friend. I went to the event and half the women were in short dresses.  So, for the other events I wore a very fancy short dress and fit in just fine.  I know that black tie means that women should wear a long gown, but in reality no one follows these rules anymore. I think you'll be just fine in a short gown. 
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from laryan. Show laryan's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    i'm surprised that "black tie" wasn't mentioned on the invitation.  should be interesting to see the dress of those at the wedding, figuring not everyone is web/internet friendly (especially the "elderly set")

    black tie always means a tux for men and a floor length gown for women.  Kann, I wouldn't go w/anything shorter than "full length" 
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from noitpec. Show noitpec's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    According to Letetia Baldridge, a long dress is mandatory for a white tie event but not for black tie.  Any short dress worn to a black tie event should be appropriate to the type of event, however, and accessorized appropriately as well.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from JJLen. Show JJLen's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    "I know that black tie means that women should wear a long gown, but in reality no one follows these rules anymore. I think you'll be just fine in a short gown"
    -----------------

    See, if I were a guest my concern would not be matching the other guests but in doing what the bride & groom requested. If they are having a very formal wedding, my goal would be to respect that and dress appropriately -- even if I thought I could "get away" with doing less.

    Floor length gowns are usually the most appropriate for black tie; knee length gowns generally tend to look (and be) more of a semi-formal look. But, I suppose it does depend on the dress itself. I just can't recall seeing a knee-length dress that seems formal enough.

    But yes, it isn't "black tie optional," it is black tie. So the tux is necessary for your husband. (If you choose to go -- if you don't really know them, no reason to go all out and buy a gown and rent a tix... you can always just decline!)
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    I found an ebay store where you can "cheaply" buy ex-rental tux and accoutrements. This way your husband will own it forever, and you can use it for other fun times (casino maybe, Mr Bond?).


     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from KANN29. Show KANN29's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    Ajuly-
    At the black tie wedding you have been to did all the men wear tuxes?  I did convince my husband to rent one but the one other person we know going (other than the groom) says he is not.  My hubby is going to be mad at me if he shows up in a tux and only the groomsmen and family are wearing them :)

    In Response to Re: Black Tie:
    [QUOTE]I agree with Mezzo..I've been to a few black tie events, the first one I was so worried about wearing a long gown that I borrowed one from a friend. I went to the event and half the women were in short dresses.  So, for the other events I wore a very fancy short dress and fit in just fine.  I know that black tie means that women should wear a long gown, but in reality no one follows these rules anymore. I think you'll be just fine in a short gown. 
    Posted by ajuly09[/QUOTE]
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from mezzogal1124. Show mezzogal1124's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    I know I'm not Ajuly but I'll add my two cents:
    Even at black tie events where half the women wore short dresses, MOST of the men wore tuxes.  The few that didn't stuck out, in my opinion, but that's just my experience. 
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    My brother had a 300 person black tie wedding, and the VERY few men in suits stood out like sore thumbs among the sea of tuxes.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    In Response to Black Tie:
    [QUOTE]My husband and I received an invitation to a wedding a few weeks ago.  The envelope contained the invitation to the ceremony, a reception card, response card and a card the directed you to their website for more infomation (hotel, directions, registry, etc).  I just went to the website today because I wanted to see what time it started (that info was not there) but I did see that they wrote that something along the lines of: Our wedding is black tie.  We made arrangements at Men's Wearhouse for tux rentals.  Here is a discount code. Has anyone ever heard of this?  I have never been to a black tie wedding.  I have been to a few black tie optional ones and no one I knew opted to wear black tie.  So my questions are...1) does my husband need to rent a tux?  Normally I would have said no he could just wear a dark suit but they clearly want people to wear a tux.  2) Do I need to wear a gown or can I wear a black knee length dress?  3) For those of you who had black tie weddings do you expect everyone to wear a tux?  Were you disappointed in those who didn't? In case it matters I barely know this couple.  My husband is friends (not close) with the groom.  I don't know anyone else going so I can't ask what other guests are wearing.
    Posted by KANN29[/QUOTE]

    If the wedding is black tie, you need to dress in black tie.  That means a tux and a gown.  A knee length anything is not going to cut it.  The time of day and the formality of the invitation and location for the reception should have told you the attire w/o having to go the website. 

    You could probably get away w/ a high quality dark suit for your DH but you need a floor length gown. 

    Sorry, but if hte wedding is at 5.30, it means the reception starts at 6 or later, which makes it a formal event by default.  You do need to arrive appropriately dressed at the reception, which means a gown.  You can get gorgeous gowns at Nordstrom for the same price as a cocktail dress. I just got a spectacular gown there for under $200.  I've already worn in 2x in the past 3 months.

    BTW, hasn't it been debated endlessly that you don't put the attire on the invitation? I would be appalled to see 'black tie' or 'black tie optional' or 'resort casual' on an invitation. People should know how to dress based on the time, location and formality of the invitation.

    I see women in cocktail dresses at formal events all the time and am embarassed for them. It's not the proper attire. If you don't care or don't want to spend the money on a gown, fine, but don't kid yourself that people don't notice.  My SIL wore a gorgeous cocktail dress to a super fancy family event, and I know that my MIL and several other old ladies noticed and cluck clucked behind her back. She was oblivious, but I was horrified when she came downstairs in a shorter dress but said nothing.  Maybe that makes me crazy, but whatever.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    Exactly, ALF, dress appropriately or decline the invitation.  But, I do think that putting it on the invitation is a good idea, albeit tacky - look how much confusion is out there about the entire subject.  Lots of things should be obvious...
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from RedFishBlueFish. Show RedFishBlueFish's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    I'm pretty sure there are instructions in Emily Post that you can put "Black Tie" in the bottom right hand corner of the invitation and she's my go-to for what's proper or not.

    "Black Tie Optional" is another hot mess that serves no purpose. That's a different discussion altogether.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from noitpec. Show noitpec's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    According to Emily Post, a short dress is appropriate for black tie but never for white tie. 
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from plasko. Show plasko's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    In Response to Re: Black Tie:
    [QUOTE]My brother had a 300 person black tie wedding, and the VERY few men in suits stood out like sore thumbs among the sea of tuxes.
    Posted by kargiver[/QUOTE]

    Seems that standing out is in the eye of the beholder then, based on their personal biases and snootiness. Good for you, Kar. :)

    Regarding the cocktail dress/long dress thing you would have thought someone would have invented a dress that could change length (eg a hidden zipper at the knees or something). Anyone wanna make a million dollars? 

    I thought the main rule was to not upstage the bride. Beyond that you should wear what formal attire you like. Do people really care what others think, bad enough to worry about this nonsense? 



     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Black Tie

    In Response to Re: Black Tie:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Black Tie :  I thought the main rule was to not upstage the bride. Beyond that you should wear what formal attire you like. Do people really care what others think, bad enough to worry about this nonsense? 
    Posted by plasko[/QUOTE]


    Using this argument you could try to make a case for wearing jeans and t-shirts to a wedding. I find "black tie" and, in particular, "black tie optional" (what the h e l l does it mean?) to be super annoying, but you dress appropriately to the event regardless. A few of my uncles wore jeans and timberland boots to my wedding; maybe they didn't "really care what others think" but they were still dressed totally inapproprately for the event and looked ridiculous.
     
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